Craigslist: Where did I go wrong

[AbsolutBeirut]

I know that I'm gonna get a lot of bashers telling me to stop wasting my time. To those I tell them "Mind Your ****1n Business!!!". I just want to make it clear that I chase girls offline and online.

Now to get to my point, I always hear about those that have good online game and are able to hit it off with women they met from there. You also hear about the occasional surprises when the girl doesn't show up as she claims to be (you know lies about age and pic). Me, myself I haven't been able to get anywhere with this. Not even with fat ugly b1tches, not that I want to. It's just that I want to be able to set up something and if the girl looks fine great, if not just leave her at the spot since she lied to me. Here's my latest online pursuit. The girl in question cannot be more than a 7, I've seen her pics.

Here's my first message to her posting:

A little about me:

I'm 24 year old college graduate. I am working full-time at a company that sells govt software. I enjoy sports, try to keep in shape by working out thrice a week. As for watching it, Boston has made me a fan of the Red SOX and the Pats. I'm tall 6'0 and neither on the skinny side nor on chubby side. I'm white, brown hair and green eyes. A picture of me is attached but it is really dark.

Looking forward to getting to know you,

Take Care,

Here's her response 1 day later:

Hi,
First I want to appologize for the delay in my response, but want to thank you for yours. I appreciate it. I'm also a big fan of the Red Sox eventhough they all seem to be injured this year. As for the pats, well.... I don't mind football, but I guess I just need someone to explain the game to me so that I understand what is going on. All I tend to see is a bunch of guys kicking, throwing and tackling eachother! hahaha
Your picture was really dark, but from what I could see, you seem to be very cute. I've attached a picture of myself because, well, lets be honest, there has to be somewhat of a mutual attraction on some level. I would also like to know what made you respond to my post? was it that i don't mind paying for a date or two? lol I'm just kidding. I tend to be sarcastic, and need someone who can give it right back, but also know when to be serious.

Hope you had a great friday night, and hope to talk to you soon.

Here's my response 2 days later. Notice how I want to let out as little as possible about me and get to the point.

I was thinking if you want to meet up sometime for a walk around the city and we can stop for coffee or ice cream if we get tired. I have a lot going on this week, maybe next week, so let me know.

Hope you had a good weekend.

Her response on the next day:

I think maybe meeting up somtime next week would be good. I'm not too familiar with boston, eventhough I was born and raised in MA. So I think I could get somewhere by train if I tried LOL , I'm better with a car, but parking is usually very hard to find or very expensive in boston. So if you have some place in mind or something in mind just let me know. It would be nice to meet you.

I did have a good weekend. I got to hang out with a bunch of friends I hadn't seen in a long time. Lots of laughs and some beers, it was all good. I just moved back to MA almost two weeks ago, not sure if I mentioned that, so I'm pretty much just trying to get myself settled in a bit.

Hope all is well with you, and hope to talk to you soon,

So after 4 days decide to set up a date which will take place 3 or 4 days from then.

How about we meet up sometime next week either Tuesday or Wednesday right after work? Hope that either works for you.

No responses before the date, so I decide to write another letter making it seem as if I canceled out, not her.

Hey. Sorry, it looks like I'm gonna be busy in the next couple of days. Let me know if your interested in meeting up another time.

That's the end of it for now and she still has not responded.

So guys, I'd appreciate some constructive criticism on what I am doing wrong here. Why am I always batting out?

 

[specialed]

maybe i'm a moron or maybe you just didn't state it but...you just talked that much to her and you never met her in person? internet is leary...if i was her i'd be like "why is this guy being so pushy about meeting already" take your time...call her? lol

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

maybe i'm a moron or maybe you just didn't state it but...you just talked that much to her and you never met her in person? internet is leary...if i was her i'd be like "why is this guy being so pushy about meeting already" take your time...call her? lol

I'll also add that you meet different kinds of women on different Internet sites. Craigslist is notorious for having either fast NSA hook ups or women who want the attention of an "online romance" (tons of emails and that's about it). Another important reason to move things from the online world ASAP to weed out the game players and to use your time most effectively.

 

[specialed]

ah see i did not know that. I know in a normal setting however, i'm sure someone would be leary... i'd prolly still push for a number and do that...then once you got there maybe sometime set up to do

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

There isn't always a need to get the number of a women who has a high interest level in you. A date can easily be made via email. Plus it makes the woman feel safer since she doesn't need to give out her number. Besides, your goal is to meet her somewhere, not chit-chat on the phone.

 

[donovan]

Get her on the phone and talk for awhile, build alot of attraction, then decide to meet up in a very public location. Say "Let's exchange $2 gifts when we first meet, it'll be fun!" This will take her mind off the actually meeting.

"I was thinking if you want to meet up sometime for a walk around the city and we can stop for coffee or ice cream if we get tired. I have a lot going on this week, maybe next week, so let me know."

This was alittle creepy on the 2nd message you sent. Always go for a phone first, talk alittle, then get a meetup. Don't go straight away.

Also, the part about getting tired, and no specific days? Whenever you're going for a meetup, always state the place your going to (not just a walk) and how long. It's a good time constraint.

Example: (on the phone usually)

"I've heard theres a new gallery opening on the Upper West Side called Galleria. My buddy told me its supposed to have some pretty innovative things. I think I'll be heading either Wed, or Tuesday night, like to come and get some coffee after?"

For getting her number I would try this:

"It's good that we have blah blah in common. I've always loved blah. I'd love to connect with you better. I'll try and give you a call later in the week so we can both feel incredibly awkward about talking to someone we met online. Whats your number? Talk soon."

You want to do that after 3-4 messages. I've always gotten a phone number.

Good luck!

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Get her on the phone and talk for awhile, build alot of attraction, then decide to meet up in a very public location. Say "Let's exchange $2 gifts when we first meet, it'll be fun!" This will take her mind off the actually meeting.

"I was thinking if you want to meet up sometime for a walk around the city and we can stop for coffee or ice cream if we get tired. I have a lot going on this week, maybe next week, so let me know."

This was alittle creepy on the 2nd message you sent. Always go for a phone first, talk alittle, then get a meetup. Don't go straight away.

Also, the part about getting tired, and no specific days? Whenever you're going for a meetup, always state the place your going to (not just a walk) and how long. It's a good time constraint.

Example: (on the phone usually)

"I've heard theres a new gallery opening on the Upper West Side called Galleria. My buddy told me its supposed to have some pretty innovative things. I think I'll be heading either Wed, or Tuesday night, like to come and get some coffee after?"

For getting her number I would try this:

"It's good that we have blah blah in common. I've always loved blah. I'd love to connect with you better. I'll try and give you a call later in the week so we can both feel incredibly awkward about talking to someone we met online. Whats your number? Talk soon."

You want to do that after 3-4 messages. I've always gotten a phone number.

Good luck!

WAY too much phone game IMO plus the gift idea is a good idea logically but you need to understand that women seldom buy strangers gifts. They put a lot of thought in buying something which matches the receiver's personality, how is she going to do this with someone she doesn't know? Talking about putting more pressure on her.

 

[AbsolutBeirut]

maybe i'm a moron or maybe you just didn't state it but...you just talked that much to her and you never met her in person? internet is leary...if i was her i'd be like "why is this guy being so pushy about meeting already" take your time...call her? lol

You see what I am trying to do is divulge as little as possible about me so I can leave it for when I meet her in real life.

 

[skip2mylou781]

u DUMBASS why didnt u ask for her cell #??? then u wouldnt need to rely on seeing a message back from her.......way to flake on yourself fool

 

[skip2mylou781]

fyi she was interested and woulda been down to fvck, but most likely her computer broke or something, in which case U look like a total tool for never getting her cell # - take communication away from the computer asap aka PHONE

 

[Jackman]

Whether you use the phone or an e-mail to set something up really has no significance whatsoever. You can do it effectively either way. The only difference I notice bewteen the two methods is that it is a little quicker to do it over the phone, but sometimes getting the number requires a few e-mails to begin with. So whatever. That's not the issue here at all.

To me, it's as clear as a bell as to where he fvcked up here: personality. There is absolutely none of it in his responses. I'm talking about a barren desert here.

I understand you want to save a little of the get to know you for the actual meeting, but you don't do that by completely avoiding the get to know you talk all together. You do that by not allowing the get to know you e-mails to continue on indefinately.

This is the internet. Mystery doesn't work the same way online. Throw something out there for her to nibble on and have some flavor in your personality when you do it. Lock her in, THEN cut it short by asking for the meet. How quickly you can make it all happen obviously depends on how fast and effectively you can portray an interesting personality, and you could have started with your first message.

Do this effectively enough and there will be times when you don't even get the chance to be the one that asks for the meet. They beat you to it.

 

[ScrewIt]

not too shabby, you have better luck than most guys on craigslist, including me. Women get swarmed with e-mails from guys that you either have to write something real smooth or be hot.

anyway i dont think there's any point in analyzing what happened. Plain and simple it was a web based thing to hook up, and for that reason there is an incredible amount of room for error. It's hard to bring interest level up because the chat isnt real-time, you could be making a joke and the other person wouldnt know. The web is nothing without body language.

However if i were in your shoes, i would've asked for her # and attempted to set up something from there.

although props to you for not being desperate and appearing busy, even if you wont jump in the bandwagon with her this millisecond, there are tons of other guys that emailed her from craigslist that she could easily respond and set up a date asap if she wanted to. in short, craigslist women have a power trip cause of all these guys.

who knows, some sh!t happened to her, she met someone else, she lost interest...whatever the case, move on.

 

[Soprano]

you put a personal on craigslist.

 

[Michael Chief]

So guys, I'd appreciate some constructive criticism on what I am doing wrong here. Why am I always batting out?

"what am i doing WRONG?" can you tell what's wrong with that mindset? it's a paradox, i know, but hey it WILL help you out alot more in the long run if you dont beat urself up like that.

As for constructive criticism, all i can say is that you didn't put anything that really reflected who you were in your initial response. It was all just technical mumbo jumbo. The woman's response to it, however, revealed plenty of her personality. Do that.

 

[unorthodox]

check out this podcast

http://www.theseductionbible.com/2006/06/06/building-your-online-dating-profile-2/

 

[Ricky]

interesting

 

[PerfectCircle]

no ability to intrest her in seeing you at all. Basically you gave her a vague description of yourself then got right to the "lets date".

Stop trying to hide yourself from her. Stop just trying to just get into her pants (its only ok when u know how to do it.. if u dont then u just come off as weird).

 

[JDA70]

Be a leader.

I was thinking if you want to meet up sometime for a walk around the city

Don't say if you want, say stuff like this...

Lets meet up and walk around the city then
get some coffee and icecream.

How about we meet up sometime next week either Tuesday or Wednesday right after work? Hope that either works for you.

No that's not how you do it.

Be a leader.

Say, "Hey I have Tuesday and or Wednesday free, what works best for you?"

Why am I always batting out?

What are you saying? Give some real life examples.

 

[DonJuan11]

Her response on the next day:

I think maybe meeting up somtime next week would be good. I'm not too familiar with boston, eventhough I was born and raised in MA. So I think I could get somewhere by train if I tried LOL , I'm better with a car, but parking is usually very hard to find or very expensive in boston. So if you have some place in mind or something in mind just let me know. It would be nice to meet you.

I did have a good weekend. I got to hang out with a bunch of friends I hadn't seen in a long time. Lots of laughs and some beers, it was all good. I just moved back to MA almost two weeks ago, not sure if I mentioned that, so I'm pretty much just trying to get myself settled in a bit.

You needed to follow up here. She's giving you info about herself and you don't care. Why did she move back MA? How is she trying to get settled?
Where did her and her friends go?

Hope all is well with you, and hope to talk to you soon,

So after 4 days decide to set up a date which will take place 3 or 4 days from then.

4 days = way too long of time. She might have forget who you are.

How about we meet up sometime next week either Tuesday or Wednesday right after work? Hope that either works for you.

Too impersonal, unless you were looking for a quick sex with her. You have to take time to build the relationship, let it grow. Sounds like you are just wanting her for her body.

No responses before the date, so I decide to write another letter making it seem as if I canceled out, not her.

Hey. Sorry, it looks like I'm gonna be busy in the next couple of days. Let me know if your interested in meeting up another time.

What's the point of this email? If she didn't respond her interest level was at 10% and she didn't care about you.

It's like me phoning a friend and saying "are you free to play some cards?"
he says "maybe" and then I say "well too bad, I can't, I busy"

That's the end of it for now and she still has not responded.

So guys, I'd appreciate some constructive criticism on what I am doing wrong here. Why am I always batting out?

I'm too swift on my toes to get caught up with you hos

 

[Phyzzle]

(This thread is a year old.)