Counselling

[slaog]

I have a few questions regarding counselling. Does it do any good or is it a waste of time? Do counsellors help a person or do people think they're being helped by talking about their problems?


I'm not looking to go to counselling incase anybody asks.


(If theres any other threads on the subject let me know, cheers)

 

[sodbuster]

It can help,IF you are willing to listen and change. If you are talking about marriage counseling-doesn't work because the woman is never wrong and won't see the need to change-you are supposed to do that[experience of 2 other guys and my personal experience][One guy showed up and his wife didn't-he said ENOUGH BS and called her on it]

 

[djzulu]

I have been to counseling before - some good, some bad. Overall the answers to the questions are within you and I usually find that a good friend is the best listener that you will ever have.

 

[Maxtro]

You want an opinion….here’s mine.

Seek out a good mentor and be a student. Learn everything that your mentor teaches you and always keep learning. The mentor should have a clear understanding on the realities of life including what is necessary for you to do in order for you to position yourself into the person that you want to become. I have learned that it is hard going through life, because life is not fair, but it is so much more difficult if you decide to journey alone.

As far as a counsel goes: If you have issues/problems in life they may help….only if you really want to go along with the program. They are mostly book smart and not reality smart. (Go to a counsel and ask a questions relating to an issues you may have with your gf and notice the AFC response) ------it is so political correct out there that I want to pull my hair out.

Just my opinion ...

How are you supposed to find a mentor? Post an ad on criagslist?

I have also done counseling and sometimes it helps and other it doesn't. It's still to hear somebodies opinion every now and then.

 

[slaog]

I was discussing it with somebody last week because somebody we know went. He reckoned it's a good thing while I'm not so sure. I'd never go to it and don't need to go to it. I prefer to deal with any problems myself.


I dated a counsellor and she went beserk when I started telling her something about her I didn't like. I thought it was odd that she had trouble controlling her emotions considering her work.

 

[DJDamage]

I dated a counsellor and she went beserk when I started telling her something about her I didn't like. I thought it was odd that she had trouble controlling her emotions considering her work.

I think it comes down to wanting to have power over others because they can't fix themselves. I knew someone who was a children counsellor that dealt with kids from bad/broken homes, and when she had children of her own she would yell and scream at them.

If you look at many male psychologists for instence they tend to be beta males who had issues with their whole lives regarding confidence and women. Now that they have learned everything about their field instead of working on themselevs they tend to feel better about (using their supposed superiority) telling others what's wrong with them and molest/date their female victims/patients.

A zebra doesn't change it's stripes.

 

[Luthor Rex]

If you look at many male psychologists for instence they tend to be beta males who had issues with their whole lives regarding confidence and women. Now that they have learned everything about their field instead of working on themselevs they tend to feel better about (using their supposed superiority) telling others what's wrong with them and molest/date their female victims/patients.

A zebra doesn't change it's stripes.

A lot of people who take psychology as a major do so because they want to figure out what is wrong with themselves.

 

[Warrior74]

Lol the ex was a psych major. I'll never date one of those again...it should be considered a red flag. Every one I have met since has had major issues.

 

[ChumpNoMore]

I went once, years ago, when going thru a break up, well before I found this site and was a full on AFC.

It can be helpful to have someone impartial and outside your circle to listen.

I saw him based on a reference, from all people, my mom (my moms not like most women tho, not very emotionally driven and got her background in HR).

He was actually quite helpful putting some perspective on things, but like any advice, take it with a grain of salt:

On the subject of my LTR breaking up as I wouldn't move in with her...

Counsellor: "So, do you see yourself being with her for the rest of your life?"

Me: "I guess I could tough it out..."

Counsellor: "Let me repeat back to you what you just said..."

I was so worked up over things and emotions, fear anxiety that I never ever connected my feelings and statements with my situation and possible decisions... He did help me figure out what *I* wanted and work through that...

I think that's the key: the counselling should be helping YOU work through things, not being told what to do.

 

[edger]

Lol the ex was a psych major. I'll never date one of those again...it should be considered a red flag. Every one I have met since has had major issues.

Yeah, I also was involved with one too for a very short period of time(I'm talking, we'd only hung out 2 times. Never f*cked her though, which was the reason I tossed her to the curb) who was in Med. school working towards her Psych. degree, and I swear to you, she was the biggest d*cktease, attention wh*re I'd ever dealt with yet. Very attractive woman too by the way, 28 yrs old. After nexting and ignoring her, she wouldn't leave me the f*ck alone. It was pretty bad. It was almost as if she purposely kept calling me to get under my skin.

 

[jophil28]

Lol the ex was a psych major. I'll never date one of those again...it should be considered a red flag. Every one I have met since has had major issues.

A red flag and a red light !.

I have said several times on this board that my relationships with members of the "caring" professions have been the most chaotic and the most destructive. Those woman are seriously nuts, and worst of all they are convinced that their diploma PROVES that they are so damn "righteous".
Arrogant and self important sums them up.

Avoid the following women.. leftwing lawyers, social workers, grade school teachers, childcare workers, most nurses, clinical psychologists and any other feminist loonie who works for the city in an all-female office enviroment.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

I love how this thread spirals from the word "counsellor" into being synonymous with "psychologists, feminists and left-wing lawyers",..heheh.

What kind of counseling is SLAOG referring to? High School / College counsellors? Marriage counsellors? Camp counsellors? Peer counsellors? Psychotherapists? Cognitive therapists? Behavioral therapists? Pet therapists,...heh. But no, the presumption is that it's touchy-feely cognitive humanist overly emotional psycho-babble.

Hey, maybe we should just tell all the combat vets coming back from Iraq and Afghanistan with PTSD to grow a pair, STFU and fire off all of their panzy-ass feminist psychologists counsellors? While were at it we could shut down the military's psy-ops division and throw out morale training since all that psychology is just a bunch of hooey, right?

 

[Da Realist]

I say do not expect for a counseler to fix everything in your life. They are human, not a talking magic bullet. The thing to look for is someone who will bring an objective view on things.

 

[jophil28]

Hey, maybe we should just tell all the combat vets coming back from Iraq and Afghanistan with PTSD to grow a pair, STFU and fire off all of their panzy-ass feminist psychologists counsellors? While were at it we could shut down the military's psy-ops division and throw out morale training since all that psychology is just a bunch of hooey, right?

The thread author was probably referring to 'civilian' counseling. He did not mention any military connection.
And while we are on the topic of PTSD, many of our Vietnam vets still suffer from, or are involved in, alcohol and drug addiction, broken marriages, violent crime, anxiety and depression and a whole range of mental illnesses which stubbornly refuse to submit to 30 odd years of 'counseling'.

The problem is that "counseling" per se has a poor reputation, or at least a dubious one, at best. Those clinical practitioners of the 'art' are not particularly well regarded in the general community, and for every 'client' who claims to have gained some benefit, there are probably an equal number who feel that they have wasted their time and money..

Let me tell you all a story which is pertinent...

After I quit drinking back in 1990, I met a woman a year and a half later and we became 'involved'. We dated seriously and exclusively for a year and then we decided to get married in another year. During the next few months I contacted a female counselor for some advice, and she and I talked for about six sessions. She then suggested that my fiancee join in for a few sessions and we could all work on a few differences that she and I had.

Long story short, my fiancee then saw the counselor twice without telling me. When we all met in our first group session, the counselor sided with my girl and all but demanded that I meet all of my fiancee's wishes and desires and abandon mine. I foolishly stayed and debated the issues instead of walking out of the session and firing her a$$.

I remember her saying this to both of us at the end of the last session," You two have to know that there are no fixed morals. You each have to make up your mind about how each will act in this marriage. For example, the issue of adultery is one which both of you have to come to a personal decision about. It is neither right or wrong. These decisions are up to the individual."

Well we did get married (it lasted another year or so ) and at the end , my wife told me that she NEVER trusted me during the marriage after hearing the counselor say what she did about adultery. It was heard by her as an encouragement or an endorsement for me to cheat if I wanted to.

Idiot with a diploma.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Oh, I'd agree with you on the marriage counseling. It's usually last stop before toll. The "life coaches" need to get their grab at the cash before the couple is of to the attorneys and then divorce. And yes, a great deal of it is based on touchy-feel self-reporting cognitive therapy with all the inherent excesses for opportunism.

But that's not all psychology is. If you bought a pack of gum at the grocery checkout counter on your way out, that's psychology at work too.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

hiring a counselor/shrink/psychobabblist whatever you want to call them, is no different than hiring a guy to re do your kitchen flooring.

How long have they been in business?
What kind of license/certificates/training do they have?
Do they have any referrals?
Do they get a lot of repeat business?
What is their success rate?
Have they ever been sued?
Who are they recommended by?
Are they respected in their community of professional head shrinkers?

There are enough of these folks out there (just check the yellow pages), that if any of them refuse to answer any of the above questions, you can find plenty that do.

Of course, most people only see these people when they are in a bad way, and not thinking too rationally, so unfortunately these folks too often get a pass.

I would recommend finding somebody who is pretty decent when you are NOT in a bad way, so when you need somebody you know where to go, just like you know where to take your car when it breaks.

 

[jophil28]

But that's not all psychology is. If you bought a pack of gum at the grocery checkout counter on your way out, that's psychology at work too.

Gum gives me gas..I belch. Do you consider that counseling would help me? I think that I may have some kind of psychic injury .

 

[englishman]

I dated a counsellor and she went beserk when I started telling her something about her I didn't like. I thought it was odd that she had trouble controlling her emotions considering her work.

I dated a councilor once a long time back. When I told her I thought it was over between us she punched me in the mouth when I was asleep....psycho biatch.
Watch out for councilors who are in need of counseling.

 

[FireOnTheMountain]

Well, I have never visited a counselor. I have thought about it many times, though, and probably will visit eventually. My job provides some kind of 'LifeLines' benefit where they will pay for the first three sessions with a psychologist. It's anonymous, too, so no one at my office will know. So there is no reason for me not to do it.


It's surely best to choose carefully. One observation I had in college was that an awful lot of people chose psychology as kind of a default degree. I don't know how to explain it. All of the really dumb blonde girls were always psychology majors when I was in school.

I feel like I would be more comfortable talking to a female counselor, but at the same time, I can't help but remember those really dumb girls from college. But I do feel that if I choose carefully enough, I really could benefit from it.

 

[Jitterbug]

I've never been to a counselor but have a couple of friends who are. Their lives are a mess so, as much as I like them, I don't trust them with fixing other people's lives.