controlling nervousness/anxiety

[TheGameMaster]

i struggle with this alot. am considering hypnotherapy but dont know where to look. im very self conscious also. i get this horrible tension in my face that i cant get rid of. i just want to be as comfortable in social settings as i am at home!

 

[JUAN the Great]

I used to suffer from this but a girl in college told me that people in the world are so busy into their own world that they are not paying you any mind. Your EGO is the problem. Who cares what people think? Only care what you think about you; no else. Taking medicines and treatments dont treat the problem which is that you are OVERTHINKING. Look it up on the search engines and find out it. Overthinking is the cause for rejection anxiety, depression, OCD, ETC,,. I dealt with overthinking by distracting myself when negative thoughts arose. Try that out. There is hope and we all suffered from it. WE HAVE YOUR BACK. DJUAN.

 

[TheGameMaster]

You don't need therapy; you need to man up. Put together a plan in writing with specific goals and dates you'll meet them by. Clean diet, weight training, running, books to read, hobbies to start, etc. Get your life in control first, then give your life a purpose. If you do this, everything else will fall into place. Any thing else, such as hypnotherapy is nothing more than a band-aid to the problem. You need to remove the problem completely.

thats an interesting post man. you know i dont have many friends i have a poor social life. i sometimes wonder if my anxiety is my conscience telling me that i am not living a fulfilling enough life. Like, as if the anxiety deep down is actually trying to force me into doing myself a favour. that make sense?
so on that basis, if when i go to uni in october i make new friends, i take up football again, go to the gym 4 mornings a week, practice krav maga and take salsa classes (thats been the plan for ages) then the anxiety should just disappear?

 

[JUAN the Great]

Act cool and calm during social interactions. Talk slow and try to act natural. Smile and have a good time. Your anxiety will disappear in due time. It is a step by step process; there is no quck fix. Ricky Williams was the number one draft pick a few years ago and he suffered from it too. Be strong and be detached. Being confident activities in one field does not always tranfer to other areas.

 

[Mavrick]

Change the way you think. It's not easy, but it can be done. Change your perspective on whatever it is you fear (i.e. anything causing anxiety and nervousness).

 

[true romance]

so on that basis, if when i go to uni in october i make new friends, i take up football again, go to the gym 4 mornings a week, practice krav maga and take salsa classes (thats been the plan for ages) then the anxiety should just disappear


Unless you have injuries, do it now...no if ...join the gym, jogging . join dance class, learn new language, team sport..etc anything that let you make new friends, get rid of shyness..work in retail store, star bucks...etc

when do you plant the tree? 20 years ago..but it's never too late..do it now.

you are holding youself back...Nobody else

My experience is that when you plan somethign to do, look up the information, pay the fees, this force you to attend class. it become a habit..No if or hesitation no analyze.

You ask too much questions and very little action to show.
Take salsa class,j oin the gym, Krav Mag..Do all that and then come back to us with report.
Otherwise just sit on computer and ask questions is useless...you have all the answers here already.

 

[TheGameMaster]

mavrick you say change the way you think, which is right, but HOW? what steps can I take to do that?

 

[Groovy]

That's good in a way!

Look, I know some people who don't give a crap about other people, and are always down and unhappy and are not friendly at all. These guys are so boring and depressing!! It just makes me want to get the hell out.

At least someone nervous is always exciting, speaks with enthusiasm which a lotta guys don't have, and are never boring. (At least for me HEHE!)

When you're nervous, you have too much energy and you stumble on yourself because you want to make a good impression. If you weren't so busy in thinking how to make a good impression, you would be left with only the energy!

Now that you know that, you gotta do is to convert that energy in something useful. And then you stop being nervous, and you start to get excited, enthusiastic, which is good, if you don't let it get out of hand. So speak slowly now!! Your voice will still have a good tone of enthusiasm, and to avoid being annoying, don't speak so much. John wayne said: Talk low, talk slow, and don't talk too much.

So the best advice is : Control all of that energy and you're cool!

And remember that other people's opinion of you isn't terribly important. Why should it be? What happens in they don't like you? The answer is nothing. Nothing at all.

And post back in a week or two if you make progess!

 

[Mavrick]

mavrick you say change the way you think, which is right, but HOW? what steps can I take to do that?

Great question! That's where everyone has an issue with changing their thought process. You have to focus on the dos and not the don'ts. Focus on the cans and not the can'ts. In a room of people, tell yourself you see an opportunity to me someone new and not that everyone won't like you. Think that someone will like you and don't focus on the fact that someone may not like you.

I'd go into more detail, but I just don't have the time at this moment.

 

[WC2]

I'm no doctor, but in my experience anxiety usually roots from one's self image of themselves. Someone with anxiety is constantly worrying how he is perceived by others and in turn becomes nervous (twitches, shaky voice, etc.)

A good friend of mine used to have real bad anxiety, but since has taken control of his life and how he feels about HIMSELF.. the most important thing. Once you break that habit of caring about how others perceive you, it seems like that anxiety barrier breaks down.

My advice? Care less about your perceptions, you are who you are. Care more about what you're doing with yourself longterm in life.

 

[Alle_Gory]

My advice? Care less about your perceptions, you are who you are. Care more about what you're doing with yourself longterm in life.

Then what's the point of changing yourself? Wouldn't that just feed the insecurity, and make the anxiety worse?

I'm asking since I also get this. Very often in all situations.

 

[02hero]

To the OP,
A quick and simple tip I'd suggest is to concentrate on your breathing, don't force it or take deep breaths or anything like that, just be aware of your own breathing pattern.

Now this is a very simple way of being present and living in the moment as when you are aware of your breathing pattern, your mind will naturally quieten and you will feel alot more relaxed and cool. It's like meditating really, but you can do it anywhere and in any situation. Give it a try.

 

[TonyWongButOhSoRite]

I used to suffer from this but a girl in college told me that people in the world are so busy into their own world that they are not paying you any mind. Your EGO is the problem. Who cares what people think? Only care what you think about you; no else. Taking medicines and treatments dont treat the problem which is that you are OVERTHINKING. Look it up on the search engines and find out it. Overthinking is the cause for rejection anxiety, depression, OCD, ETC,,. I dealt with overthinking by distracting myself when negative thoughts arose. Try that out. There is hope and we all suffered from it. WE HAVE YOUR BACK. DJUAN.

Thats the truth. People don't care.

 

[drift king]

i suffer from this too, which makes me very inconsistent when dealing with girls.. sometimes i'm really C+F but then when i'm feeling anxious i can't break through this mindset and relax and end up doing AFC things in between dates etc which is where i ruin all my hard work on dates.

sometimes i'm unlucky and feel anxious on the dates so semi-mess up. it's like i fluctuate in between C+F and AFC behaviour which i guess girls can read easily while with me.. it's very erratic and i can't control it.

what do u need to tell yourself if u contact her and she doesn't reply/pick up so that you don't do something stupid like call again an hour later?

 

[The_last_Gunslinger]

Someone above mentioned this and I fully agree..."people in the world are so busy into their own world that they are not paying you any mind. Your EGO is the problem."

Thats as simple as it can get, and thats how I learned to approach it. By manning up and realizing that it was my personal ego that prevented me from being social.

Frankly once you realize this it will almost be embarrassing, at least it was for me, that I could be so egotistical thinking all eyes where on me all the time. Thats narcissistic and as you can see leads to social paralyzation.

Learn this as truth and you'll unconsciously start moving in the right direction.

-happy trails

 

[Iguana]

Good thread. Great advice so far.

Another tip: Try to get inspired by movie characters. Just watch Tyler Durden, or The Joker, or Peter Gibbons, etc. They don't give a ****. Try to be like them.

 

[slaog]

mavrick you say change the way you think, which is right, but HOW? what steps can I take to do that?

Theres many ways of doing it.

Start be becoming aware of your thoughts. Watching the thinker and Eckhart Tolle says. Try finding positive in every situation. Also learn accept everything (good or bad) and once you accept situations in your own mind you'll find that the situation cannot make you nervous because by you accepting it you are not giving more energy to it.

In your case too you need to see things from a different perspective and interpret things differently. Like somebody said nobody is really taking much notice of other people unless the other people start getting nervous etc, ironic isn't it! Madness really..

Also it's worth knowing that nobody else can effect you unless you let them. You become nervous around people not because they are magically making you nervous of even want to but because you yourself believe that you are inferior in some way.

Don't look for outside excuses for why you are nervous. Your beliefs are causing it to happen and when you change your thoughts it'll disappear. It has for me.