Completely baffled as to what happened here

[ENIGMA16]

Man, girls are rough. We know how they act, and what the rules are, but still sometimes desperation just gets the best of us and we **** it up, knowing full well the consequences of our actions beforehand.

So, short backstory, tl;dr version because I don't want to write a book here. I met this girl at this bar I go to regularly a couple weeks ago. We've been exchanging texts and trying to meet up. She'd hit me up all the time to invite me out, but I was thinking that I'm not going to give this girl priority over my other plans, so I didn't actually meet up with her until last weekend.

Oh, and side story, I was a huge **** to this girl twice. I pretty much told her off twice when I was drunk (never apologized) but she kept hitting me up anyways. It was really crazy because I was gonna just forget about her both times, then she'd text me the next day haha. So I know this girl was into me hardcore.

Long story short, she comes over and we mess around, but she's on her period so I'm like, whatever that's cool. I like this girl, she's actually pretty cool, and I don't usually invite girls over just to ****, so it's not as big a deal for me (aside from blue balls hahaha). Well we spent the entire next day laying around, ordered food, napped, watched some TV. It was a nice day.

Cut to this week. She invited me out last night, basically to a bar, and this is how the convo went:

Her: So we r going then...
Her: Or more like ur coming with cuz ik I'm going haha
Me: I will come if you buy me beers
Her: I suppose I do owe u for the za
Me: And for using my bed. And my couch. And for your time spent in my presence. $3522.46 should cover it.
Her: And all the toilet paper u have to add in like idk $57 for that [she was sick, using my toilet paper as Kleenex, that's it haha]

A few hours later:

Me: Are you still sick?
Her: A lot less sick haha
Her: I have to work, but I'm sure it'll be dead which is stupid butttt so that means ill prob be able to leave and then we can [go to that bar]
Me: I'm getting some drinks with some friends in a bit idk where were going but text me later
Her: Mk sounds good

2 hours later:

Me: Still working?
Her: I haven't even gotten there yet hahaha
Me: Hah WTF time do you work?
Her: 930-10ish lol I have no clue I don't even know if the other girl will be there! So lame
Me: Gimme free shots
Her: Mk

At this point me and my friends were gonna swing by for shots.

Me: Is there a cover?
Her: Nope it's not too busy
Her: Wait!
Her: We left
Me: At a friends house by this bar where are you
Me: Come meet up with us then we can figure it out
Me: We don't have a car so if youre going to that bar you should give us a ride
Her: Well if it picks up at [the bar i work at] we may go back
Me: Playing trivia!!! Prob going to this other bar later
Her: Ohh where? Mann I heart that bar but we will see where the night takes us! Hah

At this point I'm pissed she's not telling me where she is or meeting up with us.

Me: Sounds good! Some other time maybe have a good weekend!
Her:

Drunk and stupid at this point.

Me: If you're in the are let me know, maybe you can meet up with us later if we're around.
Her: Yeah for sure, or if not maybe tm


Haven't heard back since. Yeah, long text convo I know, I text like it's AIM and I'm not going to call her when we're both at the bar.

Some mistakes I noticed I made:
1. I said "text me later" but didn't wait for her to text me. Should have waited and let it slide if she didn't respond. The funny thing is that I know she would have responded, she's the kind of girl that responds to pretty much everything you send her, and she was at this point in love with me.
2. I hit her up AGAIN when she was still waiting. Again, should've waited for her to text me.
3. I don't like how I phrased "Sounds good! Some other time maybe have a good weekend!" Sounds like I was too affected by it. Lesson Learned: Not responding is sometimes the best response.
4. I hit her up AGAIN when I was drunk. Stupid stupid stupid.

Anyways, that convo ended at like 12:30 and I didn't hear from her the rest of the night. IDK what happened, if I really ****ed it up that bad where her insanely high level of interest in me plummeted just from this text convo, if she's giving me a **** test, or what. I really am baffled as to what to make of this.

And I have no idea why she wouldn't tell me where she was going. That was really weird/shady.

I also noticed that I've been getting a lot of desperation around this girl since we hung out last weekend.

Where to go from here? Should I just not respond to her unless she texts me first? Delete the number? Try contacting her and setting up something else? I'm not really sure where to go from here.

 

[ecko280]

IMO you are being wishy washy with her. You need to set a time and place. If she said anything but yes, then forget about her for the night. After a few days passed, then call her to meet up for drinks with time and place.

 

[TheMale]

i noticed you are the one who always goin to talk to her you are looking for her attention
try to ignore her a bit and like echo said ..
set a time and place

 

[macallik]

you can't play hard to get with the convo and then text her every few hours requesting a status update

 

[ENIGMA16]

you can't play hard to get with the convo and then text her every few hours requesting a status update

How was I playing hard to get? I was trying to figure out what she was doing, then told her what I was doing and when/where we could meet up. I don't think I was playing hard to get at all, I just wasn't waiting around to meet up with her.

 

[ARrocket]

I think you should simplify your life and just invite her over again, instead of trying to juggle your friends, her friends, and other forces from the outside world.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Man, girls are rough. We know how they act, and what the rules are, but still sometimes desperation just gets the best of us and we **** it up, knowing full well the consequences of our actions beforehand.

Not putting all the blame on guys, because girls do act weird, shady and f-ed up from time to time; but remember that most times women are usually acting a certain way in response to the vibe they get from you.

So, short backstory, tl;dr version because I don't want to write a book here. I met this girl at this bar I go to regularly a couple weeks ago. We've been exchanging texts and trying to meet up. She'd hit me up all the time to invite me out, but I was thinking that I'm not going to give this girl priority over my other plans, so I didn't actually meet up with her until last weekend.

Sounds like your a "rules guy." Where you like to literally follow every DJ rule to the T since you most likely were an AFC in the past (like us all). I use to do the same thing in my early days in PU, but now I've realized that the only "rule" is to be congruent once you gain supreme confidence in who you are and what you have to offer. If that means going out with a girl earlier than normal, so be it. Do things within reason, but don't let "rules" dictate when and where you see her because these are the scenarios where women will play games because they think your playing them too.... of course its always a game, but you don't want to communicate this overtly....but more low key about it.

Oh, and side story, I was a huge **** to this girl twice. I pretty much told her off twice when I was drunk (never apologized) but she kept hitting me up anyways. It was really crazy because I was gonna just forget about her both times, then she'd text me the next day haha. So I know this girl was into me hardcore.

Why did you go off on her twice? That will be more telling in this whole situation? In either case sounds like a drunk retarded moment by both of you in each case which is most likely why she didn't put too much weight on it.

Long story short, she comes over and we mess around, but she's on her period so I'm like, whatever that's cool. I like this girl, she's actually pretty cool, and I don't usually invite girls over just to ****, so it's not as big a deal for me (aside from blue balls hahaha). Well we spent the entire next day laying around, ordered food, napped, watched some TV. It was a nice day.

Not saying this was the "wrong move." But generally speaking when you bring a girl home, hook up with her, try and get her @ss out at the start of the next day. If its seems like she just wants to lounge, pretend like you have somewhere to be so she has to leave too......I've found from past situations that if I let the girl just hang around in my bed all day, this is where they really try to sink their hooks into you and you start to "like them" and let feelings get involved, where as the night before she was just another chick.

Cut to this week. She invited me out last night, basically to a bar, and this is how the convo went:

Her: So we r going then...
Her: Or more like ur coming with cuz ik I'm going haha
Me: I will come if you buy me beers

See this is the stuff I'm talking about....your "trying too hard" to come off as a ****y alpha male. You want to sprinkle this from time to time, not pour it as the main ingredient.


Her: I suppose I do owe u for the za
Me: And for using my bed. And my couch. And for your time spent in my presence. $3522.46 should cover it.
Her: And all the toilet paper u have to add in like idk $57 for that [she was sick, using my toilet paper as Kleenex, that's it haha]

This was good and she was playing along.

A few hours later:

Me: Are you still sick?
Her: A lot less sick haha
Her: I have to work, but I'm sure it'll be dead which is stupid butttt so that means ill prob be able to leave and then we can [go to that bar]
Me: I'm getting some drinks with some friends in a bit idk where were going but text me later
Her: Mk sounds good

As you already noted, never leave it up to the girl to contact you. Secondly as others have said you were not very clear with your plans. Be specific on the time and place. If she wants to see you, she'll find a way to get there.

2 hours later:

Me: Still working?
Her: I haven't even gotten there yet hahaha
Me: Hah WTF time do you work?
Her: 930-10ish lol I have no clue I don't even know if the other girl will be there! So lame
Me: Gimme free shots
Her: Mk

Your coming off as a little needy here and again all about "buy me this, free that." Again there's a time and place for that and you should ideally do it when the conversation is at a peak and she's engaged in it.

At this point me and my friends were gonna swing by for shots.

Me: Is there a cover?
Her: Nope it's not too busy
Her: Wait!
Her: We left
Me: At a friends house by this bar where are you
Me: Come meet up with us then we can figure it out
Me: We don't have a car so if youre going to that bar you should give us a ride
Her: Well if it picks up at [the bar i work at] we may go back
Me: Playing trivia!!! Prob going to this other bar later
Her: Ohh where? Mann I heart that bar but we will see where the night takes us! Hah

She's definitely being vague, should've left it alone at this point and it sounds like she is enjoying you chasing her.

At this point I'm pissed she's not telling me where she is or meeting up with us.

Me: Sounds good! Some other time maybe have a good weekend!
Her:

Drunk and stupid at this point.

Me: If you're in the are let me know, maybe you can meet up with us later if we're around.
Her: Yeah for sure, or if not maybe tm


This was bad for numerous reasons, she knows she owns you at this point. Your falling in love after one hook up and she can sense it. When a girl is vague like that, leave it alone and she will come running if she thinks she's losing your interest/attention.

Haven't heard back since. Yeah, long text convo I know, I text like it's AIM and I'm not going to call her when we're both at the bar.

Some mistakes I noticed I made:
1. I said "text me later" but didn't wait for her to text me. Should have waited and let it slide if she didn't respond. The funny thing is that I know she would have responded, she's the kind of girl that responds to pretty much everything you send her, and she was at this point in love with me.
2. I hit her up AGAIN when she was still waiting. Again, should've waited for her to text me.
3. I don't like how I phrased "Sounds good! Some other time maybe have a good weekend!" Sounds like I was too affected by it. Lesson Learned: Not responding is sometimes the best response.
4. I hit her up AGAIN when I was drunk. Stupid stupid stupid.

Anyways, that convo ended at like 12:30 and I didn't hear from her the rest of the night. IDK what happened, if I really ****ed it up that bad where her insanely high level of interest in me plummeted just from this text convo, if she's giving me a **** test, or what. I really am baffled as to what to make of this.

The problem here is to her it was a little hook up with a guy she's attracted to and thinks is fun. She isn't getting attached and you on the other hand already are.....never good.

And I have no idea why she wouldn't tell me where she was going. That was really weird/shady.

Why? Maybe she wanted to meet other guys? Maybe she just wanted to hang with her girls? Your not her bf, she can do whatever she wants.

I also noticed that I've been getting a lot of desperation around this girl since we hung out last weekend.

Yeah you can sense it from reading this post. It good that you recognize that, so you can regain control of yourself.

Where to go from here? Should I just not respond to her unless she texts me first? Delete the number? Try contacting her and setting up something else? I'm not really sure where to go from here.

I'm a little confused on the time frame here. So did this all go down last night or last week?

Secondly, what do you want from this girl? Do you want to just hook up and party with her from time to time? Do you want to date her and see where it goes? If you want to date her, then take her out during the week, when she's more likely to be available and spend the weekends with your boys meeting new girls. If you just want a play thing when your out on the weekends, then hit her up and set up a meeting at one of the bars you frequent.

In either case I wouldn't wait or hold your breath for her to blow up your phone. Just hit her up and proceed once you know what you want from her.

PIMP

 

[ENIGMA16]

Sounds like your a "rules guy." Where you like to literally follow every DJ rule to the T since you most likely were an AFC in the past (like us all). I use to do the same thing in my early days in PU, but now I've realized that the only "rule" is to be congruent once you gain supreme confidence in who you are and what you have to offer. If that means going out with a girl earlier than normal, so be it. Do things within reason, but don't let "rules" dictate when and where you see her because these are the scenarios where women will play games because they think your playing them too.... of course its always a game, but you don't want to communicate this overtly....but more low key about it.

Not really. I mean I used to be, but I think I've evolved to the point where I'm just working on my inner game now. I think everyone goes through that outer game stage; I was fortunate enough to get through it quickly.

I just already had plans whenever she'd hit me up, she'd be like "Hey me and my friends are going to xyz you should come" but I'd already have plans with friends. And I'm not going to break my plans just to chase some girl I hardly know.

Why did you go off on her twice?

Hahahaha I was just drunk. First time her and her friend promised to give me a ride but left when I was in the bathroom. It was good they did that though, because I wanted a ride across town to another bar 10 minutes before bar close, when the bar we were at was right by my house. So in the morning I was thankful for that.

Second time she walked away in the middle of a game of shuffleboard. She was with a friend who was sitting by the bar and I guess my drunk ass thought I was being playful when in reality I was just being rude. Still, she texted me the next day haha.

Not saying this was the "wrong move." But generally speaking when you bring a girl home, hook up with her, try and get her @ss out at the start of the next day. If its seems like she just wants to lounge, pretend like you have somewhere to be so she has to leave too......I've found from past situations that if I let the girl just hang around in my bed all day, this is where they really try to sink their hooks into you and you start to "like them" and let feelings get involved, where as the night before she was just another chick.

Yeah, I think that would've been a bit better to do, too. I mean it was a good day, generated a ton of attraction from her just by sitting around napping, but I'd probably have less desperation if I booted her out right away. Point taken.

See this is the stuff I'm talking about....your "trying too hard" to come off as a ****y alpha male. You want to sprinkle this from time to time, not pour it as the main ingredient.

This is just how I am. I'm just acting naturally. This is how I always talk to girls, I'm not trying to act any different way than myself. Girls generally call me a ****y *******, but they're into it and that's just who I am.

In either case I wouldn't wait or hold your breath for her to blow up your phone. Just hit her up and proceed once you know what you want from her.

Yeah, good idea. I'm gonna back off for a while and wait for her to contact me; your post made me realize that I've given up a lot more power to her than I initially thought. I didn't think it could get that bad from just one text convo but I guess I was wrong haha. If she doesn't contact me tonight I'll just lay off it for a few weeks and start over. I've got other plates to spin in the mean time. Thanks for the insight.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

You didn't answer the question though dude.

What do you want from her??? Little bar slvt you hit up on weekends or do you want to see where it goes??

If its the bar slvt option then yeah, hit her up whenever you feel like it and proceed like nothing happened.

If you actually like this chick, which it seems like you do, then lay off for a few days, maybe a week tops and then hit her up and set up a session.

Going cold for two weeks isn't going to help you at this point. She's the one backing off and you are the man, so you should initiate the contact because most likely she won't, unless you like these little text wars where you play will we meet up tonight or will I have to guess where she is for her to tell me.

Point is unless your communicating soundly and moving FORWARD, your really getting nowhere fast.




PIMP

 

[ENIGMA16]

What do you want from her??? Little bar slvt you hit up on weekends or do you want to see where it goes??

I think the problem is that I don't really know what I want. I'm at a weird point in my life. My past relationships have basically turned me off from being exclusive with women in general, yet at the same time I'm not someone that just invites a girl over to ****, I like having meaningful relationships with women. TBH I'm not really a fan of one night stands or getting a girl over just to fvck her.

So I think I'm not really sure where to go from here because of that. I think that's the core at what my trouble with women is right now. My desire to move forward somehow is conflicting with my distastefulness of monogamous relationships.

I actually have found myself hesitating with women because I've realized I'm subconsciously worried they're going to want to move it further into a monogamous thing and I'm not into that. I have to get myself sorted on this, that's for sure.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

I think the problem is that I don't really know what I want. I'm at a weird point in my life. My past relationships have basically turned me off from being exclusive with women in general, yet at the same time I'm not someone that just invites a girl over to ****, I like having meaningful relationships with women. TBH I'm not really a fan of one night stands or getting a girl over just to fvck her.

So I think I'm not really sure where to go from here because of that. I think that's the core at what my trouble with women is right now. My desire to move forward somehow is conflicting with my distastefulness of monogamous relationships.

I actually have found myself hesitating with women because I've realized I'm subconsciously worried they're going to want to move it further into a monogamous thing and I'm not into that. I have to get myself sorted on this, that's for sure.

That sounds like an internal battle you play in your head and definitely sheds some clarity on this situation. If you don't know what you want from a woman how are you suppose to know how to proceed?

Look, I'm not saying you should know right now that you want this chick to be your gf, but what i'm saying is you should know what bucket she falls into

Bucket A: girl I party with and hook up with from time to tim

Bucket B: I see potential in this girl and want to see where it goes, WHILE still seeing other women.

You can't think that ALL women are not relationship worthy based on past experiences. Yes, quality women ARE few and far between now days, but that shouldn't stop you from continuing to go through the process until you find a keeper.

The lesson is to learn to red the red flags that you get, because women tell you all you need to know, its just dependent on whether we WANT TO listen to them or not at that particular point.

And no one's telling you to be exclusive right now, just telling you to take action so this can proceed or stop now. Your indecision is what throws this situation a curveball.




PIMP

 

[ENIGMA16]

Look, I'm not saying you should know right now that you want this chick to be your gf, but what i'm saying is you should know what bucket she falls into

Bucket A: girl I party with and hook up with from time to tim

Bucket B: I see potential in this girl and want to see where it goes, WHILE still seeing other women.

Okay, when you put it this way it's answerable, she'd totally be relationship material, so I'd say B.

You can't think that ALL women are not relationship worthy based on past experiences.

It's not the women that's the problem, it's the idea of an exclusive relationship itself that I don't like. All of my past relationships I look back on as negative experiences, and all of the wonderful things I could have experienced and all the terrible things I wouldn't have had to go through if I didn't waste my time in them.

And no one's telling you to be exclusive right now, just telling you to take action so this can proceed or stop now. Your indecision is what throws this situation a curveball.

Yeah, good point, I just need to ignore all this **** going on in my head and forge ahead. Was thinking about calling her up tonight to come out, because she did sound disappointed in that text convo that I didn't come out. If not I'd probably wait until next weekend, because I don't do anything during the week really because of work.

Would tonight be too soon? God I feel like a n00b asking this on this forum, I usually hate people that ask questions like this haha. I guess this happens to the best of us from time to time.

 

[ENIGMA16]

Lol completely disregard this thread she's on her way over now for some action I was just reading into this **** too much.

Also laid a foundation with this other girl I'll prob be fvcking as a plate later this week.

Life is good my friends!