Date not confirmed - next steps?

[ajk1211]

Hi guys

Hoping for some feedback and how best to manage a situation with a girl I’ve known on/off over 5+ years. For context we’ve hooked up multiple times and I know she had strong feelings at one point. We just drifted apart due to me moving for work/being in relationships etc.

We have reconnected recently and met 6 weeks ago when she visited my town. We both had a great night. I let her know that I’d like to see her again when I visit her town in the next fortnight.

Summary of texts below:

me: are you free on X date in the afternoon?
Girl: I am out with friends that evening
Me: ok cool. Thanks for letting me know
Girl: I could see you before?
Girl: or meet up when I am out?
Me: before would be great. We could then meet our friends later
Girl: sounds good
Me: Excellent. 3pm currently works for me

That was nearly 2 weeks ago and I haven’t heard anything since. Cant help but think disinterest and to note she ignored a prior suggestion on meeting up.

I have recently read about the 2 strike rule and also the notion of a girl making it easy to meet if she was keen.

What do you guys think?

I have contemplated a final message either changing the time to an hour later or straight up asking if she can make it so I can make other plans.

Not sure if it is a test to see how I’ll react or if I keep to my word, but in the unlikely event she does get in touch closer to the time, I don’t like the idea of saying I can still meet after 2 weeks of no contact.

Thanks all

 

[EyeBRollin]

You did not ask for the date. Saying when you are free is not a date confirmation.

 

[RangerMIke]

You did not ask for the date. Saying when you are free is not a date confirmation.

I agree... you didn't give her anything to respond to... she might have been waiting for you to give her a time/place/activity. You just gave her a time. What was likely going through her mind "What? Does he expect me to figure out what we are doing?"

If the OP had texted "I'm free at 3, I'll met you at X for Y, then we can go from there. If you want me to pick you up just let me know where you will be."

Now she has something to respond to, and if she doesn't then you KNOW she has low interest in meeting up. Right now you just don't know what is going on. DO NOT text her back unless it is to try and make another date. You will be better off just letting this go and not even mention it. It's like being a pitcher that just gave up a homerun... you walk back to the mound, take the ball and focus on the next batter.

 

[CornbreadFed]

That was nearly 2 weeks ago and I haven’t heard anything since. Cant help but think disinterest and to note she ignored a prior suggestion on meeting up.

Already freaking out and plotting games, desperation behavior is over 9000. You are right though, she is more than likely has low interest in you. Simply, The night before, or morning of if it’s today, text her:

Hey, just checking if you are still alive. Are we still good to meet today?

Her: yes
You: Cool how does (date spot) sound at (this time) it is one of my favorite spots in the city?
Her: okayyyyyyy,

See simple and direct and no bvtch a$$ feminine test games. If it doesn’t go exactly like that or better LET HER GO.

 

[Millard Fillmore]

Make the plan, tell her you're going, she can join if she wants, then go regardless. (Or do something else but go out and have fun.)

 

[ajk1211]

You did not ask for the date. Saying when you are free is not a date confirmation.

Thanks for the reply. interesting.

would the first message not constitute the ‘ask’?

Also I have read so much stuff about the guy leading etc so guess I had that in mind with specifying a time. For varying reasons I didn’t have a specific venue in mind, but it’s a small town so any venue would be easy to reach.

 

[CornbreadFed]

Thanks for the reply. interesting.

would the first message not constitute the ‘ask’?

Also I have read so much stuff about the guy leading etc so guess I had that in mind with specifying a time. For varying reasons I didn’t have a specific venue in mind, but it’s a small town so any venue would be easy to reach.

You did not set a place and time, so no you technically didn't ask her out.

 

[Canadian_Man]

I would probably go with a modified version of @CornbreadFed 's suggestion.

Ask a few days prior to the originally proposed time, and try to set firmer plans.

@RangerMIke 's suggestion would be the alternative.


Sometimes persistence pays off, at least in the short term, as long as it doesn't crossover into "needy" territory.

I've been in a somewhat similar situation before (with a few key differences), where I almost had a date set with the woman and during the last text to finalize she never confirmed. The date was going to be a bit over a week away from the last time we had texted.

Four or five days later, which was two or three days prior to the date, I checked in with her.

She apologized for not getting back to me (she "forgot"), she counter-offered with a new time/day, and followed through with those plans. That was in the early stages of dating, and ended up being the first time we slept together.

She had commented before that she liked my "leadership", so, perhaps my persistence came off like that.

I do think she only had medium-interest at the time, though, and it didn't last too much longer after that date.