Could I get her back?

[cbratton]

This is whats going on...I go to college and so does my ex-girlfriend. We have been dating for 7 months at the beginning of the summer and then she went home. So we agreed that we both can do whatever during the summer, which I will admit was the worse idea ever.

We both missed eachother tremendously and couldn't see eachother...although we did talk on the phone everynight for half the summer. Then we both felt the void in our hearts and started seeing other people. We both let eachother know we were doing this...

So I found this girl who is very nice and she also found this guy who she is quite taken by. The thing is...she loved me and I loved her...now these new people are getting serious.

I write this now because...a few days ago the girl I started seeing for the summer told me one night that she could just fall in love with me. Freaked. Me. Out.

So I called my ex-girlfriend in a panic and asked what she was doing with the guy she was seeing...and she acts like it is all serious with him now. I told her that I couldn't go farther with the girl I am seeing now because I didn't love her or want her like that...hell, it was basicaly all about the sex for me. But anyway...I told my ex-girlfriend that I loved her.

She didn't know how to handle it...she was kinda being quiet about it and saying that she understood and that she missed me but didn't want to hurt this other guy. Sooo of course I led on that she won't see him for another 9 months at the minimum and that we had both just had our flings.

So...days pass by and now we are in the present. I haven't spoken to her in 3 days and I've left 2 messages on her phone...I fear anymore nagging won't look too good so I'm looking for advice for a next move. She comes back to school in 2 weeks and I can't wait to see her.

What should I do? What do you believe she is thinking? I really do love this girl.

 

[Dante Yore]

Dude What

Alright first off do me a favor, go and look yourself in the mirror and realize 2 things. One you are 20 years old, and two you are in college...COLLEGE! You are posting to people at a website design to help guy's become players/pimps/Don Juan's what have you. You are a young guy (Like myself) only you want to be ****ing Ryan Phillipe in Cruel Intension's stand at the top of the escalader waiting for your one true love which is total bull**** because from the looks of it your one true love is getting **** somewhere else right now bro, and where I come from if you are in love with someone your not interested in anyone else...EVER! At the same point your getting your **** wet somewhere else as well so I'm not sure what you think love is, but trust me you haven't reached the promised land yet my friend. So let's try and help you out here.

Some men and most women have the same fear, being alone, and that is all you are worrying about right now. It's good to be alone because it gives you the opportunity to meet new girls everyday of the week. Stop worrying about your girlfriend/ex-girlfriend and realize that yes you put in a lot of work with this girl and starting over sucks, but you have to move on dude, and chalk this relationship up as a loss.

either that or your girlfriend/ex-girlfriend will try the long distance thing with this new guy and realize it wasn't just you, she is just a needy person and will probably skrew this guy over too, maybe even jump back in your bed, or find another bed to jump into until next summer hits and this whole sonario plays over and over again. You got to know when to hold em and know when to fold em, she called your bluff on the seeing other people thing, you can keep raising her but she's got a better hand and is just going to take you for everything you put out there. Fold bro, for the love of God fold!

 

[Bungo Pony]

You were doing fine until this point:

So I called my ex-girlfriend in a panic and asked what she was doing with the guy she was seeing...and she acts like it is all serious with him now. I told her that I couldn't go farther with the girl I am seeing now because I didn't love her or want her like that...hell, it was basicaly all about the sex for me. But anyway...I told my ex-girlfriend that I loved her.

My big question is, why are you still communicating with your ex? One of the worst things you can do is chat to your ex-gf about the people the both of you are currently seeing. Listening to her talk about the guy she's currently fvcking is going to do nothing but hurt you.

Also, why would you get deeply emotionally involved with a girl that you can't carry a relationship with because of distance? She would have made a great fvck buddy, but LTR? You can't fvck her, kiss her, or even touch her over the phone. For a woman, a voice isn't enough to thrive on. They need touch and presence. You cannot provide that over the phone.

She's not returning your calls because you've vomitted your emotions all over her answering machine tape. When men get paranoid about women in their lives, it leads to worse outcomes. Guess what? She thinks you're a psycho who is hopelessly obsessed with her. There is no way to fix this. The damage has been done.

If you want to know what your next move should be, flush her number down the toilet. If you've memorized her phone number, just quit calling it. You're never going to recover if you don't let yourself recover. Move on.

 

[cbratton]

Originally posted by Bungo Pony
You were doing fine until this point:



My big question is, why are you still communicating with your ex? One of the worst things you can do is chat to your ex-gf about the people the both of you are currently seeing. Listening to her talk about the guy she's currently fvcking is going to do nothing but hurt you.

Also, why would you get deeply emotionally involved with a girl that you can't carry a relationship with because of distance? She would have made a great fvck buddy, but LTR? You can't fvck her, kiss her, or even touch her over the phone. For a woman, a voice isn't enough to thrive on. They need touch and presence. You cannot provide that over the phone.

She's not returning your calls because you've vomitted your emotions all over her answering machine tape. When men get paranoid about women in their lives, it leads to worse outcomes. Guess what? She thinks you're a psycho who is hopelessly obsessed with her. There is no way to fix this. The damage has been done.

If you want to know what your next move should be, flush her number down the toilet. If you've memorized her phone number, just quit calling it. You're never going to recover if you don't let yourself recover. Move on.

Thank you for the responses; however, this isn't a long distance relationship at all. We met at college and she had to go home for the summer to perform in a show...so she is very busy. -That- is why she can't call me back...not because you guys think I scared her away.

I know it is very hard to explain a relationship to someone else...especially 10,000 guys who are just trying to get laid. Sex is great, but you just don't know this girl. I've been doing the whole lets-get-laid idea for too long...and it doesn't make me happy - nuff said.

I was just looking for emotional insight...not the crude "slap that ***** upside her head and go to a strip club" response.

Now, given the fact that we both told eachother last week that we love eachother...my questions remains: How odd is it going to be getting back with her?

 

[Doppler4000]

Originally posted by cbratton
Thank you for the responses; however, this isn't a long distance relationship at all. We met at college and she had to go home for the summer to perform in a show...so she is very busy. -That- is why she can't call me back...not because you guys think I scared her away.

Like it or not, the reason she's not calling you back is because she met some guy (this is something you agreed to, remember) and is having a good time with him over the summer, and on top of that you've made it such that she knows talking to you on the phone is gonna lead to some deep conversation or discussion about the relationship that you two had before the summer... something she probably views as a hassle at this point. You have to accept this before you can try to fix it.

I know it is very hard to explain a relationship to someone else...especially 10,000 guys who are just trying to get laid. Sex is great, but you just don't know this girl.

....

Now, given the fact that we both told eachother last week that we love eachother...my questions remains: How odd is it going to be getting back with her?

Lots of girls, especially ones that young, will tell guys they love them just before they break up with them for good. It's not the words you need to worry about- it's the actions, and right now she's with someone else.

The best thing you can do right now is to make it clear you'd like to start dating her again when school starts up (which you've probably already done ad nauseum), then totally back off until then... and meanwhile hope that her summer guy was just a fling like yours was. More pressure will drive her further away and lower her impression of you.

 

[cbratton]

Thank you, that was a good reply. I can hold off until she gets back...she knows I want to start it up with her again and I think you are right...she only needs to hear it once. Thanks for your help and support.

 

[Bungo Pony]

I know it is very hard to explain a relationship to someone else...especially 10,000 guys who are just trying to get laid.

LOL! In case you didn't know, I'm married.

We met at college and she had to go home for the summer to perform in a show...so she is very busy. -That- is why she can't call me back...not because you guys think I scared her away.

Are you making excuses for her?

I haven't spoken to her in 3 days and I've left 2 messages on her phone

What's the point of leaving messages if she can't call you back?

I really do love this girl.

Yeah? When was the last time you showed her you loved her by leading her into the bedroom and had a fulfilling sexual experience with her? Talking to a woman on the phone, vomitting your emotions through a telephone wire. Now that's love.

I've been doing the whole lets-get-laid idea for too long...and it doesn't make me happy - nuff said.

I'll tell you something, getting laid is part of a relationship. Talking for hours on the phone is friendship.

How odd is it going to be getting back with her?

Given that you've developed a nice phone relationship with her, things are going to be quite odd, especially at the beginning. You haven't seen each other in a while, and you'll both have to re-adapt to body language and physical appearance all over again.

If you really want to start something with her again, I'd make contact very minimal when she comes back. Keep your attention focussed on other women and let her notice. If you act like you got over her in two weeks, you'll have a much better chance fixing up the damage you've already done.

 

[cbratton]

I feel the need to type this again...this is not a long distance relationship...I don't know why you keep refering to it like that...she is about a mile away in 2 weeks... We did not try to have a LDR because it is pointless...

I feel the need to type this again...this is not a long distance relationship...I don't know why you keep refering to it like that...she is about a mile away in 2 weeks... We did not try to have a LDR because it is pointless...

I feel the need to type this again...this is not a long distance relationship...I don't know why you keep refering to it like that...she is about a mile away in 2 weeks... We did not try to have a LDR because it is pointless...

 

[Bungo Pony]

Originally posted by cbratton
I feel the need to type this again...this is not a long distance relationship...I don't know why you keep refering to it like that...she is about a mile away in 2 weeks... We did not try to have a LDR because it is pointless...

So, why aren't you over there fvcking her?

 

[cbratton]

Hehe, because I am 20 and don't have the money to drive 550 miles right now.

Meh...I make no sense when I am grumpy...sorry about the rambling posts. I'm just like this because I miss her. Humbug.

 

[Bungo Pony]

Hehe, because I am 20 and don't have the money to drive 550 miles right now.

So, if it's not within walking or bussing distance, it's a long distance relationship

 

[TooColdUlrick]

Originally posted by cbratton
Thank you for the responses; however, this isn't a long distance relationship at all. We met at college and she had to go home for the summer to perform in a show...so she is very busy. -That- is why she can't call me back...not because you guys think I scared her away.

I know it is very hard to explain a relationship to someone else...especially 10,000 guys who are just trying to get laid. Sex is great, but you just don't know this girl. I've been doing the whole lets-get-laid idea for too long...and it doesn't make me happy - nuff said.

I was just looking for emotional insight...not the crude "slap that ***** upside her head and go to a strip club" response.

Now, given the fact that we both told eachother last week that we love eachother...my questions remains: How odd is it going to be getting back with her?

dude, you're telling us older guys here that it's "hard to explain" how deeply (i presume) you feel for this chick. indeed, it's hard for you to explain because this is most likely your first such experience with this. fukk, i've had 10 chicks that i've "really, really, really, loved". guess what, they come and go. IT ISN'T UNIQUE.

my adivce, forget about her and get over it. she's fukking someone else. that says is all.

and don't post this cr@p here. the main board has a BAZZILIAN similar posts--all of which are exactly the same as your situation.

 

[gentleman193]

mod: please move

Clearly not a "mature man" topic here. Age < 25. "We love each other, you don't understand, bla bla bla ...."

 

[Bungo Pony]

mod: please move

Agreed. MITFO (Move It The **** Out)

 

[cbratton]

Aight aight...you can be like that. I was just looking for advice and instead of telling me how it was more of a "well, this is where ya ****ed yourself." K...

I've been in 2 2yr+ relationships now, so no...I am not clueless to this.

 

[TurboLover]

Your right its not a LDR because she is with someone else.

How can you get back with someone thats been with someone else. I don't care if you been with ten women and shes been with one guy. I just couldn't do it.

I can help you out though, just move on. And if your having trouble just picture her giving head to the dude she is giving head to now. If the smell of fresh d1ck on her breath doesn't scare you away then I feel really bad for you because that must mean you love her. eww.

 

[Walden]

Wow this is a tense discussion board. Like T E N S E.

You should let the pizza rule guide your actions.

"If you want to eat the pizza...eat the pizza".

 

[TooColdUlrick]

Originally posted by Walden
Wow this is a tense discussion board. Like T E N S E.

You should let the pizza rule guide your actions.

"If you want to eat the pizza...eat the pizza".

huh?