Confidence.

[Reckoning]

If someone asked me what is the most important quality when it comes to approaching women, I'd say confidence. Confidence is the one thing that separates the needy, desperate guy and the guy that is totally indifferent about whether "this one girl" will fall for him and his attempts at winning her. The other guy knows that other girls are bound to come, and he doesn't place all his hopes on the one girl.

Every girl out there likes a confident guy. Approaching a girl confidently makes you better in their eyes. I've seen many fairly good looking guys fidget and be all nervous around a girl they were supposed to hook up with. The relationships that came out of the whole thing were either short-lasting or didn't form in the first place.

The problem is, not everyone is confident. You see, confidence comes from doing something successfully in the past, and then being sure of your success about doing the same thing in the future. This can be applied to anything, from sports to video games, and even dating. If you hooked up with a hot girl once, who's to say another one with similar attributes won't like you? The thing is, it's hard to start from scratch. If you never had a relationship before, or EVEN WORSE, you had relationships in which you were the abused one, the one that always had to work harder to keep the girl, it's hard to have that sense of "I did it before, and I can do it again.".

So here's the deal.

1. Make female friends. You know, just go down the friend lane on purpose. You WANT to be friends with them. Any girl will do, but it's better if you can find one that you went to school with or something like that. This is for building better conversationalist skills with women. You can learn many things, even experiment. See what jokes and teases work on girls, how you can keep the conversation going, learn to be comfortable when talking to a girl.

2. Start going to the gym. Confidence comes with better looks also, and going to the gym will boost your self-esteem one way or the other. Get your ass out of that chair and build muscle/lose fat. You'll feel a lot better.

3. Have a circle of male friends you can hang out with at any time. No girl likes a guy that doesn't have friends. You'll be a lot better off going with 2-3 friends to the bar or club than going alone looking around for someone to talk to.


When you feel like you really don't have anything to be proud and confident of, notice the flaws other people have. Flaws that, say, a girlfriend and boyfriend that are walking together have. Are they fat? Ugly? Are their clothes dirty? I know I'm sounding dumb here, but it's all about making yourself feel better, by noticing that YOU ARE better. Would you really want a girlfriend that's dumb? Ugly? Fat? These days you'll see many people that hooked up with someone, and you know what? Some of them are butt-ugly. And some of them are just dumb. Idiots. And when I see couples like this, I just get pissed off, I feel that they don't deserve the "slice of paradise" I'm having as well, because they're just... not worthy of it! Why would they ever hook up with one-another if not for desperation? And then just think to yourself "You're not that desperate, are you? I mean, look at this. Is this what you strive for? If you will not conform with this, then wait for your chance for a better prey. It will come once you go down the path of self-improvement and become confident." It probably came before, only you didn't have the nerve to see it. But that probably changed now that you found this site, right?

 

[kingxxxman]

I agree completely!!! however, there is a problem, what if you don't really have anything to be confident about? like you haven't had past successes or awards or anything? can you still pull the confidence or ****y or funny without having someone bash you for it?

 

[the305]

solid advice, have female "friends" is counter intuitive.. having female friends will increase your game 10 fold. you learn SO much about women.

 

[Reckoning]

I added that part now. I knew I wanted to write about it but I forgot to do it.

 

[kingxxxman]

nice addition. well said.

 

[MicCheck1-2]

The friends part is funny to me because all the friends I made were at the bar and I was by myself. I think you gotta go out to meet decent people, male or female.

 

[initiatorhater06]

Confidence is an extremely hard thing to fake and pretend

 

[Lexington]

I agree completely!!! however, there is a problem, what if you don't really have anything to be confident about? like you haven't had past successes or awards or anything? can you still pull the confidence or ****y or funny without having someone bash you for it?

In the case of women, I think that confidence comes from having no worries about screwing up with them. Most guys with confidence issues are simply TERRIFIED of approaching girls and are very afraid of screwing up.

Logically, there is absolutely nothing to be afraid of. What is going to happen? Is a girl going to kick your ass? What do you lose? Absolutely nothing. You're not doing anything immoral. Of course, even though we logically accept this, it is harder to internalize this line of thinking. The only way around it is to just go out there and do lots of approaches.

Eventually, you'll lose the fear of approaching and you'll be completely desensitized to the sting of rejection. So, while you may not necessarily be confident that you can succeed, you won't give a fvck if you fail. That mentality will allow you to take advantage of the numbers game and enable you to gain real confidence.

I do lots of approaches. I don't bed 100% of the girls I approach. Heck, it's not even close. But I still have confidence in approaching because time and again, nothing bad has happened as a result of approaching. I haven't even been slapped once, or had a drink spilled in my face or been assaulted by a girl's boyfriend.

 

[trufun]

Great advice

 

[TIC]

My problem with the confidence lecture that everyone gives is this: you can't fake confidence. If you've had no success in the past, then there is nothing to be confident about. Confidence is a product of success...it cannot materialize out of thin air. It has to come from somewhere. If your like alot of guys out there, confidence just doesn't exist at the moment

 

[Lexington]

My problem with the confidence lecture that everyone gives is this: you can't fake confidence. If you've had no success in the past, then there is nothing to be confident about. Confidence is a product of success...it cannot materialize out of thin air. It has to come from somewhere. If your like alot of guys out there, confidence just doesn't exist at the moment

You are correct. You can't just conjure up confidence. Your first several approaches may well be disastrous. But as I said in my post above, the more you get rejected, the less you care. It will get to the point that you are not nervous at all. I would bet money that if you are not hideously ugly, are decently well groomed and have average social skills, you will have at least some success after doing 100 approaches.

Confidence is ultimately gained through doing. You can't be confident in your ability to operate a motor vehicle unless you have operated one successfully. You won't be confident in your ability to play the guitar without lots of practice. You can't be confident in your jump shot unless you've successfully pulled it off hundreds of times.

 

[TIC]

You are correct. You can't just conjure up confidence. Your first several approaches may well be disastrous. But as I said in my post above, the more you get rejected, the less you care. It will get to the point that you are not nervous at all. I would bet money that if you are not hideously ugly, are decently well groomed and have average social skills, you will have at least some success after doing 100 approaches.

Confidence is ultimately gained through doing. You can't be confident in your ability to operate a motor vehicle unless you have operated one successfully. You won't be confident in your ability to play the guitar without lots of practice. You can't be confident in your jump shot unless you've successfully pulled it off hundreds of times.

That's yet another word of advice that at 21 year of age, I have yet to follow.

It sounds so good on paper. Just approach countless girls until you hit gold, and go from there. But theory, philosophy, and sometimes even logic simply has weak value in real life. Why else would I be posting this on a goddam Saturday night?

The daunting task of risking rejection has gotten the best of me, I admit it

 

[Reckoning]

The daunting task of risking rejection has gotten the best of me, I admit it

Lol, it's not like you have anything to lose if you get rejected. Approach a girl, if she's uninterested or anything like that, just move on, she's not the only one, she's not the finest one. Her loss, she's the idiot here, not you for approaching her for a friendly banter (It's more than that, but.. you know )

 

[Atom Smasher]

Somehow as we grow older we start to think that we should be good at everything we try right off the bat. If we aren't, then we become discouraged and we quit.

Do you walk with confidence? How did you learn to walk?

By constantly grasping at whatever furniture you could to hold you up and by continually falling down, day after day.

Did you start crying and whining and ruminating, "Why can't I walk? What's wrong with me?"

No, you just performed the actions again and again, and the skill developed on its own. Think of the female friends as the furniture you use to hold you up as you learn to walk. As you step away, you will falter and fall. Be like you used to be. Just try to stand up again without analysing it to death. In this context, you were the ultimate Don Juan when you were a baby. Use that insight now.

 

[Korrupt]

My problem with the confidence lecture that everyone gives is this: you can't fake confidence. If you've had no success in the past, then there is nothing to be confident about. Confidence is a product of success...it cannot materialize out of thin air. It has to come from somewhere. If your like alot of guys out there, confidence just doesn't exist at the moment

Think about it this way, success doesn't always have to be you actually closing in any way with a girl when you approach her. Success can be just the fact THAT YOU APPROACHED HER. You broke a wall down when you approached a random girl, and that is SUCCESS. Now you are successful at approaching a girl, you should be at least a little bit more confident in that area, no matter what happened after that. Now maybe you approach a girl, success again already, and you make her laugh/have a good conversation/get her name/ect... MORE SUCCESS. You don't have to get her number, make out with her, or f*ck her to be successful!

You've gotta take little steps if you're not used to something. You can't just go into the gym, never having worked out before, and bench press 400 lbs. You're going to have to work your way up with lighter weight and take little steps to get to that 400 lbs. Good luck to ya.

 

[TIC]

Think about it this way, success doesn't always have to be you actually closing in any way with a girl when you approach her. Success can be just the fact THAT YOU APPROACHED HER. You broke a wall down when you approached a random girl, and that is SUCCESS. Now you are successful at approaching a girl, you should be at least a little bit more confident in that area, no matter what happened after that. Now maybe you approach a girl, success again already, and you make her laugh/have a good conversation/get her name/ect... MORE SUCCESS. You don't have to get her number, make out with her, or f*ck her to be successful!

You've gotta take little steps if you're not used to something. You can't just go into the gym, never having worked out before, and bench press 400 lbs. You're going to have to work your way up with lighter weight and take little steps to get to that 400 lbs. Good luck to ya.

Thanks, I'm gonna try to keep that in mind when I head back to school this fall semester.

 

[BobMo']

If your goal is to exude confidence, then get good at something you enjoy doing. Anything - it doesn't really matter what. Get as good as you possibly can at it, and then get a goal in mind to keep on getting better. In a short while, you'll be an improved dude, and it will show. Like I said, it doesn't matter what the thing is. A great guitarist might be a lousy mechanic, but, no matter if he can play like Clapton, if he goes around worried about his lack of mechanical skills, he's going to come off as a low-confidence shmuck.

You'll go into social situations thinking, "I'm one damn good -Fill in-the-blank," and it will show up in how you carry yourself. Women will want you and men will want to be you.