Conflicting Information: Being sexual right away vs Nonchalance

[oc16]

The more I read, the more there seems to be philosophies that contradict each other when it comes to early stages of attraction (first few dates)

Alot of people on this site and other dating coaches emphasize getting sexual and using kino right away on a girl so she doesn't see you as a nonsexual boring "nice guy".

While others such as Corey Wayne discuss being indifferent, nonchalant is what creates attraction.

Now, if a guy can't keep his hands off a chick in the beginning (being sexual) or making sexual comments that is not exactly being nonchalant is it?

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

It depends on the woman.

I met two woman yesterday, The first I just struck up a random conversation with. I touched her lightly on the arm a few times at high points in the conversation. I noticed that she loved it, and was leaning in for more body contact. I carried on.

Then I had a date with another woman in the evening. It was a first date, and a double date at that. When I touched her lightly on the arm, I could sense her freeze up. This girl may be frigid. I stopped.

 

[devilkingx2]

Now, if a guy can't keep his hands off a chick in the beginning (being sexual) or making sexual comments that is not exactly being nonchalant is it?

the idea is that you want it to come off like you are just a dude who flirts with hot girls, no more no less. that's just what you do and she shouldn't read into it.

the nonchalance is that you're doing it without needing to have a crush on the girl, the being sexual is because you're still a guy, it's natural for you to want to flirt with attractive women, flirting doesn't mean much other than you wanting to get pvssy

 

[ubercat]

When you think about it it's pretty straightforward. On a date if she's into the Kino escalate as fast as she will let you. That's the fastest way to the puss so why not take the Direct Route.

If she resists back off build some comfort and then escalate again. My latest girlfriend was the new record she put up some epic LMR. It took until the 4th date to nail her. She also tried the whole let's get to know each other as friends first crap. So usual DJ principles ignored her words got physical on every date date so she knew darn well this wasn't heading to the friend zone. We've been at it like Bunnies for the last 8 months and she's learnt a few new tricks.

So let's call this the blended approach. Why not try taking the different three approaches with a few girls and seeing what works for you. That's why I like online dating so much. Most of the girls you meet on there won't be worthy of an ltr it's really just going to be sport ****s or near misses. So why not practice.

 

[marmel75]

When you think about it it's pretty straightforward. On a date if she's into the Kino escalate as fast as she will let you. That's the fastest way to the puss so why not take the Direct Route.

If she resists back off build some comfort and then escalate again. My latest girlfriend was the new record she put up some epic LMR. It took until the 4th date to nail her. She also tried the whole let's get to know each other as friends first crap. So usual DJ principles ignored her words got physical on every date date so she knew darn well this wasn't heading to the friend zone. We've been at it like Bunnies for the last 8 months and she's learnt a few new tricks.

So let's call this the blended approach. Why not try taking the different three approaches with a few girls and seeing what works for you. That's why I like online dating so much. Most of the girls you meet on there won't be worthy of an ltr it's really just going to be sport ****s or near misses. So why not practice.

^^Pretty much this.

Escalate in date. A woman will virtually NEVER refuse to go out with you again for being too sexual(unless you REALLY push the boundary way past where she has set it). A woman WILL DEFINITELY refuse to go out with you again for being non-sexual---not in every case, but plenty of them will. As you can tell by simply reading every other post on this site when someone posts something like "We went out and had a great time on the date but now she won't answer my texts" ,etc...almost without fail it comes out those guys did not escalate at all in date. So if you want to drastically lower your chances of seeing her again, don't escalate.

Be aloof when not on dates.(ex, days she is texting/you are texting her, etc).

Simple concept.

 

[ubercat]

Marmel75 nailed it. Great concise explanation.

 

[El Payaso]

Nonchalance.

 

[Arcturus]

Both work great. It's all your style, skills and situational. Hard direct can be the most powerful, fastest, least effort method leading to a lot of sex. But it is an advanced game. It requires solid skills, constant micro calibration, high initial status and desire in you from the woman to pull it off well.

There is also a very successful hybrid. You plant hard direct sexual seeds every so often and then play nonchalance most of the time.

 

[ubercat]

So @PairPlusRoyalFlush I ll bite. Normal first date scenario couple of drinks somewhere close to your place. How do you spot an AW going into it?

 

[Bingo-Player]

be articulate

different stuff works on different girls there are no "set methods"

 

[ubercat]

I always judge a post by the same criteria. If the OP asked a question then did they receive actionable advice. No issue if they received conflicting advice throughout the thread. They can pick and choose from the options. However if it's not specific on point and with some tips on how to apply it then it's filler as far as I'm concerned. Basically if you read 100 fortune cookie posts what would you do differently this weekend?

 

[nismo-4]

You should always be sexual, nonchalantly. As in, be direct. Acting aloof is often mistaken for a nonsexual man. Being sexual can keep her from pegging you as an orbiter, and she'll run if that's what she wanted you as anyway. Win-win.

Every woman is different though. Calibrate their interest.

 

[ubercat]

Arrgh there s no way I could put up with that behaviour long enough to get laid.

 

[RangerMIke]

If you are interested in a woman you need to make it clear that you want to fvck her. How you do this depends on your skill set. Touching is okay, but I prefer not to do this, until she touches first. You can usually let a women you like know with strong eye-contact. I prefer to be a bit aloof and patient. I don't try to game women when I first meet them. I usually just try to get a number and get her on a date... that's when I start the seduction.

 

[ubercat]

I'm naturally good at kino and comfort. I mix that with a bit of teasing and do ok. I'd be interested in learning some new plays. @El Payaso @RangerMIke @Espi can u give a few examples of combining nonchalance and seduction or link to a post where you have described how you go about your business.

 

[Trump]

The more I read, the more there seems to be philosophies that contradict each other when it comes to early stages of attraction (first few dates)

Alot of people on this site and other dating coaches emphasize getting sexual and using kino right away on a girl so she doesn't see you as a nonsexual boring "nice guy".

While others such as Corey Wayne discuss being indifferent, nonchalant is what creates attraction.

Now, if a guy can't keep his hands off a chick in the beginning (being sexual) or making sexual comments that is not exactly being nonchalant is it?

Got to love guys who ignore all the solid advice and then because they are not successful with women, try to find a few contradicting pieces of information and then throw it back at sosuave.

As though we are responsible for their shortcomings with women. Brutal.

 

[EyeBRollin]

I have the most success by not touching her until she initiates physical contact. She'll know right away you respect boundaries. As long as you attempt the kiss close at the end, you won't get friendzoned.

The introverted girls usually won't initiate physical contact but they'll drop subtle hints on the second date. The key is to know when it's appropriate to escalate and when to play it cool. Most of you guys groping women on the first date are screwing up big time.

 

[Filter]

I always let her initiate physical contact, then I go hard and direct with my intentions.

Sometimes I play it slower. It depends on my mood. Also the read I have on a girl. A girl at a bar who breaks the ice and asks about my tattoos is going to be pursued much more aggressively and sexually than the more reserved girl that I met in a bookstore. I try to calibrate it towards the woman's personality... however, one thing remains, and that is indifference to how the woman responds to my advances.

If I'm on a date and bored, I might try to shove my tongue in her mouth or grope her if we've already kissed just to see what she does. Really, who cares? If I really dig the girl I might play a bit more cautiously, but I'll always go hard and direct when the time comes, or when I feel like things are going well. No reason not to... it's what you both presumably want.

I stand by the fact that if you get a woman one-on-one with you in public, she's at least interested and sexually attracted to you. And if you get her alone and one-on-one? She's been thinking about sex. Basically, like Louis CK says, men are the biggest danger to women and the fact that women allow themselves to be alone with men is totally insane. I agree. If she's allowing herself to be alone with you, she wants you to make a move.

 

[Juanto]

As a very recent personal experience ,yesterday I had a 2nd date with a girl (barely no kino on 1st date). I was the one that initiated kino touching her hands at the bar , and then slowly escalated from there. However she never reached out to me, she only allowed me to continue and seemed confortable with me doing it. Eventually after going to another bar that was almost empty, we sat on a couch and there she really sat next to me (previously we were sat facing each other) so I escalated to her shoulders and neck. Eventually I kissed her and we made out for some time, but it was always me initiating kino and leading that part of our interaction yesterday. My question, is this a positive sign or should I be aware of her interest level because she just went with (my) flow?

 

[imported]

Act nonchalant towards sex and occasionally subtly talk dirty, that way when you advance for real then it seems like no big deal.