Could this chick be BPD ?

[luciferx]

Been checking out this forum after searching about girls with daddy issues.

Apparently my girl has a divorced father and he remarried and she lives with her mother and sister

After being drawn into the daddy drama, he's a jerk, he abandoned the real family etc I saw that these women are slooty as ****

Started off the relationship with an ONS, she didn't ask for a condom, I anyway used it

She's had a colourful past with a lot of boyfriends against some she holds grudges against and constantly says **** against them, 'less of a man' etc they have called her a slut, stalked her etc etc

She has a lot of tattoos and apparently talks about her tattoo artist guy whom she's in touch with and talks about blocking him and all. He's smart and all

A lot of talk about their guys in her life and none about girls, she has no girlfriends and her best "girlfriend" seems like a sloot the way she talks about her personal sex life.

She has exes and flings or love interests in the picture with low contact, I'm not jealous but I saw texts like "you won't like me" and "I don't miss the sex because it's overpowering" and went mad at her. She said she was joking. Her quality went low for me then, pumping on her face since then.

Talks about cutting to scare her father and cuts to 'calm' herself

Never rages or nags but EXTREMELY sarcastic and passive.

Lies a lot of times.

Seems like a kid, shy sweet and honestly immature but she's 19 so I get it

Her exes apparently seemed in love with her but all of them seemed to "dump her" due to no apparent fault of hers

Makes me jealous a lot about other guys, their voice, their money, status, their multiple girls or their cash etc etc

Has unknown guy friends she adds through social networking

Her mom also apparently has issues with her own father

Lies about major things like her mom's boyfriend

She once told me that she told a friend that she doesn't feel safe with me, I went mad and just audio recorded everything to get myself out of a possible future **** up, consent and all


Talks about marriage and other stuff but I don't even know her out of a couple of months.

Says nice girls end up dead in an alley when I ask her let's tone down the sex and get to know each other, and various suicide "jokes"

Is this a girl with low interest who is playing me or straight up BPD ? ****ed her in every way imaginable so I can't care less

Thanks for helping a brother out

 

[MrWood]

you are her tampon

 

[El Payaso]

Sounds like wife material. You should propose to her.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Obviously she has issues. As for bpd specifically, you didn't mention substance abuse, or any sort of sexual abuse in her past. Those are big signs if they do exist.

BPD is a disorder about abandonment. So if the man in her life gets too close, she will have to push him away. That's the only way they can experience love. Maybe she has done that here by convincing you she is a slvt. You backing away mentally and just using her for sex is actually what she needs. It's the only type of relationship she can have, one where she does not quite have the guy.

 

[dustmuffin]

Lord, this woman is a nut. Dump her and move on. To much drama.

 

[Juanto]

Not so much a BPD issue I think, but if both parents of a certain girl are already dead, could it also be some sort of red flag, as she doesnt have now a family background as a support?

 

[btownbuck2012]

BPD is a disorder about abandonment. So if the man in her life gets too close, she will have to push him away. That's the only way they can experience love. Maybe she has done that here by convincing you she is a slvt. You backing away mentally and just using her for sex is actually what she needs. It's the only type of relationship she can have, one where she does not quite have the guy.

Can you elaborate on this a bit more? You're saying that a BPD woman will intentionally throw a wrench into a good relationship as she cannot experience love in that capacity?

 

[MrWood]

Can you elaborate on this a bit more? You're saying that a BPD woman will intentionally throw a wrench into a good relationship as she cannot experience love in that capacity?

yes... I am somewhat dealing with this.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Can you elaborate on this a bit more? You're saying that a BPD woman will intentionally throw a wrench into a good relationship as she cannot experience love in that capacity?

Yep, absolutely. The best they are ever going to do is a man that they don't quite fully have, which is why bpd girls make great mistresses for married men. They will be a mistress forever, pledging undying love the entire time. But marry one, and they will drive you away immediately. The disorder springs from a traumatic childhood abandonment, which the mind copes with by attempting to constantly re-experience that abandonment in adult relationships.

 

[btownbuck2012]

Yep, absolutely. The best they are ever going to do is a man that they don't quite fully have, which is why bpd girls make great mistresses for married men. They will be a mistress forever, pledging undying love the entire time. But marry one, and they will drive you away immediately. The disorder springs from a traumatic childhood abandonment, which the mind copes with by attempting to constantly re-experience that abandonment in adult relationships.

That's wild and very insightful. Why would they want to recreate that experience if it was so traumatic for them in their youth? You'd think that they would want to avoid feeling that way again..?

 

[btownbuck2012]

Start thinking about what you want from them, rather than worry about what they want from you.

Or else continue to be a co-dependent.

Agreed. Being codependent is something I've struggled with in relationships and will work on in the future.

 

[wolf]

Here is an idea

Instead of looking outward to see if this chick is BPD instead look inward.

BPD chicks tend to go for the same kind of guy in my experience. Either..

A) You are over playing your masculine card to everyone on this thread to cover up for what is truly inside..ie You are actually vulnerable/codependent/Have your own deep rooted issues from your own childhood that links to a fear of intimacy/rejection/abandonment etc

B) You have Narcissistic traits that drives you to keep this chick around because she feeds your own fragile ego.


The fact that you haven't headed the red flags tells me that there is something within yourself that lies unresolved.

The question is... What is it within you that this BPD sees?

Did you have a ropey childhood?
Was Dad an abusive/distant arsehole?
Was Mom too busy getting busy with her latest boyfriend to ttend your own needs?
Was one of your parents sick/an addict and you felt the need to take care of their needs?

Look deep and the answer may just be staring you in the face.

As for this chick. It doesn't really matter if she is BPD/NPD/HPD/Cuckoo! What matters is what is it within yourself that keeps you hanging onto someone who is clearly unstable?

 

[luciferx]

Here is an idea

Instead of looking outward to see if this chick is BPD instead look inward.

BPD chicks tend to go for the same kind of guy in my experience. Either..

A) You are over playing your masculine card to everyone on this thread to cover up for what is truly inside..ie You are actually vulnerable/codependent/Have your own deep rooted issues from your own childhood that links to a fear of intimacy/rejection/abandonment etc

B) You have Narcissistic traits that drives you to keep this chick around because she feeds your own fragile ego.


The fact that you haven't headed the red flags tells me that there is something within yourself that lies unresolved.

The question is... What is it within you that this BPD sees?

Did you have a ropey childhood?
Was Dad an abusive/distant arsehole?
Was Mom too busy getting busy with her latest boyfriend to ttend your own needs?
Was one of your parents sick/an addict and you felt the need to take care of their needs?

Look deep and the answer may just be staring you in the face.

As for this chick. It doesn't really matter if she is BPD/NPD/HPD/Cuckoo! What matters is what is it within yourself that keeps you hanging onto someone who is clearly unstable?

To be honest I haven't had a an amazing family either that's why I didn't care if she came from a broken home.
I believe it's the inability to see someone's instability in the dating process considering growing up in a not so stable environment myself which lead to this death dance.

But thanks for the insight.

 

[wolf]

To be honest I haven't had a an amazing family either that's why I didn't care if she came from a broken home.
I believe it's the inability to see someone's instability in the dating process considering growing up in a not so stable environment myself which lead to this death dance.

But thanks for the insight.

And there we have it

You have Empathy and it is this that she is attracted to. You are less likely to abandon her as you are able to put yourself in her shoes and feel 'for' her. She has turned what empathy you do have into a weapon to be used against you and now you are confused and making Threads on Sosuave.

Your Boundaries are somewhere between non-existent and Porous. It is your lack of Boundaries that have lead you into this "death dance" with this chick. Maybe you weren't allowed to 'feel' as a kid? Perhaps your wants/needs were invalidated or just simply not met in childhood? Either way this is none of your fault! It is now up to you to take a hold of your balls and find a way out of this situation and away from this chick but mark my words... if you do not tackle the core reason behind what attracts you to her and her to you then you will just end up dating the same girl but with a different face!

These Cluster B Chicks mirror you hard and build up the illusion of you being able to attain something deep that you longed for long ago in your past. Follow the white rabbit and head on down the rabbit hole. Open all of the doors and i promise you that you will find the reason why you get involved with these chicks.

I have been there and it almost cost me my life!

Peace

 

[Infern0]

To be honest I haven't had a an amazing family either that's why I didn't care if she came from a broken home.
I believe it's the inability to see someone's instability in the dating process considering growing up in a not so stable environment myself which lead to this death dance.

But thanks for the insight.

I see what you are saying the thing is though as a man you have the ability to a) learn from your mistakes and b) and this is important: the ability to REASON

Girls who act like this are an absolute disaster, I was with a waif bpd for 2 years, stupidly I thought I was different and that she would change for me because she'd appreciate a quality guy

Straight foolishness from me, she didn't change, but I did. Into her *****!

You've already smashed, and that's the high point with these girls, it's all downhill from there so quit while your ahead.

The house always wins, there's nothing but trouble ahead if you stick around.

 

[Infern0]

I'll also add I'm currently plating a bpd and trust me, they KNOW what they are and what they do to people and they enjoy it.

This girl plays the victim to all the guys she runs through but because I know what she is and I'm absolutely brutal and rip **** out of her for being a crazy *****, slut etc she eats it up and laughs and agrees.

I feel for all the dudes on the wrong side of a bpd (I. E falling for the bull****) because these girls are predators, you have to know exactly what you are dealing with and be jaded enough to handle one on a very casual basis.

Get too close and you are finished

 

[luciferx]

I see what you are saying the thing is though as a man you have the ability to a) learn from your mistakes and b) and this is important: the ability to REASON

Girls who act like this are an absolute disaster, I was with a waif bpd for 2 years, stupidly I thought I was different and that she would change for me because she'd appreciate a quality guy

Straight foolishness from me, she didn't change, but I did. Into her *****!

You've already smashed, and that's the high point with these girls, it's all downhill from there so quit while your ahead.

The house always wins, there's nothing but trouble ahead if you stick around.

One thing I noticed, she used to act in a way that would drive me away, talking about other guy "friends". He's texting me, he's coming to meet me etc etc, No win situations, if I became jealous or possessive I'd be labeled that, if I became nonchalant, that'll let her push boundaries even more.

All the while being clingy and annoying and controlling herself. It felt she can't live without me yet wanted to torture and erode my self esteem for being with her.

 

[Infern0]

One thing I noticed, she used to act in a way that would drive me away, talking about other guy "friends". He's texting me, he's coming to meet me etc etc, No win situations, if I became jealous or possessive I'd be labeled that, if I became nonchalant, that'll let her push boundaries even more.

All the while being clingy and annoying and controlling herself. It felt she can't live without me yet wanted to torture and erode my self esteem for being with her.

Yeah par for the course.

Belive every single person who has ever been with a bpd when they say it's a no win situation.

I'm a fairly high smv guy with good knowledge of game and psychology and it stood for nothing.

These girl are compulsive self sabotagers, in actual fact the better you are, the worse they will react to you.

You either end up whipped and broken and then they leave you for someone who hasn't had the life drained out of them or you get sick of the crazy and walk away yourself.

Just belive me when I say I threw everything at trying to make it work with her but my greatest of efforts didn't make a dent in her neurosis.

Trained psychotherapists dread dealing with bpds because it's pretty much hopeless. They actually avoid handing it out as a diagnosis because its so damning. Political correctness requires therapists etc to say it's treatable, and with years of dbt and monumental effort it can be "managed" But that's the 0.0001% of cases.

Most of them just become cat ladies as they get older and the only thing they have (looks) begins to fade. And that happens earlier than normal due to their lifestyles.

Don't hate them, have sympathy for them because they have truly awful lives, ruining anything good that happens to them. But have sympathy from a safe distance.

 

[wolf]

Just to add i am good friends with a chick that i believe has BPD although i treat her as more of a case study. She is always honest with me because she knows i don't judge her. This girl is an actual Train wreck! I am talking..

1) Can not be alone
2) Is about to have her 2nd abortion of the year from 2 different guys
3) Can only 'love' men when they are playing push/pull
4) Will ALWAYS cheat regardless of how much she likes a guy. 6-12 months max and shes cheating.
5) Dumped an "amazing boyfriend" of 2 years to shack up with another woman.
6) Does more coke than scarface
7) Often feels suicidal

And after all these she actually has a really great relationship with her Dad and her parents are still together. Her sister is healthy and her parents support her to the max! She won't sleep with a guy until she knows him (5-6 weeks) but she will always cheat with a guy she already knows. She contradicts a lot of the reasons how and why a chick develops BPD hence why i treat her as a case study.

 

[wolf]

One thing I noticed, she used to act in a way that would drive me away, talking about other guy "friends". He's texting me, he's coming to meet me etc etc, No win situations, if I became jealous or possessive I'd be labeled that, if I became nonchalant, that'll let her push boundaries even more.

All the while being clingy and annoying and controlling herself. It felt she can't live without me yet wanted to torture and erode my self esteem for being with her.

She throws **** test after **** test at you and the fact that you haven't bolted for the door tells her that

A) You are a willing doormat

B) You enjoy it


They punish you for being with them because they know that any guy that truly respects himself and his sanity would never tolerate being treated like crap.

You are damned if you do and damned if you don't! Detach from her and she will drag your name through the mud to everyone she meets and stalk you. Stay and face more and more emotional/psychological/physical abuse. Hit back and have the cops show up at your door and arrest you on some domestic violence/rape charge.

Many guys who know what these chicks are will demote them to plates but i say they are playing with fire!!!