Damn, i messed something good up! (Serious)

[KillingTime]

This is long but I faced a pretty big issue today and need someone to talk to. History: i was in a very good LTR, did everything right, things were perfect and because of MY fault it's really in a bad situation now.

See I had an issue with anxiety attacks which started creeping up, too "macho" to admit it I just started canceling on her constantly, making excuses as to why I couldn't go out etc. ... this started to mess things up horribly. She started becoming more and more paranoid/jealous and it just caused so many problems.

We ended it a while back. I can't say the attraction was totally gone on her part because she did call me several times after the breakup being very flirty and talking really dirty etc. Ive known her for years and she's never called a b/f back after a breakup. I stupidly told her we should stop in a really lame attempt at making her jealous though, I didn't think she'd be strong enough to agree but she said ok.

She called me again today after she left me a voicemail over the weekend and I never called back... I ended up telling her what was going on with me the whole time. I HATED it, i HATE admitting weakness, here I am trying to be all suave with her to win her back and i have to humble myself to admit my problem... but you know, a part of me feels like I had to let it out, I'm having an issue with anxiety attacks and i'm working on it... that's me! I hate admitting it but that's who I am. I mean even if I did win her back, this is still an issue, she'd have to know that I have anxiety attacks ... maybe now wasn't the right time to admit it, I don't know I was just sick of holding it in.

She was ok with it but, expectedly, not much of a response either positive or negative... she was very kind and told me it was ok. That's not where I want to be, i don't need someone being kind to me, i want the dirty talk from 2 weeks ago or so.
Do I have a chance of salvaging this? The past few weeks she showed major signs of attraction with all the flirting and a few attempts at making me jealous etc., I feel I killed my momentum with admitting my problem though..... any chance of swinging this back in my favor?
When she called today, before I gave my little speech, we were just chatting... I tried to end the conversation few times and she kept asking me not to go.... I feel there's a tiny little part of her that's still attached, I just don't know how to work with it. After admitting I have a psychological problem, how do i possibly go back to seducing??

 

[j0n024]

Hmm First off I gotta say good luck with your problem, I too have a pretty bad issues about showing weakness to people since what I've done in the past. I think there would still be some lingering feelings, I dont think a LTR relationship feelings go away all the time and maybe since you told her she understood why you kept canceling in the first place, maybe instead of beating around the bush take charge tell her she should go with you somewhere movies, bowling, anything and start all over again. You dont have to beleive me since I've never been in a situation like this but you've been here before you know about AFC behavior and DJ behavior and DJ behavior says to take charge not stand back and act like a friend.Because you care about this girl I would think you would try something before some other guy comes along and she forgets about you, but whatever you do good luck.

 

[Tenzen]

ya i agree what j0n024 is saying. Take her out somewhere. Show her a good time, joke about your problems, don't act all depressed about them. She may even want you more now that you've shown some vulnerability. I think thats what alot of guys screw up on. Once in a great while its good to show some weakness.

 

[KillingTime]

Thanks a lot guys, I appreciate the support.
I am going to therapy, that's really the number one priority right now. she is important to me also, but my health is number one.

we've been apart for about three months and she is already dating someone else, though they aren't in a relationship or anything. It worries me and it doesn't, I think if she was really attracted to this other guy she wouldn't be calling me flirting etc..... nonetheless I do see I need to act fast, as there are other sharks out there.

UPDATE:
strangely enough she called after i made this thread, she was feeling really sick and asked if she could be on the phone with me. i said sure why not, i completely dropped the 'anxiety' deal though and was back to my usual flirty/****y self, making her laugh etc. Now, after a while the guy she is dating started calling her on the other line, she told me "i have to go, he's calling".... i just casually told her "oh c'mon, you don't have to go, I'm more important".... she gave me a little resistance but oddly enough she actually obeyed me, this happened two more times and I just told her "forget about him for now, your talkin to me".... she kept agreeing and actually stayed with me for about an extra thirty-forty minutes and just kept ignoring his calls.
finally she said 'i have to go, i'll never hear the end of it if i don't answer"... I was getting kinda tired so i let her go but, in a ****y tone, said "well ok, but you know you don't want to get off with me..." ..... she paused for a bit and stumbled over her words then just said "i have to go, i'll call you tomorrow".

I don't know what to make of that... I was very sexual with her and she laughed at everything, didn't seem offended. This other guy IS in the picture, no doubt about it. Nonetheless I got her to ignore him for a pretty long time, and frankly she didn't sound all that excited about talking to him, she pretty much just said she had to answer b/c otherwise she wouldn't hear the end of it.
I'm not really sure what I'm getting into, but I'm just going to be bold and keep going for it, guy or no guy in the picture, I'm just going to keep being my ****y/funny/flirty self around her and see if she cracks. I'm thinking i'm not going to hint at a relationship or anything, I think if i turn the charm up enough and she's attracted, she'll naturally pull more towards me and away from him.

As far as her being on the phone with him now.... well, I'm HOPING that I had enough of an effect on her while I was flirting etc. that she's now thinking about ME and about how boring this other guy is. Hopefully the cognitive dissonance will come into play, she pretty much ignored him for almost an hour to talk to ME, that's gotta play in her mind somehow.

 

[j0n024]

Hmm that's pretty good but I wish people would start putting time frames on there posts, I mean I thought this barely happened now you say it's been a couple of monthes,lol you see where I'm getting at? If she actually listened to you for that much time before having to let go I still think you got a chance, I mean that's her current BF and she stayed talking to you for how long!? I would stop acting dumb if I was you she cleary has feelings for you still and you should act on it before it's too late and she thinks your just a "Friend" now. Good Luck.