Date 2 afterwards

[RobNeb]

I recently had an all day second date that went well and ended politely at her place where I went home without doing too much more than a very good kissing session and second base play.
My lovely date gave me a nice message afterwards say she appreciated my respectfulness towards her.
Skip to next day and no communication til afternoon/evening and she said she didn’t feel well and it was basically her saying she was depressed and sad. Yes, we had bad weather, but what I noticed was she drinks a lot and lots of alcohol in her fridge and numerous stories of partying and even being sick. Sooooo… some big red flags. Is this someone to ask for another date and when? Definitely not talking to her today after some rather mean texts to end last night. What next? Move on possibly? Any help would be appreciated. Thank you!

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Sounds like you didn't escalate when she green lighted you and now she may be making excuses to be done

 

[oldmanofthesea]

I agree with BackInTheGame that this might have been what happened, but to address your comments about red flags and ruling her out: At this stage in dating your goal should be to just hang out with women you enjoy and have great sex with them, and do that with more than one woman at a time if you can. That's literally it. That's your goal. You are trying to assess this girl for a relationship at date #2 and that is way too early. Just date, escalate toward sex every time, and see where things go. When you operate like this, you have so much less stress and wonder.... girls who aren't truly attracted to you and only want nonsexual attention or money or a free handyman will get filtered out by you quickly because you will drop them for not sleeping with you after a few dates, and of the remaining girls who do sleep with you, after you have spent weeks-months with them it will be extremely clear whether they are relationship material or just casual sex material. You won't need to ask us. It all resolves itself.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

It's so hard to say what went wrong exactly. Women are just so in-the-moment creatures. One moment you are good, the next you are out. It's just how it is. But it does sound like you might have been too respectful. I mean she doesn't seem the angel-unicorn-good-girl type.

You might have missed your chance, but also seeing she drinks a lot would be a red flag for me. If I saw that, I would right away change my frame and mindset to a hook-up or FWB at best.

So no, don't pursue her. It is not worth it. If she pursues you then treat it accordingly.


Modern Man Advice

 

[Dr.Suave]

She doesnt sound like girlfriend material. Dont give her any exclusivity, she can only be a plate.

 

[RobNeb]

Sounds like you didn't escalate when she green lighted you and now she may be making excuses to be done

Well during the make out session I took ‘my shot’ and asked if we could go to bedroom as we were just playing on the couch and she said to go slow land I abided. still went to second base and had her bra off and did some four play there which she enjoyed. And the text later thanked me for my display of respect. I wish it was that simple, but think she has lots of potential issues.

 

[RobNeb]

She doesnt sound like girlfriend material. Dont give her any exclusivity, she can only be a plate.

Now that’s what I’m thinking and looking already on the sites for something better. And think maybe better to not have gone all the way and so it’s easier to pull back now. She also mentioned the long distance which to me at only around 25 minutes isn’t much, but gives me a better thought on not dating in that area maybe closer to home.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Massage is always an excellent escalation tool in these situations. If she's predetermined you're going no further than second base before you even get to her place, a good massage can throw this out the window.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Well during the make out session I took ‘my shot’ and asked if we could go to bedroom as we were just playing on the couch and she said to go slow land I abided. still went to second base and had her bra off and did some four play there which she enjoyed. And the text later thanked me for my display of respect. I wish it was that simple, but think she has lots of potential issues.

Never "ask". Lead them to the bedroom. A woman wants a man capable of LEADING them to sex, not someone that asks for permission like it's their Mommy. You honestly would have been better not opening your mouth, you showed you are unsure of yourself sexually and not confident in your actions. Huge turnoff.

"Showing them respect" = "you dried up my pvssy with your inaction"

 

[RobNeb]

So what would be my next move? She’s ignored me today and I haven reached out after saying Gnite last night? Can I save this relationshi?

 

[RobNeb]

Massage is always an excellent escalation tool in these situations. If she's predetermined you're going no further than second base before you even get to her place, a good massage can throw this out the window.

Any ideas what to do next? Did talk to her today as she seemed grumpy yesterday and I left her alone today.

 

[RobNeb]

I agree with BackInTheGame that this might have been what happened, but to address your comments about red flags and ruling her out: At this stage in dating your goal should be to just hang out with women you enjoy and have great sex with them, and do that with more than one woman at a time if you can. That's literally it. That's your goal. You are trying to assess this girl for a relationship at date #2 and that is way too early. Just date, escalate toward sex every time, and see where things go. When you operate like this, you have so much less stress and wonder.... girls who aren't truly attracted to you and only want nonsexual attention or money or a free handyman will get filtered out by you quickly because you will drop them for not sleeping with you after a few dates, and of the remaining girls who do sleep with you, after you have spent weeks-months with them it will be extremely clear whether they are relationship material or just casual sex material. You won't need to ask us. It all resolves itself.

Thanks. Good thoughts that seem rational. What now with her? I really like and was close to having what I feel will be some good sex. Didn’t text or call her today on purpose. (She hasn’t reached out today and is probably irritated or sick like she said) Do I a wait a few more days?

 

[RobNeb]

It's so hard to say what went wrong exactly. Women are just so in-the-moment creatures. One moment you are good, the next you are out. It's just how it is. But it does sound like you might have been too respectful. I mean she doesn't seem the angel-unicorn-good-girl type.

You might have missed your chance, but also seeing she drinks a lot would be a red flag for me. If I saw that, I would right away change my frame and mindset to a hook-up or FWB at best.

So no, don't pursue her. It is not worth it. If she pursues you then treat it accordingly.


Modern Man Advice

Okay, and thank you!

 

[BackInTheGame78]

So what would be my next move? She’s ignored me today and I haven reached out after saying Gnite last night? Can I save this relationshi?

What relationship?? You have no relationship. You aren't even dating yet, which assumes you see her regularly and bang her.

She is literally a random chick you have been out with twice.

Good God man, find some other options and stop fixating on her. Ironically, this might be your best way of getting her back.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Any ideas what to do next? Did talk to her today as she seemed grumpy yesterday and I left her alone today.

Leave her alone for now unless she contacts you. Hit her up near the weekend with a funny meme or cool date idea that's by either your place or hers.

This chick isn't super-high interest, but she way see you as boyfriend material and thus wanting to take it slow (even if she's getting Chad c0ck on the side).

She's an older woman I presume?

 

[RobNeb]

What relationship?? You have no relationship. You aren't even dating yet, which assumes you see her regularly and bang her.

She is literally a random chick you have been out with twice.

Good God man, find some other options and stop fixating on her. Ironically, this might be your best way of getting her back.

Hey man. I’m listening and asking and it was our second date and was an all day affair that went really well. Just the aftermath isn’t going well. Thanks again for the help.

 

[RobNeb]

Leave her alone for now unless she contacts you. Hit her up near the weekend with a funny meme or cool date idea that's by either your place or hers.

This chick isn't super-high interest, but she way see you as boyfriend material and thus wanting to take it slow (even if she's getting Chad c0ck on the side).

She's an older woman I presume?

Yes she is and had been treated poorly by liars and jerks. I’m going with leaving her alone all week and check in on her thurs or Friday. Thank you!

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Hey man. I’m listening and asking and it was our second date and was an all day affair that went really well. Just the aftermath isn’t going well. Thanks again for the help.

Do you think a man that actually had things going on in their life would have time for an all day date with someone they barely knew?

Too interested and too available too early. You aren't a challenge to her, she knows you are all about her and likely don't have any other options which is not attractive.

She gave you enough rope for you to hang yourself and you did it.

This is a common thing, FYI. Women will allow you to disqualify yourself to them and make it easy for you to do it.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Yes she is and had been treated poorly by liars and jerks. I’m going with leaving her alone all week and check in on her thurs or Friday. Thank you!

And there is your problem. You think she needs to be saved, but what she is telling you is that is the type of man she WANTS. Regardless of what she says, at some point no matter what happens with you even if you get into a longer term relationship, she will think there is something wrong with you because you aren't like that. That to her is normal.

Rule #1 is to pay attention to a woman's actions not their words. She is upset because guys treat her like crap but she is still attracted to them, otherwise she wouldn't keep dating and being dumped by them.

 

[member160292]

A whole day for a second date is a LOT of time. Like a LOT. We need details OP.

I'm inclined to believe she was ready to get physical and you waited too long to escalate. Your consolation prize was a pair of wink t!ts.