Dam! Loveshack stole my balls

[CFERD]

I may have actually given them away by having become an AFC. Yes oneitis in it's ugliest form. Why? Scarcity. Anyhow, after having been following and posting on LS for about half way through this relationship(6months), I have realised getting advice from women, and the the many needy guys over there has done nothing but aid in the destruction of my self esteem ansd perceived worth. After only a day of reading some posts on SS, I already have a better attitude and can see many of the mistakes I've made. Dam, I would not be in this mess had I come here sooner.

My problem: I've emotionally invested in an AW. When I first started dating her, she showed high interest level,initiating etc. It seemed like after she knew I cared, she pulled back. I failed tests, i was ignorant to them IMO. She also started hanging around a new bff who seems to be making an impression on her. I haven't called evry day, confessed a bunch of blah blah blah, my mistakes were being too availbe, letting her know I liked her, and putting up with crap behavior..

Anyhow, I was becoming miserable so I walked away from it 3 months back.
I told her not to call/text me anymore....After a month of N/C
she comes back with the 'I'm sorry I miss you' line. While I didn't respond right away, i gave in and called her. Hearing I want to work on it, was enough for me to cave. Stupid I know. Now I'm back to intitiating all the contact as she stopped texting/calling a few weeks ago. She's always quick to reply if I were to contact her. yay she loves getting her ego stroked! But here's the confusing part, I see her at work once a week, she is very affectionate and kisses, but that's it, I assume her interest level is just low, but not sure because of the affection. I gotten to the point that rather than call her on her bs, I'm going to just cut of the attention/disappear. I will still have to see her at work, but for the most part it can be avoided. I feel like telling her I'm going to start dating again, probably to feel like I have taken back some of the control I've completely handed over. to be honest, I think this girl is lucky I'm even talikng to her. Instead of telling myself I can do better, I'm going to. I can live with flat out rejection, I've just never been played like this. Not having options is no longer an option. This girl is a weak 6, someone should smack me upside the head.yes there is something wrong with me, i stopped acting like a man with choices and oneitis has me by the balls.While I allowed it to happen, her games sucked me in deeper than I should be... I went a month with out contacting her, I can do it again. Any advice, insight, critisism would be appreciated.

 

[Zigster]

:crazy:

spin them plates, sucka!

 

[Interceptor]

Some women are really good at giving "RELATIONSHIP" Advice, a few can give you tips and advice on attraction.
If you dont know which is which, you can find yourself applying the wrong thing at the wrong time.

LS is not a good place for men to learn about attraction, and more specific biological factors that apply to all men and women IMO.
And specifically there is not really a learning environment for men's Specific "INNER GAME" issues.
Most women,unfortunately, have very little understanding of the SPECIFIC issues we men have and deal with.
For example, MOST women believe that ALL Men who do not approach them dont because they dont find that particular woman attractive. Not even taking into consideration Approach Anxiety and the inner dialogue, etc that men face when in those circumstances. For many women, it doenst even enter in their thought process ( Ie Woman: "Approach anxiety?? What? I thought they just didnt like me, thats why they never came up to talk to me! Why would they be afraid of me?? Men think this???" ), so they often give advice on how they perceive it, not taking into account men's specific needs and their masculine perspective.

There are a LOT of great women who DO give fantastic advice on Attraction, dating, male/female dynamics and the like, but again, be mindful of how they are perceiving it. Their opinions are valid, and there are some very aware women out there. They are not stupid, or oblivious.
Remember the above example, and that it's not entirely their fault they dont know every single little detail on what goes on in a Man's mind.
And with regards to listening to women, I think they have a lot of beneficial information to take in. But it is important to understand WHAT they are MEANING versus what they are SAYING.



Welcome to the forum.

 

[decades]

all you need to know is that she is AW. there is no point in pursing it anymore because they are INcapabable of having a mature intimate relationship. you will be barking up the wrong tree. Forget her.

 

[KontrollerX]

Agreed with persistant exaction.

Click the search button on this forum and do a search for Histrionic Personality Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder, those are the official DSM psychiatric manual names for AW's and you'll find many posts by me, persistant exaction, jophil and many others who've gone through what you're going through now.

Having any contact with them at all is a heartbreak waiting to happen as well a pointless waste of time.

Go cold no contact and do not allow her to hoover you back in.

Yep hoover refers to the vacuum and is a long used phrase in communities specifically about these people about how they suck their victims back in to destructive relationships with them much how a hoover vacuum sucks up the dirt.

Anyway tons of guy's have got lost in these cruel sick women's siren song and wasted so many years of their life and had so much of their life destroyed in the process of chasing the apparition of love that they end up killing themselves.

Don't let that become you.

Feel the pain now and recover from it.

Again I say go no contact and stay no contact, don't continue on with this sick woman and then have kids and a marriage with her dooming your kids to a sick mother that can never love them how children deserve to be loved and yourself to a woman that can never love you.

 

[CFERD]

I really like you but......

I'm not saying all advice from women is junk. The topics and advice I was hearing just didn't help me act the way I should have been. It was my own failure, having never been in a situation like this, it's like trying to read Latin. I'm not sure what guide, book or friend has been advising her on her tactics, but her personality changed. Whatever the source, it worked. I got in deep. But now I want out, so it appears something's flawed.It would of made sense if there was another guy in the picture, certainly would have it much easier to walk away sooner.

I've been thinking she's sick for some time now. It helps hearing it from someone else. I've spent too much time trying to figure this crap out, while instead I should have just stayed out. Yeah she sucked me back in, I'm not going to ***** about being a victim because in the beginning, I ignored her daddy issues, made excuses for her having been in a abusive relationship for four years, The fact that her self esteem was less than zero. Now it's clear that she's been sucking mine dry. Sticking with the N/C is the best thing for me. Had I ignored her attempts last time I wouldn't be back at square one. yeah pain is a great teacher. Funny thing is, she'll probably make an effort to contact me when she realises I cut the string on being her emotional tampon.
I may not understand women at all, but I have learned when you are no longer interested in them it crushes their ego and most often they start to chase. Unfortunately, most of the time it's just to kick you in the nuts again.

My only concern now, other than remembering how there are so many better chicks out there , is to not let her see that she got to me. How do I do that if I do have to see her at work?This girl is all about having control in the relationship, can I safely say I have taken it away by no longer allowing her to treat me like a pet? I don't feel the need to get the last word in. In fact, I don't see why I should even explain why I am removing my attention. I'd rather be the ******* that's ignoring her, than the sap that's pining over her. Been there already. I need to read more about improving my options, and pretty much all of the dj bible. Right now I don't forsee wanting to break n/c, I'm more focused on growing a pair. Any good links on moving on, take away or whatever I should be calling this would be helpful in case I start acting like a ***** again.

 

[KontrollerX]

Buy the books "Emotional Vampires" by Al Bernstein all about Histrionics and other Cluster B's and "Without Conscience" by Robert Hare the world expert on psychopaths.

These Cluster B Personality disordered people are control freaks by nature so its no surprise you noticed this on her part and probably a lot of passive aggression from her too.

Here is a Wikipedia link that also talks about how these people in a way are vampires...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Energy_vampire

These particular sick women have even had a legend made about them in the succubus.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Succubus

And here are some videos on BPD made by a BPD named Bonney who makes the best videos about how scary and awful the condition is but also how it draws people in...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-9ZNYteW3ng

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=otqLRLZ1H8Y

And finally a video about BPD from the website BPDfamily.org...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WTBhKVEm_mA

They have their own website and forums up apart from youtube if you'd like to post there and get support from a forum specifically about the condition.

 

[CFERD]

Thanks for the links, and I'm going to check out the book you reccommended.
At this point it is a matter of will power to refrain from contacting her. I wouldn't continue to put my hand on a hot stove, contacting would be the same thing pretty much....and there's something about feeding her ego that I find repulsive, too bad it took me so long to see it.