Dating a friend
- Thread starter Mr. Latte
- Start date
MrBond007
Banned
You know why the term LJBF exists?If you only try to date friends,you might end up changing your screenname to Mr.Bate.
I think there's a lot to be said in favour of becoming friends with a girl before dating her. Both parties get to know whether or not the other has all those qualities they desire / require for a LTR. You might even come to love her - or she might start loving you - before dating actually begins. That's the way I would do it, but I'm sure it would not appeal to those with no interest in LTRs. Infatuation passes, but true love, surely true love never really dies?
MrBond007
Banned
Bad advice.Never be friend with a girl you want to bang.And if you cant bang a girl,you arent into a ltr with her.
pbguru
Don Juan
thumbs up to MrBond007.
i have tried dating a friend (long time friend from hs, mind you), and i'll never date a friend again. ever.
once things go wrong...they'll never be right. i blew a 5 yr friendship cause she wanted to date me. then she LJBF's me (go figgure right?
), so i cut off all contact and havent talked to her since (7 months ago).
granted all this happened when i was a major afc...but even then i knew it was a waste of time.
so now a chick falls into three categories: acquaintance, f-buddy, and currently dating...notice "friend" isnt there?
i have tried dating a friend (long time friend from hs, mind you), and i'll never date a friend again. ever.
once things go wrong...they'll never be right. i blew a 5 yr friendship cause she wanted to date me. then she LJBF's me (go figgure right?
), so i cut off all contact and havent talked to her since (7 months ago).granted all this happened when i was a major afc...but even then i knew it was a waste of time.
so now a chick falls into three categories: acquaintance, f-buddy, and currently dating...notice "friend" isnt there?
Shadow Dancer
Senior Don Juan
Word...
I dated my best friend. Eventually we fell in love and things were great. Better then any previous relationship. But things eventually ended because some minor, yet important differences.
Anyway, it totally and completely phucked our friendship. We tried doing the booty call thing and that was great but those "differences" still came back to bite us in the ass. Man, what a great yet horrible experience. And in the process, I lost one of the best friendships I've ever had.
So, for me, I will never again date a friend.
If you really want to, that's your choice. But realize, once you cross that line, it's do or die. Either you end up marrying her and living happily every after (not likely), or you eventually break up and the friendship is destroyed. Once you go for it, there is no coming back.
I dated my best friend. Eventually we fell in love and things were great. Better then any previous relationship. But things eventually ended because some minor, yet important differences.
Anyway, it totally and completely phucked our friendship. We tried doing the booty call thing and that was great but those "differences" still came back to bite us in the ass. Man, what a great yet horrible experience. And in the process, I lost one of the best friendships I've ever had.
So, for me, I will never again date a friend.
If you really want to, that's your choice. But realize, once you cross that line, it's do or die. Either you end up marrying her and living happily every after (not likely), or you eventually break up and the friendship is destroyed. Once you go for it, there is no coming back.
MrBond007
Banned
Oh and how did you get your post count from?I wonder how many people here actually grasp the whole consept of this place.
People being "trained" by others that were "trained" by others,using the same ideology each time.This makes sure everyone knows the same techniques.
Dont start giving advices out of your ass without knowing what you`re talking about just because "well,that sounds like a nice idea".
"Bond", your English is largely unintelligible, and what little that is coherent is riddled with arrogant presumption. I answered Mr Latte, he accepted it, and that's all there is to it as far as you should be concerned.
( . )( . )
Banned
this would be up there with that bullsh!t you were spouting about marriage being the answer to a mans problems, though not as bad, but pretty pathetic nevertheless.
MrBond007
Banned
I wonder how well you could write in japanese,korean,spanish and french?
English isnt my first language.Its the 4th one I learned.
And of course he accepted your "answer" because it fitted his way of thinking and his reality. What you did is akin to go up a an atheist who began to think that God might exist but you reassure him that it doesnt.
*clap**clap**clap*
You clearly do not what you are talking about, son. I know of many couples who started out as friends and became lovers later. Indeed, did not Shadow Dancer do that very thing? Just because it came to nothing in his case, doesn't mean it always does. Don't many relationships ultimately fail, no matter how they started out? Just sheer arrogant, presumptious crap from you.
Oh, and how you haven't forgiven me for that! What's it to you mate, if I believe marriage is the best option? You believe doing things your way is fine, so why starting crying about anything I say? I'm not forcing you to marry anyone, am I? Some guys are on here because LTRs are what they are interested in, others just want a string of w h o res... so what's it to you what I want, when I'm not interfering in your way of doing things?
( . )( . )
Banned
who the phuck are you trying to kid? whats it to me pfffft, hows about when someone hands out bullsh!t advice about marriage , "true love never dies" and any of the other gems you reeled off im going to call you on it,
imagine if some clueless AFC stumbles onto this site and reads one of your stupid posts, he'll be no better off than before he arrived.
you have been here long enough to know this, this mills and boon bullsh!t you preach has NO place here, cut it out.
You essentially upped your VALUE in her eyes by showing her that, if she wants you, she has to at times do things that you like to do. You are SOMETHING after all. You are NOT FREE. If she wants to hang with you, it's going to cost her something — time, effort, money.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.
MrBond007
Banned
Lets make this clear.Any affiliation or brotherhood or even any gay-pride parade you might be part of:I do not want to be affiliated with them.I am not your son and I hope you never have any, for their sake.
I beg you to read books on the laws of probability or the laws of chaos.Are these couples acquintance of yours or are they couples you heard of in a "couple meeting agencies" ads?
Yes
Yes, relationships fail because they are based much more on the need to be with someone you love rather than finding someone that keeps you sexually interested in them.If I made a woman my friend in the first place, it is understood that she isnt the type I`d like to bone.If him, or yourself, make the the mistake of firstly basing this relationship on friendship, trying to cover your true motives, you put yourself up to failing because when you try to make her be in lobe with you youll be going against these very unspoken rules set at the very beginning of your relationship.
Thank you very much, Mr.Cheezy-personal-insultboy.
"Bond", your arguments about friendship and chaos are irrelevant..... don't try chaos theory or probability on with me, as I have a numerate degree, and know a lot about that stuff. Its bearing on friends-to-lovers is minimal; the real reason why friends-to-lovers seldom happens is because few people bother to take that route to romance in the first place, not because it is statistically doomed to failure once they try. And the gay insult..... from a woman, it's a compliment; from a guy, it means he's stuck for ideas on how to insult you.
Here's where your theory is wrong. Nowhere in our culture is there a rule stating one can only enter a friendship with a girl if it's assumed from the outset that it won't lead to more than friendship. Maybe where you come from, that's the way of it, but not here. There just is NO SUCH RULE, spoken or unspoken. I don't say to a girl, "Hey I want to be your friend, but, as we both know well, we can only ever be friends, nothing more". There is nothing, I repeat, nothing wrong with getting to know a girl before dating her, and I still see many benefits in it.
So which of the four is it, by the way? Japanese? Korean? Spanish? French?
Here's where your theory is wrong. Nowhere in our culture is there a rule stating one can only enter a friendship with a girl if it's assumed from the outset that it won't lead to more than friendship. Maybe where you come from, that's the way of it, but not here. There just is NO SUCH RULE, spoken or unspoken. I don't say to a girl, "Hey I want to be your friend, but, as we both know well, we can only ever be friends, nothing more". There is nothing, I repeat, nothing wrong with getting to know a girl before dating her, and I still see many benefits in it.
So which of the four is it, by the way? Japanese? Korean? Spanish? French?
ZeeOwl
Senior Don Juan
Just my 2¢
I disagree that friendships can not turn into sexual relationships. It may not be common, it may not even have the highest success rate as far as probabilities are concerned. I have no statistics on the subject, only my personal experience. Now of course, I'm thinking LTR here. Turning a friend into a f-buddy is probably not a wise course of action. Not if you'd like to keep the friendship of course.
My personal experience: I started dating my best friend many years ago, about a year after we first met. We ended up having 2 kids together and getting married. We're divorced now, but the relationship did last 11 years, which is probably more than most marriages today. I don't think this type of situation is that uncommon.
Now as to what MrBond007 said:
Now back to Mr. Latte's original question. Once the relationship fails (and statistically, the vast majority of relationships do, it's only a matter of how long), your chances of hanging on to the friendship are pretty slim. That I can tell you from personal experience and observation of the people around me. I've had 5 STRs/LTRs so far, and out of those, in only one (the latest) am I still on good friendly terms with my ex. The people I know who have managed this, I can count with one hand... Hope this helps.
I disagree that friendships can not turn into sexual relationships. It may not be common, it may not even have the highest success rate as far as probabilities are concerned. I have no statistics on the subject, only my personal experience. Now of course, I'm thinking LTR here. Turning a friend into a f-buddy is probably not a wise course of action. Not if you'd like to keep the friendship of course.
My personal experience: I started dating my best friend many years ago, about a year after we first met. We ended up having 2 kids together and getting married. We're divorced now, but the relationship did last 11 years, which is probably more than most marriages today.
I don't think this type of situation is that uncommon.Now as to what MrBond007 said:
this may be generally true, but not always. When I first met my ex-wife, I wasn't even attracted to her, she wasn't my type. That's one of the reasons we were just friends for a while. Turns out she was the best lover I've had so far. We were so sexually compatible, it was like we could read each other's minds. In fact during the last 3 years, the great sex was about the only thing holding the relationship together. If you base decisions on assumptions, you may miss out on some pretty interesting opportunities.
Now back to Mr. Latte's original question. Once the relationship fails (and statistically, the vast majority of relationships do, it's only a matter of how long), your chances of hanging on to the friendship are pretty slim. That I can tell you from personal experience and observation of the people around me. I've had 5 STRs/LTRs so far, and out of those, in only one (the latest) am I still on good friendly terms with my ex. The people I know who have managed this, I can count with one hand... Hope this helps.
Señor Fingers
Master Don Juan
I think someone needs to draw the distinction between dating a friend and dating a close friend. Of course it's great to befriend a girl before jumping into an LTR, but if this girl has been your pal for a few years and you really value her friendship, I would advise against it.
I speak from experience. Not too many people know this about me but I married my best friend. We were platonic for 3 years and VERY close. One day she confessed her true feelings, and being the AFC I was at the time I readily jumped on that (No other prospects) We dated for a year and then we eloped. It was wonderful at first, in fact I have yet to experience the same level of intimacy and trust with any of my girlfriends. But then it all fell to pieces. I ended up neglecting her and she cheated on me. It was awful!
The divorce was ugly and we didn't speak for 6 years. It was a double whammy because I lost my wife and my best friend in one fell swoop. It really sucked major ass. We are just starting to talk to each other again and while I don't regret the experience, I would do my best to prevent any of my fellow DJs from making the same mistake.
Obviously getting married was not the wisest thing I've done, but I consider the fact that I ruined probably one of the tightest friendships I've ever had to be much worse.
I gotta say, the fact that you are uncertain about the whole deal sends up major red flags.
Proceed with caution Mr. Latte. No one can make up your mind for you here, but really evaluate your friendship with this girl and decide what you want from the relationship. Is she wifey material? Or are you just dipping the pen for kicks?
Think about it.
Hope it all works out buddy
I speak from experience. Not too many people know this about me but I married my best friend. We were platonic for 3 years and VERY close. One day she confessed her true feelings, and being the AFC I was at the time I readily jumped on that (No other prospects) We dated for a year and then we eloped. It was wonderful at first, in fact I have yet to experience the same level of intimacy and trust with any of my girlfriends. But then it all fell to pieces. I ended up neglecting her and she cheated on me. It was awful!
The divorce was ugly and we didn't speak for 6 years. It was a double whammy because I lost my wife and my best friend in one fell swoop. It really sucked major ass. We are just starting to talk to each other again and while I don't regret the experience, I would do my best to prevent any of my fellow DJs from making the same mistake.
Obviously getting married was not the wisest thing I've done, but I consider the fact that I ruined probably one of the tightest friendships I've ever had to be much worse.
I gotta say, the fact that you are uncertain about the whole deal sends up major red flags.
Proceed with caution Mr. Latte. No one can make up your mind for you here, but really evaluate your friendship with this girl and decide what you want from the relationship. Is she wifey material? Or are you just dipping the pen for kicks?
Think about it.
Hope it all works out buddy