complex girl?

carter

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hey guys.
I just found this site and thought that you guys could help me with this.
I started a job as a waiter a couple of months ago as a waiter in a restaurant .There is a girl there that I thought was kind of cute, only problem she didnt pay much attention to me. She didnt even look at me. My phylosophy is: ignore anybody who ignores you. A fter two weeks of me working there she started talking to me and we were having a lot of fun together. I would always surprise her checking me out and smiling at me. One day, while doing sidework in the back of the restaurant, out of nowhere, here is what she told me.
" You know my sister who is now in scottland came here the other day and she saw you and she started asking me a lot of questions about you,and I told her, oh this is carter and he is awesome" I just smiled and she kept going saying " she thinks you are really cute and I dont usually pay much attention to the people I work with but since that day I have noticed that you really are cute."
I didnt make much of that at that time, so I didnt try anything, she took a couple of weeks off and when she came back I called her to see if she wanted to pick up one of my shifts, but it turned out she was working that day too. The next day at work, she mentioned a movie that I thought I might like to see. I called her the next day, left her a message and told her to call me back and give me the title of the movie. She didnt call back but came to the restaurant and told me the name of the movie. The next day I went to blockbuster and got the movie, I called her and told her that I had gotten the movie and I asked her what she was doing the next day, she told me a very busy schedule(she does have 4 part time jobs) .She wanted to know why I wanted to know her schedule, so I said
" I am just wondering if you would wanna have lunch with me"
heR " i am was very busy and I really cant"
me :"no bad ideas, I am not hitting on you or anything"
her:"ok, but we can do it some other time you know and thanks for the invite"
Few days later I see her at work and she started acting extremely uncomfortable around me. When she finally lightened up, I went up to her and said:
" you know what, the other day I said I was not hitting on you, but I was lying, I was hitting on you" and she just laughed.
Yesterday, at work she kind of avoided me the whole time and when I would talk to her she would be extremely uncomfortable.
Same thing happened today until she lightened up again, to the point where she punched me in the stomach playfully, I told her she had just punched me on my surgery wound and she apologized. I said:
"dont be sorry now you will pay me later"
After I made the comment, she started avoiding me again and I would feel that same extreme disconfort again form her.
A fellow coworker came up to me later and told me that she had told him that story about me hitting on her and stuff.
her: " carter called me and said he wanted to hang out with me and when I declined he said he said he was not hitting on me, the next day he told me that he was actually hitting on me"
him:"but its just lunch as freinds nothing else"
her: but that would be very hurtful to lead him you know"
After my freind told me that she got even more uncomfortable around me. So I called her and said
"do you feel uncomfortable around me because of what I told you the other day?"
her;"no, but I just dont wanna give you the wrong idea because I have a boyfriend"
I told her that I understood and she didnt have to be uncomfortable for that."
A couple of hours later as I was talking on the phone with my cousin ( we were speaking french which is my first language) she sat right in front of me with big dreamy eyes and started starring at me and smiling"
When I gof off the phone she said:
"I think its awesome that you speak french, I really like it"
Then we talked a while with some other coworkers and I made everybody laugh as I always do.
She left today without me knowing.
What do you think about all this?
what should I do?
 

jprjrjr

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Originally posted by carter
hey guys.
I just found this site and thought that you guys could help me with this.
I started a job as a waiter a couple of months ago as a waiter in a restaurant .There is a girl there that I thought was kind of cute, only problem she didnt pay much attention to me. She didnt even look at me. My phylosophy is: ignore anybody who ignores you. A fter two weeks of me working there she started talking to me and we were having a lot of fun together. I would always surprise her checking me out and smiling at me. One day, while doing sidework in the back of the restaurant, out of nowhere, here is what she told me.
" You know my sister who is now in scottland came here the other day and she saw you and she started asking me a lot of questions about you,and I told her, oh this is carter and he is awesome" I just smiled and she kept going saying " she thinks you are really cute and I dont usually pay much attention to the people I work with but since that day I have noticed that you really are cute."
I didnt make much of that at that time, so I didnt try anything, she took a couple of weeks off and when she came back I called her to see if she wanted to pick up one of my shifts, but it turned out she was working that day too. The next day at work, she mentioned a movie that I thought I might like to see. I called her the next day, left her a message and told her to call me back and give me the title of the movie. She didnt call back but came to the restaurant and told me the name of the movie. The next day I went to blockbuster and got the movie, I called her and told her that I had gotten the movie and I asked her what she was doing the next day, she told me a very busy schedule(she does have 4 part time jobs) .She wanted to know why I wanted to know her schedule, so I said
" I am just wondering if you would wanna have lunch with me"
heR " i am was very busy and I really cant"
me :"no bad ideas, I am not hitting on you or anything"
her:"ok, but we can do it some other time you know and thanks for the invite"
Few days later I see her at work and she started acting extremely uncomfortable around me. When she finally lightened up, I went up to her and said:
" you know what, the other day I said I was not hitting on you, but I was lying, I was hitting on you" and she just laughed.
Yesterday, at work she kind of avoided me the whole time and when I would talk to her she would be extremely uncomfortable.
Same thing happened today until she lightened up again, to the point where she punched me in the stomach playfully, I told her she had just punched me on my surgery wound and she apologized. I said:
"dont be sorry now you will pay me later"
After I made the comment, she started avoiding me again and I would feel that same extreme disconfort again form her.
A fellow coworker came up to me later and told me that she had told him that story about me hitting on her and stuff.
her: " carter called me and said he wanted to hang out with me and when I declined he said he said he was not hitting on me, the next day he told me that he was actually hitting on me"
him:"but its just lunch as freinds nothing else"
her: but that would be very hurtful to lead him you know"
After my freind told me that she got even more uncomfortable around me. So I called her and said
"do you feel uncomfortable around me because of what I told you the other day?"
her;"no, but I just dont wanna give you the wrong idea because I have a boyfriend"
I told her that I understood and she didnt have to be uncomfortable for that."
A couple of hours later as I was talking on the phone with my cousin ( we were speaking french which is my first language) she sat right in front of me with big dreamy eyes and started starring at me and smiling"
When I gof off the phone she said:
"I think its awesome that you speak french, I really like it"
Then we talked a while with some other coworkers and I made everybody laugh as I always do.
She left today without me knowing.
What do you think about all this?
what should I do?
Don't do anything. You made your feeling for her very apparent. She tells you she has a boyfriend, then acts like she likes you. Typical evil woman bullshyt. She made her choice. Be friendly to her, but that's it.

Don't go kissing her ass. If she wants things to go further, let her make the move. Don't tolerate her retarded behavior
 

Ricard78

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I go with the above.

He speak the truth.

If you just want to hear someon say go for it.

Go or it.

But i would go with the above.
 

carter

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I am just wondering if I did anything wrong and if anybody knows the reason for her discomfort.
 

flexion_

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Your mistake - when you asked her the first time about the lunch/movie whatever ... she asked if it was a date and you said it wasn't - next time have some balls and simply ask her out.

All the crap that happened afterwards was a result of you not being a man. The worst she would have said was that this cute guy at work asked me out. Instead this turned into the guy at work sorta asked me out then changed his mind and wanted to discuss this stuff like some AFC puppy and it seemed creepy to me.

Don't talk to her again about this subject... drop it. And next time make it clear what you want for future women.
 

ConfidentDon

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Personally I think you may have lost your chance. You did a good job at first by ignoring her and you pretty much did everything up until that point fairly well. Where you messed up was when you asked her out. I put the empisis on ASKED. Next time you want a woman to come out with you don't ask her politely tell her.

Example 1) "Hey I was just wondering if you'd like to have lunch with me some time?"

Why this is bad: If you ask a woman out this way she has the option to decline your request. Also by useing the word "wondering" you seem unsure of youself. Something woman are unattracted to. And by saying "some time" you don't have a definate date for her. By not having a specific date you seem like you have nothing better to do in your life. This also is very unattractive to woman.

Example 2) "Hey it's (name). (A couple of minutes of fluff talk) Hey I have an idea: let's go out to lunch together. What days do you have off?"

Why this is good: You never asked her if she wants to go out but rather what DAY she would like to go out. Declineing wasn't an option. Also by adding no more than 5 minutes of fluff talk in there you gain her confidence that your not just trying to have sex with her (even though you may be trying to anyways). It shows that you care about her and her day (though you may not). By saying "Hey I have an idea...." you seem spontanious and fun. Something that woman are attracted to.

If you really want to go for her your almost starting back form square one. You'll have to go a little slower. Keep it friendly and fun around you two. Do you best not to get to far into the friends zone so that when she breaks up with her boyfriend you can be there as a romantic intrest. Personally I think it's an a$$ load of work for little pay off. I would say go for someone else. But to each his own. You know the boards oppions.
 

carter

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update

I saw the girl today again at work. She passed me by twice without saying a word and stood about three feet away from me. To ease up the discomfort, I called her name and said hello to her. She quickly came next to me and was very friendly, asked me how I was doing and stuff.
Later on as I was flirting with a bunch of waitresses, she came and joined in and said
"oh carter I have heard about you saying that it matters to you when the girl wears matching underwears"
I was very surprised she said that
About a month ago some girls at work (she was not there that day ) had asked me if it mattered to guys that women wear matching underwear and I had responded that it would be an added bonus but the opposite would not prevent anything from happening, A MAN got to do what A MAN got to do" I had said
Do these women sit and talk about me when I am not around?, I am starting to think they do
The rest of the evening was pretty ackward between her and I, But I was flirting with all the girls at work today. And they all seemed to be loving it.
I have personally decided to forget her but it wont be easy since we work together.
For the first time since I have known her, she also mentioned her boyfriend out loud ( in front of everybody) , something she had never done before.
 

TillTheEndOfTime

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I see two possibilities here:

1) She really did have a boyfriend in the beginning and was just leading you on to boost her ego.

2) She didn't have a boyfriend or had a not-so-serious boyfriend but was attracted to you and was hoping you would step up to the plate and be a man. Unfortunately you did not respond to the call of duty and totally wussed out. That crap about saying you weren't hitting on her and then admitting later that you were hitting on her was WEAK! VERY VERY WEAK! NEVER.....EVER DO THAT AGAIN! Understand?

I would say cut your losses with this one and take this as a learning experience. Never make these mistakes again. When the next call comes, be a man and take it head on. None of this playing around "I'm not hitting on you" crap. Next time, if you're interested, JUST GO FOR IT MAN!

peace
 

Eyes_Of_Fire

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Hey here's what you need to do.

1) Read the DJ BibleDJ Bible
2) Once you are finished, read your original post, and write down all of the reasons you came across to her as an AFC.
3) Write down what you can do better next time the situation arises and
4) Write down how you can step up your game and stop being an AFC right now.
5) Put what you wrote down into ACTION!! (can't stress this enough)

You are doing a lot of things right. Stop obsessing so much about one girl.

Eyes_Of_Fire
 

Black_Italian

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This reminds me of this girl i work with she walked past me and she was blinking her eyes faster than normal people, i mean in 10 seconds people blink there eyes once and she done it twice and the other day she said HI to me What do you think this means guys any insight???????

But seriously you fu*cked up from the first time you met. A girl fors her opinion of you instantly you should ahve walked up to her introduced your self and started talking. Read the DJ Bible of even better read Double Your Dating by David DeAngelo
 
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Eyes_Of_Fire

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Originally posted by Black_Italian
This reminds mme and se of this girl i work with she walked past me and she was blinking her eyes faster than normal people, i mean in 10 seconds people blink there eyes once and she done it twice and the other day she said HI to me What do you think this means guys any insight???????

Hah! Super blinker. Give her some C+F and make fun of her about it. Find out what it means and then let US know. Maybe she's into you, or maybe she blinks fast cause she was so into the strobe light at the club the night before she wanted to make the effect a permanent fixture in her reality.

Eyes_Of_Fire
 

Black_Italian

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i maybe didnt make it clear enough but that was a joke....im teasin all the guys that signup here and come up with this ridiculous sh*t. They dont bother to read the DJ bible they think the keyboad warriors here will tell them how to win over this 1 girl and then there whole life will be changed.
 

carter

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she is weird

There is something wrong with that girl. Today was another akward day at work. Everytime she sees me, I get the feeling that she wants to run away, it's really bad. I have never seen any woman get that uncomfortable just because I asked her out, I have never seen a woman get so uncomfortable around me. This is really weird.
I am gonna think twice before asking out any grl I work with.
 

carter

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same problem

I notice that somebody else here named mister is having the same kind of problem as me.
Can you tell how yours is going and how the discomfort occurs.
It would be great if somebody could really cover this subject deeply. What about you Pook, any ideas?
 

Pimp-sicle

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Ummm....I'll start off on you and then address this chick.

You really need to learn how the "game" works bro. You came off as confident and intriguing in the beginning because you didn't know what she thought about you and you didn't care. HOWEVER once she threw that comment out there, you turn into a sappy AFC who was very timid and shy.

If it were me, I would've still acted aloof, even after she told me she thought I was cute, this would have only made her work for your attention that much more. Anyhow, I think the reason this girl is "complex" to you is because your watching her every move and reporting back here. She has a bf, she thought you were cute, END OF STORY!! Now that leaves the potential for a hook-up down the road if you guys get smashed together, but I dunno if that will happen. You asked her out, she said "thanks, but no thanks." Keep your head up and move on.

BTW Im a server in a popular resturant and I can tell you that 99% of girls who work in resturants, are FUKIN DRAMA!! Not worth it, plus everyone talks in this industry, better to keep your private life and work life as two separate stories.



PIMP
 

penkitten

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she isnt complex , she is simple = AW
watch your step with this one.
 

carter

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she just called me

hey guys
She just called me, I did not know that number so I did not pick up the phone. Here is the message she left.
"Hey carter, this is *****, I was just calling to see if you could pick up my shift tonight, I come in at five o'clock , by the way, my number has changed, so here is the new number you can reach me at ****. The catch is that I am working too tonight, So I cannot pick up a shift.
I have decided not to call her, because I think her objective was to give me her new number and get some attention from me.
When I see her at work tonight I wont mention anything about her call until she brings it up. And when she does, I will tell that I went out last night and had a very good time and woke up very late, had to rush to work, so I could not return her call.
 
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