Confessions of an AFC.

[I love Hyori Lee]

Before I go on any further, I just want to say that I'm thankful that I have found this website. I have learned invaluable information and advice from all of you. Unlike some people, I listen to criticism and I learn from mistakes. When everyone starts saying that my ideas are a bit misguided, I don't become stubborn, I learn. So, I do learn from what people tell me. I learn when people tell me that I'm doing things wrong. I learn when people tell me that my ideas are wrong. So now, I seek your advice...

Now, that I've went over that. I wanted your input on a situation that's happening now. A long time ago, I've went been with this girl for 2 years. I really loved her. Her name is Lisa. Now, I know there's oneitis and all this, but I have never met a girl like Lisa. She's caring, nice, pretty, smart, beautiful, etc. And everytime I go outside or go to a club, I've never seen a girl that's like her.

Anyways, to make a long story short. We broke up. It was a mutual breakup, but it wasn't a "bad" breakup. When I mean, a "bad" breakup, it wasn't because of hate. We broke up because of distance. She lived too far away from me and long-distance relationships never worked.

Day after day, my ex-girlfriend plagues my thoughts. Sometimes, I'll dream about her. I know it sounds "AFC". I have never met a girl that was like her. She was one of the very few women I know that had a kind heart and was beautiful and really loved me. It just broke my heart, because I really loved her. And she was sad too, and she loved me too. But, it just wouldn't work out. So, we broke up.

Every now and then, I always wonder what I would do if I saw her again. What would she do? What would I do? Things like that.

It's been almost two years since then. She stopped calling me, sending me emails, stopped emailing me...she just ended all contact. I've been dating other women and doing everything I could to move on....

And then it happened.

Yesterday, I went to a club and I was hanging out with my friends. We were sarging and I was dancing with this cute girl. Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I see Lisa. I just stood there and stopped dancing.

The girl I was dancing with, looked at me, confused.

I walked forward a bit, because I thought my eyes had decieved me. And when I looked carefully, it WAS Lisa. There was my ex-girlfriend! She was dancing with another guy. All these thoughts just went inside my mind. I just realized that all this time I was thinking about this girl, she had moved on. After some time, I noticed Lisa saw me and she stared.

But she didn't say "Hi" or anything. She just grabbed her boyfriend's hand and walked to the other side of the dancefloor. My friends were getting mad at me. They were telling me, "Man, forget it! She's already got a boyfriend! Move on! Don't be a b.itc.h! If she didn't even say "Hi", she doesn't want anything to do with you! Stop moping and let's go dance with some ladies! If she really was cool with you, she would have said, "Hi!" "

But I said, "No! I have to talk to her! I have to talk to her! I know that if I don't talk to her, I'll regret it!"

And my friends got irritated and sarged on.

I eventually met up with Lisa. I tapped her on the shoulder and her eyes opened up really wide and she was like, "Wow! I can't believe it's you! What have you been up to?" It was the same Lisa. I started to remember all the reasons why I liked her so much.....

She introduced me to her boyfriend. I tried to play it cool. I shook his hand and put my arm on his shoulder, just like he was one of my best friends. Then, I started talking to Lisa.

It was a short conversation, but something I'll never forget. She asked a lot of questions about me.

What have you been up to? Where have you been? Etc. etc.

Etc.

And then, she told me that she had graduated from college. (In other words, she is going to stay at home. Which means, she'll be near where I live.)

I tried to hold back my pain, and I played it off. I smiled and laughed and I was ****y and confident and dominant, etc. Then I held her by the hips the way I used to....and I told her, "I can't believe you're here. I can't believe it's really you."

Then I told her that we should hang out some time. I smiled confidently and said, "Hey, don't be a stranger."

And then I said I needed to leave.....and I turned around and walked away.

The pain was indescribable....
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I know I'm an AFC and I'm willing to take punishment from all of you. But, please, tell me what you think I should do. This situation is a bit different, I think. Because this is a girl that still had feelings for me when we broke up.

 

[Socialreject]

I think the only difference is that you are still hung up on her...

You know, i've heard this all a billion times... no other girls like her, so smart, funny, beautiful, sweet, cute, whatever...

Her sh!t still stinks... if you get my drift...

But hey, you like her (obviously), and why would you give a crap if she has a bf?! Don't let it stop you from going after what you want! Don't ever appologise for going after what you want!

If you want her that bad, go get her. Just think about this... if you actually DO get her, she might not be the person you think she is, because the person you're talking about doesn't sound like a cheat ;-)

 

[protienpowder]

People change, ALOT, when their young. I think you said its been 2 years since you seen her, and she graduated from college. She's probably changed alot, but that depends on the individual basis. If I was you, I would Hang out with her, testing her if theirs anything left between you, and if you're feeling it, be open about your intensions. Don't bring up her boyfriend. If she brings up her boyfriend, change the conversation.

 

[Stackthestyles]

Well, that was a strong story... I'm glad I don't feel the same way.

I'll tell you this now, so you can't say I didn't warn you.

Turn down your emotions, and make sure you end your inner battle. Go and talk to her, but realize, you may be friends forever.

 

[Mission]

Man don't even worry about it. I remember I dated a girl for a year, really caring relationship and all that, but we broke up because of distance as well. I thought I would never meet a girl like her ever again. But within 4 months of that I met two amazing girls, one who deeply fell in love with me but the relationship could never work (complicated) and another who I actually dated long distance for 6 months, it sounds like a waste of time but it was a really great relationship and ended because neither of us could keep it up anymore. There will always be someone out there who will love you more than your last, the reason you broke up was because your love for each other WASN'T strong enough to keep you together. This is probably the most AFC thing I have ever written but it is purely true, when you are dealing with girlfriends, you will have found the one for you when the relationship works no matter what.

--Mission

 

[I love Hyori Lee]

I just wanted to thank you guys for helping me out.

It's really been hard getting over this girl. I really cared about her a lot.

But, I hate it when you guys are right. She hasn't emailed me, called me, or talked to me since that incident.

I'm absolutely confused, because most women in these kind of situations usually become "friends". I guess she doesn't want anything to do with me.

I guess I know what I have to do. I thought about sending her an email, but I realized that it was probably a bad idea.

So now I have one final question.

Have any of you dealt with a situation like this? And if so, how did YOU deal with it?

 

[I love Hyori Lee]

maybe this thread will allow you to understand why youre so hung up on this girl: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=93880

Great post. I think it definitely correlates to what I'm feeling right now.

According to your post, I definitely was feeling a "lack of closure" with this girl.

We broke up because of a long-distance relationship. But for some reason, she stopped talking to me, emailing her, calling me, etc. So, I had a lack of closure at the time.

But finally seeing her, walking hand in hand, with her new boyfriend gave it "closure". All those times I regretted, wondered, wished, daydreamed, thought, pondered about this woman..she had moved on.

Life is a cruel teacher.

 

[2c2bt]

I don't get it. Why when you saw her at first, she turned around and ignored you? Then, when you finally talked to her, she was all happy.

Also, the reason she is not calling has nothing to do with you. Her manfriend is keeping her busy. She probably thinks she loooovs him.

Oneitis is when you are uncontrollably enraptured by a girl that is not actually THE ONE.

You have not mentioned whether or not this lisa girl is THE ONE. If she is, then you do whatever it takes to get her. If she is not, then you do whatever it takes to get over your oneitis.