Well, I had my first day of work last Friday, what a trip! I showed up at 6 to G+G, that lil store not 1/3 the size of an Abercrombie, and it was FILLED with almost 40 customers! Needless to say I was busy! It was so adorable; this lil girl was shopping with her mother, and looked really bored. I started talking to her, and let her help me put stuff on hangers... when her mom wanted to leave she was hanging onto my pant leg [girls love it, and its true]. By the end of the night the store was a mess, and I had to vacuum, I was on the last corner of the store, by the lingerie, and all of a sudden I felt a tug on the vacuum, the elastic on a partially see-through thong was caught on the handle of the darn thing, but I thought the cord of the vacuum was stuck on a rounder by the front of the store, so I lightly pulled on it, and nothing happened. I was getting impatient and just tugged on the thing and the thong shot across the store and landed on the display window, on the manikin, and the rest of the underwear on the rack fell to the floor :-\. Hey, at leased I didn’t hit anyone with the thong!
*I act out the part with the thong, and EVERYONE I have told has laughed their asses off.
So, I’m on a date, and things are getting really hot really quick. We walk out to the car, kissing passionately, partially unclothed I look outside... we were parked in the parking lot in Applebee’s right in front of the picture window in front. That entire row of people, and some waitresses were gawking at us through the window... one guy in particular was eating alone, looked almost 100, he was waving his hand in the air and mouthing the phrase “hell yeah!” Now, I like an audience as much as the next performer, but, she was a little on edge, so I offered a ride to a quiet place where nobody was around. My friend is a rich fela, and was on vacation, so we pulled up to his huge house, parked in the back, and went at it again. The second we’re naked I see headlights and hear a car pulling up. I’m thinking “Man, why me?” I toss my pants on and go see who it is - my friends brother decided not to go on vacation, but being the cool kid he is, he said he didn’t mind what we were doing, and he was going to get going in a few anyways. So we are in the back seat, the windows are nice and foggy, and I’m hearing more cars pull up, but it sounds like they are a distance away, I figure they are on the side street running adjacent to my friends house. A few minutes later, still going strong, I can vaguely see lights on by the house, but whatever. Things are just getting good, and then it happens... <knock knock knock> on the window, and a drunken voice from outside “Yo, everybody, I think they are ****ing in here!” I wipe some fog off the glass, and there is a drunken parties-worth of kids looking at us. Now, this is what I left Applebee’s to avoid, so I get pretty pissed, wiggle my way to the front seat, swing open the door, step out naked and walk to the front of my friends deck and declare “Look, you ****ing perverts, this is the kind of thing they make playboys for, why don’t you go inside and leave me to my business?” They shielded their eyes and turned away from me standing naked 10 steps from the car, 20 steps from them. Satisfied with their reaction, I turned and walked back towards the car, stepping into the car, my feet slide on the plastic, I lose my balance, and fall... ass first onto my friends driveway... amidst the laughs I hear someone yell for a camera, and I bolted into the car to get dressed. I’m NEVER living that one down!
*Exaggerate the words naked, ****ing, anything sexual, it gets women thinking.
Telling stories is ALL about the delivery... just reading these 2 monologs wont even get your a smirk, but if you breath some life into it, you won’t be able to stop the laughter! Here are some storytelling tips/tricks/themes:
-Use different voices for different characters, exaggerate their tones, kids’ voices are really high pitched, girls are really bubbly, ect
-Pause before you deliver lines meant to give laughs, and when you say them speak clearly and deliberatly
-Laugh yourself during the ironic parts of the joke... look embarist if its a story aobut you
-Sexuality and new experiences are the best stories!
