Confidence fluctuation

[Life-Trainee]

Ever since i've been trying to change, i've noticed high confidence fluctuations in me. There are days when I don't give a dam about anything and anyone. Other days i might feel panic even just by walking down the street. Days like that is when i feel small and powerless to change anything. Yesterday was a day like that. I am under a lot of pressure right now as the finals are nearing but I've been under pressure throughout the entire semester. How can i keep my confidence from jumping like that?

 

[Sir Shags Alot]

Don't worry about it, when you are going from a shy guy to dj this happens. Just provide enough self assurance and you will start to notice that the shy days become fewer and fewer.

 

[LuckyStrike]

Life-Trainee,

I experience this sometimes too. One thing that helps me alot is to not worry or stress over things that have not even happened yet. Try to focus more on whats going on in the present and your surroundings instead of things in the future or things you can't even control. You'll find once you ease the worry and stress in your life that your confidence level won't flucuate as much. Another tip is to work-out or excercise regularly, that alone will do wonders for keeping your confidence up.

 

[xblitz44x]

You don't have true confidence. True confidence in yourself doesn't fluctuate. You're trying to sell yourself an idea that you *really* don't believe and you're not buying it. Figure out why you think you're NOT hot, or sexy, or worthy of getting a woman. Understand your hang-ups and untangle them. See things for what they are, and not for how they appear behind your cloudy eyes of insecurity. Only then will you acheive true confidence and will be able to set yourself free.

 

[AMF]

True confidence? Does that exist?

I know its a bind, a cliche and a bit of a cop out, but im convinced everyone has insecurity. Its just a product of realistically not being the centre of the universe.

Confidence seems to be a mental state which is affected by life events and physical condition. Confidence also seems to be progressive and circular. Thats is, its a knock on effect.

So, imagine you wake up with a hangover, tired and groggy. Your initial interactions with people will probably be less than rewarding, for both you and them. Because your negative outlook elicits more negative reaction, your confidence is lowered.

Next, you get in another conversation, perhaps at work, college or in a public place. But because your confidence is lowered you are somewhat self conscious, and since thinking:

"How am i coming across?... is it obvious Im half cut?... and what the hell am I going to say next?!"

uses brain power up, this convo is strained.

Thus, your confidence is progressively lowered throughout the day. By the end of the day, youre in a real slump.

Conversely, imagine you wake up feeling refeshed after a workout, healthy meal and an early night. Each conversation and interaction you have THAT morning, will probably raise your confidence. Your day gets better progressively, as your increasingly positive outlook elicits increasinglu positive and rewarding experience. By the end of THIS day, youre riding high.

So I suppose a big part of maintaining confidence is to just look after yourself.

 

[xblitz44x]

You're talking about mood swings. And yes I believe that everybody has insecurities, but having true confidence is seeing them as the flawed perception that they are. Telling ourselves "I'm alpha, I'm confident, I don't need chicks" isn't going to fool somebody into being confident.

"Because your negative outlook elicits more negative reaction, your confidence is lowered."

I don't think a negative outlook or a negative reaction has anything to do with confidence. If anything, the negative outlook/reaction might make somebody more conscious of their insecurity. But that's not what caused it. And feeling in a good mood with a postive outlook isn't 'raising confidence'.. It's just taking your mind off of your own issues for the time being. Ignoring them whether consciously or not will not make them go away

 

[AMF]

Although I disagree I was talking about "mood swings", for me mood cannot be separated from confidence. And maybe thats the problem for many people, including the first poster.

I cannot believe in a distinct, underlying function or facet of a person called confidence. To me it is simply the product of life events and is therefore inextricably tied to mood.

Are you to tell me that there is self belief that can exist which cannot be rocked, altered or fluctuate at all?

 

[il_duce]

I agree with AMF, mood can affect your confidence.

But the more confident you are about yourself, the less you will allow your mood to affect your confidence, which means that the non-confident days will be few and far between.

I'm also going through the same thing...one day I'll feel like nothing can f*cking touch me, other days I kinda just feel a little unsure of myself in some situations. Not panicked, just a little unsure sometimes. I've found that keeping myself busy and doing productive things (like working out, shopping, studying, socializing, even just walking around town for no reason) helps my confidence on days when I would otherwise feel a little less confident.

 

[DJUofS]

No one has this so-called true confidence. Actions and occurences in your everyday life affect how you perceive yourself in the future.

For example: If you were so confident that you know material for a specific class, but you fail the test... you will lose some confidence.

The same goes for how you come across to people. If you are so confident that you can get any girl you want and you get rejected ten times you will start doubting yourself.

If you just say to yourself "that's their loss...", that tells me that you have an ego problem. Moods, current occurences, and previous occurences affect how your confidence will be tomorrow.

 

[iqqi]

Originally posted by AMF
Are you to tell me that there is self belief that can exist which cannot be rocked, altered or fluctuate at all?

i agree with AMF. i am one of the most confident people i know. but at the same time i am openminded, i understand that i may not always be right.

so if something, or someone, that matters to me, questions or challenges me, i will let that in and process it. most of the time i come out the same if not stronger in confidence. but sometimes it leads to self doubt. i quess that is the price i choose to pay. but i think the virtue it affords is rare, and i am proud of it.

also if you keep going through challenges, and many aspects in life are negative all at one time for a long period of time, i believe that would definately be a rock to your world, including your selfconfidence.

 

[gentleman193]

you can knock *anybody*'s confidence if you aim right and strike a true blow. and you can build anyone up, too, with similar skills. i find there is a need for both in this world. there is no "true confidence"

 

[Pulsar]

To me, confidence is a state. On some days you'll feel more confident than on others at any given moment.

The trick is to find a way to change your body state into a confident state if you are not feeling confident at that moment.

One way to do this is to change your physiology. Stand up tall and start breathing like a confident person would. Start thinking how a confident person would (ask better questions to yourself). Put a big wide grin on your face and keep it there even if you don't feel like smiling...eventually if you change the questions you ask yourself at that moment and really start thinking about some of the good things in your life and the progress you've made; you'll start to feel better. Constantly think about those positive experiences and eventually you'll find yourself in a more positive state.

When you notice you are in an 'unstoppable' state, find a way to anchor yourself to that state. It might be clicking your fingers or some other body movement. (next time you're in a bad state, click your fingers and your physiology will change into a confident state--you have to do this a couple of hundred times probably and even then consistantly use the same trigger over and over again)

The information I've stated above is what I've learned from reading and applying concepts taught by Anthony Robbins. I've found his material invaluable in improving myself (even though I have a long way to go yet).

Also, do some research on NLP.

But yeah, basically confidence is a state and you'll find that eventually you'll be able to automatically change your state into the one you want almost instantly. (changing your phisiology is the fastest and easiest way to do this though)

To those that say confidence is something you got to work on and just attain and that it's a static thing--I can see where you're coming from but I bet subconsciously you have a method of getting yourself into a more confident state without realizing it (I could be wrong)...but yah it would be interesting to hear more about what you guys think

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Originally posted by xblitz44x
You don't have true confidence. True confidence in yourself doesn't fluctuate. You're trying to sell yourself an idea that you *really* don't believe and you're not buying it. Figure out why you think you're NOT hot, or sexy, or worthy of getting a woman. Understand your hang-ups and untangle them. See things for what they are, and not for how they appear behind your cloudy eyes of insecurity. Only then will you acheive true confidence and will be able to set yourself free.

Amen!

 

[Dirtheart]

One way to do this is to change your physiology. Stand up tall and start breathing like a confident person would.

I've been trying this for a while now and it really does make a difference!! Breathe deep and slowly, from the diaphram rather than the chest. Always hold your head up and pull your shoulders back. You'll actually feel better for it!

Also, SLOW DOWN! When you slow down, it's much easier to control your words, movement and thoughts. Key word: control.

I'd recommend studying various confident male celebrities. If you watch wrestling, a perfect example is Randy Orton. Watch how he walks down the ramp, how he carries himself with his head high, how slowly he moves, his composure and generally, how comfortable he feels about himself.

That is the state every DJ should aspire to in my opinion.

 

[aguynamedwill]

Ever since i've been trying to change

your mind is resisting the change, trying to get back to what it considers "normal and safe" ie. Mr Small and Powerless. Its normal.

Best thing to do is focus on whats important to you, and to do well. When you do that, you'll have the type of confidence women like. You won't care if a girl rejects you because you'll know you're still the man.

And keep working on projecting the confident traits. Eventually, they'll be second nature. Because they'll be a part of you.

 

[Dirtheart]

I'd also like to add that I think AMF is right. Mood can and does affect confidence.

I went through a family tragedy a while back and it utterly trashed my confidence. I'd wake up feeling totally helpless and at the mercy of "fate". It affected my entire state of mind, my perception of myself and others. I became a total pushover and let everyone walk over me because it was easier than facing upto them. I was afraid of rejection because I felt insecure and emotionally charged, and feared it would result in me crying.

This is an extreme example, but if you don't think AMF is right, try this:

Close your eyes and think of a tragic experience and place yourself back in the scene. Notice how it affects the way you feel. Your breathing, your heart rate etc. And this is only a memory - it's all in your mind.

Try the reverse and reflect on a positive experience. Again, it's all in the mind, but notice how uplifted you feel.

Your mood and confidence throughout the day is really dependent on the thoughts that occupy your mind. This is why NLP and anchoring is such a useful technique for DJs and, indeed, to everybody.

 

[Amog]

Just keep sarging. When your game gets tighter, you wont think about that too much. Your confidence level will for the most part, flatline. Even on your slow days, you will still be able to approach. Just dont psyche yourself out. KEEP SARGING.

 

[drumr2]

Originally posted by iqqi
also if you keep going through challenges, and many aspects in life are negative all at one time for a long period of time, i believe that would definately be a rock to your world, including your selfconfidence.

Sadly, this is true. Nothing is rock solid. Confidence is the most erratic of all traits. There are things that can (and will) happen to us throughout life that can shake us to become totally different people. Five years ago, I was at the top of my game. There I stayed until a chain of events started to happen that has changed me for the worse ever since. Everything that I cared about or thought I was good at was questioned or taken away from me. Sooner or later, I started to lose confidence in myself, and havn't been able to regain it since. Now, I live at home with my mother, spend the majority of my time alone, and/or with people who are just as big of losers as I am.

I also believe that confidence affects out moods, not the other way around.

 

[CLOONEY]

"true confidence" does not exist. EVERYONE doubts themselves at some time. Drumr2 said it well. If you have a lot of things going wrong in your life over a long period of time, it will get to you. No matter how sure of yourself you were beforehand. People who say they have "true confidence" are absolutely kidding themselves, or just plain arrogant (which is totally different to confident).