Darkened State of Mind

[squirrels]

I don't know why I'm posting this here...this forum seems to be rampant with cynicism and vitriol toward the "game" and toward life in general...I wonder if some of the old "veterans" are still out there lurking, I guess.

Every day I continue to live, I feel more and more alone in this world. I find it harder and harder to relate to people. Those younger than me...they have fun spirits, but their minds are ill-developed and ridiculous. those my age...their minds are mature and developed, but their spirits are broken.

I feel myself under immense pressure to make that choice, and the longer I avoid making it, the less I relate to the people around me.

I have maybe two friends I can REALLY talk to, and though both are extremely bright, one is burned out on his own philosophy, the other is a self-important arsehole who is too content with whatever existence is thrown his way.

I honestly don't know what I'm doing here any more. I don't seem to have the capacity to look up for potential successes, only the potential to look down at the abyss I'm trying to avoid falling into. I'm motivated these days not by desire for success, but by a stubborn angry refusal to accept failure.

I feel like I'm losing ground in that battle.

I've never been a good human being...I don't see the worth in being one. I've hated them all my life, and I hate being one of them. They all seem self-important, to think that their lives and the lives of those around them are worth something. People seem unaware of their own insignificance in this universe.

I have a hard time seeing the concept of a "great man". I would like to do something "great", but what?? What is so "great" about any of it? Every person in the world is replaceable. If Einstein had never lived, someone else would've eventually discovered general relativity. If MLK had never lived, eventually someone else would step up for black civil rights. If Neil Armstrong had never lived, someone else would've eventually set foot on the moon.

There's only one "man" who ever allegedly walked the Earth who had any real unique value...and many of you would debate that too...either way, I can't live up to that standard. Nothing I can do will save or elevate mankind to anything more than a fungus on a rock hurtling around a star. I'm no hero.

It's hard to even think about things like "sex" or "love". What do *I* have to offer a woman? I mean, sure...I went maybe 5 years or so "faking it", hell, I even believed it MYSELF once. I truly started to believe that I was something special and that I had unique value to offer people. Then my house of cards came crashing down...since then, I've never been able to believe in my potential for anything.

I'd like to write one day...but I am haunted by the knowledge that, deep down, anything I write is likely a plagarism of something I read somewhere by someone who already wrote it, and no one wants to read my sh!t. It's not like I'm "qualified". I'm not some great person in any of the fields that interest me. Who the hell am I?? I'm nobody.

Most other people I meet are "nobody", too, and almost all of them don't realize it. I kind of envy that in people...they actually believe that they are beautiful, unique snowflakes and that they have something to offer to this existence.

It seems like no matter where I go, I don't belong there. I feel like I'm living in "extra credit" time, like I should've died long ago, but for some reason, possibly my stubborn refusal to give up, I'm still here...hoping one day to find purpose, before the lights go out for good.

But I feel like I'm getting further away.

My "free time" is occupied largely with reckless activities like motorcycle riding or rock climbing, stuff that puts me more in the "now", but seems like a self-righteous form of suicide, of cursing my own creation by wasting my time and putting my own life and limb at risk for cheap thrills.

Even when I was in "the game", dating women, it felt the same way. I let myself fall into one-night stands and semi-relationships with all manners of women, just letting the flow of life take me, always believing that someday I'd find my "purpose" in romance, know what kind of girl I wanted to be with, find her, and make a life. I don't think I'll ever find her, now...and the idea of raw, emotionless sex just doesn't interest me. Unless I'm stone-drunk.

I'm starting to withdraw from even that...I spend way too much time in front of the TV or the X-box, just killing away time waiting for "better days" that won't come on their own and I don't know how to encourage.


What do you fear, my lady?

A cage. To stay behind bars until use and old age accept them and all chance of valor has gone beyond recall or desire.


I sit and wait now. On the weekdays I wait for the weekends, on the weekends I wait for Monday. In summer I wait for fall, in winter I wait for spring.

I used to know what I was waiting for. Now...I just don't have any idea any more. Death?


To die would be a great adventure.

Death is the only adventure you have left.


I've lost all faith in mankind, and I've lost all faith in myself.

I know there's nothing anyone here is going to say that is going to snap me out of this...that's a heavy burden to place on anyone's shoulders here.

I just need to vent...maybe find someone who has "been there" and found a way to start climbing out. I post one of these things about every couple of months, it seems...usually I snap out of it, but the fact that I keep coming back to it means that it's not getting any better.

Most people just say, "Hey, you're tall, good looking, smart, you've got a decent job...try living in a gutter for a while! You should be grateful!" Grateful I am, I suppose, but I honestly feel like I don't deserve a lot of what I have, and I wait for the day when it goes away. When I become so inept at my job that I lose it, when my looks start to fade, when my mind starts to decay on me.

Having things, having "gifts" are comfort, but not consolation...I can think of nothing to do with them. I don't deserve them.

Despair is seeing the beautiful things in the world, and feeling like you aren't worthy to be a part of them.

 

[Trader]

I don't know why I'm posting this here...this forum seems to be rampant with cynicism and vitriol toward the "game" and toward life in general...I wonder if some of the old "veterans" are still out there lurking, I guess.

Every day I continue to live, I feel more and more alone in this world. I find it harder and harder to relate to people. Those younger than me...they have fun spirits, but their minds are ill-developed and ridiculous. those my age...their minds are mature and developed, but their spirits are broken.

I feel myself under immense pressure to make that choice, and the longer I avoid making it, the less I relate to the people around me.

I have maybe two friends I can REALLY talk to, and though both are extremely bright, one is burned out on his own philosophy, the other is a self-important arsehole who is too content with whatever existence is thrown his way.

I honestly don't know what I'm doing here any more. I don't seem to have the capacity to look up for potential successes, only the potential to look down at the abyss I'm trying to avoid falling into. I'm motivated these days not by desire for success, but by a stubborn angry refusal to accept failure.

I feel like I'm losing ground in that battle.

I've never been a good human being...I don't see the worth in being one. I've hated them all my life, and I hate being one of them. They all seem self-important, to think that their lives and the lives of those around them are worth something. People seem unaware of their own insignificance in this universe.

I have a hard time seeing the concept of a "great man". I would like to do something "great", but what?? What is so "great" about any of it? Every person in the world is replaceable. If Einstein had never lived, someone else would've eventually discovered general relativity. If MLK had never lived, eventually someone else would step up for black civil rights. If Neil Armstrong had never lived, someone else would've eventually set foot on the moon.

There's only one "man" who ever allegedly walked the Earth who had any real unique value...and many of you would debate that too...either way, I can't live up to that standard. Nothing I can do will save or elevate mankind to anything more than a fungus on a rock hurtling around a star. I'm no hero.

It's hard to even think about things like "sex" or "love". What do *I* have to offer a woman? I mean, sure...I went maybe 5 years or so "faking it", hell, I even believed it MYSELF once. I truly started to believe that I was something special and that I had unique value to offer people. Then my house of cards came crashing down...since then, I've never been able to believe in my potential for anything.

I'd like to write one day...but I am haunted by the knowledge that, deep down, anything I write is likely a plagarism of something I read somewhere by someone who already wrote it, and no one wants to read my sh!t. It's not like I'm "qualified". I'm not some great person in any of the fields that interest me. Who the hell am I?? I'm nobody.

Most other people I meet are "nobody", too, and almost all of them don't realize it. I kind of envy that in people...they actually believe that they are beautiful, unique snowflakes and that they have something to offer to this existence.

It seems like no matter where I go, I don't belong there. I feel like I'm living in "extra credit" time, like I should've died long ago, but for some reason, possibly my stubborn refusal to give up, I'm still here...hoping one day to find purpose, before the lights go out for good.

But I feel like I'm getting further away.

My "free time" is occupied largely with reckless activities like motorcycle riding or rock climbing, stuff that puts me more in the "now", but seems like a self-righteous form of suicide, of cursing my own creation by wasting my time and putting my own life and limb at risk for cheap thrills.

Even when I was in "the game", dating women, it felt the same way. I let myself fall into one-night stands and semi-relationships with all manners of women, just letting the flow of life take me, always believing that someday I'd find my "purpose" in romance, know what kind of girl I wanted to be with, find her, and make a life. I don't think I'll ever find her, now...and the idea of raw, emotionless sex just doesn't interest me. Unless I'm stone-drunk.

I'm starting to withdraw from even that...I spend way too much time in front of the TV or the X-box, just killing away time waiting for "better days" that won't come on their own and I don't know how to encourage.


What do you fear, my lady?

A cage. To stay behind bars until use and old age accept them and all chance of valor has gone beyond recall or desire.


I sit and wait now. On the weekdays I wait for the weekends, on the weekends I wait for Monday. In summer I wait for fall, in winter I wait for spring.

I used to know what I was waiting for. Now...I just don't have any idea any more. Death?


To die would be a great adventure.

Death is the only adventure you have left.


I've lost all faith in mankind, and I've lost all faith in myself.

I know there's nothing anyone here is going to say that is going to snap me out of this...that's a heavy burden to place on anyone's shoulders here.

I just need to vent...maybe find someone who has "been there" and found a way to start climbing out. I post one of these things about every couple of months, it seems...usually I snap out of it, but the fact that I keep coming back to it means that it's not getting any better.

Most people just say, "Hey, you're tall, good looking, smart, you've got a decent job...try living in a gutter for a while! You should be grateful!" Grateful I am, I suppose, but I honestly feel like I don't deserve a lot of what I have, and I wait for the day when it goes away. When I become so inept at my job that I lose it, when my looks start to fade, when my mind starts to decay on me.

Having things, having "gifts" are comfort, but not consolation...I can think of nothing to do with them. I don't deserve them.

Despair is seeing the beautiful things in the world, and feeling like you aren't worthy to be a part of them.

You have no purpose - that is life without God

Why are you surprised that after years of *playing the game* you are not happy?

Just like at the biggest player of the game Mystery - watch his interviews. He chose to go the player route instead of the man route - does he look happy?

So funny how PUA and guys like Roissy chant: 'Oh my way is the best way.'

Oh really? Then why aren't you happy? Such is the arrogance of players

 

[Brighty]

I've been here since 2006, so I'm not an extreme longtime vet, but I have noticed that this place has changed a bit. For me, I didn't really start seeing results until around 2008. I think it was partially because I focused so much on every aspect of the game ("Oh, am I negging her right? Okay now I'll use some C&F here. Now I subtly validate myself here") that it all became artifical to me and I wasn't genuine.

I feel like once you know the general stuff, that's all you really should be concerned about knowing. For me, the DJ bible and other material here are all useful "tips" or "guidelines" rather than "rules". There are many rules or bits of advice that I chose not to do or use and there are some rules that I've made up on my own that work for me. The point is to intregrate the basic teachings here into your own personality instead of changing who you are entirely just in the name of success.

I use this forum to go to when I have problems with relationships or girls or just generally need advice, because while there is a good portion of users here that are hypocrites when it comes to "being a man" or "being a player", there are also people on here that do give out genuine advice that has helped me through tough situations. There are some good guys here, if you look past the aggressive, insecure guys trying to become players whilist sprouting alpha male bull****. For me, this forum has been invaluable in getting a guy's perspective - and not only a guy's perspective, but someone who has a similiar understanding of the game as myself - on issues I may be having.

It's a good community, it'll be interesting to see where it'll be in five years.

 

[TheHumanist]

I fear that I will go down that path myself, minus a few achievements perhaps. It sounds like you are buckling like you friend by his philosophy. You know that nihilism, the pointlessness of everything, is the truth.

I don't think I can really offer anything original to say. Well first thing to note, this is probably a major reason that drive people to religion so much, but (no offense to Trader), it doesn't feel satisfactory. It is not faith when you are motivated to religion to gain a sense of purpose.

So my suggestion is to view life as something akin to a video game, the open ended kind (RPGs tend to be this more). The actions of the in the video game and the "world" is definitely pointless, but people still play it taking a path and some action. The real world may ultimately be pointless, but choosing to do something would provide some kind of direction without choosing to ignore that nagging thought how does it really matter. Perhaps everything is ultimately pointless, but we still have desires, we still have dreams. We still have things we want to attain, things we want to picture ourselves being and why not go after them.

At the very least, that will make things move. Myself, I had thoughts on nihilism and empty self-importance. I also spent way too much time just thinking about human nature or the nature of women and reading way too many blogs and their thoughts. It is paralysis and no matter what, nothing gets done.

I hope this is helpful, I need to do more of this myself.

 

[Sir Psycho Sexy]

No advice but I know how you feel.

Everything in my life(including me) is so insignificant.

Ill be dead in 100 short years and almost immediately forgotten.

It makes me focus on the moment, enjoying every moment, even if it isnt fun, at least im alive and experiencing the world.

Billions of people have died before me and billions will live after me. We all live and die like ants and the world is our nest.


It drives me to do exactly what I want to do in the moment. Im truely happy when im doing this.

 

[Kailex]

We've all been through this.
We will all go through this at some point or another and begin to ponder whether we are the outlier within the world's statistics.

Every once in a while, we'll hit emotional lows and ponder such thing, squirrels. I've gone through something similar, specially after being exposed to the Matrix. I see the "code" now at work, with my plates, at the gym, everywhere... and it's not just women, it's people in general.

It's hard not to feel disappointed with life in general because of all of the depressing things going around us, but it's important to keep our chins up and make most of the life we've been given.

I know what you mean about the weekends and the weekdays. I've had that feeling at some point as well.

But it's the simple things in life that remind me that life is worth living.

I stepped out at lunch today and saw a beautiful sun out there. It's supposed to rain in a few hours, but did this take away from my enjoyment at that given time? No. Even when the unexpected is expected, we have to live in the moment and enjoy the moment.

 

[Razor Sharp]

What a load of emo crap. Seriously this is the lamest shît I ever saw on a forum anywhere. Were you by chance dating the Nut Ripper? because only eunichs and women on their periods would actually sit down and write this drivel.

I want to write but I'm scared..

You totally lost me here. If you don't have the backbone to express yourself on paper for fear of "what they'll say" then there really is not much hope, and you should drive your motorcycle a little faster around those hairpin turns.

I kid, I kid, lol. It's funny - you are not even concerned about exposing yourself or becoming vulnerable like a normal person.. no you don't want to be accused of plagiarism... what a ridiculous copout

Even the most versed writer will tell you there is nothing new under the sun. People are less interested in the nuts and bolts of what you are trying to do, than they are in the character involved in that idea. How many comedians rock a lot of the same material? How many typical black/white jokes have we heard from greats like Pryor, Murphy, Rock and Chapelle? Because it wasnt about their material, or whether they was "qualified" - they became successful based on their own interpretations of an otherwise mundane and meaningless world. In effect it's not what you say, but how you say it - and the spirit with which that message is delivered.

Plagiarism is necessary. Progress implies it.

All my best thoughts were stolen by the ancients.

You can steal a man's bolts, but you can't steal his thunder.

Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.

Good artists borrow. Great artists steal.

Take a cue from the masters - fück what people think. And start writing that novel/poem/thriller you been too much of a pvssy to work on. I mean SERIOUSLY....

 

[Bible_Belt]

squirels, you are just depressed. It happens to everyone, some people worse than others. That 'what is the point?' attitude, that is depression; I know that well enough. To answer the question, your life needs a purpose. There has to be a point in getting up every day, some project or goal that you are advancing. Try starting a side business. Keeping any business in the green right now is enough to keep even the most intelligent of people mentally engaged.

 

[5string]

Kaelix is right. We have all been there brother. We all have our stories and moments in life where things just don't seem to be on track. I know I have. Bounce back friend. You know, I have some things going on right now which would get anyone down in the dumps. That however is another story. Sometimes, it seems, all I do is work. I wonder what's the point? Today for example, I'm working as usual. After I get off, I am going home and heat up a bowl of gumbo which sounds good. Then I am going to brush my German Shepherds and play with them for awhile. Maybe even start in on refinishing a piece of furniture. Those are things I like to do. I enjoy them. Find a few small things to do that you like and use them to occupy your mind and time. Just a suggestion. Remember....no rain, no rainbows. Hang in there squirrels.

 

[Mr.Positive]

Squirrells, you are a heavy thinker, and I can relate to that on some level.

Here's my two bits...I think, your post can probably relate to a lot of folks, at some level. I also think, it's really a product of our fast paced, information overloaded, society.

Personally, I would feel exactly like you except I just made the choice that hey, why do I need some huge life purpose to be happy?

I don't, I'm insignificant, and I love that. I like the freedom of taking life, day by day, and just enjoying it. I never make plans, my life is basically complete spontaneous. I even carved out a career that's spontaneous too.

Everyone wants to be the next american idol, or football star, or rich to drive a ferrari and pick up babes none stop. Everyone feels they deserve something.

All you deserve, is the right to go after your goals in life. That's it.

Think of the cowboy 100 years ago riding the range. Do you think he pondered all this life purpose stuff? No, all he did was wake up, enjoy a good cup of coffee in the morning, and herd cattle. Happy as any free man could ask for. .

I'd recommend just taking life every day like that. Have goals, but goals you enjoy.

Enjoy the simple things in life. Don't follow the masses for the next greatest thing...because as you as you get it, it's going to be obsolete anyway.

Basically, slow down the pace of life, and just make it less complicated. Oh, and turn of the tv.

Hey, the purpose of life, is really just to enjoy it!

 

[squirrels]

THanks for all the replies.

Before we go any further, I know this sounds awful "emo"...let me explain a couple of the things that triggered this.

This weekend, my brother got married at this beautiful bayside marina. Watching the sun set on the bay with friends and family was one of the richest experiences of my life...it was so beautiful I just wanted to live there. I started looking at how much houses were in that area.

Now I make decent money for a "wage slave", but I don't make the kind of "bank" that you need to afford a house on the water like that...we're talking 700-800 grand for a SMALL place. So I came back to the same thought...how can I afford that?

I'm not the kind of person who seems to fabricate kick-arse business ideas. I've never come up with an idea that seems to be of enough value to earn me that house. That's where the whole "writing" thing comes in...I'm a thinker, as Pos pointed out...always have been. But I don't know how those ideas can earn me money, or if they're even good enough to earn me money, even put into writing.

So pure joy becomes despair...as if life is putting something in front of me just to remind me what I DON'T have.

The second incident was last night...I got bored sitting at home and decided to return to a place I used to go regularly on Wednesday nights 2 years or so ago. I had a plethora of success here picking up fun college-aged girls...hook-ups, dates, etc.

When I went back there last night, I was surprised to see the same kind of atmosphere...girls dancing, tons of energy. But I felt like I was "too old" to be there. Now that's an arguable opinion, given that I'm only 30, but I felt like I just couldn't relate...I felt like the "old creepy guy", and even though I honestly still feel deep down like I'm 23, if I start dancing and flirting with these young girls, I feel like they're saying, "who's the old dude? He's cool, but what is he doing here??" Little girls relate better to little boys than to men like me. It's like going back to your old high school and remembering everything, except it's not your own any more. It made me feel like some of the best times of my life had "passed me by".

I like to tell myself to take each day at a time, and that works somehow, just believing that eventually I'll get to where I need to be if I keep just doing what I love, but doing what I love is not getting me closer to my dreams, or even making me a better person at this point.

I bore quickly, too...it doesn't take long for the fascinating to become the mundane, and I quickly lose enthusiasm.

It IS depression. I almost got on SSRIs at one time, but I was worried about the side-effects/dependency issues that come with them. Most of all, I worried about the idea that medication was going to just make me not care about my problems...make me unable to think about them...instead of solving them. I can do that with common alcohol. I just would rather not.

I'm not so bad off...except when I run short on hope or inspiration. Then...I just don't want to be here. I don't want to be anywhere.

 

[iqqi]

squirrels, we are a lot alike.

But also very different.

I think you are just chickensh!t. You are afraid of failure so much so that you can't even be bothered to TRY to achieve anything.

You are too chickensh!t to live because what's the point you are going to die, and you are chickensh!t of that, too. You are too chickensh!t to make a grand achievement, because you are too chickensh!t you might fail. You are chickensh!t to try new things because what is the point not to mention it might be uncomfortable, and you are chickensh!t to do old things, because you are chickensh!t that you don't fit in anymore.

You might deny all of this as I am sure your superhuman thinking mind has already thought some of this but found great rebuffs and reasons and excuses, but that isn't even what is important.

What is important is that you stop trying to look at the bigger picture all of the time, stop putting so much thought into the results, the destination, the goal, the END, ect, and start noticing the smaller details. Enjoy the JOURNEY, and I know you've heard that before. But I can tell you are not COMPREHENDING the actual meaning.

We are GOING TO DIE, and we are no greater than ants.

So are you going to jump off of a cliff and die? Or are you going to parachute off a cliff, and fly? Just because you can, and hey, you happen to have about 60 years to bullsh!t around before you have to surrender the healthy body you currently inhabit?

You are going to have to use some self discipline to actually DO more with your life, and stop THINKING so much.

I know all of this because we are a lot alike.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

To answer the question, your life needs a purpose. There has to be a point in getting up every day, some project or goal that you are advancing.

Roger that. The problem with "goal setting" is that most peoples goals are really only about 20% their own, and 80% what they "think" they should be doing.

Give yourself a good couple of month to choose two or three really enticing goals that would "get you out of bed" as Bible_Belt mentioned.

Most people spend an hour or two at the absolute most, and their goals are complete crap of what they think they want. That's why most people can't achieve their goals. It's not that goal setting and achieving isn't a worthy proccess, it's that most people just suck at it.

Pick some really, really good ones, journal on it, write on it for a couple of months, and you'll be surprised how that will literally transform you.

You mentioned writing. Fukk it if nobody reads it or disagrees or challenges your originality.

Let society do what society will do. Take the "now" you feel when rockclimbing and stretch it out over the course of your life.

Release any need to "please" others or prove yourself "worthy" fukk that. You only need to be worthy to yourself.

Choose your life, your plan, your course, and go after it. Fukk everybody else. Use your disdain for humanity to your advantage. (I'm not too fond of most people myself, except, ironically, kids. They haven't learned to bullshyt themselves yet.)

Hang out with youngsters not for their mental skills but for their ability to get into the "now" without having to risk their lives.

Hang out with old fukks for their experience, and whatever wisdom they may be able to share.


Learn to extract from every situation what you require to further your goals. Know that your presence is enough to offer in exchange.

And now for a sappy, gay, emotard quote: (replace the word God as you wish, e.g. infinite intelligence, universal love, universal mack, whatever)

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other

people won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of
God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

—Marianne Williamson​

 

[CaptainJ]

I've skimmed what you said and I think it just all boils down to money. You want to be financially independent, maybe even a millionaire but you feel you do not have the business acumen to do so. You mention a lack of innovative business ideas, now I hate to burst your bubble, but it is very rare that a guy thinks of an amazing business idea then suddenly goes into production and is an instantly a millionaire.

There's a TV program called Dragon's Den, and just from watching the business ideas that get accepted and rejected by investors on it, I can conclude that the product is a very small part of the investment, they are investing in the person and their skills. I saw a guy come on with a sh1tey idea of having a teddy bear with an electronic media device inside it. The investors weren't too bothered with the product, but were more interested in the man, who demonstrated he was a good eloquent salesman, a focussed and driven man and a thinker. He was also ready to make his ideas become a reality.

Do you see what I'm getting at? You already have all the business acumen you need to start off, it's just you reprimand your "stupid" ideas and remain a dreamer rather than a man of action. You say you are a thinker? Good! That's better than 90% of most people, now translate those thoughts into actions and be in the top 5%. You've created success with girls, now translate that into the financial world. Don't keep saying you don't have the millionaire mindset, learn it! I'm betting you didn't start off as a natural with girls, you learnt it didn't you?

Now for the practical stuff. STR8UP wrote a brilliant guide on how to become financially independent, I suggest you take a look at it. But generally, you want to get your feet wet in the business world by investing in real estate and earning rent off properties, to build up your base capital which you can then use to create your business ideas or turn your writing into becoming widely published. Start simple, and keep simple, that's the iron law in business.

Stop drifting with the current in your financial life, start riding those waves! (lol cheesy)

 

[squirrels]

squirrels, we are a lot alike.

But also very different.

Iqqi, the difference between us is that you're a woman.

No one dares question a woman's self-worth, especially a pretty woman.

Let's say I decided to leave everything behind and go on some adventure, living out of the back of my van in a new city somewhere. A pretty girl like you, people would see as being free-spirited and adventurous and would go out of their way to help you "make it", even if you didn't know what you were trying to make it to. Me, as a man, I'd be looked at as insane. I would receive no help...I'd be expected to have a goal in mind and work my way toward that goal.

I've known women who live by the motto, "Leap and the net will appear". THe net often does appear for women...not even because men want to hook up with them, but because culturally they're taught to cut women slack and give to them. Men are left to hit the pavement.

I've never found anything in my life that I believe is worth chancing "hitting the pavement". It's partly that I'm "afraid", you're right. But it's also partly that I've never found a goal that makes facing that "fear" worth it.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.
[/I][/CENTER]

That's an interesting thought. Yet, I ask myself, "What light do I have to shine to the world?" And I draw a blank.

You speak of "goals". A "goal", to me, would have to be either something that I 1) enjoy doing or 2) dislike doing, but provides enough value to "God" or the universe that I would enjoy doing it for that reason alone...it would be worth it.

I can't think of a damned thing. I fail to see my own self-worth.

They say God does not make mistakes. I see myself as living proof of the fallacy of that notion. In my eyes, I am a mistake. I keep waiting for God to prove me wrong, to show me why I "deserve" the gift of life I am given.

You say you are a thinker? Good! That's better than 90% of most people, now translate those thoughts into actions and be in the top 5%.

That's just it...I can't see a way to translate those thoughts.

Take success with women, for example...it's a birthright. It's not "mine"...I have no claim on it. These people who write these "systems" for seducing women...they are scammers, taking advantage of people, taking their hard-earned money, then giving them 'secrets' that are common sense, that those people could find out on their OWN by just living a little and taking some chances.

I read some of my own sh!t I've posted on this forum...things people rate highly or call "gems". I take no title to that crap. It's something that every man has title to. I do not deserve to take that, call it my own, copyright it, and make money off of it...in doing so, I feel that I am SCAMMING others, as if I was selling them the air they breathe.

But generally, you want to get your feet wet in the business world by investing in real estate and earning rent off properties, to build up your base capital which you can then use to create your business ideas or turn your writing into becoming widely published.

I've read Kiyosaki. The days of flipping real estate are over since the mortgage market came crashing down, and the value of rental properties is not guaranteed. Plus, the idea of having to manage rental properties...yeesh.

For every Kiyosaki, there are a hundred people who either lost their shirt in real estate or are slaving every hour of their miserable lives and losing sleep trying to make it work for themselves. No risk no reward, you say? Perhaps, but Vegas has better odds and bigger payouts. That's the thing about "self-help gurus"...they like to act like because it was easy for them, it should be easy for you, and if it isn't, you either "don't want to be successful" or you're some kind of retard.

I tried doing the stock thing...read Jim Cramer's books, tried to follow stocks and companies and shareholder meetings...it's too much information for me to process, and evidently I don't have the mind for it. Best I can do is make a few investments in funds and trust the people who know how to run money. But that takes time.

I don't want to make millions of dollars in 20 or 30 years, when I'm too old to enjoy it. I know people who have made tons of money working the real-estate market and are now millionaires, but are too decrepit to do the things that they dreamed of doing when they first started down that millionaire road.

Besides, I don't think "money" alone will fix this.

 

[Da Realist]

First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do.

Epictetus

 

[Jitterbug]

Is there anything outside of your own miserable existence that you care more about than yourself?

 

[iqqi]

Iqqi, the difference between us is that you're a woman.

No one dares question a woman's self-worth, especially a pretty woman.

Let's say I decided to leave everything behind and go on some adventure, living out of the back of my van in a new city somewhere. A pretty girl like you, people would see as being free-spirited and adventurous and would go out of their way to help you "make it", even if you didn't know what you were trying to make it to. Me, as a man, I'd be looked at as insane. I would receive no help...I'd be expected to have a goal in mind and work my way toward that goal.

I've known women who live by the motto, "Leap and the net will appear". THe net often does appear for women...not even because men want to hook up with them, but because culturally they're taught to cut women slack and give to them. Men are left to hit the pavement.

I've never found anything in my life that I believe is worth chancing "hitting the pavement". It's partly that I'm "afraid", you're right. But it's also partly that I've never found a goal that makes facing that "fear" worth it.

Right. So instead of disagreeing, you hone in on me. Even though pretty much everything said here about me has little to do with YOU.

And every single thing your wrote was completely untrue.

Women don't question their self worth? Is that a joke? Most women think they are only worth what is between their legs. Most women think all they can hope to be is a pretty face. Most women think that if they don't marry a guy by such and such age, and have kids, that their lives are for nothing and they are a failure.

And you think the living in a van thing was romantic to people? Um no. Didn't you see all the **** I got on the forum from people? I never let anyone in real life know what was going on. Because of PERCEPTION. I didn't want to be judged, and that is what people do best. Regardless of your sex or appearance or anything for that matter.

 

[GettinLuckyAintLuck]

sounds to me like you're mind is already decaying......but to be honest I feel how you feel sometimes, you know what I do. I go to the gym and take out all my anger/frustration on the weights in there. The weights dont talk back, the weights are a constant piece of matter, there for self improvement, seriously man take up bodybuilding.....

Let me quote a great fictional character.

Red: "Get busy livin', or get busy dyin."

People are right about religion too, put god in your life. Never ever lose hope in yourself. There are men right now, caged like rats, and you bothered to write a fawken essay about how depressing life is? Think about what these guys would give to be free. YOU ARE FREE, CHOOSE LIFE, not SUICIDE. Stop whining and complaining and concentrating on the fawked up things in the world, and enjoy the good things. If you honestly can't find any goodness in life, then maybe you should really consider anti-depressant drugs.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Even though we share a lot of the same ideas, Squirrels, Iqqi made a great point. It's rough for everyone. Do you think your life would have been easier and more meaningful if you were a woman?