Jeffst1980
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Apr 22, 2008
- Messages
- 834
- Reaction score
- 131
A significant part of being "good with women" lies in playing to your strengths and setting up situations to work in your favor. Since so much of life is perceived to be beyond our control, it's easy to forget that we are fully capable of AVOIDING being put in the value-compromising positions that many of the first time posters that frequent this site are placed. The key is understanding how CONTEXT impacts your success, and how you can usually manipulate the context of a situation by thinking ahead.
AN EXAMPLE
Joshua Bell is possibly the world's greatest living classical violinist. People will quite literally pay THOUSANDS to hear him play at the world's most prestigious concert halls. But what happens if the context of his performance is changed into one that no longer highlights the perceived value of his performance? Watch the result here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnOPu0_YWhw
This is analogous to what a lot of would-be PUAs do when they first start out: They go into venues in which they have very little social value and don't play to their strengths. When two average-looking rAFC enter a crowded meat-market club full of HB10's, they are allowing themselves to be judged as every other male in the club is judged; solely on face value. They can throw negs like crazy, run entertaining routines, etc. and may keep a few sets going for awhile, but in the end, they have very little chance with any of the HB10's. Furthermore, the sheer number of blowouts they will probably experience will damage their social value even MORE.
CHANGING CONTEXT
Now, picture the two average looking guys going to a party out of state, hosted by their longtime HB friend who works in fashion. The party consists of mostly young single girls and gay dudes. In this case, those same guys can use PUA tactics and mop the floor with those ladies--in fact, the mere fact that they are "prequalified" by the HB host would probably suffice. The difference lies in the context of the situation.
Another example: Instead of going to the bar and drinking with his buddies while staring at girls, a guy decides to take a yoga class. As an absolute beginner, he obviously stands out, but this actually give him an IN to chat up the HBs in the class. He goes out with one of them the following week.
By the way, these examples are not hypothetical.
All of us have the ability to drastically alter our pickup environment without actually leaving our comfort zone. Do you write songs? Start organizing an open mic night at your local bar (female songwriters are more often that not single and very approachable.) Do you speak a foreign language fluently? Offer instruction (Women that do a great deal of traveling overseas are often single). Are you interested in photography? Start taking lessons and get serious about it (come on...models??). Don't misunderstand--the point is NOT to use these skills you have to score with your clients, it's to use them to build SOCIAL VALUE. That aspiring songwriter that comes to your open mic every week has a bunch of single friends that view you as a local big shot. That woman seeking French lessons goes to a lot of swanky parties with sophisticated European women. That model...you get the idea.
Start by devoting some time to any skills or interests that you may possess and work from there.
A WORD ABOUT COMFORT ZONES AND mPUAs
We don't want to leave our comfort zone, we want to EXPAND it. Think of it as fishing with a bigger net--the more places where we feel like our social value is high, the more women we will attract. Leaving our comfort zone outright can often do more harm than good, however. If you're in a relationship and your girlfriend is always dragging you to social events organized by her male friends, you're LOWERING your social value in her eyes--again, because of the context you allow yourself to be placed in.
Much of the reason mPUAs have so much perceived success is because they find their niche and stick with it. Before Mystery had the "star power" he has today, he still pulled a lot of girls--but a CERTAIN TYPE of girl. His wardrobe and mannerisms would get him rejected outright by lots of "normal" women, but they worked in his favor when it came to freaky goth chicks and hard partying models. If he had "cleaned up" his image and started dressing like a young professional in an attempt to pickup more conservative women, it would likely come across disingenuous to such girls while also alienating the party girls. Always build on your strengths, then develop them outward.
CONTEXT IN A RELATIONSHIP
Once you have a girl's interest, the contextual variable we are interested in shifts from SOCIAL VALUE to INTEREST LEVEL. For some guys, such as introverts who nonetheless possess strong personal standards, things get easier; for others, such as extroverts that have tendency to get p-whipped, things get significantly more difficult. The key point to remember is that your girl will judge you on her INTEREST LEVEL, and not on your actions. If you have a high interest girl, she will readily forgive your shortcomings and flaws. If she's become a low interest girl, you could give half your paychecks to charity and she would find some reason to hate you for it.
A girl doesn't lose interest overnight, fortunately for us, so outright avoidance of being placed in situations that would compromise her interest in you is your best course of action. This is easier than it sounds; as long as her interest is high, she will comply with any reasonable request you have--whether it's to stop talking to her ex boyfriend or to spend time with you instead of going out with her miserable, perpetually single friends. This is why you must set the ground rules early on in a relationship, while your girlfriend has high interest. Eventually, if done correctly, interest level will become eponymous with respect, and all you have to do to maintain the relationship is keep that respect.
Most of the relationship problems that get posted on this site are too far gone to be salvaged. They often consist of guys that got lazy and let their girl push boundaries and continually disrespect them that suddenly realized that they have a serious problem on their hands and a low interest girl that won't sleep with them anymore. By this point, it's way to late to do anything constructive.
WALKING AWAY
When you find yourself placed in a compromising situation that can not be changed, removing yourself from the situation is often the ONLY course of action.
If you are being disrespected by some girl at a bar, don't get into a shouting match and further damage your value, just WALK AWAY.
If some girl is flaking on you repeatedly or wants to bring her male friend on a date with you, WALK AWAY.
If your girlfriend continues to hang out with a guy that has expressed interest in her, WALK AWAY.
All these situations are LOSE/LOSE. You are at a huge disadvantage because the context is controlled by the woman. The only way to counter this is NOT TO PLAY.
CONTROL THE CONTEXT OR THE CONTEXT WILL CONTROL YOU!
AN EXAMPLE
Joshua Bell is possibly the world's greatest living classical violinist. People will quite literally pay THOUSANDS to hear him play at the world's most prestigious concert halls. But what happens if the context of his performance is changed into one that no longer highlights the perceived value of his performance? Watch the result here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnOPu0_YWhw
This is analogous to what a lot of would-be PUAs do when they first start out: They go into venues in which they have very little social value and don't play to their strengths. When two average-looking rAFC enter a crowded meat-market club full of HB10's, they are allowing themselves to be judged as every other male in the club is judged; solely on face value. They can throw negs like crazy, run entertaining routines, etc. and may keep a few sets going for awhile, but in the end, they have very little chance with any of the HB10's. Furthermore, the sheer number of blowouts they will probably experience will damage their social value even MORE.
CHANGING CONTEXT
Now, picture the two average looking guys going to a party out of state, hosted by their longtime HB friend who works in fashion. The party consists of mostly young single girls and gay dudes. In this case, those same guys can use PUA tactics and mop the floor with those ladies--in fact, the mere fact that they are "prequalified" by the HB host would probably suffice. The difference lies in the context of the situation.
Another example: Instead of going to the bar and drinking with his buddies while staring at girls, a guy decides to take a yoga class. As an absolute beginner, he obviously stands out, but this actually give him an IN to chat up the HBs in the class. He goes out with one of them the following week.
By the way, these examples are not hypothetical.
All of us have the ability to drastically alter our pickup environment without actually leaving our comfort zone. Do you write songs? Start organizing an open mic night at your local bar (female songwriters are more often that not single and very approachable.) Do you speak a foreign language fluently? Offer instruction (Women that do a great deal of traveling overseas are often single). Are you interested in photography? Start taking lessons and get serious about it (come on...models??). Don't misunderstand--the point is NOT to use these skills you have to score with your clients, it's to use them to build SOCIAL VALUE. That aspiring songwriter that comes to your open mic every week has a bunch of single friends that view you as a local big shot. That woman seeking French lessons goes to a lot of swanky parties with sophisticated European women. That model...you get the idea.
Start by devoting some time to any skills or interests that you may possess and work from there.
A WORD ABOUT COMFORT ZONES AND mPUAs
We don't want to leave our comfort zone, we want to EXPAND it. Think of it as fishing with a bigger net--the more places where we feel like our social value is high, the more women we will attract. Leaving our comfort zone outright can often do more harm than good, however. If you're in a relationship and your girlfriend is always dragging you to social events organized by her male friends, you're LOWERING your social value in her eyes--again, because of the context you allow yourself to be placed in.
Much of the reason mPUAs have so much perceived success is because they find their niche and stick with it. Before Mystery had the "star power" he has today, he still pulled a lot of girls--but a CERTAIN TYPE of girl. His wardrobe and mannerisms would get him rejected outright by lots of "normal" women, but they worked in his favor when it came to freaky goth chicks and hard partying models. If he had "cleaned up" his image and started dressing like a young professional in an attempt to pickup more conservative women, it would likely come across disingenuous to such girls while also alienating the party girls. Always build on your strengths, then develop them outward.
CONTEXT IN A RELATIONSHIP
Once you have a girl's interest, the contextual variable we are interested in shifts from SOCIAL VALUE to INTEREST LEVEL. For some guys, such as introverts who nonetheless possess strong personal standards, things get easier; for others, such as extroverts that have tendency to get p-whipped, things get significantly more difficult. The key point to remember is that your girl will judge you on her INTEREST LEVEL, and not on your actions. If you have a high interest girl, she will readily forgive your shortcomings and flaws. If she's become a low interest girl, you could give half your paychecks to charity and she would find some reason to hate you for it.
A girl doesn't lose interest overnight, fortunately for us, so outright avoidance of being placed in situations that would compromise her interest in you is your best course of action. This is easier than it sounds; as long as her interest is high, she will comply with any reasonable request you have--whether it's to stop talking to her ex boyfriend or to spend time with you instead of going out with her miserable, perpetually single friends. This is why you must set the ground rules early on in a relationship, while your girlfriend has high interest. Eventually, if done correctly, interest level will become eponymous with respect, and all you have to do to maintain the relationship is keep that respect.
Most of the relationship problems that get posted on this site are too far gone to be salvaged. They often consist of guys that got lazy and let their girl push boundaries and continually disrespect them that suddenly realized that they have a serious problem on their hands and a low interest girl that won't sleep with them anymore. By this point, it's way to late to do anything constructive.
WALKING AWAY
When you find yourself placed in a compromising situation that can not be changed, removing yourself from the situation is often the ONLY course of action.
If you are being disrespected by some girl at a bar, don't get into a shouting match and further damage your value, just WALK AWAY.
If some girl is flaking on you repeatedly or wants to bring her male friend on a date with you, WALK AWAY.
If your girlfriend continues to hang out with a guy that has expressed interest in her, WALK AWAY.
All these situations are LOSE/LOSE. You are at a huge disadvantage because the context is controlled by the woman. The only way to counter this is NOT TO PLAY.
CONTROL THE CONTEXT OR THE CONTEXT WILL CONTROL YOU!
