Cousin married last year divorced this year.

[Fatal Jay]

A cousin of mine had dropped a lot of weight, got married last year. Saw her this year at my other cousin wedding, she is now fat with another kid to the equation (she had one before the marriage).

This made me ponder to myself, is anything sacred anymore? Geez.

Married men, be honest is their any benefits of getting married this day and age?

 

[Big Nuts]

99.9% chance...no.

 

[Big Nuts]

50% of marriages end in divorce with many men being a$$ raped financially and emotionally...that said, the "other" 50% of marriages, that are "intact" are occupied by many men who have had their soul's destroyed.

Just because a couple is married, doesn't mean everything is roses....by and large it is a sh!t show. Sexless, lonely, unhealthy.

 

[expos]

A cousin of mine had dropped a lot of weight, got married last year. Saw her this year at my other cousin wedding, she is now fat with another kid to the equation (she had one before the marriage).

This made me ponder to myself, is anything sacred anymore? Geez.

Married men, be honest is their any benefits of getting married this day and age?

Very few can make it work. I will say that one person in the marriage will have unrealistic expectations of what the relationship should be - while the other is constantly trying to hold it together and, in turn, they lose themselves while fighting for their partner.

I had a dentist appointment last week and while I was getting my teeth cleaned, the dental assistant went on to tell me about her crumbling marriage (she heard that I went through a divorce). Anyways, this woman was married for 10 years, and in the 10th year of marriage they decided to start having kids. They had two kids, and after the second child was born they started having relationship problems. I just shook my head. You would think after the 10th year of marriage that they have their sh!t together in order to start building a family, but apparently not.

I'd also like to add that second marriages are a terrible idea. Too much at stake.

 

[expos]

A cousin of mine had dropped a lot of weight, got married last year. Saw her this year at my other cousin wedding, she is now fat

We call this "taking off the jersey". Meaning she retired from the sport of courtship and won the championship (marriage), and didn't feel like she had to work anymore for the relationship.

Also, she had a kid. Bad move. Couples should wait at least 4-5 years after the wedding to introduce something like that into the relationship.

Happens all the time. I can only remember one woman who lost weight during her marriage (but that's because her doctor told her that her terrible diet and habits were going to kill her by age 50).

 

[Fatal Jay]

What would you guys say is the major factor in marriages going bad these days, was it women with the "my way of the highway" mentality?

 

[expos]

What would you guys say is the major factor in marriages going bad these days, was it women with the "my way of the highway" mentality?

Wanting social acceptance.

For many insecure types, marriage is sort of the benchmark for personal success. People are so lonely that they feel that a legal unification will solve all of their problems. All of their friends are getting married...maybe they should too!

Most don't want to feel like the odd man/woman out amongst their social circle, so they attach to the closest attractive (whether that be looks or wealth) single person in their proximity and wed them. Then three to seven years later they are scratching their head as to why it isn't working out.

Some couples get together to compile their wealth. Having that big house in the suburbs means a lot to some people, seemingly much more than the person they are with. It's all surface and appearance...and nothing to do with actual love.

This is why you see so many miserable married couples. The men are too spineless and don't want to leave the wife because she'll destroy everything that he worked for, the women don't want to leave because they don't want to lose their financial security and support. So they stick together and stay unhappy.

Most people will often say the happiest times of their lives were when they were broke college students and ate Ramen every night. Rarely do I hear guys tell me that they are having a blast being strapped to a mortgage, 9 to 5 Manager positions, and dealing with a fat, sexless spouse who *****es them out when want to golf for 4 hours on weekend afternoon.


A lot people who think they are good marriage material have really no business being married at all. This in the same vein as people who think they should be parents...and then you see them b!tch slapping their kids in the grocery aisle at 10pm on a weeknight.

Just because you can get married, doesn't mean you should.

 

[yyc12]

What would you guys say is the major factor in marriages going bad these days, was it women with the "my way of the highway" mentality?

Most likely unrealistic expectations on the part of the woman (as well as grass is greener mentality), as is evidenced by the fact that they file for divorce most of the time.

 

[Fatal Jay]

I know a guy in my area, who had his own business and made a million dollars two times, got divorced, and has nothing now.

Marriage more and more is looking dark. I'm not afraid of asking any married man, and he always give me that don't do it speech, so sad.

 

[Big Nuts]

What would you guys say is the major factor in marriages going bad these days, was it women with the "my way of the highway" mentality?

Easy, men have been socially engineered to be manginas. It is that simple. Women are just taking advantage of manginas, promulgated by white knights of course.

A classic example is the commercial with the dufus man sitting with his know-it-all wife at the bank as she beaks off as the expert running their lives. Jaysus krist guys...take control!!!!!!!!!

It's fvcking embarrassing now.

Never, ever let a woman run your show! The more she runs your show, the more she will lose respect for you. It is a paradox.

I am old enough to dispense this advice.

My buddies who are divorced let their wives push them around, their wives left, they lost respect.

My buddies who are still married do what they want, when they want on a respectable level. They are not abusive...they simply never let their wife run their show.

I cannot emphasize more: Never, ever let a woman run your show!

 

[Kailex]

I think a lot of failures also falls squarely on the men, as well.

How many posts do you read on these forums where the red flags pop up all over the place, but still, the man wants to stay with this chick no matter what... and then it leads to marriage?

"Ohhh, I should have known. Why didn't I see the signs sooner?"

A lot of us fail to realize that we have options and that they are plenty. Things have changed in the last 50 to 60 years, yes... but what hasn't changed is an abundance of options along with the free will to choose.

If we complain about the women who pull off a lot of crap in the relationship all the way up to marriage and divorce, then we need to complain about the men who allow it just as much.

I have to say, after spending 5 years in New Jersey, I know now that I'd never marry an American woman for these very reasons. It's like they KNOW that men are desperate for the golden hole of pleasure and dangle it, yet feel a sense of entitlement as they do. It's a losing game for a man who doesn't realize he has options. I do. So they lose with me, but the problem is that once I remove myself, there are 15 others willing to put up with her crap... and so the lesson is never truly learned.

Choose wisely men, VERY wisely. It could cost you big for the rest of your life.

 

[Greasy Pig]

My GF's cousin got married in January and she left her husband last week.
Turned out she was fvcking some guy three months before the wedding while her fiancé was away setting up his job and their marital home in another town.
She admits she got married out of obligation more than love and a desire to settle down.
I think that's the problem with modern marriage. People think: "Shyt, we've been together five years, I guess the next step is we just get married!"
This reasoning is all wrong. You should only get married if you have an overwhelming desire to, not because your friends, family and society expect it.

On another note, this guy forgave her and took her back!!! WTF? They had counselling for a few months but she packed her shyt and left anyway.
He left her alone to build a life for them in a new town and she repaid him by jumping on a male friend's c0ck within weeks of him leaving.
Even then she went through with the marriage even though she knew her heart wasn't in it.
The affair was discovered just weeks after the wedding.

I really feel sorry for the guy but have no sympathy for him forgiving her. Hypergamy is a bytch. Marry well and marry for the right reasons or don't do it all.

 

[The Shoe]

I do pre-marital counseling which I encourage everyone to go through. You would not believe how many couples get married not having talked about living arrangements, finances, children, careers, etc. All of these are going to be very important, and I've seen couples break up after talking about these things. One of my long-term girlfriends suddenly got baby fever and dumped me because I was hesitant about fathering a child and sacrificing a career to do so.

This being said, I tend to blame the failure of marriages on a combination of things including: misplaced (or overly high) expectations, lack of confidence, and self-absorbtion.

 

[VladPatton]

A lot of it is fear of starting over. If people would slam on the brakes after X amount of red flags, a lot of damage would be prevented.

Lets say marriage is an airplane. The kids are the passengers. You and your wife are the pilots. You're taking off the runway. Various systems come on right when you pull up. What do you do? Abort? Go around and return safely? Crash land and risk it? Or go up at 35,000' because you have religion and love on your side? All the while the system is blaring alarms and lights are flashing.

Thus, the crashes, and the kids suffer as a casualty.

 

[CaliMan007]

I think a lot of failures also falls squarely on the men, as well.

How many posts do you read on these forums where the red flags pop up all over the place, but still, the man wants to stay with this chick no matter what... and then it leads to marriage?

"Ohhh, I should have known. Why didn't I see the signs sooner?"

A lot of us fail to realize that we have options and that they are plenty. Things have changed in the last 50 to 60 years, yes... but what hasn't changed is an abundance of options along with the free will to choose.

If we complain about the women who pull off a lot of crap in the relationship all the way up to marriage and divorce, then we need to complain about the men who allow it just as much.

I have to say, after spending 5 years in New Jersey, I know now that I'd never marry an American woman for these very reasons. It's like they KNOW that men are desperate for the golden hole of pleasure and dangle it, yet feel a sense of entitlement as they do. It's a losing game for a man who doesn't realize he has options. I do. So they lose with me, but the problem is that once I remove myself, there are 15 others willing to put up with her crap... and so the lesson is never truly learned.

Choose wisely men, VERY wisely. It could cost you big for the rest of your life.

Definitely agree with this post!

Someone else also mentioned it but I think a lot of couples get married just for the sake of "taking the next step". I have friends who dated the same partner for 5-10 years and then eventually got married. Why fix what ain't broke? After so many years with the same partner I could tell each one got married to lock in that partner "for life" out of fear of losing them and because they were for so long out of the game. When people get comfortable with someone and in a particular relationship, they tend to settle and do what they believe is socially right - marriage. Big mistake!

 

[Kailex]

A lot of "why fix something that ain't broke"... usually falls on the woman's side. A woman who dates a man for 5 years and still has no proposal in sight is going to be constantly bombarded by other people who will shame her to no end about not being able to "reign in" their man.

Which will in turn become a bombardment to her man about why it hasn't happened... eventually to the point where she might even threaten to end the relationship.

If men called out this bluff, a lot of the resentment created from a "forced proposal/wedding" wouldn't come down the line.

Vicious cycle, indeed.