damn shy girls

[KillingTime]

ive been talking to this girl online for like two years, we've seen each other physically a few times but never really talked in person.... she was just some chick i talked to but after awhile, even though it was online, we started getting VERY close.

One day she finally told me she liked me on her own without me bringing it up, I still hadn't studied the DJ stuff that well so that kinda caught me off guard. I told her I felt the same (i don't know if that was the right move or not, but she said it first so i was like what the hell) a few days after she changes her mind and she says she has really strong feelings for me but shes not ready for a relationship..... it kinda goes on like that for a few months, I ask her several times if she wants to hang out (maybe she thinks im asking her to be my g/f??? i hope she doesnt think that!) but she seems REALLY scared of the possible awkwardness and i think she got the idea that i wanted a relationship.

i stopped talking to her for like a week but then we started talking again. That was a stupid move, but if she honestly IS scared/shy (kinda undestandable after talking online two years) then I didn't want to give up so easily, if on the other hand she just isn't interested I no doubt should next her.

I really have no clue what to make of this though, never really been in this kind of situation. She IM's me way more than I IM her, im constantly talking really sexual/****y with her and not showing much of an AFC attitude in our conversations... but I wanna hang out with her, I know for a fact that she really is pretty shy, shes never been kissed at 17, shes not the typical party girl.... but how can I put her at ease about going out with me? And more importantly, does it sound like she's playing me or honeslty scared?

 

[Grey Fox]

Does the word tease come to mind? Honestly how shy can she really be if one day out of the blue she confesses her feelings to you about liking you. She has you in this yo yo going back in forth between talking to you and filling your head with ideas about going out, and then backing of and not talking to you.
But you want to be absolutely sure that she is either interested or just playing you here are two things you can say and you better mean them.

"Hey your cool as a friend, but that is all I can ever see you as, so lets just be friends."

Then follow it up with:

"Its nothing against you, I just prefer confident women who can make up their mind, those are the women I date. You'd make decent friend material though."

If she is really interested she will not allow her shyness to mess things up and you will force her to give a straight answer for once. If she is playing you, then you just stuck her little game back in her face.

-Grey Fox

 

[Don Rageta]

Are you the Brother from 'Napoleon Dinamite'?

 

[Caveman]

Originally posted by Grey Fox
Honestly how shy can she really be if one day out of the blue she confesses her feelings to you about liking you.

Honestly, Grey Fox, I usually agree with you but I must say from experience how shy girls can confess how they are interested or in even are in love with you. Especially if it is via email, txt or whatever. It is what happens after that, that's the confusing part. When they meet you after the confession, they act all weird and pretend to not even like you at all. That's when their shyness comes out again.

Killing time: To be honest I am not a 100% sure if this'll work but you could try and tell her that you are not interested in a relationship. Give her the LJBF speach so she won't feel that huge pressure if she does meet up with you. She'll feel more comfortable and more willing to meet so you can work your magic in realtime.

Besides that, she might think: WHY doesn't he want a relationship with me? He told me he liked me? Doesn't he think I am pretty enough? Has he met someone else? How can I get him to get a relationship with me??? Before you know it, she'll be on a board asking her fellow girls what to do.

 

[KillingTime]

Thanks, you both have made a good point and im definately going to give it a shot, what have I got to lose anyways? She's only another girl.
One thing I know is that shes incredibly strong and smart... im talking like hardcore smart so that's the one thing that always did worry me, if I act like I don't want her I get the feeling she might just be strong enough to be cool with it lol.... lets hope that doesn't happen though, but I guess no matter how strong/smart a girl is she's no match for good "game" strategy.

 

[KillingTime]

alright well here's the plan, maybe you guys with more experience can look over it and see if anything should be changed:

- It's risky, but Im going to LJBF her (shes basically done it to me already so might aswell just turn the tables around). Im going to ask her to hang out one more time, from past experiences shes going to give me the "i like you but im not ready for a relationship" line or something similar. I'm going to reply with "well what makes you think I would want a relationship with YOU?" or something like that and tell her I just want to go out and have a good time with her, no relationship pressure.

- If she still says no, that's it... she's history. If I do get the date, im going to keep up the "i'm not ready for a relationship" deal but im going to kick the flirting up a notch and use a lot of KINO to get her IL up hopefully, like I said i'm just using the LJBF to turn the tables around, don't want her to believe it 100% so hopefully all the flirting will confuse her a bit. Keeping in mind this is basically the first time we are meeting, but we've flirted online tons already so it shouldn't be a big deal.

So there ya have it, i'm really new to this so if anyone wants to add in some tips or whatever that's cool. One last thing, should I mention another girl and put HER in the afc role? It would add even more risk but im not sure if it would work or not, basically just act like ive been seeing this other girl and things are going kind of bad, but I don't want to lose her...... but at the same time keeping up the flirting with her. Im not sure if thats a good move or just stupid, when I was an AFC and a girl I "loved" whined to me about other guys it drove me crazy but I don't know if that works with girls too.

 

[Caveman]

If i were you i wouldn't say you are with a girl and things aren't going good. It might be better to casually mention there's this hot girl that you might wanna get with. Don't talk too much about it though. You also might wanna drop hints about other girls chasing after you but be careful about this because you wouldn't wanna brag..

Other than that, I'd say go for it. And do let us know how things are working out for ya. Anyone could learn from your experience.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by KillingTime
ive been talking to this girl online for like two years, we've seen each other physically a few times but never really talked in person.... she was just some chick i talked to but after awhile, even though it was online, we started getting VERY close.

D@mn, this is what gives meeting women online such a bad rap. TWO YEARS??!!! Dude, all you have is an online friendship. It will probably never get any better than what it is right now!

Yes, there is a chance (a very small one) that it may work out if it transcends into a face to face relationship. Being realistic, she sounds like the type of person who wouldn't want to change things in fear of it possibly not working. Trust me, if she wanted something more, it would have happened at least 20 months ago.

Another thing is that if it does transcend into a face to face relationship, you will more than likely need to start from square one. Don't expect to start dating just because you meet face to face. You guys hardly know one another and she will probably be extremely nervous and afraid when she does meet you.

Look, I'm all for meeting people online but the longest I've ever waited to meet anyone was two weeks and that was just because she was going on vacation a couple of days after we met online. In your case, you never progressed it to a face to face meeting, don't do that again! Or at least don't complain about women like her when you decide to wait patiently for years at a time!

 

[KillingTime]

I know 2 years is a long time but I really never imagines things would end up like this, for more than a year she was just some chick i talked too (actually a friend of a friend, thats how i "met" her). But somehow we started getting closer and closer until she told me she had feelings for me. And i'm not looking to get into a relationship despite the fact that I do have a crush on her, I actually really do just want to hang out with her so I can get to know her in real life, then i'll decide if I really want a relationship.