CuddleJunkie's journal to awakening, or The Path of Degeneration leads to Perfection

[CuddleJunkie]

I know it may be contrary to what is said here, but here goes...
You knew the break-up conversation was coming and knew what you wanted to say to some degree. She didn't have the same preparation. This isn't a woman you broke-up with to get away from because she was awful. She's moving and it's about LDR's or not. If she wants to meet one more time, I would be inclined to offer her the opportunity to say what she needs/wants for her own closure. You care about each other. There is no animosity.

The risk of course is that she will want to pursue a LDR and do what she can to say why. That can make the loss feel harder or be challenging not to accept.

If you are 100% certain, you will not do a LDR, which is smart, then you can let her know that if/when you agree to meet her, so she knows in advance. Let her know that you will meet with her to support her in the transition and closure, however you ask that she respect your request not push for a LDR. Let her know the decision was hard enough to make once and to please not push you to doing it again, as you are certain with your decision.

She may still wish to see you for closure or she may decline then. Under the circumstances of caring for her, allow it to end/transition as well as possible.

Lastly, @CuddleJunkie being a DJ does not mean becoming a cold, heartless, emotionless man. (I am not saying you are.) It means being a man who is centered regardless of his emotions. Don't cut yourself off from feeling. Stay connected to your heart. Stay connected to who you are. Don't become mechanical in who you are. That is not a path that will bring you true fulfillment. Stay connected with yourself. Disconnection will not serve you.

Thanks LiveYourDream. I told her to come, she already left. She is a sweetie, this girl has touched me, as I have said in some other post. I don't hate women anymore (and I did when I came here), I understand, appreciate, and love the supportive and caring aspect they bring. If we someday, somehow, are able to end this "war" through neomasculinity and a new type of enlightned femininity, I'm sure people could attain new levels of happiness. It's Hegelian in some sense...from a ruthless patriarchy system, to a ruthless feminist system...Maybe these contradictory systems might trascend its limits and form a new type of gender dynamics that accepts both roles without putting the other down. I'm sure I will work for this.

A new chapter opens in my path to understanding.

 

[LiveYourDream]

Thanks LiveYourDream. I told her to come, she already left. She is a sweetie, this girl has touched me, as I have said in some other post. I don't hate women anymore (and I did when I came here), I understand, appreciate, and love the supportive and caring aspect they bring. If we someday, somehow, are able to end this "war" through neomasculinity and a new type of enlightned femininity, I'm sure people could attain new levels of happiness. It's Hegelian in some sense...from a ruthless patriarchy system, to a ruthless feminist system...Maybe these contradictory systems might trascend its limits and form a new type of gender dynamics that accepts both roles without putting the other down. I'm sure I will work for this.

A new chapter opens in my path to understanding.

Give your all to being fully present with her. It's a meeting you'll never forget. Make it real, authentic and a positive one. Make it one that you can smile upon for the rest of your life.

 

[Desdinova]

I'm going to throw a few things in here...

So what good is it to have some girl you don't even really care about pining over you?

One word... Control. I'm not talking about using her as a sex slave or a servant. I'm talking about having control of her "destiny" or "fate". Women who see you as the only real choice have extreme difficulty moving on with their love lives. I'm not even talking about the forever rebounding level of disappointment, I'm talking about the cat lady level of disappointment. By being her only option, you've completely fvcked up every other guy's ability to date or marry her. She's 100% broken when it comes to pair bonding with other men. If you happen to enter her life again, you've got her complete and undivided attention.

Now put a few more women in this situation and what have you got? You've got a selection of women you can pick off the shelf whenever you need or desire one. The more you put into this situation, the more selection you have if you decide to settle down with one. They will happily flush all your perceived bad traits down the toilet because you ARE Mr. Right.

But what happens when all of the sudden you're split black and she's going back to some ex from back in the day whose a bit of a loser and you're suddenly the dirt beneath her feet? You see so many guys that can't move on from a break up because they feel de-validated--How could she choose him over me? It keeps you from moving on--and honestly as soon as you move on to something better you're probably retrospectively placed at the top of her high score list anyway.

I really don't think you completely grasp the idea of HST. The dirt beneath her feet is every other guy, period. You can only get that with women who are highly inexperienced when it comes to dating and sex. The less partners she's had, the easier it is to get to the top, and the better you're going to appear against other men - if you've actually done the work on yourself and become a fantastic man. You have to elevate yourself to what women genuinely find attractive in a man before she can elevate you to the top of her HSL.

No man starts at the top of her list. He enters the list when she finds something attractive in him. He's the new player and she wants to see how well he does against everyone else who's scored with her. The only way a man can reach the top immediately is if she's never been exposed to any men during her entire life.

On that note, you should be telling your subconscious, I'm already at the top of every girl's high score, which will enable you to act accordingly

I'm usually all for positive affirmations, but this isn't something that I would do. I would tell myself that I'm desirable, fun, magnificent, good in bed, and basically every quality that would make a girl want me at the top of her list. Telling yourself that you're at the top is self-deception.

You have to realize that women don't keep a lot of men at the top, and they're not constantly displacing them. A woman usually has only one man at the top, and some of them have a close second. Everyone else is much lower and constantly displacing each other. That is going to be your place on most womens' lists - towards the bottom.

 

[fastlife]

@Desdinova Get where you're coming from, but I guess for me worrying about the whole high score thing feels like sacrificing your mental point of origin. Like, the girls I was stressing even 6 years ago (I'm 24 for the record) aren't physically attractive to me anymore. I wouldn't even want to sleep with them at this point. I mean, it's a nice hit of validation when the girl who fvcked you up at 19 tries desperately to get your attention or to 'hang out' when she's in town without her fiancé, but she's not the same girl she was in her prime. To me it doesn't really have much practical use--whether I'm at the top of her high score list, or was just a good lay, or she's feeling lonely, or she's seen me on SM with girls who are as hot now as she used to be and is chasing validation, doesn't really matter. I'm more worried about the next 19 y/o I'm gonna pull. Last thing I need are a bunch of 30 y/o's pining over me in a couple years.

As far as I know, every girl comes back at some point. It might be months, it might be years, but they'll be back (except now there's one or two who never knew my name/number). And I doubt that's an experience that's unique to me.

Then you have to take the dualistic mating strategy into account. Tom, her HS boyfriend she lost her virginity to, might be the guy she fantasizes about when she imagines a relationship; she has actual history with him. But then there's the guy from out of town who took her home 20 minutes after meeting her and fvcked her 4 times before leaving in the morning and she never really knew anything about him--he's equally attractive in her mind, memory, fantasy, whatever, precisely because there was no shared history--but now she's almost 30, so she thinks a lot about Tom, who went on to get a really awesome job, and she messages him on FB years later, and she and Tom finally reunite and now she fantasizes about the stranger from out of town.

Throw in female manipulation--every girl who boomerangs usually has some superlatives to throw your ego: "I always really wished things had worked out with you," "Every other guy's been so boring," "Didn't what we have mean anything to you?" But really she's just telling you what you need to hear to advance her agenda, because she knows it works and she knows every guy wants to believe he was at the top of her high score list.

If you're attempting monogamy, you better make sure you're at the top while you're with her. But at this point, once I decide I'm done with a girl I'll purposely throw her all the blue pill validation her hamster can possibly handle so that she'll detach more easily and I'm free to move on to other things without any drama--worked beautifully on my BPD ex and another girl who's a little too tied in with my social circle.

 

[Desdinova]

I'm more worried about the next 19 y/o I'm gonna pull.

For any guy who is on this path, HST is useless. If you're just out to have fun and get laid without the desire to commit, then you don't need HST. Like you said, it would be more of a pain in the ass for you, and there's nothing wrong with that. HST is more for guys who actually do want a good companion. HST helps give perspective of how dedicated a woman is going to be to you. For guys like yourself, you don't need a woman who's dedicated to you for the long haul.

once I decide I'm done with a girl I'll purposely throw her all the blue pill validation her hamster can possibly handle so that she'll detach more easily and I'm free to move on to other things without any drama

In other words, you make the effort to lose points on her HSL (or have some other guy gain them). I've always thought about using that strategy to get rid of women, but have never been able to pull it off.