Curiosity killed the Cat! First ex-gf has a new boyfriend (read if you are doing NC!)

[narcissist]

What up bruhs


I did something last night that I immediately regretted and now I regret it even more. What did I do you ask?

After 7 months of NC, and 3 months of no social media peeping, I peeped/stalked my ex-gf's instagram.

Little background info:

First girlfriend Ive ever had in my life, lasted 2 years, we both lost our virginities to each other. Broke up in Novemeber and immediately implemented No Contact because I found out she cheated on me. Havent spoken to her since.


So I checked her instagram, strictly out of curiosities sake because I honestly have been feeling fvcking great with my life and even if I thought about her it would be with indifference, so I figured "why the hell not?". What I saw on her instagram was her holding another dudes hand with the post title saying "#cutecouplesh1t"

At the end of the day I don't really care that she has a new BF, but nonetheless it instantly brought back those feels. If ya know what I mean.

So now as I write this I realize that I have set myself back maybe another week. Maybe more. I know for a fact this will be on my mind for a good while and now I have get back to that golden point of "indifference". So even though I will never talk to her again and my NC is indefinite and forever, Im only fvckin over myself by checking up on her. Know what Im sayin?



The moral of the story

Listen up fellas. Especially those implementing NO CONTACT.

DO NOT under any circumstances creep/stalk/check/peep/look at your exs social media. Delete it and never look back. IT IS PART OF THE NO CONTACT RULE.

There is a reason why the forum says it.

Checking their social media ONLY has negative effects on you and can only SET YOU BACK from getting over your ex-gf.

Even if you think you can check it, like I did, because you thought you were over her, like I did, DOESNT MATTER. Anything could pop up and set you back, just like it did in my case.

I know I sure as hell wont ever be checking ex's social media ever again. This ex, or any new ex's that I accumulate over the years.

Just don't do it. Learn from my mistake.

 

[TheGambino]

Nothing really happened bro, I thought u called her while being drunk or something lame. Click the instagram page away and move on with your life, you can see her in public randomly one day holding hands with your worst enemy, what you gonna do then? The true state of indifference is when you can go to her Instagram or Facebook or even for example eat a meal in the restaurant where she works and don't feel anything at all and just lay back relax and enjoy your day without her crossing your mind again.

I reached that state with my latest ex when I met the new girl im currently dating so it's more then true: spin plates

Oh and btw if your hurt and all that and NC and you still want her back then I agree with narcissist, block her from social-media so you won't get hurt even more.

 

[narcissist]

Nothing really happened bro, I thought u called her while being drunk or something lame. Click the instagram page away and move on with your life, you can see her in public randomly one day holding hands with your worst enemy, what you gonna do then? The true state of indifference is when you can go to her Instagram or Facebook or even for example eat a meal in the restaurant where she works and don't feel anything at all and just lay back relax and enjoy your day without her crossing your mind again.

I reached that state with my latest ex when I met the new girl im currently dating so it's more then true: spin plates

No you're absolutely right. But I am obviously not at that state of indifference yet. Lol. I thought I was thats why I checked it in the first place.

At the end of the day this was my first girlfriend and Ive never felt before what its like for an ex to get a new boyfriend. Its a new frontier for me.

Im actually glad it happened, because i can learn from it and positively grow from it.

Spinning plates cures everything.

 

[Night-hawk]

Avoiding doing all those things out of discomfort means you fear reality. Face them as red pills to swallow.

It's all appearance, and the form that appearance takes is a mirror to your inner state.

Spinning plates cures everything.

Not necessarily, nor entirely. Most women have an inability to be alone, possibly because they want another validation rod before they have to reflect on nasty parts of themselves. IMO, until you are aligned and over the discomfort of rejection - there may be stings here and there but the effect is minimal - then spinning plates can be a further distraction and get in the way.

 

[Mr Wright]

Yeah, it's not worth looking, you may see some stuff that'll surprise you. My ex's new boyfriend is like a noble family in some European country dating back to the 1400s or some crap. Their family has a castle and shït.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

"Facing your fears" will only get you to a devastating circle of self destruction. You will never get "numb" by seeing her with another guy, just forget about her . You two are not together anymore. The person you knew has changed, she's not that cute, innocent little girl anymore. That person DIED.

 

[expos]

Remember that they are only posting the good things happening in their lives. My ex would post things, "like" things, and swap out her profile pic even in the most miserable moments of our relationship. What you see online is not a reflection of what is happening in real life.

But yes, peeking at things does set you back if the relationship ended on really bad terms (cheating, fighting, divorce, etc.) and they are with someone now. You begin to wonder if they have changed, but they are usually the same person, and it's really not worth the struggle. A big indication that they have not changed is the amount of time it takes them to get into a new one. If they are in a new relationship anywhere from a day to 4 months after the split, they are NOT a new and improved person.

As long as you keep ignoring her you'll eventually get better. Out of sight, out of mind, especially with social media. If you look at her, and her best side that she displays to the world all the time, of course you are going to see her as better than what she really is. She becomes desirable again.

If you ignore, you remember the bad stuff - and that's how you start to heal!

 

[pdx1138]

I've been there. big mistake.

I was just about over this one EX completely (7th month after breakup/NC), checked her FB and discovered lots of photos of her with a new guy.

Felt sick to my stomach and was severely depressed for a few weeks.

agreed. DON'T DO IT.