Could this be over?

[Duracell_Bunny]

The relationship has been about a year and a half.

My g/f is so stubborn that she wants to have a mortgage with me, she is currently living with her parents.

I live a alone, and have been for many years in accommodation where all of my family have a percentage.

My own view on this is I'd prefer to ease into things. I have not lived with a chick before and have no idea what its like.

I said too her that we should rent somewhere for six months or move in with me but she is completely against it and wants a mortgage and seems to think renting somewhere is just throwing money away - she's even willing to contribute almost all of the deposit.

This morning she got upset and I really don't like the fact that she's on this high horse being selfish.

As predicted not long after she left for work I get the "think we need a chat because this isn't right!!!" text from her.

 

[idk575]

She's living with her parents, probably a bit naive. Don't jump into anything with her. Tell her you want to take things slow and keep up with what you were telling her. If she ditches for that, you dodged a bullet.

 

[Bible_Belt]

seems to think renting somewhere is just throwing money away

fwiw, between 1/3 and 1/2 of all American home "owners" are upside-down in their mortgage right now, meaning they owe more to the bank than the house is worth. For those people, it was the decision to get a mortgage that made them throw money away.
Obviously, you're not in the US, but regardless, real estate is still an investment like any other - it carries risks. It's not as simple as saying 'mortgage good, renting bad.'

My biggest concern would be that she would act this same way over every financial decision that you two would ever make as a couple.

 

[1ncredible]

seems to think renting somewhere is just throwing money away

fwiw, between 1/3 and 1/2 of all American home "owners" are upside-down in their mortgage right now, meaning they owe more to the bank than the house is worth. For those people, it was the decision to get a mortgage that made them throw money away.
Obviously, you're not in the US, but regardless, real estate is still an investment like any other - it carries risks. It's not as simple as saying 'mortgage good, renting bad.'

My biggest concern would be that she would act this same way over every financial decision that you two would ever make as a couple.

We call that 'negative equity' here in the UK. I wouldn't even dream of getting a joint mortgage until I'd tried living with the particular girl. Is she hard work in other aspects of the relationship?

 

[Serg897]

My biggest concern would be that she would act this same way over every financial decision that you two would ever make as a couple.

Thats the most important thing to keep in mind, right there. tread carefully with this one - she doesnt seem to have a cool head on her shoulders

 

[DonJuanabe]

The mantra that renting is wasting money is utter BS. Simply compare the cost of rent with the cost of a mortgage (including closing costs, annual taxes, interest, money that will have to be spent to repair fixtures, association fees, etc.). If your rent is cheaper then you are saving the difference. Another benefit is an intangible called liberty, where you can get a new job in a new area and simply move because you are not chained with a mortgage. Or, the most important intangible cost which is the two of you break up after living together and are stuck in a mortgage and a life that has become living hell for you. In 99% of cases you never, never, never, never, NEVER buy real property with someone who is not your wife or family member. A young, immature girlfriend? Your sanity is worth a lot more than that.

 

[Duracell_Bunny]

... Is she hard work in other aspects of the relationship?

The only other aspect is she is very insecure. She has said to me, she is worried that I'd leave her for someone better looking or would sarcastically say things like "is that your other girlfriend" when I receive a text.

Another example is before going out for new year, she had put this dress on while we were getting ready and I was like :yes: wow! Genuinely I thought she looked stunning - not long before it was time to leave she changed back into some boring discreet clothing apologizing saying she didn't feel comfortable.

I don't know why she seems to have this "thing" thinking she "must!" have a house by the end of the year.

I'm 100% against a mortgage.

 

[idk575]

The only other aspect is she is very insecure. She has said to me, she is worried that I'd leave her for someone better looking or would sarcastically say things like "is that your other girlfriend" when I receive a text.

Another example is before going out for new year, she had put this dress on while we were getting ready and I was like :yes: wow! Genuinely I thought she looked stunning - not long before it was time to leave she changed back into some boring discreet clothing apologizing saying she didn't feel comfortable.

I don't know why she seems to have this "thing" thinking she "must!" have a house by the end of the year.

I'm 100% against a mortgage.

Watch out , she's gonna be "pregnant" in 6 months

 

[perseverance]

I think many people in the UK and the US will have no choice but to rent. Most of continental Europe rent, French, Germans, Swiss, Dutch etc and they don't seem to have a problem with renting.

If you feel your girlfriend is applying unnecessary pressure then you need to call her out on it, if this is a dealbreaker for her, then so be it, at least you can walk away having not risked everything because "she wants to do it".

 

[bigneil]

Before you sign a mortgage, remember that the going rate for p*ssy on the open market is about $500 per hour for the average male.

 

[window]

this girl has high interest in you i.e she is thinking marriage. The temper and the "talk" chat are manipulation tactics to get what she wants. She may even threaten you with leaving saying you are not committed etc. But you are the guy and you decided on the important things. Not everything but the things that count. And a dual mortgage counts ! She'll will zing you with things like dont you want to get married etc. Just say you like where things are headed (if you do) but it is too early to talk marriage.

 

[Zarky]

OP, why are you even considering this? Date more women, maintain your independence.

 

[Duracell_Bunny]

Thanks for all your input.

She called last night and it just went into an argument and her saying how she doesn't like it that I'm putting my foot down. She agreed on renting somewhere for six months only but then if I still don't want a mortgage she will get her own place regardless.

I ended the call and went off to sleep.

Woke up with 4 missed called and three text messages. The first was long, saying how she loves me but doesn't want to live under my parents (which is bull, all of my family worked our ass off for this house and we have percentages so its not "living under my parents") - but she didn't seem to grasp it would only be short term to see how we live together. Then goes on to how window predicted saying she is going to get so fed up and we'll be over for good.

The other text messages where just ones like "why are you not talking to me?" and "you've made me feel so angry and miserable".


She is an awesome g/f and everything ticks the boxes, but this situation has gone and spoilt the whole thing.

Feel absolutely gutted but she clearly isn't going to budge. I don't want to do this and I'm going to feel miserable for some time (her family are great and have even paid for me to join them on holiday abroad over Easter) but I'm gonna have to end it

 

[Desdinova]

If this woman respected you, she would respect your opinion and where you stand on this issue. She can't order you to do anything.

Tell her that when you're ready to get a mortgage, ONLY your name is going on it. See how she reacts to that. If she's not happy with that idea, then she's only using you to get a house instead of wanting to share a home with you.

Feel absolutely gutted but she clearly isn't going to budge. I don't want to do this and I'm going to feel miserable for some time (her family are great and have even paid for me to join them on holiday abroad over Easter) but I'm gonna have to end it

If she's taking away from your overall happiness, then it's definitely time to end it.

 

[perseverance]

You've been in a relationship just shy of two years and she wants a mortgage with you? That would send alarm bells ringing in my head, what's the rush? Doesn't she know there is a recession at the moment? Is she oblivious to the fact that the UK housing market isn't the best situation right now, sure you can get a big house cheaper than usual, but what happens if you two split up while the recession is still on? You'll sell your house for either the same value or less than what you paid for it. What happens if one of you loses your job and you both struggle to pay the mortgage and the bills? Now is it not the right climate to start playing happy families. You'd have be mad to take a gamble like this in the current climate.

Unless you are an undertaker, work for food retailing companies like Tesco and Asda or work in the medicine industry then do not pledge your future anywhere for the time being.

Maybe ending it will knock some sense into her and she'll back down, it's worth a try, and as sad as it will be to end it, you are doing the right thing and will look back on this experience with a positive outlook.

 

[window]

here is the secret...she wants you to put your foot down on the big issues if what you believe is right. Trust me, she doesnt want you to cave and feel miserable. Even though she is trying to she really wants to feel your inner strength. Just maintain your respect for her at all times and never lose your cool. If she is overly structured she will leave but what do you want a girl who loves you or a girl who wants a list of things to give her life meaning.

 

[str8-2-BONEzone]

dude u just gotta get her to go to the BONE ZONE wo any sweet talk or like that kinda stuff. just b urself u gotta show off ur skilz 4 the lady its gotta be easy just ask me 4 tips if u want! :wave:

i gotta like not live w just 1 babe u wanna hit up all that HB8 :kick:

 

[Duracell_Bunny]

Well tonight is going to be make or break.

We are seeing each other to sort it out.



She wouldn't go to sleep last night and kept calling & texting me.

Basically, she still won't compromise with what we want. I can understand that she's with her parents and wants to get out fast, but she's had two other options of moving into my place or renting somewhere to see how we get along.

Either way, she "said" she has decided when we come back from the holiday, she will get a mortgage on her own place. She did agree to renting somewhere, but only for six months which I believe could make the situation worse and she will continue to keep badgering on about a mortgage.

In the meantime she is being a bit flirty, leaving messages like "I love you, I don't want us to split up" and when we agreed to see each other tonight at mine her response was "ok sexy, do you want me to stay over???"

As said earlier, the answer will come tonight. I'm fully prepared that this may be the last time I will see her,

Maybe this "please don't break up with me" attitude could be due to her parents have paid for me to join them on their family holiday (I know the cost for my flight and half of the cost of the hotel room is around £800) - the thing that she wants to get her own place when we get back leads me to assume this and maybe she would go low IL on me until someone else comes along.

Before posting I was fully against a mortgage and think of this as more of something to do when marriage in on the table, and I appreciate the heads up from everyone on here.

It's going to be either she moves in with me short term to see how it goes (shes used to Mummy & Daddy doing all the washing and cooking for her) or we rent somewhere long term.

If she doesn't agree to either this relationship will be over, which I believe it will be as she thinks it will be throwing her money away. I think it is at a point in the relationship where we should try live together. If she gets her own place I think all that will happen is we drift apart - it just wouldn't work long term.

Damm I'm gonna be so gutted. I know there are some other chicks out there with the same qualities and its exciting to have freedom and date new women. But its going through all that shlt again of ironing out the chicks with low interest, the ones that don't tick the boxes or just have an attraction to my assets, getting rejected a lot and miserable periods of dry spells and no prospects. This time will be harder as most of my friends and drinking partners in the meantime have now settled or are in committed LTRs.

 

[perseverance]

Damm I'm gonna be so gutted. I know there are some other chicks out there with the same qualities and its exciting to have freedom and date new women. But its going through all that shlt again of ironing out the chicks with low interest, the ones that don't tick the boxes or just have an attraction to my assets, getting rejected a lot and miserable periods of dry spells and no prospects. This time will be harder as most of my friends and drinking partners in the meantime have now settled or are in committed LTRs.

Why not take a break and do other things before getting on the bandwagon again?

I know that if I got out of long term relationship, I'd be disinterested in getting back into the game, I'd focus on other things instead, but that's just me.

 

[runner83]

OP, why are you even considering this? Date more women, maintain your independence.

Agreed. Follow this man's advice!

However, if you are into her, try a gradual transition into living together, but make it gradual. Otherwise it will likely come crashing down in flames.