coworker question

[samsara]

Hi, I've been a lurker for a while. Been studying DJ Bible and think I have a good grasp of what the concept is all about.

A gal at work who's 29, attractive tall blonde has been making an effort to flirt with me since february of 04. BTW, shes a professional like me and makes about 20k more than me. I think its relevant since shes one of those career girls who seems like a control freak.
quick history:
started working for same boss feb 2003. she had to train me. was very picky, and inflexible. REALLY *****Y. As hot as she was I realized this wasnt someone to mess with or get too close with. Told me she didnt care if I survived. All of 2003 I pretty much kept a low profile and just acted professional with her since she wasnt friendly in the least.

feb-july 2004: all started with a lunch for a retiring coworker. Funny how my coworkers arent very comfy talking to each other, but I got everyone talking (I'm fairly good at getting people to open up). She took notice. As time progressed late feb-july, she had started trying to make conversation with me, finding excuses to email about work related stuff (using salutation and closing rather than one liners that I was getting the previous year.), teasing me for using the elevator to go up one floor, etc. Usual flirting stuff. Friends of hers started being friendly with me (obvious reconnassaince work). Bottom line: she has been actively demonstrating interest in me for some time. I have been kind of wishy washy with my interest level because on one hand shes hot, blonde tall, intelligent. By all measures a quality female. The DJ stuff has been pretty natural like hanging back, hot cold behaviour, generally screwing with her head because I was pissed and wanted to mess with her at least for a little while. However, I do like tall gals, and intelligent ones on top of that. On the other hand, she has a demonstrated ability to kick a person when he's down: me (when I first joined her dept) and this tells me she probably is not very flexible in a relationship and is pretty two-faced (being nice when she wants something). Some friends tell me I'm nuts for not going for her. Other says she's trouble given her past interactions with me. Personally, I find it insulting that this hot chick thinks she can shake her tits and ass at me and think I'll roll over. **** dat. I want her to realize she ****ed up early on and get her to apologize for her previous bull****. Guys, is this excess pride on my part? I feel really jaded with these professional women and just feel like ****ing with heads of the ones who slighted me. Enlighten me with thoughts of how best to approach this. Should I just let this go? BTW, this girl looks just like Jessica Drake. HB9.

 

[Doro Ajani]

The following is from the most recent edition of "Dating Tips", David D'Angelo's email newsletter. I think that after reading this, you'll gain some insight on how best to handle your situation:

The World's Best Dating Teacher

So let me ask you a quick question.

Who do you think the world's BEST dating teacher
is?

No, I'm not talking about myself, but thanks for
thinking so...

I think the answer might surprise you.

The worlds best dating teacher is a WOMAN.

But not just any woman.

I'm talking about a woman who is "attractive and
she knows it".

You know the one.

I'm sure you've met her many times in your life.

You've probably had several "crushes" on her over
the last several years.

And what did these "Super Babes" do when they realized
that you "liked" them?

Exactly.

They did things that made your crush even MORE
INTENSE... while at the same time NOT RETURNING the
same level of interest.

I'm going to suggest to you that we can BOTH learn
a lot about dating by paying attention to what ATTRACTIVE
WOMEN do when a man shows interest.

Stay with me. This is about to get FASCINATING.

A few years back, a couple of women got together
and wrote a book called "The Rules". You've probably
heard of it.

It's the notorious book for women about how to
get a man to commit to you and ultimately marry
you.

It's quite a book. You should read it.

In this book, the authors suggest all kinds of
"unorthodox" techniques, like not calling men and
rarely returning their calls, never approaching men,
and generally playing "hard to get".

Why did this book and other sequel books go on to
sell MILLIONS of copies?

RIGHT! Because the techniques WORK to attract men
and get them HOOKED.

More on this particular topic later.


AN INTERESTING PERSPECTIVE

I want to ask you to think about something for a
minute.

Have you ever been dating a girl, and had her do
something that made you feel nervous, jealous, insecure,
or otherwise emotionally FREAKED?

Maybe you were out with her, and she started talking
to another guy... and while she was talking to him you
could tell that she was enjoying herself just a little
bit too much.

Know what that feels like?

You WANT to believe that it's all in your imagination...
and that she's just having a friendly conversation
with someone... but your GUT IS TWISTING while you
watch it happening.

Or maybe you have plans with a woman, but at the
last minute (or even after the last minute) she calls
and says "I don't think I'm going to be able to make
it tonight... I had something come up... OK, I'll call
you later".

She doesn't say exactly WHAT came up, or WHY she
can't make it, or WHY she chose to call you thirty
seconds before she was supposed to actually arrive
at your house.

And the worst part is that you say back to her "Oh,
don't worry about it, it's OK", and then KICK YOURSELF
afterwards...

Ever been there?

Or here's one of my PERSONAL favorites...

You meet a girl, call her on the phone and talk
to her, and everything seems to be going GREAT.

She tells you to call her later in the week and
maybe she'll be available.

You think about her for the next three days... but
when you try to call her, she never answers the phone...
and never returns any of your calls.

Yea, it sucks.

All of these types of situations SUCK.

But the reality is that they all happen to most
guys A LOT.


THE FASCINATING PART

Now I want to explain why I gave these particular
examples.

I want you to stop for a minute and think about
something.

I want you to ask yourself the following question,
then answer it HONESTLY:

DID THESE THINGS MAKE YOU THINK ABOUT AND WANT THE
WOMAN WHO DID THEM MORE OR LESS?

Be honest now.

If you're like most guys, then these particular
things and others like them made you think about the
girl MORE.

They made you wonder what she was doing and what
her INTENTIONS were.

And most of all, they made you WANT HER even more.

Strange as it may seem, these things, which SHOULD
make you RUN AWAY actually make you WANT HER.

What's the deal?

Well, just like WOMEN aren't logical, MEN aren't
logical either.

And if you're honest about it, you'll admit that
you sometimes respond in STRANGE AND UNUSUAL WAYS
to a woman's flighty and manipulative behaviors.

Some of these types of crazy things that women do
drive men WILD with desire and even jealousy... and
often lead to OBSESSION.

It's a crazy world, huh?

WHY I'M TELLING YOU ALL THIS

I say these things not because I want to piss you
off.

No.

I say them because I want you to start thinking
about these types of things in a DIFFERENT WAY.

I want you to realize that the simple fact that
a particular woman that you're interested in doesn't
NEED you... and does things that clearly demonstrate
it... often make her even MORE ATTRACTIVE to you.

Well guess what?

THE SAME GOES when it comes to making WOMEN fee
ATTRACTION for YOU.

In other words, instead of getting UPSET with women
for doing these things, LEARN FROM THEM.

And then use what you learn to create that magical
emotion called ATTRACTION inside of women you're interested
in.


IS THIS MANIPULATION?

I can hear it now.

The first response I often hear when I start talking
this way, and recommending that men use what they
learn to actually CAUSE women to feel ATTRACTION usually
goes something like this:

"But David, if I consciously do things to make women
feel attracted to me, aren't I manipulating them?"

Most of us guys want to be "good guys".

We don't like to lie, cheat, and steal.

And we don't like to do sneaky things that don't
FEEL RIGHT.

I get it.

But here's the BIG DIFFERENCE.

When I recommend a technique, for instance:

"Don't act like a Wussy."

"Give her the gift of missing you."

"Tease and bust her balls."

"Date other women."

"You be the one to end calls, dates, and other interactions...
and do it a little too soon... on an up note."

...I'm NOT recommending that you do secret, deceptive
things to "trick her into liking you".

NOOOOOO.

Instead, I'm teaching you the principals of ATTRACTION.

I'm teaching you examples of things to do that
communicate a FAR MORE IMPORTANT IDEA...

THAT YOU'RE NOT A NEEDY WUSS.

The more you actually DO these things, the more
you begin to "get it", and become the type of guy
that naturally attracts women.


BACK TO WHERE WE STARTED

At the beginning of this newsletter I told you that
an ATTRACTIVE WOMAN is the best dating teacher there
is...because she does things that ALMOST NATURALLY
AMPLIFY the ATTRACTION that men feel for her.

One of the KEYS to this natural ability is communicating
that she doesn't NEED the particular guy that she's
with.

When she does these little things to communicate
that she doesn't NEED a particular guy, those things
tend to AMPLIFY the ATTRACTION that the guy feels.

We've all had it happen to us many times, so I
know that you know exactly what I'm talking about.

So from now on, instead of getting UPSET at women
for calling at the last minute to cancel plans, getting
annoyed when they talk to other guys, etc., LEARN
FROM IT.

Use it to understand how YOU should approach
ATTRACTIVE WOMEN... and how to behave so that YOU are
the one who creates and amplifies the attraction in
HER.

 

[samsara]

thx, like I said, I have no problem playing the game. I'm kicking her ass easily. I dont really get attached to girls anymore. Shes the one chasing me, shes the one making an effort. My attitude is more "blah" not sure if I'm interested but definitely enjoying playing the game. My thing is, she treated me like ****e for a year and in the last few months has tried to subtley changer her attitude to me thinking she'll roll me over with her looks. THis girl stared me up and down like a piece of meat in the office kitchenette. I am wondering if its best to teach her a lesson by not rewarding her previously bad behaviour. There are other great looking girls at work who are also expressing interest in me with whom I have no negative history, so this is DEFINITELY not oneitis.

 

[OddTech]

samsara, I understand your desire to "teach a ho a lesson." But remember that she's your coworker. Based on what you said, she can be conniving enough to go to war with you. I think you make a good decision to not be attached to her. She doesn't look like your type anyway.

I don't think you are excessive in your pride! You're just being indifferent toward her! She is the one messing with herself.

I don't know man, you need to ask yourself how important this job is to you. If you emotionally hurt her at the end, she could play some games on you, causing you to lose your job or even get sued. And she sounds like a woman who is pyscho enough to do that.

I say you stay the course and tread cautiously. Don't go for her! Be a challenge to her, let her chase you. Be wary of initiating physical contact with her. You never know, she could be playing mind games and setting up traps for you. Also, be careful what you say to other women and what not. Gossips spread quickly. Have fun torturing your victim. Hehe.

 

[samsara]

thanks amigo. I work in washington dc for the fed govt and this place is chock full of "so called female professionals". One thing I have been doing is isolating her by getting to know as many of the 300 people on my floor in case **** hits the fan. I purposely have animated coversations with her close female friends, and just smile and coyly say hi to her. She waves, I ignore her. She gets angry, ignores me, and lights up when I engage her. Her female friends apply all sorts of sly diagnostics against me to see if I'm just ****ing with her head. Its five of them against one of me. How long can I realistically keep this up until she gives up and tries to get revenge? Its been 5 months strong already.
Goal is to make her think shes not part of my "club" and will be beating herself over the head to figure out why. I am leaving for grad school in two years so I dont worry about the job too much but am aware that some chicks will wage war mercilessly, and one like tis can have my male boss turn on me just like that if she wanted to. Ok, enough for now. I appreciate the positive reinforcement.

 

[Doppler4000]

The DJ stuff has been pretty natural like hanging back, hot cold behaviour, generally screwing with her head because I was pissed and wanted to mess with her at least for a little while.

....I feel really jaded with these professional women and just feel like ****ing with heads of the ones who slighted me.

Playing games and purposely screwing with chicks heads for some type of amusement (or perhaps perceived revenge) has nothing to do with being a DJ. If you're doing that, you don't get it.

 

[samsara]

maybe you're right. She shouldnt be taught a lesson and she should be allowed to do this to another hapless sap.

 

[cave dweller]

the play

I would not play head-games with her......
I would try to use her to introduce me to one of her 'hot friends'.
I don't play around at my work....

My rule is:

'Don't put your meat where you get your bread'

my 2 cents

cave dweller