convincing people to wake up really is like pulling teeth

[fuzzball]

so over the past year Ive been swallowing the cold hard bitter truth of reality that this site pushes. Ive tried to open other peoples eyes but it really is truly like pulling teeth.

its sad how many would rather continue to moan and groan and whine about their sorry mediocre lives rather than even think about improving them....note I'm saying to just think about improvement not even actual improvement. just merely discussing the idea. while I'm no beacon of greatness or DJ status I do admit I am at least putting some serious effort for a change although the holidays sadly interrupted that. that being said it truly is sad people really are like crabs where if one tries to crawl out of a hole the others grab him and pull him down and thus none of the crabs can escape.

this brings me to another point. Did anybody in the process of self improvement leave old friends behind? Ive burned bridges with people before so Im not a stranger to it. I also dont want to sound like Im trying to be a heartless bastard but the more I try to self improve the more my self loathing pathetic friends get on my nerves. I dont mind validating emotions or listening to people vent but for petes sake THINK about improving your life. stop living paycheck to paycheck. stop whining that you are single. stop lying all the freakin time. stop getting drunk constantly. stop doing countless other things, crying about it, and then wondering why life sucks.

Im not saying all my friends have to be happy all the time but I cant take the stagnant never going forward attitude. I do admit this is probably partly my fault because I have had to beat this attitude out of myself over the past year and its not completely gone but I am at least at war with the idea in my head so its not as dominant.

so do others out here relate to this? the cost of moving forward is perhaps breaking old ties? it seems that way. it seems truly successful people and unsuccessful people dont mix. it is a shame because I intend to be successful yet in my entire social circle I think Im the only one that actually has to balls to say that no life does not have to suck. no we dont have to keep living paycheck to paycheck. and no we dont have to be single social failures.

I suppose Ive always had that drive but its just gotten beaten out of me over the years.

i suppose Im just venting and reflecting but just curious if others have had a similar realization.

 

[Speculator E]

Yeah. Sometimes you just outgrown your friends and have to move on. There's a reason why it's lonely at the top.

 

[Don_Dom]

There have been a lot of threads about this lately. Years ago when I discovered this site after reading "the game" I wanted to share my revelation with all my friends. To ky surprise, they all thought I was either pathetic or crazy or both. Who knew that part of being an ungraceful clod with women also included an agressive, inflexible need to not challenge one's need to, apparently, be an ungraceful clod with women.

I don't care how AFC a guy is, most of them have drank the cool ade that is responsible for them being AFCs to begin with and their egos just won't let them see beyond "being yourself." What we undertake while swallowing the red pill for the first time is the stuff that shakes foundations and people, in general, aren't willling to have that put upon them. You can't get an addict to get treatment who doesn't want it, you can't bring someone to your religion who doesn't want it, and you can't feed anyone the red pill against their will. We all have to come here on our own. Why so you think most new posters here tend to post about either getting ****ed over by a girl, or trying to get a girl who won't give them the time of day? They finally realized, on their own, that what they've been doing wasn't working.

Work on yourself. Don't worry about your boys. If you do well with it, your success will be apparent and some of them may wake up and ask you what you did.

Don't worry about it.

 

[adam225]

I very rarely see any of my friends now - I tend to spend most of my time studying or working on projects that I have on. The only time we see each other is when we have a large music event on (once every month or so). No disrespect to any of them, but they are all (but one) AFC's when it comes to women. They simply can't see past the fact that being brought into this world as a man automatically put you above women. They try the usual a$$ licking approach when they see a girl they want - buy them drinks, offer to pay for this, offer to pay for that, tell them how AMAZING they are.... Just to find out she's not interested. Some just can't see past their own nose I guess....

I'm on my own most of the time now. But to be honest, I prefer it. At least this way my mindset will stay on track and won't be tempted to sway from all their BS. :crazy:

 

[fuzzball]

I very rarely see any of my friends now - I tend to spend most of my time studying or working on projects that I have on. The only time we see each other is when we have a large music event on (once every month or so). No disrespect to any of them, but they are all (but one) AFC's when it comes to women. They simply can't see past the fact that being brought into this world as a man automatically put you above women. They try the usual a$$ licking approach when they see a girl they want - buy them drinks, offer to pay for this, offer to pay for that, tell them how AMAZING they are.... Just to find out she's not interested. Some just can't see past their own nose I guess....

I'm on my own most of the time now. But to be honest, I prefer it. At least this way my mindset will stay on track and won't be tempted to sway from all their BS. :crazy:

the thing is its not just women that makes AFC folks AFC. its everything. when i first stumbled onto this site and started reading and crying on the inside at the fact my life has been one dirty lie about women i see now its not just women its the entire state of being really that feeds the AFC. its the entire lack of motivation paycheck to paycheck barely living mindset that is just happy you roll out of bed that day. it wasnt just women....women just happen to be to thing to get an AFC to see that they are in fact AFC. at least how it was for me.

To ky surprise, they all thought I was either pathetic or crazy or both.

yea i see this too. no one wants to listen or to get help. they just want a magic fix all pill.

Work on yourself. Don't worry about your boys.

yea this has honestly been the philosophy thats been stirring in my head the past couple of weeks and probably longer. i think now that the holidays are over ill be able to go at the new me full force with manageable interruptions as the holidays were just too much to take on a new approach to life and deal with life during that time. realistically i see myself still associating with them and then ideally over the next many months as an actual man emerges from the boy known as "Fuzzball" ill likely just leave them behind. i could be wrong but thats what i see happening more than anything. though i admit the prospect of crafting a new social circle is frightening especially as all confidence in myself has been killed over the years and i am very much introverted so the two dont go good together. but confidence is one thing i do plan on getting back somehow someway.

 

[Don_Dom]

The thing is this....awareness of the overall situation is the gold. There are guys on here who will tell you to drop your old friends...I'm not one of them. As long as you are taking care of yourself and don't let them undermine your progress you are good, imo. They are your friends, for gods sake....You're a man, not some chick who drops friends as the wind blows. If nothing else, let them be a reminder of how you used to be. And don't be surprised when you make new friends who are more on your level as you progress.

Don't sweat it. Be a good guy to your people, but get your house in order. It will all fall into place from there.

Honestly, a lot of times when I read these threads, reading between the lines, I see people who appear to have a need for validation from a group of friends. Hell, that might have been what I was doing. That's pretty AFC in and of itself. You don't need a committee to give you permission to improve yourself and you don't need them to do it. Chicks might, but men don't. Do it yourself. And do it for yourself.

Take care of yourself and your business and it will all be good.

 

[fuzzball]

The thing is this....awareness of the overall situation is the gold. There are guys on here who will tell you to drop your old friends...I'm not one of them. As long as you are taking care of yourself and don't let them undermine your progress you are good, imo. They are your friends, for gods sake....You're a man, not some chick who drops friends as the wind blows. If nothing else, let them be a reminder of how you used to be. And don't be surprised when you make new friends who are more on your level as you progress.

Don't sweat it. Be a good guy to your people, but get your house in order. It will all fall into place from there.

Honestly, a lot of times when I read these threads, reading between the lines, I see people who appear to have a need for validation from a group of friends. Hell, that might have been what I was doing. That's pretty AFC in and of itself. You don't need a committee to give you permission to improve yourself and you don't need them to do it. Chicks might, but men don't. Do it yourself. And do it for yourself.

Take care of yourself and your business and it will all be good.

solid post and i do like that train of thought as thats really what ive been thinking lately get my house in order and let everything else fall in line.

I would say just because someone is a friend doesnt mean you need them forever and ever. people do cross a line even if you get along with them. for instance if i still talked to my social circle from HS I'd be buying cocaine off the street because thats what those people do last i heard or another guy whos a wifebeater. so there is a line. the people im talking about in the OP arent like that but still you get my point i think.

truth be told looking at the list of my history of friends its astonishing Im not high, homeless, and divorced as the majority fall into the "life has kicked your ass" category. perhaps this is why Im giving this topic so much thought because its a thought I hadnt had before and i see my track record of people Ive befriended hmmm.

 

[JoeMarron]

Don't worry about waking men up. They must do that themselves. It is the peculiar man who wants to break out of his comfortable little bubble and demand more for himself; most are content in mediocrity. Civilization itself was dragged into advancement on the backs of just a few men.

 

[lanba]

Did anybody in the process of self improvement leave old friends behind?

Yes, it was the hardest and best thing I ever did. They were bigots and alcoholics. I don't need to degrade myself to their level just to have someone to go to the pub with. They were grinding me down, making me feel suffocated like I should spend every waking hour with them, and the thought of it was just terrifying. So I went ghost.

The average intelligence of most friend groups is low. It's painful for a moderately intelligent person to be in that situation all the time.

 

[sph21]

I don't care how AFC a guy is, most of them have drank the cool ade that is responsible for them being AFCs to begin with and their egos just won't let them see beyond "being yourself." What we undertake while swallowing the red pill for the first time is the stuff that shakes foundations and people, in general, aren't willling to have that put upon them. You can't get an addict to get treatment who doesn't want it, you can't bring someone to your religion who doesn't want it, and you can't feed anyone the red pill against their will. We all have to come here on our own.

Amen brother.

It's really sad watching my friends doing AFC things in front of me. But if they don't want my help and I told them the truth, they will resent me. If being AFC is a fine condition for them, then let them be.

 

[LP700-4]

Experience is the best teacher. There is nothing more than that enlightening moment when someone realizes they've been doing something all wrong. Let them be. Soon enough they will wake up. They might never even wake up at all. Who knows?

 

[fuzzball]

Yes, it was the hardest and best thing I ever did. They were bigots and alcoholics. I don't need to degrade myself to their level just to have someone to go to the pub with. They were grinding me down, making me feel suffocated like I should spend every waking hour with them, and the thought of it was just terrifying. So I went ghost.

The average intelligence of most friend groups is low. It's painful for a moderately intelligent person to be in that situation all the time.

yea its painful. Im not entirely sure but i think its a source(well one of a few sources im sure) of some massive cognitive dissonance Im having. I know something has to give concerning the matter while I dont think anything will give yet I think if I can manage to really stick to a new me kind of schedule and lifestyle it will all crash.

you are right it is painful for a moderately intelligent person to be in that situation and I am almost always(99.99%) of the most intelligent of the group. whatever group that might be. but the new emerging me is just starting to say F the dumbing down to fit in not that im overly social to begin with but still.

I'd be curious to know what made you finally just cut them off? and where did those balls come from? as it seems like my current social circle is the ones that survived all of the trimming and altering Ive done to it over the years and really as a result as i truly became an epic level AFC this group has been my one and only real source of social interaction which i guess is why the thought of saying F it scares me more than it used to.

Don't worry about waking men up. They must do that themselves. It is the peculiar man who wants to break out of his comfortable little bubble and demand more for himself; most are content in mediocrity. Civilization itself was dragged into advancement on the backs of just a few men.

few statements are this true. Ill be saving this quote.

 

[Tomo]

I've burnt a few bridges and some I regret, others I do not. At the same time I don't encourage it anymore. There is no point being vindicative in life. I find you it's best you almost 'NC' them. Get on with your life and if they try to get in touch then they do. If not then you are not fussed. At the same time, you will have those mates that you form mateships with who will last a life time. Those, you never leave.

On a side note, I don't see the point of being 'good' friends with woman anymore. Being acquaintances or on friendly terms is the most you need with most. It allows them to introduce you to their social circles all the while keeping your distance in case of the opportunistic lay.

 

[Tictac]

Keeping yourself awake is already a full-time job.

Let others tend to themselves.

Hopefully, you have more important things to do than inserting yourself into the affairs of others.

 

[Perroloco]

I don't talk about the redpill AT ALL in real life. The possible downsides are too great, it just isn't worth it.

The knowledge is out there, they don't need me to lead them to it.

 

[Konada]

The only people who can be helped are those who help themselves. I tried introducing this site to a friend once, he wrote this off as bullshvt and guess where he is now.

Life is too short for you to be mucking about others.