Could use some outside opinions

[Blazing]

So I'll try and make this quick

Basically broke up with my ex because we were both going to be moving away at the end of the year. I go NC and a month in she breaks it. Lastnight she txts me about how much she misses me and that she still loves me. I suggest we talk in person. The next day my roommate comes in and says he seen her and some guy leaving our building.

So naturally someone who thinks they are being played I probably reacted in the most un-DJ way possible. Txtd her that she was a piece of **** that I should have expected this from her.

She calls me and is furious that my roommate could draw that conclusion from her roommates friend basically white-knighting carrying her **** to her car for her as she left. She says she wasnt being shady at all that she even spoke to them as they passed. Went on to ask how could I assume that she could move on that easily from our relationship. Basically said she'd go infront of anyone to prove that it wasn't like that.

Idk if I can trust her, my roommate said on second thought she was right that he believed her. I dont even care if she's with some dude it's more texting me about how she still loves me if that is what's going on. So she doesn't have a reason to lie we aren't even together. I could see us potentially becoming Fbs but if she lied to me I wont speak to her again.

Just wondering if anyone else has had a situation where you wonder if you can trust someone

 

[Overthought]

This is one of those grey areas. Most likely you handled it wrong but hey, we all make mistakes. It is not the trust issue you got to sort out, it is the over thinking that is your kryptonite. What will you do if in the future YOU see her hanging out with a guy even if it is purely a platonic orbiter?

Me? I'd honestly go NC on her again and let it boil over for both you and her. Go out, meet other woman, basically next her. Let her anger abate and if she initiates again, do the same - organise a meet up to chat and see how things are going and go from there if you are still interested.

 

[Jair213]

Dude your not even her bf anymore. Watt she does now its none of your business wether she lied or not

 

[Blazing]

It's not the fact that she was with someone else that pissed me off. It was the the fact that the night before she was busy texting me how much she missed me and that she still loved me then seeing that. Although it appears she's not with someone else. It's not that I can't move on it was more the thought that she was wanting to talk about us if there was another guy in the picture.


As far as her being mad I blew up about it I just told her I reacted tore picture that was painted for me by my roommate. She said she understood why and that was why she called to set everything straight. That if she didn't want anyone especially me thinking she was with anyone. That she'd see me Sunday. So I guess we'll see

Seems like it turned into a bunch of drama for no good reason so of course I feel dumb reacting the way I did. But it was the thought of someone trying to play me for a fool that really set me off. Not being hurt an ex is seeing someone. I went NC to get rid of those feelings.

 

[Skyline]

The next day my roommate comes in and says he seen her and some guy leaving our building.

Txtd her that she was a piece of **** that I should have expected this from her.

You're so afraid of loosing her...

Another thing if someone tells you one thing but you think the other, find out yourself BEFORE taking action. People can misinterpret things very easily.

 

[Blazing]

I agree you all are right. I accepted everything and was happy after going NC. Was even fine with her txting me after a month of NC. I suppose the glimmer of fixin things made me react that way. Because no one wants to be played for a fool.

I don't think it's that I'm scared of losing her. Because I was fine after we broke up. It's more wondering if you're making the wrong choice when it looks like you ex is having second thoughts about you breaking up.

My roommate after I told him what she said, said that he believes her. That it just looked odd at the time and he was just looking out for me. But as far as her being mad she really wasn't mad that I got upset. It was more her being mad that someone would believe she'd do that. But from seeing all the horror stories on here I instantly went to worse case scenario.

Idk what I'm going to do yet guys. I told her I wanted to talk this week so I guess I will see how that goes. But after that I'll probably go NC again if it looks like a waste of time

 

[Jariel]

Paranoia can do horrible things to a man.

I've been torn up over my ex for a couple of months and it's mostly because of the sh1t going around in my head...despite there being absolutely no evidence to back it up.

The problem is, when you start acting on these thoughts, you show yourself to be unstable and insecure, and that alone is enough of a reason for any woman to keep her distance.

Try to anticipate these feelings in future and treat everything at face value unless there is solid evidence to prove otherwise. On one hand, you're on guard, determined she won't make a fool of you, and yet even if she's with someone else, your cool, polite and indifferent attitude will have far more impact than any outburst or accusation and will make you feel a lot better too.

My ex is currently wanting to meet with me too to smooth things over. She says she still loves me and misses me and is hinting that she wants to be friends with benefits. My rational side is saying she obviously still cares about me and is having trouble letting go. That's how I feel and it's reasonable to say she feels the same. However, there's this paranoia that creeps in from time to time suggesting she's just using me for attention, to feed her ego so she can meet other guys or she wants me as a safety net and her intentions are all manipulative and sinister. If I act on the former, I can meet her, clear the air and walk away knowing our relationship meant something. But if I act on the latter, I become bitter about the relationship, I feel rejected and used, and I will sour all my memories of her.

Unfortunately, I believe there are a lot of posters on this forum who encourage that paranoia, and even though they mean well, life is difficult when you go round with your guard up all the time, suspecting the worst from everyone. Worse still, it turns you into a bitter and insecure person who women just won't want in their lives.

 

[Blazing]

She obviously still carses about you, because she texted you.

You obviously still care about her, because it upset you to see her with another guy.

IF you believe her and trust her, why can't you two still date until you both move away?

What am I missing here?

That my friend is what we will talk about next week I suppose.

Jariel you are right on the money seriously. One side of me wants to trust her until she gives me a reason not to. But just being on here in general I've seen so many "Got played by this girl" threads that the other side of me is like "I'm not letting that happen to me". It honestly makes you miserable because I'm way too cynical about everything now. I think it's just my way of trying to avoid being ****ed over, but I'm starting to realize the only one who's miserable because of it is me. If she or any girl isn't being honest that's just proof that they don't belong in my life. I need to stop worrying about it and just deal with it like that if it ever comes up

 

[Blazing]

So a little update

I'm pretty sure even though she said she wasn't mad about the texts I sent friday, they were pretty damn harsh and I'm pretty sure she went ahead and read them eventhough after she called me she said she'd just delete them.

So here we are I'm pretty sure she's mad at me so I'm thinking I'll just go NC until she gets over it. I'm thinking that while she's mad anything I do to try and smooth things over will just give her more power in this situation.

Would you guys say that this is the right way to handle it or should I try to smooth things over because it was a misunderstanding?

 

[hockeyfreak79]

So a little update

I'm pretty sure even though she said she wasn't mad about the texts I sent friday, they were pretty damn harsh and I'm pretty sure she went ahead and read them eventhough after she called me she said she'd just delete them.

So here we are I'm pretty sure she's mad at me so I'm thinking I'll just go NC until she gets over it. I'm thinking that while she's mad anything I do to try and smooth things over will just give her more power in this situation.

Would you guys say that this is the right way to handle it or should I try to smooth things over because it was a misunderstanding?

It's a broads job to smooth things over. I've been in similar situations, none of this sh*t matters, both of you are moving away at the end of the year anyway. Concentrate on yourself and crap you need to get done before your move. Just let it go dude.

 

[Jariel]

Yeah, leave it for now. You can gain so much clarity after a month or two of no contact and so can she. It allows the bad feelings to settle and you can both talk in a more civil way from that point and make a lot more progress than you would while you're still hurting.