>>>**damage Control**<<<

[Handcuffs]

What the hell did I just read? U "dated" a woman for 2 to 3 months and u never had sex with her? wow.

I never stated I 'dated' her for 2 to 3 months. We've been hanging out keeping things in the casual zone. One day, or shall I say night, something happened to her where she started calling me every single day, and that's when things started to escalate between us.

Some girls just don't put out in one night. It's 'usually' the wifey material ones that keep their goods locked up like that. I'm fine with that, as when I open up that lock, it makes it THAT much SWEETER.

 

[Handcuffs]

Do a search for 'cluster b' or BPD here. its a good read. I dont think your woman fits the BPD profile, (luckily for you!!!!!) but she may or may not be one of the other ones.

Search 'cluster b discussion thread,' 'marrying a bpd', and 'how to get rid of a bpd.' Warning, you might never see women the same again after reading those, but it may literally save your life.

Haha...I did a quick read, and DAMN..that's some real deep stuff. I'll have to look more in depth about that, so far, it makes PERFECT sense.

 

[Jitterbug]

Hey Jitter, what are you thinking dating 3 WOMEN from the "caring professions" ? And I recall that you recently dated a few random school teachers ? Don't you learn, little nephew ? He he ...

Yeah I learned my lesson now. Or so I've thought... In the last few months, the line up consists of dance teachers, massage therapists and science students. I guess there's still some "caring" in there...

I found myself on occasions asking a girl I'm gaming "are you a teacher by any chance?" just to humour my own fears.

Be VERY careful with that mentality. It often depends on her perception of you and when you catch her.

I know a lot of women that will put out for a man they just met at the bar because he was hot and she was horny.

That same woman will make the next guy (who she considers "marriage material") wait three dates or so, so as not to appear like a slut.

Yes, being the right "hot" guy at the right timing will get that girl in bed pronto. Danger is right, you gotta kill that mentality. I used to think the same, but my own experiences proved it wrong. The first time it was this girl that I banged on the first date, who kept asking me for assurance that she isn't a slvt. We dated for a couple of months & had lots of marathon sex. I happen to know the two guys she dated after me (we lost touch afterwards) and those dudes were blueballed for a couple of months. After talking to me, they got rid of her.

 

[jophil28]

So I'm a transitional guy, yes...now, if you'd be kind enough to share the info about using it to my advantage, that'd be all sorts of awesome!!!

Thankss Man!!!!

PS
What does BBD stand for?

OK, Mr Transitional.

Try to get your head around this.
There are only three options available to you.
1. Walk away = drop her, cut her off, kick her loose and lose her number.
2. Remain her emotional toy and live with those blue balls.
3. Take charge of this connection and perhaps turn it into one for your advantage- not hers.

These "rebound" deals are always tilted in her favor. There is never balance and mutual satisfation in a Cat 1 deal. This is merely her trying to milk you for all the attention and ego gratification she can get without paying for the milk.

Think about this- the whole connection you have with her is predicated on her knowing that you want to fukk her. Yes, she knows! Your sexual desire is PIVOTAL.
So what would happen if you withdrew it (or made her believe that you no longer wanted to have sex with her?)
Usually I would suggest that a guy in your position just cut your losses and drop her.
However for those with the stones, and the persistence and a compulsive desire to do the woman, there is another alternative and that is to pre-emptively LJBF her.
You declare "friends only" long before she does it to you( and the FZ is where you are headed anyways)
Wait for a calm moment when you are with her and say this, "You know, I have been thinking lately and I think that you and I could be really close friends. Good friends with no other expectations- yeh, nice. "

Shut up and watch her reaction-and let her digest what you are really saying to her.

IF she even half believes that you are withdrawing your desire, she also realizes that you are likely to also withdraw your ATTENTION. And your attention is what she wants most of all.
So now she is in a dilemma. Does she just accept this new arrangement (while thinking that you have met someone else) or does she work hard at getting you back into her fan club......?

So now she has to rebuild or regain what she has lost from you AND compete with another unnamed mystery woman.
Why wouldn't she just cut you loose? Because women hate losing male attention .They work at getting it and they resent NOT getting it from someone who was a "supplier".
Also, if she thinks that there is another woman, and she values your attention, she will walk over broken glass to compete for you. After all her ego's appetite is at stake here.

So what can she do to create the greatest chance of getting you back under her control?
Yes, you guessed it !

BTW, there are no guarantees in this game- but what do you have to lose?
Remember that she will ASSUME that your desire and attention has been transferred to another woman, you do NOT have to openly say so. The best tactic is to be vague in submitting to her interrogation while HINTING that she has been bested by another woman..

(BBD stands for Bigger Better Deal. Women believe in "the one" - their soulmate. However after their LTR or their marriage breaks down, they eventually seek another soulmate because "the one" to whom they were married was not really "the real one". It was all just a mistake apparently.)

 

[Warrior74]

Be VERY careful with that mentality. It often depends on her perception of you and when you catch her.

I know a lot of women that will put out for a man they just met at the bar because he was hot and she was horny.

That same woman will make the next guy (who she considers "marriage material") wait three dates or so, so as not to appear like a slut.

Ain't that the truth. I've seen it from both sides of the coin.

I dated this one chick recently, she tried to tell me verbally that she was a good girl, she didn't drink much, doesn't like drama and doesn't believe in sex until six months into the relationship.

Needless to say we went out, she drank two pitchers of beers by herself (I'm a whiskey drinker and I had two), told me how she was wild in college and had flings with a bunch of fratboys and was a wild party girl (3 years ago), almost got in a fight with some other girls, cursed like a sailor on shore leave and then ended up at my place giving me a ******* and stopping halfway thru saying oh...we have to wait six months. Needless to say, we didn't work out in the long run. lol.

 

[Handcuffs]

Amazing. The dynamics of this situation just turned from interesting, to REAL INTERESTING.

JoPhil...it's one hell of a coincidence that you had brought up the LJBF scenario, as I ALREADY did that (That explains A LOT). No strategizing or gaming involved, it just happened. It went a little something like this:

About a month ago, we had a conversation and I had asked her if she was 'in the market'. She replied, "If you're looking for romance Handcuffs, I can't give that to you." I then smile and reply, "Awesome. I'm actually on the same boat with you. I'm not into that whole romance deal anyways. =D" Keep in mind, that was the truth..I love/enjoy my freedom being single, AND, I'm actually going through a transitional phase in my life as well as my little brother had passed away just a little over 6 months ago. I have PLENTY soul~searching, self~growth, self~realization and healing to do ON MY OWN. A commitment is probably the LAST THING on my mind.

Back on topic...
After communicating to her I'm not interested in romance neither, I said in a very playful but truthful manner, "Well there goes your potential. THAT potential is out the door." That basically caught her off guard, and she took it as insult, but I created some humor to ease the tension. She asked me to elaborate, and I said,"Every new girl that comes into my life has that 'potential'. With you telling me youre not one to romance, all that 'potential' goes out the door. Nothing personal, we're still good. We can be good friends. "

The following day, we end up catching a flick and I keep it SUPER casual, real friendly, real 'whatevers'. I basically treated her like one of my dude friends. THIS was the turning point of our relationship. Since I LJBF'd her ass, and followed up on it the following day with my actions....she just went absolutely NUTS. lol

We went from talking once, maybe twice a week...to where she would call/text EVERYDAY. I thought it was a little bizarre, but no complaints on my end as I've got a HB10 UP ON IT.

That's where it all began......soon after I kiss closed and got into that blue-ball situation I mentioned in my original post.

Okay, here's the **UPDATE**

It was my intention to chill and have her contact ME first, but that all changed. Check it....

Last night, I ran into something that her and I joke around about constantly. It's just one of them inside jokes (We've built a pretty strong rapport), so it wouldn't make sense elaborating, you fellas wouldn't get it. I text her and mention to her what just happened, and she replies back promptly with a BURST of LAUGHTER. A few texts of more laughter, and I leave her be AFTER the last text...FROM HER.

On the way home (Couple hours later) from watching the Lakers game at a buddy's place, I decide to 'CALL' her to reply to her text. Yes, I'm breaking all sorts of rules..but I love taking risks and experimenting. I understand I have NOTHING to lose, NOTHING whatsoever. Who cares. I clearly, by a longshot, am the PRIZE here. NOT HER.......ME. I always approach women in that manner. The chances of me getting upset or hurt are cut down to the bare minimum...up until she pulls a blueball routine..which is what she executed on me. OUCH. :\



So I get a hold of her and during our conversation, I managed to shift things back to MY FAVOR.

Small talk, a few jokes...and somehow, someway I steer the conversation towards what happened 'that one night'. I forget the exact dialogue, so let me try my best to communicate what happened...

*Me: You know you enjoyed being in bed with me...

*Her: Yeah..but it was a little TOO MUCH for me.
(hahah..my gut feeling tells me she's on that hard-to-get b*tch mode again, and I find it hilarious and I'm going to plow through her BS...THAT I did)

*Me: A little too much? Nothing even happened besides some innocent cuddling and a few kiss attempts on my end...that's not too much at all. It's all fun. That's my sexuality, and if you think I'm going to apologize youre crazy. And if you don't like it, say so.....OH speaking of which, kissing....HOW'D YOU LIKE OUR KISS THE OTHER NIGHT?? If you tell me you didn't like it/enjoy it, YOU'RE LYING.

*Her: Yes, I liked it.......(I INTERRUPT)

*Me: See, so what's the problem with you & I kissing? Why run away from something that feels good? Are you telling me you don't enjoy the finer things in life??

*Her: I just don't want to change anything we've got going..I like how 'we' are. (I'm thinking...Category 1 chick...it's only been 10 months since she's separated..she's NOT READY)

*Me: Youre crazy. NOTHING'S changed....you see our vibe right now? You like it right? (Her: YES).....There you go, NOTHING'S CHANGED.

*Her: YOU'RE REALLLY GOOD AT THIS HANDCUFFS. **Pause**

Here's where I come vicious like a catapult shooting a fireball the size of Jupiter..

*Me: Lol. Okay, well if you think kissing and intimacy is something that'll change things..I'm going to put you back in the FRIEND ZONE. We're still cool though. =D



*Her: Ummm..um..hold on one sec...................................

*Me: Hello? Are you still there???

*Her: Oh yes..I'm sorry, my sister was asking me something....(ME: YEAHHH RIGHT! hahaha)

*Me: Ahh, I see. Well, yes, like I said we're still cool. I may be hosting a Monday Night Football gathering, and you're invited.

*Her: Oh okay...I'll see.

(Her tone of voice is on that "WTF just happened here")

*Me: Alrite, I'm going to get some sleep...I guess I'll see you tomorrow night.

*Her: Wow, look at you..youre so sure I'm coming over already huh.

*Me: I know you want to chill with me..unless you tell me otherwise. (She doesn't tell me otherwise....lol)

*Her: Okay, I'll call you tomorrow and we'll see what's up. You're something else Handcuffs.

*Me: Cool. Good night.

*Her: Good night............'in "I don't want to hang up yet kind of way".




I wish I had the correct dialogue..but that's pretty accurate for the most part.

We'll see what happens from here on out. She now knows I'll LJBF @ any given moment and walk away from ANYTHING we have already built. I hold the deck of cars yet again.

Hahaha...what a trip.

I'm going to ride this one out and see where it takes me.

To all you SUPER DonJuans, THANK YOU GUYS!!! Your insight is incredibly appreciated!!

 

[horaholic]

Be sure to be unavailble for a week at a time, here and there, to make her miss you.

 

[Tazman]

That was actually a pretty good exchange on your part, but remember to stand your ground. You're in position to either force a move from her or realize she's a complete waste of time.

At some point you're going to have to "imply" that you'll be seeing other women because the last thing you want to have happen is her believing that she's you're only interest right now. You said you'll LJBF her, so do it, until her attitude changes. Stay friendly and upbeat when you talk to her, but remain distant enough to keep her wondering.

If she doesn't cave it'll become frustrating for you and it will show. I'd leave her alone if things don't change soon, real soon.

 

[jophil28]

You said you'll LJBF her, so do it, until her attitude changes. Stay friendly and upbeat when you talk to her, but remain distant enough to keep her wondering.

If she doesn't cave it'll become frustrating for you and it will show. I'd leave her alone if things don't change soon, real soon.

Right advice....

Handcuffs, Your convo in your post above was loaded with indirect, but unmistakeable hints from you that she is still your object of desire. And she KNOWS it (and, because she is hot, she also assumes it)
What she is detecting is a recent increase in BOLDNESS in your speech. Her comments indicate that to me as I read your transcript.. She does not believe that she is IN the FZ, or headed that way, because your are still conversing with her and contacting her in ways that covertly indicate your DESIRE for her.
Just the energetic manner and content of your convos speak loudly of your lust. You are still chasing her..your actions say so.
She may say cute things like " You are TOO much handcuffs." but is effect you are really just entertaining her and reinforcing her beliefs that she has you wriggling on her hook. A legit guy "friend" would not go to all the trouble that you are. The effort that you are investing here is her confirmation that you are still in LUST.

Women are masters at detecting and decoding minute signals of IL from men. However your expressed signals of interest in her are being transmitted towards her in the moderate to strong range. She still knows that you want to fukk her, her replies say so. Perhaps you cannot see this- but I can.

Ultimately, some of your actions here are inconsistent with your threat/plan to FZ her.
Friends do not discuss kissing -ever ! By doing so you stamp your relationship with her as 'sexual", in deeds, or in intent.
You actions need to be consistent and congruent with your words.

So what to do ? Firstly eliminate any talk of sex, kissing and romance. You need to 'sanitize' your speech.
Secondly, start seeing/talking to other woman and allow the grapevine to carry the message to HB10. You can 'Let it slip' to HB that you had a date last night with a new chick but be careful that you do not force it out of your mouth to try to trigger jealousy in HB.
The objective is to have HB detect a gradual shifting of your attention and affection AWAY from her, and onto other women.

Be aware that she is going to test your withdrawal, and so she will toss a free teaser sample (in some form) at you to see of you bite down on it.
DO NOT bite- this is a teaser only by her.

The result you are shooting for is her removing her own clothes WILLINGLY and eagerly.
Remember that HB's are skilled at getting their own way by tossing crumbs or offering a covert promise of intimacy - they rarely deliver because they do not have to. Their offer is usually enough .

THis is a longterm project. Be patient and be calm.This project may take a week or a few months.
HB10's are used to being worshipped .They also rarely exercise any muscles in effort except the ones in their index finger to summons a new chump to step forward.

This is a game of wits and wills, my man.
Enjoy the game, and to the victor goes the panties.

 

[Jitterbug]

Your HB10 psychologist is having no problem reading your game, mate, but she's sensing that you're trying to harden up and play ball, so she's going into full game mode. Now you'll have to hold your ground, for she will sh!t test you till you bleed.

Without going into details (and women don't care much about details, but the feelings behind them), there are two major things that jumped out of your exchange (as smooth as it sounds):

- You're trying a little too hard to convince her or maybe even yourself of something (what is the relationship between you two, how much/little you care about her).
- You're talking WAY more than she does. Count the words.

On the second point, my rule of thumb in all interactions with women I'm working on is that I never write or talk more than they do. The goal is to get them to talk or write to me more than I do. If that's not happening (especially after a few months), I'm pushing sh!t up hill.

 

[vitor]

My biggest problem with all of this is on the last page you wrote

" Trust me fellas, this one's different. "

V

 

[Max Power]

I know for a FACT she's got CRAZY baggage.

Red Flag. That and the Facebook comment.

 

[Handcuffs]

**UPDATE**


First off, thank you again gentlemen for all your feedback. The different perspectives individuals have on particular issues/theories/imaginations/etc. truly make the world a melting pot of beautiful.

Now, here's the update:

A few days later after the conversation I had posted on here, she paid me a visit at my place.

Please keep in mind, SHE contacted me a few days later and I stood strong and held my LJBF intentions full force. She got the hint....and wow oh wow...did things unravel in MY FAVOR.

The following day, SHE contacts me again, and hints that she wants to see me later that night. I tell her there's a possibility and for her to give me a call later that evening.

She calls, and I tell her to come over.

She's at my place in no time...and...

Fast forward through all the small talk and whatever the hells and I had her back in my bed.

With completely different results of course!

I had her asking me by the end of the night, "What's going on between us Handcuffs? What do you consider US?"

I thought, UHOH, one of these questions..hahah. I answer, "You and I are cool. We're real cool. No one can touch us..we're just two cool people doing what we do."

She smiled, and pulled me close to her and hugged me real tight.

That right there would basically be the conclusion of our night.
Overall, it was a very nice and successful occurrence.

The journey continues, and I'm sure it'll be a fun one, as her and I have a pretty damn cool vibe!

Okay..that about does it.

Once again, thanks to everyone that participated (Esp. JoPhil & Jitter...you guys are geniuses) and I hope everyone learned a lesson with this thread.

Remember, if a girl starts bull****ting you and turns up the fire with her games, LJBF her ASAP.

The worst that could happen is saving yourself from investing a HUGE amont of time and energy into a girl that was a lost cause, and the best that could happen is you get up in those jeans.

Now that's what I call a win/win situation. :rockon:

Thanks again guys!!

 

[Jitterbug]

Awesome, good work bro

Now HOLD that frame!