I'm busy studying integration and it's no fun, so here's a little field report:
Last Saturday two of my mates host a joint 18th, the theme being "Boats n' Hoes". Now this is like Deadliest Catch without the crabs; we won't go down cause my **** can float if you will. The venue is right down the road from my house and they have a good sized tab, ****ing awesome.
That morning we played Pretoria Boys at rugby (apoco and NDJ will understand this). We play really well, I tackle a ton of those bastards but ultimately we lose; I was pissed. I shower, drive home and prepare for the night's pillage. Since I'm not going to dress as a hoe, I have to wear something nautical themed. A "wetsuit" it is! Now by wetsuit I mean an actual formal suit coupled with armbands (floaties, water wings, whatever you want to call them). I'm so punny.
Skip forward a few hours and I'm getting (wet)suited up. SMS a friend, he's already there. It's early but there's a tab to be used so I head down there. I arrive and it's mostly guys. Chilled they're all my mates and we're here to start drinking. I hit the tab, I like free drinks.
Assorted women begin to arrive, more dudes too; nonetheless the ratio begins to even up. I'm still convinced there were more guys than girls, I don't really care.
So these females are not those that I'd wish to fornicate with, they look young and full of moral value. God bless their prudish souls. (I keep my eye on such girls, waiting until they have a boyfriend breakup with them etc and then I pounce. God loves sluts more anyways.) I continue drinking, they might be my only option. I proceed to get them drinking, I like drunk highschool *****es.
At this point my social value is pretty ****ing high: I have guys high-fiving me, girls running over to hug and greet me. Either I'm the messiah or it's the fact that every time I ***, I produce a quart. Whatever, I'm awesome
See a good female friend of mine, I'd never pull her but she's cool and her friends love me. Start talking to her, catching up etc. See some of her friends, they're not hookup quality but are cool enough. One them is the girl whose head I smashed into a glass door the last time I saw her. It was an accident, she was furious at the time though. However now we just laugh about it. I get bored of them and quickly dismiss myself with "I'm off too find a girl with less than good morals". They all laugh and I dissapear.
I walk outside, it's winter in Joburg so it's ****ing freezing. (All the Canadian guys will probably laugh at me, it's like your summer I'd reckon) I see this girl standing on a table next to one those gas heaters, with the outfit she's wearing I'm not suprised. I think to myself "There's a nice lady, I'd like to spank her". I approach, she quickly introduces herself. Let's call her HBsnow. She looks young but her tits are fantastic, she's not fat either. Turns out she's 19, I'm shocked. I bull**** here and there, bust on her for the school she goes to etc. It takes about 5 minutes from meeting her to openly grabbing her boobs, I like her boobs. I'm constantly escalating and making use of great sexual innuendo. I grab her hand, interlock fingers, I logically should be in. But no, some how she's come to the conclusion that she's going to be a challenge for me. She definitely wants to pull me but her stupid mindset stops her. I get bored of this fast, plus some dude is trying to ****block me hard. ****ing ****. I tell her I'll see her later.
I go back inside, I want shots. I love jagermeister, I don't know why. My mate and I hit a shot each, I'm buzzed already. I see a girl I met several weeks ago and have kept intermittent contact with. It's obvious she wants me so I grab her hand, lead her outside to a hidden bench and pull her. It's pretty average, stops me fingering her too. Doesn't even touch my flesh arrow. I get over it pretty quick because she's not that hot like a hb7 at best. But I'm actually drunker than I think I am so my judgement is clouded. We bounce, go back inside, grab a drink and start talking to other people. No drama therefore is awesome.
I go back to the bar, see another girl I know. I know her from polo. Due to the theme she's wearing a skintight swimming costume, one of the ones that covers your legs too. She's pretty hot, like an 8 because of her body. Her tits look great but in this outfit her ass is lackluster so obviously I tell her:
DanZy: You know I'm disappointed
Girl: What? Why??
DanZy: Your ass looks pretty damn average.
Girl: (She agrees, laughing the whole time, commenting how it's an old costume etc. Her friend is looking at me agast, she can't believe how forward I've just been)
DanZy: I see you half naked on a regular basis so I'm pretty much the voice of authority on this issue.
She agrees once again and her friend is no longer quite so suprised. I've never hooked up with this girl but I want to save it for later, so I eject.
I'm chilling with my mates at the bar, more shots, when I see a new girl that I'm yet to meet. I approach, she's American. I automatically think "sexual to-do list", I read too much Tucker Max. She's also 19 and in college, she's from Miami too. She's pretty hot so I obviously want to do her in the bottom while she drinks sangria. I start talking to her and her friend (also American).
Her: Why are you wearing floaties?
DanZy: This is my wetsuit!
She laughs at how brilliant my wordplay is. I make a sarcastic remark, she actually asks if it was sarcasm or not. Why don't you yanks get sarcasm? She comments on how my armbands aren't fully inflated, I tell her that my arms are just too huge. This leads to her feeling my muscles and commenting on my great body. She says she's going to blow them up. Now I have her and her friend blowing up an armband on each arm. HBusa (that's the main girl) is blowing up the one on my right and her friend is doing the same on the left. (I think they've got a photo of this, I want it) I begin to utilize sexual innuendo and proclaim to the bar:
"Have any of you ever been blown by two American girls at the same time?!" I'm awesome.
We have a drink, dance, kiss etc. Easy pull, will setup the lay soon.
I have to leave so I get her number and kiss her good night.
I get home eat like I've got crazy munches and go to sleep. I wake up with minimal hangover and great memories. I love my life.
(Please note that the way I wrote this was for self amusement. I'm not that egotistical)
