Conflict avoidance/avoiding confrontation

[Robert28]

This is an issue that hardly ever gets talked about on here or on any dating platform, but it’s something many people struggle with. I’ve struggled with it for years because I was raised in a family where if you dated talk back to a adult there would be hell to pay, it’s caused me more issues than anything I can think of and has led to a lot of other problems. Little things like if a girl you’re dating busts on you ever so cleverly and you let it slide, or if someone takes advantage of you and you become resentful for letting them and not speaking up for yourself, or say you’re out with a group of friends and someone busts on you in front of your friends. I’ve never been the loud brash type, I always played violent sports at the highest level and yet I find myself letting women walk all over me in past relationships. You struggle with “man why didn’t I say that back then” because you couldn’t think at the time, you just didn’t want to blow up into a full blown argument or worse, you were afraid that if you did stand up for yourself you’d lose her. Anyone else struggle with this issue?

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

“Be courteous, be polite, but have a plan to kill everyone you meet.” -General James "Mad Dog" Mattis

 

[BadBoy89]

I’ve struggled with it for years because I was raised in a family where if you dated talk back to a adult there would be hell to pay, it’s caused me more issues than anything I can think of and has led to a lot of other problems.

Yep that will do it. Grew up the same.

I always played violent sports at the highest level and yet I find myself letting women walk all over me in past relationships.

Unrelated.

Kings that have ruled empires have been slaves to women.

You struggle with “man why didn’t I say that back then” because you couldn’t think at the time, you just didn’t want to blow up into a full blown argument or worse, you were afraid that if you did stand up for yourself you’d lose her. Anyone else struggle with this issue?

I used to struggle like crazy. But then you get into the real world and you learn how people take advantage, you learn how to respond, you learn how think fast. I also watched tv shows and they taught me how to act and respond to people.
Got to learn to think fast and on your feet.

 

[SmoothHendrixPS2]

It's not your fault. It's caused by your childhood/ family experiences. Many guys I know struggle with speaking their mind because they are simply too nice. A lot of nice guys come from good families, are womb babies (mommas boys), or witnessed their dad being submissive to their mother, etc. As we know, being nice doesn't get the girls, or anywhere in life for that matter . You seem to be aware of this weakness of yours which is key. Now take action and challenge yourself to strengthen your backbone and be a man who is bold and stands by his beliefs.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Little things like if a girl you’re dating busts on you ever so cleverly and you let it slide, or if someone takes advantage of you and you become resentful for letting them and not speaking up for yourself, or say you’re out with a group of friends and someone busts on you in front of your friends. I’ve never been the loud brash type, I always played violent sports at the highest level and yet I find myself letting women walk all over me in past relationships. You struggle with “man why didn’t I say that back then” because you couldn’t think at the time, you just didn’t want to blow up into a full blown argument or worse, you were afraid that if you did stand up for yourself you’d lose her. Anyone else struggle with this issue?

"Little things like if a girl you’re dating busts on you ever so cleverly" Get your house in order or replacer her.

"Say you’re out with a group of friends and someone busts on you in front of your friends" Bust back or ignore, they are just words. You only get physical as a last resort if you need to defend yourself or your girl.

 

[RazorRambo24]

There's no easy way to answer this. And when you say busts on you, I cant tell if you mean jokes or physical violence.

I think the first few signs of disrespect from a woman that you show that you're not willing to tolerate, and she still does them, you just move on. No sense in getting involved with someone who doesn't have respect for you.

 

[espanish]

this is a great question and I also struggle with confrontation avoidance. I want to live a comfortable life and I don't want no problems. I believe this is the cause of approach anxiety because when you approach random people you are bound to run into problems and that's exactly what you are trying to avoid, problems. not only possible problems from the target girl, but problems from her friends, or some guy trying to white knight you.

 

[SargeMaximus]

I speak my mind but everyone tries to put me down for it. Doesn’t seem to be helping my case any