Date lost interest in me after meeting in person

[Samol11]

Hi, I recently went on a date with the a girl I met off a dating app.

We texted for about 3 days before the date and it was honestly the best connection I’ve felt over text, the banter was flowing and we matched each others humour (something I’ve not experienced before).

Fast forward to the date (which was a walk among nature) and the vibe felt completely different. Maybe I was a bit nervous and she said she was ill, but her interest was much less than it was on text I.e. I was asking her all the questions, she barely smiled or asked me any questions. The banter was also massively missing.

After the date she said it went okay but the vibes in person didn’t match the vibe on text.

This has dented my confidence quite a bit as she was extremely attractive, and I’m struggling to understand what I did wrong. Was she not as attracted to me as she thought? Maybe I wasn’t being playful although I did try to crack a few jokes and she never did like on text.

I just would like to know how I can learn from this and not take it personally, because it felt personal the way she lost interest when she saw me. Especially as a similar thing happened (but not as good a connection on text) a month ago.

Ive worked massively on my appearance and confidence in the past couple of years and are starting to get dates with much more attractive girls than I’m used to. Perhaps my old insecurities and lack of confidence are holding me back thinking I don’t deserve a girl like this or something. But the fact I couldn’t match the vibes on text got me wondering as to whether it’s a confidence issue.

thanks a lot.

 

[pipeman84]

I don't get why you're surprised, that's totally to be expected, for both men and women.
You're both texting with a construct of your imagination based off a few pictures and the little info your profiles have. Then you meet in real life and more often than not it doesn't match at all what you imagined.

This also happens just when you see someone's photos and you form an impression, and then watch her/him in a video and you get a different vibe and impression.

So I guess the only lesson here is to cut the text interaction to the minimum required to set up a date and then meet asap.

 

[Bokanovsky]

You are asking us to read tea leaves. How can anyone other than her possibly know what went wrong? Maybe she wasn’t attracted to you in person (are you photogenic?), maybe something about your behavior turned her off, maybe you lied about your height or have bad breath. The possibilities are endless.

Speaking from personal experience, I’ve been on numerous first dates where I immediately knew that I made a mistake meeting up with her in person. In every instance, it was related to her looks/misleading photos.

 

[GoodMan32]

I have a similar story from 2012 (when I was in college)

I was home from college for the summer. I started chatting with a girl from my college on OkCupid. It must have gone well (as far as keeping her interest level high), seeing as the girl continued chatting with me all summer.

Once the fall semester started up, we met up in person. The next time I ran into her in person, the girl acted standoffish.

I obviously did something to alienate her on our date. Yet to this day, I have no idea what.

Here's where my story differs from yours: The girl from my story was morbidly obese (whereas the girl from your story was extremely attractive)

Having a date go wrong with a morbidly obese girl is even more devastating. Imagine how much it kills your confidence when you even manage to drive away a morbidly obese girl.

 

[Mr Wright]

Expectations didn't match reality. She wasn't into you for whatever reason and you'll never know the exact reason. It happens and it's a lesson to keep messaging before the first date to a minimum. The more mystery and intrigue the better.

 

[Igetit!]

Hi, I recently went on a date with the a girl I met off a dating app.

We texted for about 3 days before the date and it was honestly the best connection I’ve felt over text, the banter was flowing and we matched each others humour (something I’ve not experienced before).

Fast forward to the date (which was a walk among nature) and the vibe felt completely different. Maybe I was a bit nervous and she said she was ill, but her interest was much less than it was on text I.e. I was asking her all the questions, she barely smiled or asked me any questions. The banter was also massively missing.

After the date she said it went okay but the vibes in person didn’t match the vibe on text.

This has dented my confidence quite a bit as she was extremely attractive, and I’m struggling to understand what I did wrong. Was she not as attracted to me as she thought? Maybe I wasn’t being playful although I did try to crack a few jokes and she never did like on text.

I just would like to know how I can learn from this and not take it personally, because it felt personal the way she lost interest when she saw me. Especially as a similar thing happened (but not as good a connection on text) a month ago.

Ive worked massively on my appearance and confidence in the past couple of years and are starting to get dates with much more attractive girls than I’m used to. Perhaps my old insecurities and lack of confidence are holding me back thinking I don’t deserve a girl like this or something. But the fact I couldn’t match the vibes on text got me wondering as to whether it’s a confidence issue.

thanks a lot.

@pipeman84 is right. I know it sucks,but this is kinda normal,really. I've been through this before....BOTH.....where the girl wasn't interested in me,and sometimes,where I wasn't attracted to the girl. This is NORMAL. This is a good time for you to learn one lesson I had to learn about online dating...one that will save you a lot of disappointment..which is this.......


It doesn't matter how long you two message each other.......
what you say in those messages.......
how many messages you send.......

It doesn't matter how much you two call each other,text each other,send each other pictures and photographs,use emojis, give each other compliments......

I don't care how STRONG of a connection or "bond" you think you two may have,.......


THE SECOND you two meet IN PERSON.........IT ALL STARTS FROM ZERO.

In other words,the instant you two lay eyes on each other IN PERSON......it'll be as if all your previous communication NEVER EXISTED. It'll be like all your messages,texts,emojis,and emails never even happened. The internet and all those other gadgets and electronics CANNOT replace physical chemistry.....or the "spark" a man and woman feel when they first meet in person.

You'll meet in person,and they may be taller than you expected.....maybe they'll weigh more...have a mole you didn't see in their pictures,or something. Your mind/conversations with her/her profile....none of that can replicate the reality of standing face to face.


It just is what it is. If when you two met in person,she wasn't interested,nothing you said or did prior to meeting would have changed that.


If you had met face to face FIRST.....and she wasn't interested,none of the texts,online messages,compliments,and photos you two exchanged would have changed her mind AFTERWARDS. So don't let this get you down,it's normal with dating online.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

Welcome to life. Things don’t always work out. I’ve had Tinder dates (& IRL dates) that just didn’t work out.
Don’t worry about it.

 

[corrector]

Hi, I recently went on a date with the a girl I met off a dating app.

Yeah, that is the problem.

 

[Sega Genesis]

It doesn't matter how long you two message each other.......
what you say in those messages.......
how many messages you send.......

It doesn't matter how much you two call each other,text each other,send each other pictures and photographs,use emojis, give each other compliments......

I don't care how STRONG of a connection or "bond" you think you two may have,.......

THE SECOND you two meet IN PERSON.........IT ALL STARTS FROM ZERO.

I agree with this^^ 1000%.

It may have nothing to do with your looks or pics at all, it's your energy, or rather the energy generating between you in person, face to face.

There's no way to sense that online or by seeing pics. You think you do, but it's actually a false illusion.

That's why personally I'm not a huge fan of exchanging a bunch of pics, again they can create a false illusion and if the "energy" isn't there in person, it can be a huge let down.

The higher you feel prior to the meet, the bigger the let down after the meet if the energy/chemistry isn't there. Which is most likely what you're feeling now.

Just meet in person for 15 minutes, if her appearance doesn't appeal to you and/or the energy/chemistry isn't there, politely excuse yourself and leave. It's 15 minutes out of your day.

If you click, you can extend it.

JMO. Sorry it didn't work out.

 

[Sega Genesis]

This has dented my confidence quite a bit as she was extremely attractive...

I'm female and this^ has happened to me a few times with men I met on line.

They created a fantasy in their minds before the meet, blew it up to monumental proportions, and when we met in person confused that physical attraction with genuine chemistry/energy between us which was NOT there.

In this case, the girl realized there was no in person chemistry while you on the other hand were so enthralled with her physical appearance, you didn't see it.

There are even some "Chads" who experience this with women who are in tune with 'chemistry/energy' and don't make decisions merely on a man's looks.

 

[SW15]

I recently went on a date with the a girl I met off a dating app.

After the date she said it went okay but the vibes in person didn’t match the vibe on text.

You're both texting with a construct of your imagination based off a few pictures and the little info your profiles have. Then you meet in real life and more often than not it doesn't match at all what you imagined.

This also happens just when you see someone's photos and you form an impression, and then watch her/him in a video and you get a different vibe and impression.

It may have nothing to do with your looks or pics at all, it's your energy, or rather the energy generating between you in person, face to face.

There's no way to sense that online or by seeing pics. You think you do, but it's actually a false illusion.

That's why personally I'm not a huge fan of exchanging a bunch of pics, again they can create a false illusion and if the "energy" isn't there in person, it can be a huge let down.

Expectations didn't match reality.

This is a common experience with dates set up from dating apps. It was also common in the era of dating websites (before swipe apps started in 2012).

This is why many interactions started on dating websites/dating apps have ended up as "one date, no sex, no second date".

Dating apps might put a man on more dates (depending on his profile, time spent on apps, and personal factors) but it might not put him on more high quality dates.

The in-person experience is what matters the most. There's not much of a way to give an in-person experience unless you are arranging dates from real life methods. Phone conversations are not an effective predictor of date chemistry. The swipe apps have offered video chatting for many years now and that's a better way to predict the quality of first dates. However, going to the effort to arrange a pre-date video chat off of an swipe app interaction is cumbersome. If a man is going to make the effort to set up video chats as a way to reduce the number of failed first dates, he might as well approach women in person and set up dates that way.

Expectations are more likely to match reality on first dates set up off of some in-person experience.

It's still possible to have bad first dates off of in-person arrange dates but the fact that there's been a shared in-person experience helps a lot.

 

[Bingo-Player]

I don't get why you're surprised, that's totally to be expected, for both men and women.
You're both texting with a construct of your imagination based off a few pictures and the little info your profiles have. Then you meet in real life and more often than not it doesn't match at all what you imagined.

This also happens just when you see someone's photos and you form an impression, and then watch her/him in a video and you get a different vibe and impression.

So I guess the only lesson here is to cut the text interaction to the minimum required to set up a date and then meet asap.

Yea this will be it

Very common scenario in dating app interactions , I think I read a statistic once that over 80% of matches go nowhere thats a staggering number

At the core men only really need a woman to physically look moderately like her profile to build attraction

Women on these apps not only need the guy to look like his photos and be physically appealing but there will also be a raft of other emotional and "vibe" requirements that are nowhere near as apparent

I mean this could even go down to your Tonality

There is no substitute for a physical interaction with an member of the opposite sex

Dating apps have tried and tried to translate this online and it just never works

 

[CornbreadFed]

It happens, move on

 

[DarwinTaurus]

Something similar happened to me recently. I matched with a woman on Bumble, and had been texting for around two months. Yes, that was a long time, but there were extenuating circumstances that caused this, such as me going on an interstate holiday, I work shift work, Christmas etc.

Well, we met in person last Thursday for a couple of drinks at a bar. We talked for a few hours, and I thought the conversation flowed well. I sent her a text the next morning, had no reply until about 7pm, when she said that she didn't feel a connection. Waste of time, but I guess you move on.

Next.

 

[Solomon]

I don't get why you're surprised, that's totally to be expected, for both men and women.
You're both texting with a construct of your imagination based off a few pictures and the little info your profiles have. Then you meet in real life and more often than not it doesn't match at all what you imagined.

This also happens just when you see someone's photos and you form an impression, and then watch her/him in a video and you get a different vibe and impression.

So I guess the only lesson here is to cut the text interaction to the minimum required to set up a date and then meet asap.

This is quite common when dealing with OLD, and Piperman is spot on
OP it happens heck it happens to me more often then not
The only thing you can do about is keep spinning plates or better yet approaching in person that way basic attraction has already been established

I remember last April I was texting/talking on the phone with a girl named Annalexa we hooked up a few times but the communication In person wasn't the same and it started to become a chore needless to say I ended it

 

[BackInTheGame78]

It means she wasn't attracted to you in person. Move on, next.

This is a numbers game. Never get attached to any one outcome, keep building matches, dates and lays and a pipeline of women.

People have this idea that if you are getting along great via messaging and texting that meeting in person will just be a formality when it's exactly the opposite. Until you meet in person virtually none of the other stuff matters. Meetin in person is what will determine what happens, not how well you get along texting and messaging prior.

 

[itouchyou]

It could be because she wasn't attracted to you in person, but I think it's just as likely that there was something else about you that wasn't what she expected.

We all tend to make assumptions about people based on their photos and how they text; texting itself is unnatural because you're saying things after thinking about them whereas in real life it has to be instant.

I think women are more forgiving when it comes to looks but if your pics are a lot different from what you look like in real life, that could be it also.