Greetings fellas,
Any feedback is appreciated. I also wrote some VERY BRIEF cliffs at the bottom, but skim the full story - you might be missing some details.
Thanks!
Here's my basic issue and story:
I've been dating my current girlfriend who I became exclusive with for a little over a year now. Initially, I was dating a few girls and decided to choose my current girlfriend. As mentioned before, we've been exclusive for a little over a year.
The issue:
Her ex-boyfriend. He has been constantly bugging her ever since they had broken up in October of 2007. He'll call, text, drop by for expected and unexpected visits - you name it.
Early in the relationship, she had given me a reason to question her trustworthiness. A buddy and I were hanging out and happened to drive by her apartment after I tried calling her. She didn't pick up and I didn't think too much of it -- until we drove by her apartment. Her ex's car was parked outside and a kid my girlfriend and I both know was parked outside as well.
The next day when my buddy was going back home, he happened to drive by again and saw the two of them leaving her apartment. I believed at this point that he had spent the night.
I questioned her the next day as to what she did the previous night and she mentioned that the kid we both know was over, but not her ex-boyfriend. I basically called her out on it and asked what the real deal was. She then admitted that he was over, but she was worried I would think poorly of her, because at this point we had only been dating for 2-3 weeks.
Immediately, I saw a red flag - but I figured, what the hell.. I have nothing to lose. First mistake? Maybe.
Much later on, she admitted that he had spent the night, but not in her bed (as she was having back problems), which was true - because I was with her the night before.
Here's where the dilemma begins:
During this period (about a month or two of dating), her and I would go out for dinner and come back to her apartment, there would be flowers waiting for her from her ex. Small things like that...
I told her that it was annoying, but left it at that. I figured she was a big girl and she would handle it how she saw fit.
This had gone off and on for awhile. As time went on, he would drop by unexpectedly and try to "put the moves on her" and she told me that she had avoided contact with him. She had said he tried to kiss her once or twice and she denied him, for obvious reasons.
They would talk on the phone occasionally and his unexpected visits would continue for awhile, etc.
Fast forward about 3-4 months ago and now...
We had spoken about the issues with her ex-boyfriend and I had told her that I didn't remain in contact with any of my ex's because I saw no reason to. I prefer to live in the present - not worrying about what my ex is up to.
I asked her why she still communicated with him. And her response was, "He's a decent guy deep down. I still care about him and he's being shipped out soon to Iraq. I don't wanna be on bad terms with him."
I could understand that, to some degree and left it at that.
Recently:
He's getting shipped out to Iraq in the next few days and she has been spending a lot of time with him. We had talked about it before and after all of the things he has tried to pull (him trying to touch her inappropriately, etc.), we agreed that she would never been alone with him. He would constantly question her about our relationship and want to know intimate details (whether we were having sex, etc.). Her parents even stated (or so she told me) that she probably shouldn't be alone with him and I left it at that.
Later on, I told her that I'd appreciate it if she told me when they would hang out together. I expressed that it would make me feel better to know what was going on and whether he had dropped by or not.
At this point, he was still writing letters to her expressing his love for her and telling her that he misses her. I asked her if she missed him and she said she did, but it wasn't "like that." She didn't want to see him get hurt or potentially die.
The recent issue:
She has not been telling me that she has been hanging out with him recently. We had agreed on her telling me what was going on or when they would hang out. When we spoke about her telling me, it wasn't said in a heated argument, it was in the flow of normal conversation when we were talking about the topic.
Essentially, a buddy and I (the same one mentioned earlier), decided to drive to her house when she didn't pick up my phone call earlier. Low and behold, his car (and another random car) were parked outside. She called me back about an hour later and we talked briefly and not once did she mention that he had been over. She preached our agreement.
We had spoken about her telling me that she was hanging out with him less than 24 hours before the event listed above. Essentially, she had hung out with him prior and she didn't tell me until I pressed it out of her.
So, fellow Don Juans, was it unreasonable of me to ask her to let me know when they would hang out? I have made concessions to her, by letting her maintain contact with her ex. I didn't think it was a big deal, especially given the situation. I wouldn't mind at all IF SHE TOLD ME, the problem is - that I asked her to let me know and SHE HASN'T.
I told her before that we would have some serious discussions if I found out that she was being dishonest with me again... and well, she has already proven that she was dishonest.. less than 24 hours of me asking her to let me know.
What would you do?
Cliffs:
-Ex-boyfriend of current girlfriend is constantly trying to sneak back in the picture and doing inappropriate things (trying to put the moves on her, dropping by, etc.)
-Girlfriend has been hanging out with ex-boyfriend before he gets shipped to Iraq
-I asked her to let me know when they hang out
-She has not been honest with me about them hanging out after we had a discussion about it
Any feedback is appreciated. I also wrote some VERY BRIEF cliffs at the bottom, but skim the full story - you might be missing some details.
Thanks!
Here's my basic issue and story:
I've been dating my current girlfriend who I became exclusive with for a little over a year now. Initially, I was dating a few girls and decided to choose my current girlfriend. As mentioned before, we've been exclusive for a little over a year.
The issue:
Her ex-boyfriend. He has been constantly bugging her ever since they had broken up in October of 2007. He'll call, text, drop by for expected and unexpected visits - you name it.
Early in the relationship, she had given me a reason to question her trustworthiness. A buddy and I were hanging out and happened to drive by her apartment after I tried calling her. She didn't pick up and I didn't think too much of it -- until we drove by her apartment. Her ex's car was parked outside and a kid my girlfriend and I both know was parked outside as well.
The next day when my buddy was going back home, he happened to drive by again and saw the two of them leaving her apartment. I believed at this point that he had spent the night.
I questioned her the next day as to what she did the previous night and she mentioned that the kid we both know was over, but not her ex-boyfriend. I basically called her out on it and asked what the real deal was. She then admitted that he was over, but she was worried I would think poorly of her, because at this point we had only been dating for 2-3 weeks.
Immediately, I saw a red flag - but I figured, what the hell.. I have nothing to lose. First mistake? Maybe.
Much later on, she admitted that he had spent the night, but not in her bed (as she was having back problems), which was true - because I was with her the night before.
Here's where the dilemma begins:
During this period (about a month or two of dating), her and I would go out for dinner and come back to her apartment, there would be flowers waiting for her from her ex. Small things like that...
I told her that it was annoying, but left it at that. I figured she was a big girl and she would handle it how she saw fit.
This had gone off and on for awhile. As time went on, he would drop by unexpectedly and try to "put the moves on her" and she told me that she had avoided contact with him. She had said he tried to kiss her once or twice and she denied him, for obvious reasons.
They would talk on the phone occasionally and his unexpected visits would continue for awhile, etc.
Fast forward about 3-4 months ago and now...
We had spoken about the issues with her ex-boyfriend and I had told her that I didn't remain in contact with any of my ex's because I saw no reason to. I prefer to live in the present - not worrying about what my ex is up to.
I asked her why she still communicated with him. And her response was, "He's a decent guy deep down. I still care about him and he's being shipped out soon to Iraq. I don't wanna be on bad terms with him."
I could understand that, to some degree and left it at that.
Recently:
He's getting shipped out to Iraq in the next few days and she has been spending a lot of time with him. We had talked about it before and after all of the things he has tried to pull (him trying to touch her inappropriately, etc.), we agreed that she would never been alone with him. He would constantly question her about our relationship and want to know intimate details (whether we were having sex, etc.). Her parents even stated (or so she told me) that she probably shouldn't be alone with him and I left it at that.
Later on, I told her that I'd appreciate it if she told me when they would hang out together. I expressed that it would make me feel better to know what was going on and whether he had dropped by or not.
At this point, he was still writing letters to her expressing his love for her and telling her that he misses her. I asked her if she missed him and she said she did, but it wasn't "like that." She didn't want to see him get hurt or potentially die.
The recent issue:
She has not been telling me that she has been hanging out with him recently. We had agreed on her telling me what was going on or when they would hang out. When we spoke about her telling me, it wasn't said in a heated argument, it was in the flow of normal conversation when we were talking about the topic.
Essentially, a buddy and I (the same one mentioned earlier), decided to drive to her house when she didn't pick up my phone call earlier. Low and behold, his car (and another random car) were parked outside. She called me back about an hour later and we talked briefly and not once did she mention that he had been over. She preached our agreement.
We had spoken about her telling me that she was hanging out with him less than 24 hours before the event listed above. Essentially, she had hung out with him prior and she didn't tell me until I pressed it out of her.
So, fellow Don Juans, was it unreasonable of me to ask her to let me know when they would hang out? I have made concessions to her, by letting her maintain contact with her ex. I didn't think it was a big deal, especially given the situation. I wouldn't mind at all IF SHE TOLD ME, the problem is - that I asked her to let me know and SHE HASN'T.
I told her before that we would have some serious discussions if I found out that she was being dishonest with me again... and well, she has already proven that she was dishonest.. less than 24 hours of me asking her to let me know.
What would you do?
Cliffs:
-Ex-boyfriend of current girlfriend is constantly trying to sneak back in the picture and doing inappropriate things (trying to put the moves on her, dropping by, etc.)
-Girlfriend has been hanging out with ex-boyfriend before he gets shipped to Iraq
-I asked her to let me know when they hang out
-She has not been honest with me about them hanging out after we had a discussion about it