dated a 20 year old, what is the next move?

[warpy]

i would like to stress that it was my birthday yesterday and she knew about it, i am not reading too much into it right now, but she didnt call. i am gonna play this against her in a "you owe me big time, you didnt wish me a happy birthday" or something like that. will not do it on the phone though,but in person.

 

[Latinoman]

Let me stress something out:

I'm upper 30s. I am not involved with a 20 year old girl. No that I wouldn't mind.

My point is...I might be WAY OFF with what I'm about to say.

But I will say it anyway.

1- I would personally avoid IM.

2- I would personally use the telephone...and perhaps even use it a bit more to the point of flirting and lot of innuendos (after all, she is only 20 and should be easily "woooo" and "wowwww").

3- Don't put her in a pedestal. Apply mental exercise that I use when I feel I'm falling for someone more than she is falling for me: focus on her negatives. When you identify a woman's negatives and focus on them...you lose some attraction. This come handy when you have LOT of attraction, because losing some will balance everything out (e.g. you don't want to have more attraction for her than she has for you).

4- I would not even tease her with your birthday. Why? Because it will give her the impression that you were impacted by her inaction. Instead, you can cassualy mention that you feel a little tired because you had a long night...celebrating your birthday.

Now...if she truly has LOT of interest, she will eventually ask you "where did you go?" (translation: "who did you go with?"). If you are vague or if you tell where did you go, but NOT with whom...expect the "who did you go with?"

THAT shows if she truly has an interest.

Once again...I might be wrong with this opinion. After all, I am not dating women that are 20 (note: I wouldn't mind at all, by the way - LOL).

 

[Vulpine]

1- I would personally avoid IM.

2- I would personally use the telephone...

I second this. The young girls are into all the latest communication technologies: IM's, TXT, E-mail, Chat, cell, and phone.

Talk about "too available".

I avoid IM, TXT, Chat, and E-mail as much as possible.

I only use the phone. I'm actually considering writing a letter...

Does anyone know how to use a pen and a stamp anymore?

 

[A-Unit]

Re:

Drill this into your beliefs...

Age is irrelevant, it's all about MUTUAL INTEREST.

If you want to date a divorced milf, you can't be thinking she's 10 or 20 years older than your, or has kids.

If you want to date girls 10 years younger, or just finishing HS, you can't be worried about WHAT SHE THINKS.

If you want to date girls who are superhot and admired at clubs and in public, you can't WORRY ABOUT PUBLIC perception.

It's YOU and HER.

When I think of that HOT teacher Debra Lafave, it wasn't about AGE (though she might be fvcked up, too), it was about interest, and maybe some mental problems. When I dated a 17/18 year old when I was 24, I couldn't think that she was as old as a cousin of mine who's a virgin, or younger than my brother, or younger by 7 years. I focused on interest, saw her for who she was and WANTED to be seen, and we dated for awhile.

Age means NOTHING. You set up the reality YOUR WAY, and let her find her way into it. THAT WAY, if she wants to see you, it's because YOU'RE UNIQUE, not because you've fallen into HER reality where she has power. IN the end, she WANTS you to do that (unless she's a pornstar or model and she enjoys her world).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Another point...game playing as an OLD man YOUNGER woman, IMO and experience, demonstrates LACK of maturity. A younger woman dating an older man EXPECTS strength, masculinity, and straight-forwardness. She wants you to WANT her straight up, because all "boys" her age want to do is beat around the bush, are still figuring themselves out, might not be as risky and adventurous. If you're ALSO fun, then it's ALL the more reason to date you, and maybe BE with you versus someone HER age. That, and older men generally have their own places, so at the very least, she isn't fvcking in the back seats of cars.

I think HOWEVER you choose to communicate is fine. I used all methods. If the possibility of a relationship hinges on HOW you communicate, then it's quite tenuous and I don't believe it's worth it, IMO.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you're with her...HAVE FUN. Treat her like you would a FRIEND , but someone you want to fvck. Joke with her. Fvck her if she can't take one, literally and figuratively. Down the road, if you want to be creative, and do a nice dinner, either making it, or taking her to one, go for it. Guys can and should do nice things, but it should be done, not because you HAVE to or because she wants you to, but BECAUSE you want to. A dinner is fine, so long as you're not doing it to expect anything, you should already be getting what you want.



A-Unit

 

[warpy]

@everyone, your advice realy makes sense.

i decided not to let anything bother me and i also decided to take the advice toward no IM, sms, just phone, sorry i dont do letters lol.
so i called her last night, she was shopping, i was in a hurry for the party so we said we'll talk soon. she SMSed me after midnight, saying she forgot to call back, i decided not to return the SMS, i'll call her today and mention that party like you guys suggested above.

someone forgot to tell me its a holiday today and since i got that exam on tuesday too there wont be any going out for me this weekend, unless its between 8pm and midnight . so its either that or a 1 hour meetup when i am near her place today, i'll do it on a short notice too

if anything sounds off let me know.

 

[Hitman10000]

What's all this paranoia on not using IM, EMAIL, or text based messaging. It's the information age for sakes. There's a difference such as being available to be contacted vs. being available to talk for hours.

 

[warpy]

i think its about making yourself too available for her in the beginning. and its less personal when its not on the phone. its easier to read people when you talk to them personaly.

 

[warpy]

case closed

i talked to her yesterday saying we should do something today, but i didnt feel like it, so i tried to tell her on icq, she wasnt there so about an hour later i called her cell and she didnt pick up. so i left the ball in her field, she msged me an hour later and i chatted her up teasing and making sexual remarks, it went nicely for over an hour,

hesaid shesaid:

her : "i have to be honest there isnt going to be a second date"
me : "i know that" (i was just having fun chatting her up)
her : "so, you like to play games"

meaning, so why are you playing these games with me

me : "i just like to chat and have fun"
her : "i gotta go shower, bye"

me : remove icq user / yes


so i was shot down here, didnt chase her that much. this experience and the help people gave here will stay with me for the next girl and as vulpine said " now get 5-6 more girls"

will do vulpine :rockon:

 

[Latinoman]

What's all this paranoia on not using IM, EMAIL, or text based messaging. It's the information age for sakes. There's a difference such as being available to be contacted vs. being available to talk for hours.

Do not confuse "information" with "communication". You will later regret it.

That's not paranoia. Paranoia? No wonder women play men so easily in today's society. Women has the advantage...and that advantage they have because "men" have given to them.

The "geek" age. Live that age...and you will be played like a fiddle. I kid you not.

It is the reason men make poor selections when they pick their women. They miss the signs because they want to apply "information age" (i.e. "geek age"). Dude...information age is for the purpose to do business and does NOT substitute face to face interaction or at worst telephone interaction.

Besides...if she is interested in you...she will call you (or be accessible to talk with you).

IM
Another thing...do you truly believe she will have her "undivided" attention to you when she is IMing you? Nope. She is probably IMing several other men/women.

So, you are making it too easy for her. And if you are into IM...you are sending her a clear message: your life is to be in front of a computer. So, you have a potentially poor social status in real life (cyber status means NOTHING).

Emails
She can go to a friend and ask her how to write an email to you. (Many guys do that stuff in here...what is to say that women are different?). So, there is the potential that you are not reading what SHE is writing...in fact, you might be reading what a group of people brain-stormed into writing you.

And more importantly...she can (and WILL) share your email with others (including people from the internet). They will analyze your email. And they will determine your fate (not her).

Text Message

They are fine when you are dealing with your kids or wife or girlfriend (one you are already having sex with). In fact, YOU should be the one controlling them in the sense of indirectly telling the person: "I don't want to talk with you now." Unless you are sending the occasional "I love you" which is cool if that is sent to your LTR girlfriend or wife or kids.

But somebody you are trying to get into your pants? A text CLEARLY tells you that she does NOT want to talk to you. It is like one of those "check the box" type of things. And it is NOT communication.

Now...

Telephone

I'm not a big telephone person. I personally believe that conversations should be kept brief (unless she is your wife or LTR and you are in travel). Now, here is the advantage of using the telephone over IM/Email/Text...she has to respond or react to whatever you tell her. And you can measure her silence or tone of voice. While on the others, she has time to gain composure and CONTACT her friends and see how she can respond. In the others...she could be giving somebody else a blow job...while responding to you. No way you can now what's going on.

In person

That's the ULTIMATE best as you can also see her face reaction and body language there.

"Information Age"

Do not confused "information age" with "communication". Getting INFORMATION is one thing and you should apply any tool possible to get INFORMATION. But communication (in a relationship or potential relationship) is a clear interaction between TWO people.

 

[Latinoman]

Conclusion

Here is the thing guys...women are emotional creatures. And they can be happy by just cuddleling or getting attention. They don't need sex as much as we do (sure, they like sex...but when comparing them with us...there is a huge difference).

So...by giving her ATTENTION via IM/EMAIL/TEXT and to a degree TELEPHONE...you are making it too easy for her to get the "attention" and "emotional boost" she NEEDS.

While...you are denying yourself the chance to get what YOU (as a man) need.

Face to Face iteraction is extremely important.

There is something worst than a teddy bear (men that women used JUST for cuddeling)...and that is a cyber-teddy-bear. You don't want to become a cyber-teddy-bear.

 

[newbie81]

Conclusion

Here is the thing guys...women are emotional creatures. And they can be happy by just cuddleling or getting attention. They don't need sex as much as we do (sure, they like sex...but when comparing them with us...there is a huge difference).

So...by giving her ATTENTION via IM/EMAIL/TEXT and to a degree TELEPHONE...you are making it too easy for her to get the "attention" and "emotional boost" she NEEDS.

While...you are denying yourself the chance to get what YOU (as a man) need.

Face to Face iteraction is extremely important.

There is something worst than a teddy bear (men that women used JUST for cuddeling)...and that is a cyber-teddy-bear. You don't want to become a cyber-teddy-bear.

I totally agree with everything you wrote.

Some addendum regarding the telephone part: they idd have to respond immediately to what you say. This is why women hang up on the phone when manipulation doesn't work: it gives them the time to contact their friends to ask what to do.

I'm also totally against IM, e-mail, sms & phone. If something important has to be said, it must be face to face. Men use phones to fix appointements, talk business,... When they want to talk about something they gather together. This is how i do it with my friends, no reason to do it differently with a women.

When women start rambling on the phone I tell them to tell it to me when they see me. You control, you don't lose your time on the fvckin' phone, they get excited about telling it to you later,... sometimes they even forget what they wanted to tell you which saves you from a lot of unneeded drama.

Also women act very differently when you call them & they have friends around them. Tell what you need to tell & end the phonecall ASAP in this cases.

 

[warpy]

being totaly against it is kind of silly, you can work it to your advantage. atleast thats what i believe right now. only time will tell.

 

[resilient]

Also women act very differently when you call them & they have friends around them. Tell what you need to tell & end the phonecall ASAP in this cases.

No kidding man, or how about their best female roommate who's always miserable in or out of relationships and jealous of any guy she sees and goes about sabotaging her relationships by constantly planting seeds of doubt in her mind like a guilty conscious. Most of these women are bisexuals by the way. That's the trouble you get with dating younger women who haven't figured themselves out yet.

I had another case where I nearly turned a 6 year oneitis (prom date from high school) into a sexual interest over night after she knew me for the entire time being a scrawny Nice Guy AFC before I did all my work with the pua community this year. I had her sexually arroused big time over text message and wanting to come over for sex, but she had just come home from a house party with her 3 female friends (c0ckblocking committe) who were totally against her hooking up with me. If they weren't there, I could guarantee she would have been speeding over to get to my nice new bachelor pad. She didn't even recognize my tonality once I got her on the phone because I was talking low deep and sexual.

I think I got "This isn't Resilient talking to me!" at least 6 times. Or "This is isn't Resilient, this is his drunk friends talking to me" She eventually sh!t tested me with "Do you think I'm a slvt?" ...which I knew she was promiscuous but trying to cover it. I lose the frame by telling her she's overreacting a few times. LOL. The next thing that happens is I hang up, she calls back leaves a voice message demanding apologies if I wanted to remain friends. Dumb HB didn't realize I had another interested woman on the phone right after I hung up with her. 4 days later I get a text "...so was that really you're friends or you?" I had lost interest after she would not get off her high horse so I cut the firendship for good. Heh.. she'll probably thought about it a lot this year longer after I was gone.

Mature DJs are right it's hard to turn old flames into sexual interests after being convinced the DJ was a needy nice guy for the entire time.

It's the ultimate challenge.

 

[NorPacWolf]

Soi

Hey bro,

At some point, a girl's interest will peter out unless you escalate. Just like you will stop pursuing a girl unless she is giving you some clear buying signs herself. Juggler's game involves giving a clear, direct unambiguous statement of interest, after she has expressed her interest (IOI's). You have to reciprocate her interest. And what's the risk really? She's already given you multiple signals indicating interest.

It sounds like you are withholding and withholding, instead of showing interest. She has given you many clear signals of interest so no need to play coy at this point, eh?

Wolf

 

[zerocelcius]

I won't date anybody under 21 anymore. I just hate the fact that we can't go to clubs (I am a DJ so it is my home away from home, plus I get great perks). That is just a personal thing.

But back to your question.....

To elevate to Kino? Easy, I would think that the age difference gives you a leg up. Start cracking on her for being young, and than tease her by leading her to the dark side (ask about the bad things she has done, but keep it to the little bad things). Once she steps over tell her you will bend her over your knee, for some well deserved spankings. Once that is established go a step further by acting like you are going to do it, don't really but get a little physical. Than say you wouldn't really with a reassuring rub on the back. Move on to Kino topics and keep to the Kino rules... RULES? Posh! I hate rules.

Really the issue, you are uncomfortable with, could very easily be your best in.

 

[warpy]

i think i'll give it a go a few more times, if it doesnt work out with those 20 year olds i am not taking another glance at them anymore