Confidence a bit down because of a certain girl

[Baibars]

I matched with this girl and she immediately texted me saying how attractive she thinks I am.
We flirted a bit and she showed a lot of interest. We also had a quick video call. I noticed that she unmatched me in the app right after we exchanged numbers and she said she just deleted the app.
Then we agreed on a date for this Saturday but yesterday she suddenly blocked me.

there was also a „good bye“ text with some nonsense about how she’s not ready for dating because of some bad experience she had.

So today I’m swiping and I’m seeing her on another app with more revealing photos so yeah she was lying as usual. I just find the behavior strange. I never once put pressure on her and she was the one showing interest first. I wasn’t pushing just nothing.
This hurt my confidence a bit tbh.

 

[Jor-El]

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent"

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

Ok. You were not the product she was shopping for upon further investigation. Doesn't matter why. So what; who cares? Your self esteem is not reliant on what some random stranger does. Who cares what she thinks.

But. This experience highlights your need, OP, for external validation. That's the bigger issue.

Its up to you to value yourself and uphold/honor your value from an internal place.

You ever see how I at times get insulted or attacked outright on here? Doesn't bother me at all. Why? I know who I am, I know my value, and I am internally validated. Often I get amused by the guys who put me down. I'm not put downable.

So you have two things to think anout:

1. Internal versus external validation
2. Amused mastery (which will follow naturally once you are more & more internally validated).

Food for thought.

 

[BPH]

@Baibars this really comes down to 2 things:

1. Dating apps should be supplementary, never a focus.
2. People are weird, you never know what's going on in their lives or what their motives are.

Example:

There was a girl a couple of years ago who I matched with, had a short conversation with, then nothing became of it because she stopped responding. Saw her again on the same app a few months later, same story. Saw her AGAIN on Hinge I think it was, because SHE liked ME, so I matched her and this time she apologized, sent me her number, followed me on Instagram, and we made plans for a date. The night of the date she's completely unresponsive and doesn't happen.

Several more months later she likes me AGAIN on Hinge. I match her, but only to say "I don't know what's wrong with you, but you're weird as hell". I think she messaged some apology but I just unmatched her and that was it. Maybe a little petty on my part, but it is what it is.

There was another night where I was in line at a bar and the girls in front of me were on Bumble. I overheard one talking about how she matched with this guy but wasn't going to message him because she wasn't interested in him, she was just curious whether he was interested in her. I still remember that all these years later because that behavior just disgusted me at the time.

The point is not to overthink this. If you're looking for something serious on a dating app I think you're doing it wrong.

 

[SW15]

Dating apps should be supplementary, never a focus.

I think this is an acceptable attitude if a man is to use the apps. Generally, I do not recommend using the apps. However, the dating apps do work well for men who have very good looks. Flaunting high wealth might also work on an app as well. A man has to stand out in some way on looks or money to use apps well.

If you're looking for something serious on a dating app I think you're doing it wrong.

I agree. There were times when I was looking for an extended relationship on the swipe apps. It wasn't my best idea so I decided not to use them.

 

[Clockwerk50]

You need to understand two things:

1. The reason you’re feeling infatuated is that she represents or has something you need or want but can’t fulfill or develop on your own. This could be confidence, validation, or a sense of connection. Understanding this can help you shift the focus back to your own growth rather than seeking it externally.

2. Women often date “up,” meaning they’re typically drawn to traits like status, confidence, or ambition that signify security or potential. Men, on the other hand, may date “down” in terms of social or personal status because they prioritize different traits, such as physical attraction or nurturing qualities.

With this in mind, becoming more self-sufficient is key. Build your confidence and try to have traits that make you feel secure and valuable on your own. When you have that foundation, the actions of others—like this woman’s behavior—won’t shake your sense of self-worth. You’ll attract people who align with your values and are interested in you instead of playing games.

Keep focusing in yourself and the right connections will follow.

 

[New_Journey]

This hurt my confidence a bit

Your confidence got hurt because of a random girl who was probably in those apps looking for validation because her life is so empty that she needed OLD to make herself feel valued and attractive cause that's the only thing she can offer? Come on man.

 

[ManFromTartarus]

It's few keystrokes and a video call from a bimbo farting around online.
Get off the app, go down to the Kneipe, get a stein, and flirt with the first woman you see.

 

[Bingo-Player]

It couldn't of hurt your confidence becuase you never used any confidence to begin with

What you mean is its hurt your optimism , which really shouldn't have been high when using these dating apps anyway

They are literally designed and built for failure

So many men think that the apps are the only way to meet women now and pin all their hopes and dreams of finding some sort of unicorn on them

A woman on a dating app is likely going to be a bottom of the barrel job .....I mean think about how many options women have to find men

And yet this one is on an app !?!

Come on guys FFS

 

[Barrister]

It couldn't of hurt your confidence becuase you never used any confidence to begin with

What you mean is its hurt your optimism , which really shouldn't have been high when using these dating apps anyway

They are literally designed and built for failure

So many men think that the apps are the only way to meet women now and pin all their hopes and dreams of finding some sort of unicorn on them

A woman on a dating app is likely going to be a bottom of the barrel job .....I mean think about how many options women have to find men

And yet this one is on an app !?!

Come on guys FFS

Once in awhile you can find a hot chick on the app. She’s usually a woman who is coming out of a breakup and is on there purely for validation. They’re some of the biggest time wasters.

 

[sevbucmash]

We also had a quick video call

So after a video call her interest dropped. It's either something you said or did, that turned her off.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You are putting way too much stock in any one woman in a simple numbers game.

You never met this woman, none of that stuff you are talking about mattered.

This is why men who do OLD need to simply focus on building a pipeline of women and focusing on numbers instead of worrying about a result with any one person.

You have zero idea why she did what she did or what happened.

I keep telling people this but it's true...the first 3 dates with a woman is her trying to find reasons to disqualify you or to give you chances to disqualify yourself. You don't know what her criteria is usually so you may have done something to do just that. Who knows?

Not worth worrying about unless this happens with almost every woman and then it is obviously am issue with something you are doing prior to meeting up.

 

[RangerMIke]

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent"

True. Remember when a woman rejects a man it has more to do with her, and her expectations than anything the man has or is doing.

Never take any of this personal, you don't have what this particular woman wants, go find a chick that wants what you have. I'm sure you passed on women you didn't like either.

Count your blessings, you found this out without spending a dime.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

 

[Barrister]

I matched with this girl and she immediately texted me saying how attractive she thinks I am.
We flirted a bit and she showed a lot of interest. We also had a quick video call. I noticed that she unmatched me in the app right after we exchanged numbers and she said she just deleted the app.
Then we agreed on a date for this Saturday but yesterday she suddenly blocked me.

there was also a „good bye“ text with some nonsense about how she’s not ready for dating because of some bad experience she had.

So today I’m swiping and I’m seeing her on another app with more revealing photos so yeah she was lying as usual. I just find the behavior strange. I never once put pressure on her and she was the one showing interest first. I wasn’t pushing just nothing.
This hurt my confidence a bit tbh.

OP - you are a good poster but over years you’ve been here you seem to be very sensitive to how women perceive you. This is likely a deeper rooted confidence issue for you in general that you place so much importance on being desirable to them.

I’d suggest that you find out why you are so bothered by this and your other shortcomings in dating. Because as everyone has correctly pointed out, you shouldn’t give two f*ks about this - especially with your experience here. There is something there that you need to discover about yourself and correct it.