Date: girl extremely NERVE WRECKED.

[MAN_OF_TOMMOROW]

Just had a few hours sleep. Came in from a date from HELL. The girl, had just been kicked out from her mothers house for a 2nd time. So she's in a hostel - small one bedroom. With a sink. Shower and tv.

I've been speaking to her for about 4months on the phone and Facebook. We've had some good chemistry going for a while, both enjoy eachother's humour. However she SUPPOSEDLY has a boyfriend.

ANYWAY,

I told her I was coming to see her at her current Hostel. This is about 2.00am in the morning. She lives about an hour 45minutes away from where I live. It took me over 2hours to get there. Get there. She seems so nervous and keeps stressing to me that "I CANNOT STAY". . . So I said cool, I'll stay for a few hours and head off home.

30minutes into it. We get some KINO popping off with eachother. She punches my arm, plays with my hair all that stuff and vice versa. I start rubbing the back of her neck where her babyhair is. She says "keep doing that...it feels nice" She then closes her eyes.

I tell her to put on a DVD, to distract her a little. She puts on SIMPSONS EPISODES, and says " You gotta go after this episode, because I'll get in trouble with the security dowsntairs as your not allowed to bring anyone in the hostel".

I said "chill out, I'm going in a while, stop being paronoid woman " She then complimaints me and says "Your not like most guys, you remind me of my brother, your well spoken"..? Anyway. I touch her thighs, put my arm round her and she kept saying "YOU CANT STAY".

SIMPSONS finished sooner than expected. She gets up. Turns on the light hesistantly. And says "You gotta go ... Do you want me to call you a cab?" I say nah, I'll make my way out fine. Where outside her room door. On the stairs of the elevator and she says "Youc an call your cab and wait for it" I say nah it's cool. I go down the second floor whilst shes still onthe 3rd.

As I'm going. I hear her roomdoor close. I call her phone. She's still on the 3rd floor. She laughs and says I'm still here. I go back. Give her a hug and said I've called my taxi. You gonna let me stay 15minutes?. Anyway, this FAILS. As she checked my call log. I say, "You know what, this sucks, I'm out" She asks if Im angry. I say "Nah, no worries, dont follow me though".

Get home early hours of the morning. No txt or phonecall from her. Just recieved a TEXT from her now on another phone number:

"Hey Jase'.. Its Deb. Im sorry what happend yesterday I was just tired and because it was my first time meeting you, I didn't know how to react but I hope you got home safe? Just wondering how you are? .."

WHAT NOW JUANS? . . .

 

[Scars]

Sh!t test, which you failed right on the get go. You were trying way too hard to stay when you should of been like "Okay, well have a goodnight." Instead you were begging for her attention and time like a needy little boy. You probably also didn't do a good job of building enough rapport for her to want you to stay either. If you would of acted like you were ready to leave there's a good chance she would of invited you to stay a little longer, instead of you begging. From there you could of stayed a bit and then YOU say "Wow, I really got to go" right after laying down some kino on her, actually switching the tables on her. You definably needed to do a massive re frame, because she was in control the whole time. YOUR TIME IS VALUABLE, she should be the one begging for YOU to stay, not the other way around. The worst that could of happened was you were acting like you were leaving and she didn't stop you. At least you would of left with your dignity and avoided the crash and burn. You probably would of gotten invited back a few days later, but I kind of doubt it now. Next man.

 

[MAN_OF_TOMMOROW]

Sh!t test, which you failed right on the get go. You were trying way too hard to stay when you should of been like "Okay, well have a goodnight." Instead you were begging for her attention and time like a needy little boy. You probably also didn't do a good job of building enough rapport for her to want you to stay either. If you would of acted like you were ready to leave there's a good chance she would of invited you to stay a little longer, instead of you begging. From there you could of stayed a bit and then YOU say "Wow, I really got to go" right after laying down some kino on her, actually switching the tables on her. You definably needed to do a massive re frame, because she was in control the whole time. YOUR TIME IS VALUABLE, she should be the one begging for YOU to stay, not the other way around. The worst that could of happened was you were acting like you were leaving and she didn't stop you. At least you would of left with your dignity and avoided the crash and burn. You probably would of gotten invited back a few days later, but I kind of doubt it now. Next man.

Too some degree you're right. But when you're in THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT. You aren't thinking with your brain. Plus I wasnt acting NEEDY FOR HER ATTENTION. I gave her a 2nd chance, because once I'm gone, I'M GONE. Anyways, she must've wanted me to stay. She was just PARNOID on the fact of the security within the Hostel as she cant afford to get kicked out of there. She isn't a b!tch who comes across as doing TESTS. Maybe Im wrong. But it didnt seem that way. Anyway, she texted back, so it cant be OFFICIALLY OVER on my behalf.

 

[Igetit!]

Wait a minute...that was a FIRST DATE???


The end is ususally present from this beginning

Dude,this date was doomed from the getgo.


I'm surprised that you're shocked that things turned out the way they did. To me,this girl's behavior was predictable.

I'm wondering what in the world YOU were thinking.


Look at all the things present here...

She'd been kicked out of her mother's house...twice. (obvious emotional problems)

She supposedly had a boyfriend. (more possible emotional stress).

This being a first date.

THIS IS A BIG ONE:The date took place at a hotel? And at 2:00 in the morning?

You wanted to date this girl,right? But look at everything you have present here. Seems to me like you wanted possibly to start a relationship.

If that's true,then you need to have the ingrediants of a relationship.

Here,you had all the ingredients of a one night stand.

A relationship requires trust,which must be built over a period of time.

Showing up at a hotel...at 2 IN THE MORNING...no trust there,just horniness.


To be honest,I wouldn't have made a date in the first place with a girl who lives 2 hours away,but I won't bash you for doing so.

What I'd like to know is,what was it you were expecting to happen at 2 in the morning...AT A HOTEL with this girl?

You keep calling this thing a "date",but dates don't happen at in small one bedroom rooms at hotels,at 2 in the morning.

One night stands do.

This girl asked you if you were angry at her. Have any idea why? Because she knew what it was you were expexcting,and it didn't happen. Your "You know what,this sucks. I'm out." statement revealed your anger and frustation to her.

When you said,"THIS sucks",what did you mean by the word "this"? What sucked? What,that you didn't sleep with her? On the first date?

Well,what did you think was going to happen?

This is real life dude. It's not a porno where you show up at a stranger's door delivering a pizza,and the woman goes,"Well,I don't have any money on me,but maybe I can repay you in another way...wink,wink. LOL.

I don't know why guys think that communcating by Facebook or by some other way online is the same thing as laughing,talking,and being in person with a female.

Obviously you thought that since you spoke with her online for four months,that she'd be comfortable enough to sleep with you on the first date.


You'd build more comfort being in person for 2 weeks with a girl,than going back and forth 5 months online.

All I can say is good luck with whatever you decide to do here.

 

[MAN_OF_TOMMOROW]

Thats the thing I didn't EXPECT to have SEX with her on the first date. I shouldnt really call it a date, it was more like a last minute late,night meet-up.

I was actually looking for some FOUR PLAY atlesast and gradually work my way onward and upwards on another meeting. Defintley not a relationship thing, at the very least f u c k buddies.

OH YEAH! its not a HOTEL dude, its "HOSTEL" ACCOMADATION where shes staying. With cameras and security for trespassers which could explain her reluctance to let me stay the night.

I did kinda flip out abit,not in her presence, but in my mind. Which probab;y showed on my face a tad. She asked if I was angry. Because she felt GUILTY.

LET me stress this girl is young aswell,19 years old, So shes probably going through loads of emotional problems,Regardless, why would you meet up with someone the first time at that time in the morning to come back to your HOSTEL? For tea & biscuits? Surely not!

HOWEVER. What should I reply to her TEXT MESSAGE? and GREAT input on the reply IGETIT.

 

[iqqi]

I still don't understand how you drove two hours for a chick you don't know that well, at 2am, at a hostel.

Can you say desperation stinks?

I mean it... your problems really root right there.

 

[MAN_OF_TOMMOROW]

I still don't understand how you drove two hours for a chick you don't know that well, at 2am, at a hostel.

Can you say desperation stinks?

I mean it... your problems really root right there.

Your meant to grab any chance you can get chasing abit of tail when it sounds to your liking. However, I've scheduled different days of seeing her in the past. So its not asif I was desperate those times also?

Case in point,it was some KITTY, dude. wtf. WELL, was meant to be some kitty in my books.

DEFINTLY not DESPERADO' tho iqs! :nono:

 

[Igetit!]

Thats the thing I didn't EXPECT to have SEX with her on the first date.

Well how was she supposed to know that? You drive two hours,show up at her place at 2 in the morning,put your arm around her,start rubbing the back of her neck and touching her thighs.

Sorry dude,but to me that suggests you're up to sumthin'.

I was actually looking for some FOUR PLAY atlesast and gradually work my way onward and upwards on another meeting.

"Fore"play is a slippery slope. You may start off only looking for that,but come on dude,we're both men here.

You know if she gives an inch,you're going for that mile. If she had allowed the foreplay,you would have pushed a bit further. And if she had allowed that,you would have pushed even farther and farther until the next thing you know,a one night stand would have taken place.

Let's be honest here. If you can't be forthright and upfront here on the forum,then where?

OH YEAH! its not a HOTEL dude, its "HOSTEL" ACCOMADATION where shes staying. With cameras and security for trespassers which could explain her reluctance to let me stay the night.

I've never heard of a "hostel". Sounds like a jail to me.

Nevertheless,if she has the freedom to go and come as she pleases,then you should have taken her out ON A DATE...NOT AT 2 in the morning,but at a decent hour.

You've had dates before,so there's no need to explain this.

I did kinda flip out abit,not in her presence, but in my mind. Which probab;y showed on my face a tad. She asked if I was angry. Because she felt GUILTY

.She felt guilty? For what,not sleeping with you,or giving you "foreplay"?

LET me stress this girl is young aswell,19 years old, So shes probably going through loads of emotional problems,

All the more reason NOT TO GET INVOLVED with her.

Regardless, why would you meet up with someone the first time at that time in the morning to come back to your HOSTEL? For tea & biscuits? Surely not!

Well,isn't this what I said?
I said that all the things present here are the ingrediants of a one night stand. I also said that what happened here was predictable. With all the emotional stress she seems to have right now,her inviting you to her "hostel" at 2 in the morning,then quickly rushing you out isn't a surprise.

HOWEVER. What should I reply to her TEXT MESSAGE? and GREAT input on the reply IGETIT.

She sent you a text asking how you are. Well? Tell her how you are. If you're doing ok,then tell her you're fine,ask her how she's doing.

If she starts talking about what happened the night you went over there,just tell her not to worry about it,that first "dates" are usually kind of nerve wrecking because the two people involved are still getting to know each other,and suggest another date,BUT THIS TIME,you two GO OUT SOMEWHERE more fun and relaxing.

Don't try to have a date at 2 in the morning in a hotel or "hostel" room.

Go out somewhere where there's other people so she'll feel comfortable with you.

Edit:Umm,MAN_OF_TOMORROW...Iqqi is a female. LOL.

 

[MAN_OF_TOMMOROW]

UPDATE 5.09.09:

Just received a phone call from her. Asked if I could call her back. Call her back,she's at home with her friend, without me asking. Says "you can come tonight if you want, but you cant stay over"

So I say, " I bet your girlfriend can stay over tho huh hehe" She says, "Yeah but shes a chick haha". I just play it cool. She says "If I didnt have a boyfriend, you could stay over.." - WHICH I think her and her SO-CALLED boyfriend is just a GHOST! I rekon I can work on her, because why would you even SUGGEST that knowing full well you have a bf? I said "Nah you gotta be kidding hun..maybe some other time next week, but I'll give you a ring and let you know later.."

She gives a big *SIGH*, and says MAKE SURE. I doubt she'll come ALL THE WAY to my part of town and go on a date with me. If anything, I'll have to make that JOURNEY again. As IGETIT said, I should do something with her IN THE DAY as apose to doing the same mistake twice and going to see her late. So atleast she can be abit more COMFORTABLE with me and chances of "nookie" are higher.

When should I call her? to find out when she wants me to come? or should I ring her up next week and plan a date IN THE DAY first before anything?

 

[Julian]

Sheesh you that desperate bro? Some skeeze bag with nothing to offer 2 hours away livin in a damn hostel!?....get real man. Step your mutha fkin game up. This is pathetic.

 

[MAN_OF_TOMMOROW]

Sheesh you that desperate bro? Some skeeze bag with nothing to offer 2 hours away livin in a damn hostel!?....get real man. Step your mutha fkin game up. This is pathetic.

PAHAHAHA Please elaborate?. . .Are you saying its wrong to invest time in her, because she lives in a hostel? Nothing to offer? Im not sure if you see my intentions, but its a very small one. Straight and simple.

All I'm trying to do is HIT IT. Without any FAILURES on the way. You say step my game up asif she's the only fish on my radar? She does WORK, she does EARN MONEY. It's just unfortunate that she has domestic problems, as she comes from a good background. Dont try to pull my skirt up without knowing the PERSON or ME at hand. I'm probably one of the FEW people on here actually approaching WOMEN,
smashing on a daily basis.

Talking to me in an ALPHA MALE tutorial manner saying "oh shes a slut, why you so DESPERATE" Im not a squirt of p!ss desperate bro. Just explaining her actions so any REAL DJs here can syke out. People need to start sending their PERSONAL VIDS of how they approach women and on what frequency, before they talk down to someone. Only then, will I listen to you.

 

[Julian]

Whatever you say bro. Ive been where your at my man. You gota step out of that cycle. You see, Im not the one driving 2 hours in the middle of a night goin to some slum hostel for some disturbed 19 yr old trying to score some ass then wondering all kinds of whats/whys/help.

I dont got sh1t to prove to you son, you need to step your game up by elevating in life and not just chasing puzzy like its the end all be all. This is the internet how am I supposed to know who the hell you are aside from what you provide in your post.

Im not a fkin "dj" infact that term is something for nerds and goobers to associate with. I honestly give fuk all if you listen to me or not this is an open forum Im just dropping in my opinion. Take it or leave it. But your wasting peoples time on here with these type of posts.

I dont know how old you are but you sound like a young fool as we all once were. Your putting too much energy into some inconsequential puzzy. My point is get to the level where your not dealing with 19 yr olds with emotional and life baggage where the efforts dont outweigh the outcomes. You will realize this soon enough. Heighten your standards.

 

[MAN_OF_TOMMOROW]

Alright, Julie.

Lol Cool