Dating a girl from work

[killerasp]

Hey all.

So i have been recently dating a very nice girl from work. We have been dating for the last 4 months and we recently decided to move to the next step and be in a committed relationship with each other.

Over the last month or two, there have been rumors going around the office that she has been dating someone in the office. The office is about 70 large, not that big compared to larger businesses, so we are close knit group. People in her dept (HR/finance) have been asking around about her dating life etc. The funny thing is that of the of the people they mention, im not on the list. Oh well. Some of our very close friends at the office know, but they are keeping their lips sealed b/c we asked them to. Other then them, its really no one else's business what we do outside of the office. We keep it professional and keep a straight poker face in the office.

We talked about it the other day about how she felt about our friends at work knowing. And she confessed that she is okay with it, but she feels a bit weird about it. With that kind of response, i cant even imagine how she would feel if the WHOLE office knew about us. For me, i could care less but seeing that she is in HR and such, she has a reputation to uphold for herself and her dept.

Of those that were involved in interoffice romances, how did things go for you ? are you still together? Did you break up? Why? Did other people in the office know about relationship or did you manage to keep it hush hush from everyone?

 

[Le Parisien]

:nono: "Don't dip your pen in the company ink", "Don't get laid where you get paid", :nono: etc...

These sayings are speaking from wisdom and (bad) experience.

So unless it's not a serious job, in other words, you are not planning on making a career out of it, I'd suggest not dating anyone from work. Plus just like you mentioned, it's a rather small company, so words get around. Very bad idea my friend...

 

[killerasp]

:nono: "Don't dip your pen in the company ink", "Don't get laid where you get paid", :nono: etc...

These sayings are speaking from wisdom and (bad) experience.

So unless it's not a serious job, in other words, you are not planning on making a career out of it, I'd suggest not dating anyone from work. Plus just like you mentioned, it's a rather small company, so words get around. Very bad idea my friend...

Yeah..i heard them all. I debated with myself for weeks about this. Should i...shouldnt i. I talked to a bunch of friends about this. My guy friends (mostly) said the same thing, dont do it. But all of my female friends went the other way and told me to persue it. "she likes you..and you like her...its been like this for a long time now....". At the end, i couldn't go on without at least trying. I've backed out on many things in the past, this was NOT going to be another one of those times where i chickened out. She is worth my time and effort to at least TRY.

We are two grown adults capable of making adult decisions knowing it could go either way. I know that people say "dont date someone from work" b/c it wont work out..but what bout those couples that did work and live to have great lasting relationships. Doesn't that count for something?

People take risks all the time. The bigger the risk, the greater the reward. Isnt it worth it?

But so far so good and we want to make it work between us.

 

[Tazman]

At the end, i couldn't go on without at least trying. I've backed out on many things in the past, this was NOT going to be another one of those times where i chickened out.

lol, I've heard this angle before. It's not about "courage", it's about being smart. You had an opportunity to hook up with a chick and it just so happens that you guys work for the same "small" company. If you take this job seriously and you plan on staying, it isn't a good idea. Just keep in mind that there's an obvious risk here that involves your livelyhood.

 

[Le Parisien]

Bold smart people take risks that are necessary to get a wonderful payoff, bold dumb people take risks that are unnecessary if not useless.

It's up to you to decide if she's really the prize and the love of your life that's worth risking your career for if you ever plan on having one.

About the female friends telling you what to do...

- The short stereotypical sosuave version would be "don't listen to women's advice"

- The long logical version is this: Just like your buddies told you, the same we told you, "don't do it!" Why? Because we subconscioulsy identify with you. We think what's best for you and what's best for us if we were in your shoes.

However your female friends automatically identify themselves with the girl. They feel that she is (they are) worth your love/devotion/infatuation, they feel that she is (they are) worth risking your career for. Don't you get it? They'd feel loved and appreciated by proxy.

Hope my explanation wasn't too confusing.

Sure the bottom line is know what you want. Just make sure that you are ready to pay the price if it gets bad. And most likely it will.
Good luck!

 

[DarthJuan]

From experience:

The bad:

- if things don't work out well, it is REALLY freakin' crappy to be at work when there is some animosity (a recent quarrel or whatever) between you two. There's a lot of tension. Even if it's something little, it can really distract from your work.

- if you break up and she moves on, and you haven't yet...the jealousy can get too you, even if you try and intellectualize it away. Every guy she talks to, you wonder if she's screwing in the copy room because she took a long bathroom break.

- they're women: sometimes they're not adult about things...you can't always count on them ending or escalating things well.

- people will talk about you two. There will be gossip. You two will be a subject of discussion for a lot of the people, a lot of the time.

the good:

- it can be fun when things are going well. the work days breeze by if you're working a boring job.


In the end, we both got real childish. Things degenerated to being very toxic and caustic. We both tried to smooth things out, but we never were able to get on the same page for very long before things spiraled to bad again.

The only thing that saved us from each other is that I got transferred to another building.
I don't see her months at a time, but it can still be weird. Silly, simple shyt like at the end of the day, when everyone is leaving for work, maybe she might happen to pull out of the parking lot the same time as you, and she has to pull up her car along side, or behind you - there can even be some uncomfortable awkwardness in that.

 

[backbreaker]

don't do it

my old business partner when I had my company had a brief (and I do mean brief) thing with his secretary. not a bad looking guy at all.. just wierd.

Anyway, after she moved on to greener pastures, which I saw coming and tried to tell him of his mistakes, it started effecting his work.. big time.


She called me one saturday night and told me that she was scared, because she saw his car outside of her house parked, with googles trying to see what was going on (she was getting laid by her new man).. when I asked him what the hell he was doing over there, he said he just passed by and was going to stop in and say hi for a second.. yeah.

he tried to convince me to give her a raise for crying out loud..

she wasn't even that damn cute if you ask me.. not my type.

anyway, don't do it