Dammit, I think I got the "are we exclusive" question

[Desdinova]

I've been seeing this girl for a little less than a month. We're in bed last night and she asks me "So, are we a WE?" I answer with "Well, neither of us are made by Nintendo." She laughed, but re-asked the question. All I told her is "Well, I'm not going anywhere" and she seemed happy with that answer. However I think she got the wrong message from it.

5hit. I hate this. I'm nowhere near ready for an actual level of commitment with this chick. Less than a month is WAY too soon for me to decide that. So now I gotta clarify our whole situation before she goes out of her way to tell everyone we're bf & gf. She's nice and all, but she still doesn't even know I'm attending dance lessons with a lesbian friend.

Why the fvck do they ask that while in bed and with such vague words?

And I still have a date in two weeks with someone else which I don't plan on canceling.

 

[squirrels]

How's your pillow-talk/cuddle-time in general? Once you f**k her, are you still affectionate, or are you ready to "get up and get on with life"?

The "what are we" question after sex usually indicates that she feels awkward about having hooked up with you and is trying to justify it by saying, "Well, he's my boyfriend!"

Insecurity is a trait of all women...some more than others.

I dunno how I'd respond to the question. I'd be careful, though, about "just telling her what she wants to hear", unless you don't mind the fallout later.

 

[DropZone3]

Why the fvck do they ask that while in bed and with such vague words?

Perhaps she just felt a little emotional after a good time.

Since you are going to be busy with your other dates and life, you may not have much time to see her, and she might get the message that there is no "we" just yet.

 

[Colossus]

Des-

I had this happen to me not too long ago. I'd been banging this girl for about a month. I actually brought it up in a very general way after sex one night. I was NOT interested in a relationship with her, but I did want to sort of feel her out and plan my next move. She ended up asking me 'how I thought of us', and being in a pinch, I gave her a pretty vague answer and she took that as we were exclusive with each other. She started blowing up my phone with texts over the next few days, asking me to take her to concerts, giving me Christmas ideas, etc. So, realizing what I had done, there was nothing to do but suck it up and drop the bad news on her.
Long story short, it was not a pleasant conversation. I went over to her house one last time, we ended up having sex, and I actually couldnt finish because I just felt guilty about the whole deal. It was awkward, I felt terrible, and I'm sure she felt kinda used.

Girls wouldn't ask us this stuff if they were feeling secure about things. And women know how to catch us at weak moments. Problem is, guys hate to give up a good lay, so we'll usually make up some nebulous BS on the spot to buy some time---because if we were direct about our intention to keep checking other girls it would likely send her INsecurity through the roof and that would be it.

I'd say definitely keep your other dates, but keep acting as if you are not a couple. If she doesn't get the message, then you'll have to have a good ol' sit down with her and clear the air.

 

[Boilermaker]

Perhaps she just felt a little emotional after a good time.

Since you are going to be busy with your other dates and life, you may not have much time to see her, and she might get the message that there is no "we" just yet.

^^

This.

What difference does it make what you tell her? .. Master the modus operandi of women..!

ACTIONS.

You can tell her all she wants, but if you DON'T act exclusive , that is the message.

And since women themselves are like this, they will rarely call you out on your "lies"..

I'd prefer not to lie, but sometimes it's just impossible (like while cuddling after sex) to resist the temptation.

Don't worry about what you told her. Get on with your life. It's more dangerous to BELIEVE in that bullsh!t

 

[L B]

Is this your practice girl? Yeah clarify with her before she goes crazy with the relationship talk.

 

[runner83]

^^

This.

What difference does it make what you tell her? .. Master the modus operandi of women..!

ACTIONS.

You can tell her all she wants, but if you DON'T act exclusive , that is the message.

And since women themselves are like this, they will rarely call you out on your "lies"..

I'd prefer not to lie, but sometimes it's just impossible (like while cuddling after sex) to resist the temptation.

Don't worry about what you told her. Get on with your life. It's more dangerous to BELIEVE in that bullsh!t

^ ^ This.

And she didn't specifically ask to be exclusive, so you are in the clear.

Don't start seeing her more than 1 or (max) 2 times a week (because you are such a busy guy after all) and she'll get the message.

 

[Falcon25]

Let her think what she thinks, tell her "sure baby, I'm all yours.". Havent you noticed what's going on man? When you have a girlfriend, other girls magically like you. You can use her to get more. Our society is backwards. Time you get caught up.

 

[azanon]

It also could mean this relationship is nearing its end, so that's why this sort of thing sucks. Face it, some women simply can't accept being regularly physically intimate with you if they were to discover that you are dating other women. This is especially true in the conservative area of the U.S. that I live in. Unless you're looking for marriage, accept that fact and spin plates just the same. Hopefully, by the time you lose her, there are already 2 other plates (or more) spinning nicely.

 

[Desdinova]

So I ended up having a chat with her. I told her that it was way too early for me to want the 'exclusive' status. She then asked if I was dating / fvcking anyone else which I responded in the negative. Technically, it's correct since I ditched the last chick I was fvcking and haven't had a first date with the other one yet. She's content with it all at the moment. I didn't want her thinking we were exclusive for a long time before telling her we weren't.

She's actually decent potential for an exclusive relationship. No red flags as of yet, no kids, caring, affectionate, and she's a decent lay. But still, under a month is too little for me to decide.

 

[KarmaSutra]

Brother Des,

You're still not setting a proper boundary for her. She still "hopes" to have you as her one-and-only.

If leading her on to fantasize about an exclusive future with you, it's a dangerous path to tread man.

I'm currently involved with three women.

1. A 25 year old single Mother (She didn't mention having a 5 year old for two weeks). This is completely against one of my tenets. NO SINGLE MOTHERS However, there is a an addendum I've added which states: "I will hold no responsibility to single Mother's plight or happenstance in the event she tries to pin me to exclusivity".

The sex is phenomenal. True, she never said anything about it, and her deceit isn't forgivable. She has no expectation except the exceptional anal sex she recieves from me. When I fit her into my schedule.

2. Is 42 years old, with the best boob job I've ever played with (44DD). Sexually ravenous and bold, she doesn't want anything long term. Which suits me just fine. Daddy's Submissive slvt.

3. 29. A year out of a relationship. I met her at Starbucks. She has the potential to be a long-term time investment. Smart, beautiful body, sarcastic, well read, excellent employment history (she's already at the top of her Department), and she adores bald B!tch's Bastard.

They all know about each other. None of them have any room in their imagination that " 'til death do us part.", will ever become a reality (#3 is one I'm keeping a close eye on).

My point to this Des, is you have to let them know exactly what your future is. Despite their inner voice squawking in her ear about building a future with you, her brain will know that it's an impossibility. She'll make her decision, just as you've made yours.

Do it Brother. Do it now before her friggin' heart gets all googly eyed on the old boy.

 

[zekko]

You're still not setting a proper boundary for her. She still "hopes" to have you as her one-and-only.

I'm not sure why this is such a horrible thing. If you're an attractive high value guy, it seems like this should be a natural consequence. Of course women will aspire to lock you down. I see it as a compliment. If a woman didn't want to have a relationship with you, then either she is still sowing her own wild oats or doesn't find you that impressive.

Des is doing the right thing by leaving relationship thoughts to the girls, while he retains the control. The whole one month is too early to think about being exclusive explanation sounds completely reasonable.

 

[KarmaSutra]

It's not inherently a bad thing.

But, she falls deeper into expectation, which leads to attachment. Especially an unattainable attachment.

Is it her fault that she's left to drift and dream of a life lived, " 'til death do us part."?

If playing chicks against themselves, or their own vanity, is your "Game"; it's a dangerous path. And truthfully, not all that fun to play.

Des is far too smart to play chicks this way. My opinion is to be as forward with them as they deserve. If she's worth a stretch, fill her head with daisies and lollipops.

If she's merely some broad to put her forearm on your neck in the morning, broom her off after she takes the load.

 

[Desdinova]

If she's merely some broad to put her forearm on your neck in the morning, broom her off after she takes the load.

I can't fvck a chick I have no interest in. There's just no way I can get it up if she's not fun, interesting, and at least somewhat physically attractive. This one chick may be worth keeping around, but I need more time to pass before I know if I want that. Until then, I'm keeping my options open.

 

[KarmaSutra]

I can't fvck a chick I have no interest in.

I'm the same way Brother.

She has to have something special to bring to my LoveSac, before she gets a ride from the Karmic Express.

Fvcking for fvcking's sake is masturbation in a vagina.

Completely uninterested.

My point is to not let her drift off to dream of visions with you in a tuxedo, as her Father walks her towards you.

 

[StevieD]

I'm the same way Brother.

She has to have something special to bring to my LoveSac, before she gets a ride from the Karmic Express.

Fvcking for fvcking's sake is masturbation in a vagina.

Completely uninterested.

My point is to not let her drift off to dream of visions with you in a tuxedo, as her Father walks her towards you.

How would Rocco Siffredi handle this situation?

 

[BBbardot]

I've been seeing this girl for a little less than a month. We're in bed last night and she asks me "So, are we a WE?" I answer with "Well, neither of us are made by Nintendo." She laughed, but re-asked the question. All I told her is "Well, I'm not going anywhere" and she seemed happy with that answer. However I think she got the wrong message from it.

5hit. I hate this. I'm nowhere near ready for an actual level of commitment with this chick. Less than a month is WAY too soon for me to decide that. So now I gotta clarify our whole situation before she goes out of her way to tell everyone we're bf & gf. She's nice and all, but she still doesn't even know I'm attending dance lessons with a lesbian friend.

Why the fvck do they ask that while in bed and with such vague words?

And I still have a date in two weeks with someone else which I don't plan on canceling.

desdicheri,

what did you mean to say exactly by "i'm going anywhere" if not "I'm staying with you for ever" ^_^
it's so funny. You actually meant to say " i'm not ready for commitment but what came out of your mouth is "I'm not going anywhere" boys are so cute ^_^
well i don't want to defend her here but the confusion is not all her fault haha ^_-

well get on the subject again. Tell her, the truth, I mean if she wants commitment then there is no point waisting each other's time, tell her that you're not quite ready to be a we, that you like her and want to see her but that's all you know for now, if she might even accept it as an answer and keep seeing you.

my bf told me the same at the begining, ( plus we weren't in the same country so getting in a relationship is even more of a commitment) but after a like 5 months and a couple of girls he scored, he realised he didn't want to score other girls anymore, that he wanted me. And even then he didn't tell me the "let's be in a relationship" thing, he waited some more, to be sure. Then i went to miami for 3 months this summer and he considered it as the ultimate test for himself to see if it was solid on his part and if he could go through it wihtout scoring other girls. Well he passed easy and that's only afterthat that we got in a relationship. He told me only recently he loved me, even though he told me he knew since the very beginging but since he is a cautious mother****er and that he never told that to anyone, he figured he would wait, try and see if the other option ( being single) had his preference you remind me of him here.
the good side in guys like that ( which is pretty rare) is that they are very honest and when they commit, god they commit. My bf is like, seeing veerrrrry long term with me now.
well this might not be a good example considering is like real love and that it's pretty rare. I'm not expecting any normally consituted 23yo irish/american guy getting in a relationship with a 18 yo french girl in any other context than the love context^_^. No my point was, being honest worked for us. So if this girl can potentially become your gf, being honest with her now is the only way to not be in a relationship, yet keep it healthy and pretty. Cause if you lie and make obmissions to her now, it will be like a corpse in your trunk if you get long term with her...

 

[KarmaSutra]

How would Rocco Siffredi handle this situation?

He'd put her head in a toilet. Then, just before he blew his load in her guts, he'd flush it.

A hero for sure. :yes:

 

[PokerStar]

this one chick tried to pull a fast one on me. It was new years day and we were lying in bed.

"Your friends thought that we are dating" she said.

"That's good for them" I whispered back to her.

No more talk about a relationship after that. The funny part is, she stopped seeing me after that. Didnt want to hang out, didnt return my calls or bang again.

Oh well.

 

[Lilac]

!!!

Wow this site is an eye opener. The men on this thread really let the side down for men. Why is honesty not an option. Maybe one day you'll meet a woman you do want to be with long term. With any luck she will just see you as a f**k - and, with the attitude you have towards women - no doubt a bad f**k at that. Lads grow a pair, be men and have a bit more respect for women. One of them gave birth to you after all.