Date with HB last night

[pdx1138]

I would not wait 6 days personally. Three reasons. One, these internet girls get hit on so much on these dating sites that in 6 days she could be talking to 5 other guys by then. Two, waiting 6 days to contact could make her say to herself that you aren't interested and so mentally, she may just move on. You don't want that. Third, if you wait until Friday or so to contact her, how are you supposed to set up another date for next weekend? You can't. That is cutting it way too close. Make her wait, but not too long.

If you don't hear from her, I would contact her in 3 days and try to set something up for next weekend.

Good luck.

+1 100% agreed.

You can still achieve them "wondering about you" after you contact them next day or another day later after the first date, setup the second date, then NOT contact them at all.

I did that with my current girlfriend and she was wondering if our next date was still on 2 days prior to the second date.

 

[pdx1138]

ALWAYS go for the kiss during/end of the first date. Gauge her response, if she says no or is hesitant, that's a sign of low interest.

respectfully disagree.

of course one should TRY to go for the kiss....

But if you end up focused on the close, it can end up VERY awkward...especially if that last moment doesn't merit that action.

you're probably so good at it, you can kiss close on the first every time. I'm just saying for some of us we're still figuring that out.

 

[like2jam]

Well, each date that I go on, I'm learning to read more and more subtle IOI and that's good. You can look back and think about how this went or that. It's a b!tch when there are mixed signals though.

Simple things like, does she face you when you're standing up together outside, as the date is ending.

I think working on kino, working on making her laugh, trying not to talk too much about yourself ( short answers ) and planning for a kiss close. Another thing that I've had success with in the past was going for a simple walk after the drinks. I might suggest that earlier from now on. Have a drink and if the woman doesn't want a second, ask her if she'd like to go for a walk. If she says no, then you are getting a good clue right there.

 

[dosquito]

exactly. just like the girl is trying to make sure that youre the real deal, you should be making her show that her interest is real.

 

[pdx1138]

Well, each date that I go on, I'm learning to read more and more subtle IOI and that's good. You can look back and think about how this went or that. It's a b!tch when there are mixed signals though.

Simple things like, does she face you when you're standing up together outside, as the date is ending.

I think working on kino, working on making her laugh, trying not to talk too much about yourself ( short answers ) and planning for a kiss close. Another thing that I've had success with in the past was going for a simple walk after the drinks. I might suggest that earlier from now on. Have a drink and if the woman doesn't want a second, ask her if she'd like to go for a walk. If she says no, then you are getting a good clue right there.

good points.

although the walk thing...keep that short too.

I had one date (I was too focused on a kiss close outcome and blew it) where it was going extremely well then she asked to go for a walk.

Right then I should have left. it had been almost 2 hours at that point
and her interest was high. She was really hot too so I got a bit nervous scrambling to keep convo going but ended up silent a few times.

After that I tried to kiss close even though I could tell her interest had gone down.

oh well...ya learn from it.

 

[like2jam]

Good point pdx. I need to remember to leave on a high note. I definitely failed to do that Sat night. In fact, I need to really work on being the one to suggest leaving first.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Well, each date that I go on, I'm learning to read more and more subtle IOI and that's good. You can look back and think about how this went or that. It's a b!tch when there are mixed signals though.

Instead of paying so much attention to signs of interest, you should simply look for signs of DISINTEREST, since they are much more obvious.

Just because she strokes her hair, while talking to you doesn't mean she wants you.

What I'm getting at, is if you are advancing with a girl.

Contact > Asking Her Out > Date = you should ASSUME interest.

The reason you are trigger shy & over-analyzing so much is because your not truly confident in yourself. I don't mean that as a dig, just as perspective into helping you develop inner game, which is ESSENTIAL to becoming a rockstar with women.

When you truly are confident, you don't worry about how many days to wait to contact etc; you do things when & because you want to. Of course there's always an element of game to it, but women will sense your truly confident nature and be drawn to you.

Simple things like, does she face you when you're standing up together outside, as the date is ending.

This is over-analyzing & just making it more difficult on yourself. Don't get me wrong, its good to know and recognize signs of interest, but I see way too many guys rationalize why they didn't go for the close because they didn't receive enough signs of interest.

Not every girl is going to show interest the same way, some of the best pick ups I've had over the years were from girls who showed absolutely no interest initially.

Again it goes back to operating out of the fear mentality. You are basing your actions upon the woman. That's not the way to go.

Do things because you want to; if she rejects you, then she rejects you. Then post here and we can help you improve & break down where you might have went wrong or tell you the girl was no good.

I think working on kino, working on making her laugh, trying not to talk too much about yourself ( short answers ) and planning for a kiss close.

Kino yes.

Making her laugh, always good.

Talking depends on your conversation skills; if your a gifted talker, you can get away with it. If its hard for you to maintain conversations, then yes, keep the focus on her. Women love to talk about themselves always.

Kiss close yes and don't wait for the perfect moment or even the end of the date. If the vibe is good, you guys are connecting, kiss her. Kissing her sooner, rather than later will make the rest of the date that much more fun and interesting.

Another thing that I've had success with in the past was going for a simple walk after the drinks. I might suggest that earlier from now on. Have a drink and if the woman doesn't want a second, ask her if she'd like to go for a walk. If she says no, then you are getting a good clue right there.

I think your over-thinking it again. Its good to have some type of game plan, but go with the flow.

You need to learn to read the situation better and have that unbreakable confidence to go take what you want.

Also what I think would really benefit you, is to start cold approaching regularly and start a journal here. Then we could give you some really good feedback. You would develop your confidence and I'm positive you would see the results you want.














PIMP

 

[like2jam]

Pimp, awesome post.

I might eventually do that. Post a journal. I definitely need to work on cold approach. I have zero game there.

I honestly have to get some of my other aspects of life in order here first. I think that will help boost my confidence level. My living situation isn't good right now. I have a good career, but I'm self-employed and I'm focusing on some personal projects right now, so my income is lower than usual. I'm also still suffering from an injury and I can't work out like I normally would be.

My past value was incredibly high. My future value is potentially very high again. My current value, not so much. And I can tell this affects my confidence. But also, some of it is just being out of the dating scene for a long time.

I probably shouldn't be dating right now, but I'm getting older and my hair isn't getting any thicker. I need to get my act together on so many levels. But if I give up dating altogether for a while, then I'm not doing myself any favors later on, when I'm feeling more ready.

So, all I can hope to do is keep learning and getting more experience. Keep working on trying to build my confidence. Keep getting used to being rejected and not caring, while moving onto the next opportunity.

What is hard is feeling like a lack of success breeds more of the same. I need more hits and fewer strike outs.

Update:
More evidence that I blew it by not escalating.
We did have a brief exchange, because I criticized her over a couple of things. Funny thing is that she emailed me RIGHT AWAY back after I criticized her haha. ( funny how that works ) Neg hits anyone?

However, she admitted that she really did want to ( at the time ) go across the street and have drinks ( but that she had a volunteer event ). She claims that she considered seeing me again, but when she though about it, she just didn't see us together.

So, although I doubt a relationship would have ever happened with her, I think I could have definitely kissed her and perhaps even made out with her had I escalated properly. Who knows, I might have even gotten further with her.

Onward and upward!

 

[Mr. Bond]

I'm definitely not close to a 9 in my own opinion.

This is the point when I knew nothing was going to happen. You felt she was better than you are. She's not. Work hard on your inner game, self esteem, and how much you value yourself. No need to beat yourself up - everyone makes mistakes. I wish you success in the future.

 

[like2jam]

Mr. Bond. I agree with your point. I probably did figure she was out of my league looks wise. Even though I've been with very attractive women in my past. But realistically, I can't consider myself a 9 in looks. I think that would be dishonest. But regardless, she isn't 'better' than I am and I definitely need to maintain my own value and work on my inner game.

 

[Mr. Bond]

Good, good. Also, +rep for the positive attitude.

 

[escaleraroyal]

Expensive lesson... but a lesson nonetheless.

NO DINNER DATES.
Stop feeding women.

Why do men consistently keep doing this? Even I was guilty of this 2 months ago... and after $100, was quickly reminded of the fact.

Listen, brother... I've had women plan second and third dates with me while they were on the first date... only to never hear from them again. You just keep trying. Remember, you are one of many men who find her face too attractive to concentrate on what she is saying.

Next time, coffee, a couple of drinks, etc... etc... etc...

And SHE isn't going to cut the date short... YOU have to.

And it'd avoid all this mess...

But the most important takeaway of all of this: NO MORE DINNER DATES.

And if a girl you are talking to suggest she wants a dinner date and no other options... then you don't go out with her. Simple as that.

Good luck on your next endeavor.

I will disagree. Nothing wrong with dinner dates. You can always split bills.

 

[escaleraroyal]

My only advise to you. Make the ho say no

 

[Zarky]

oh Gunwitch

 

[Trump]

So last night I had a date with a total hotty. She's very close to a 9 or higher. Blonde, 5'6", totally fit, amazing green eyes, face, smile, etc. Oh, she's also 12 years younger than I am. Honestly, her face is so pretty that it's almost distracting. I had to concentrate hard on staying on the conversation.

You are that distracted by a pretty face that you can't carry a conversation? You got to be more mature than that. She probably felt it too and used it to her advantage.

I'm still not always sure how to end first dates. I walked her to her car, we hugged, and sent her on her way. The location was on a busy street so there wasn't much time to linger there or to go for more. I think we were both playing it a bit cool ( she's also was well aware that I was recently freaked out by a woman coming on way to strong recently ),

Why would you tell her this? Now she can go 20 dates with you and not touch you since you will get freaked out if she comes on too strong.

so now we're in the limbo post date, not knowing if we'll see each other again. I'm waiting to see if I hear from her a while before I decide when I'll send something back to her.

( So, is there a DJ consensus on this? Do you wait to hear from her, or do you follow up first? )

Regardless of whether I see her again or not, I feel like the date was successful compared to some recent dates I've been on. You really can't judge a book by a cover or a woman by her hotness.

Also, I think in her case, she's interested in much more than a man's looks. She's interested in personality and substance before she decides how attracted to someone she is.

Bro sorry to say you don't have to time to play it cool and see if she will contact you first. You got to be on it fast. I would even tell, "You are not getting any younger, we have to sleep together fast."

 

[like2jam]

Trump, I handled the conversation just fine. She even said we had great dialog. I wasn't that distracted. We had awesome eye contact the whole night. But sitting there for 3 hours, after drinking sake, was getting long in the tooth. I should have ended that part of the date sooner myself.

The story I told her was not about a woman coming on too strong sexually. It was about a woman who came on relationship wise too much too soon. About a woman who went all AFC on me. I told her that because her opening to me was about awkward date stories. She was telling me all about guys she's met. I told her about this woman who I had to cut things off with because she was too much too soon. Just like a woman would dump your ass if you started texting her too often and acting like she was your gf after a couple of dates.

No, I don't have time to play it cool. I should have made a move. I didn't. Lesson learned. Moving on to the next one....

 

[Zarky]

good for you. experience is ultimately the only teacher.

 

[JohnChops]

Trump, I handled the conversation just fine. She even said we had great dialog. I wasn't that distracted. We had awesome eye contact the whole night. But sitting there for 3 hours, after drinking sake, was getting long in the tooth. I should have ended that part of the date sooner myself.

The story I told her was not about a woman coming on too strong sexually. It was about a woman who came on relationship wise too much too soon. About a woman who went all AFC on me. I told her that because her opening to me was about awkward date stories. She was telling me all about guys she's met. I told her about this woman who I had to cut things off with because she was too much too soon. Just like a woman would dump your ass if you started texting her too often and acting like she was your gf after a couple of dates.

No, I don't have time to play it cool. I should have made a move. I didn't. Lesson learned. Moving on to the next one....

blah not making a move blows, always gotta make a move ALWAYS. If you fail then just like you said lesson learned, if you succeed then you know shes fully interested.

 

[Partizan]

Great thread. IMO, 3 hours is way too long for a first date unless things are going THAT well