confidence on the dancefloor

[MrNiceGuy]

aaarrgghh..

I let yet another opportunity (probably not actually going anywhere but I should have made more of an effort) slip away and now I'm all pissed off with myself and frustrated with my constant.. well, not failures, just my lack of effort.

Out on thursday night with a friend of mine, I was in quite a good mood, started dancing on the dance floor, after a while a couple of girls ended up near us and one was dancing quite close to me, I think she bumped her ass into me, and without even thinking I grabbed her waist and started grinding with her a bit, so far so good.

Then, after a few moments (10-15 seconds probably, if that) I broke off, I think mainly due to a general lack of confidence, I didn't really think that she'd want to go on dancing with me for long, let alone be interested in a kiss or anything, so in order to keep my pride I broke off before she could, hoping that I'd given the impression that I was such a DJ I didn't need to focus all my attention on her.

So I turned around a bit, so that most of the time I wasn't even facing/looking at her, I was still feeling pretty good, and had a smile on my face, I turned back occasionally and danced so I could see her, and almost all of the time she had her back to me and was shaking her ass in my general direction.. and then two thoughts kept conflicting in my head,

first: "look! shes shaking her ass at you! the I'm not interested stunt worked! shes interested in you becuase you didn't keep groping her like most other guys would! Grab her! what have you got to lose??"

and secondly, much stronger: "she's an attention *****, she's not interested in you, she just wants any guy to give her some attention to boost her ego but she wouldn't let it go anywhere, and she's not even tried to make eye contact with you, keep your pride and act like you don't want her, she might make a move later"

Of course after about 15/20 minutes of this, maybe longer, her and her friend left the dancefloor and I didn't see them again.

Part of me just doesn't feel confident grabbing girls who I've not even spoken to on the dancefloor, not unless it seems obvious that they want me to.. (e.g. when she bumped her back into me initially) It just feels.. sleazy, I guess and I can't keep up the confidence to grind away with them unless they are really demonstrating that they like it.. (e.g. by touching me with their hands or giving some good eye contact)

But I don't want to be posting about this sort of crap, grinding with girls shouldn't be something I think twice about especially when they're shaking their asses at me. And especially at the moment when I'm meeting most new girls in as strangers in nightclubs and not through work/friends. I've got to the point I should have been at years ago, where I actually feel confident enough to ask a girl I've been talking to and getting on well with for her number, but I should be able to dance with girls too especially when I'm going to clubs (like the one on thursday) that are just big dancefloors with not much (hardly any) room to stand around talking.

I dunno, I guess I'd better go read all the how to bump n grind threads again, and I can see I'm overanalysing... but post any thoughts tips etc if you want, I'm starting to get frustrated again, I feel like I've got the confidence to get dates I'm just not meeting any women right now and I don't have the confidence to convert on the dancefloor.

 

[seulaxplaya]

grow a set

hey bro grow a set of balls. i dont mean that in a bad way. dont take it the wrong way. but when a chick bumps into u like that. that means she wants to dance. its not an attnetion chick that does that. and u said it went on for about 15 to 20 minutes like that. come on dont u think a chick dieing for attention would have gone else where. she left after so long cuz she figured u were a wuss and gave up. so next time u grab a chick and u feel bad cuz u havent talked to her then talk to her while dancing. u got a lack of confidence.

 

[MrNiceGuy]

agreed, I've never had much luck on the dancefloor (at least not with pretty girls) and its stuck in my head. Most of the time when I have grinded away with girls they've all left after a while.

I still reckon this girl was more interested in attention than me (she was pulling the same trick on my mate (whos got a girlfriend) for a while (not for so long though) when I wasn't paying attention to her)

Anyway, thats not the point, regardless of her motives, its true, I need to grow my balls in this area, even if she is an attention ***** why shouldn't I have a little fun and dance with her till either of us gets bored?? If I do it right (i.e. with confidence) then she could become interested anyway.

I need to remember, I've NOTHING to lose, dancing with a girl is nothing to be ashamed/embarrased about.. and I shouldn't give a sh*t if other guys in the club for some reason look down on me cos I'm trying it on with a girl.

 

[Julian]

Whenever i dance with a girl we dance until i break it off for the most part. Yes, of course i faced rejection, but i was just like fucc that ho and moved on.

Usually i got girls asking me to dance, thats what happened the last couple times i went to the club. Like i was just walking and this girl walked past and didnt even look at me, but she put her hand out and slapped my stomach. And just kept walking. I thought it was wierd but i guess she just wanted to grind.

Its usually not a good idea to just walk up and grind if shes not even paying attention. For instance, girl is talking to her friend, they are facing eachother dancing, all of a sudden some guy walks up, put his hand over her stomach and is grinding away feeling her up. Depending on the girl, they usually want a little notice before you just start touching them, ie they wanna see you first.

Its good to just dance near them, smile, wink, give them the eyes or whatever. If they acknowledge you positively then your in and can go in for the kill.

Hey dont blame dancing disasters totally on yourself. Some girls just cant dance. Like i was dancing with this one chick, my friend girlfriend actually, and she would dropp it like its hot, she looked like she could dance from far away, but when i was with her she had NO rythm. I told my friend about this, at first he was like fucc that, but when he came off the dance floor with her he confirmed my aformentioned thoughts.

Anyway, you have to sort of just let loose, dont think too much. Dancing is like a tribal primal type of deal. Let your beast come thru ahhaa.

 

[bugsquish]

I usually rely on the dance floor to score with chicks but I rarely grind unless it seems right. Maybe it's the type of music I listen to but it seems awkward. I tend to dance right in front of them and smile and EC. If things go well I take their hand(s) and eventually go for a grind and kiss. Seems to work... If not it'll work on that HB over there, or that one there? Maybe that one over there. You get the point

 

[MrNiceGuy]

I usually rely on the dance floor to score with chicks but I rarely grind unless it seems right. Maybe it's the type of music I listen to but it seems awkward.

Thats the thing with me, it just seems a bit awkward, especially when sometimes the girl won't even make eye contact or smile at you first.

I tend to dance right in front of them and smile and EC. If things go well I take their hand(s) and eventually go for a grind and kiss. Seems to work... If not it'll work on that HB over there, or that one there? Maybe that one over there. You get the point

Yeah, I think I need to work on imposing myself into their personal space a bit more, as it is I usually just stick to dancing in one area and look around occasionally to see if I can estabish EC with someone. From my experience any maintained EC on the dancefloor at all is a green light.

In the example I was talking about before I don't think this girl made eye contact with me once, but I made no efforts to actually get right in front of her so..

Anyway thanks for the tips guys..

 

[Gold Heart]

Sometimes they just wanna dance. There's no attention ***** in that, since it's pretty dark anyway and the floor is usually crowded. Next time, just dance and dance and dance. The main thing is to have FUN.

Pick up a girl or two, or ten, at the sideline but always have fun with it.