Competing professionally as a middle-aged dude with young pretty women?

Firefly

Don Juan
Joined
Sep 11, 2005
Messages
196
Reaction score
7
Feeling bummed out tonight and thought I would come here to vent.

I was on a committee while I was in grad school for a couple of years as the student representative. In that role, I did what I consider to be a pretty good job in my role. I occasionally heard that I was respected because of my efforts, but never really got any massive amounts of positive feedback. I stuck with the role mainly because it was a good opportunity to network and make contacts, but it appeared that while I made some contacts, there were no real great benefits to my future career.

As I graduated this year, I passed my role to an attractive young female grad student. The difference in the committee's reception to me was striking. Despite the fact that she was doing exactly the same things I was doing with the same output, the committee almost immediately offered to pay her for the same role I did as a volunteer and which she took on as a volunteer. Higher up members of the committee offered to assist her with promoting events in a way that they never bothered to offer me, and they all keep praising her effusively for the same work I did for several years.

This is a trend that I have noticed occurring quite consistently for the past few years. I completed a residency in a public health setting. Despite the fact that they were happy to ask me to do extra work for them on a volunteer basis, I was never offered paid work which instead always seem to be provided to young, attractive women. In one instance, I was asked to do extra unpaid work on a project while an attractive young woman who had been there two weeks (so they had no opportunity to guage her ability) was paid to do the same work.

For a very long time, it appears that any efforts I made professionally would be automatically less valued in comparison to the young attractive women who are in the same profession and I would not be offered the same professional opportunities such women are offered on a plate. While my initial reaction is to simply give up as I won't be given a fair shake, I understand intellectually this is simply self-defeating. My question is what can I do about it? Should I simply avoid working in organisations, where it seems I will keep running into the same issues, and instead focus on creating success on my own terms? Is this an obstacle a lot of men face, and simply something I should get over? Any suggestions would be appreciated.
 

skinnyguy

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 2, 2013
Messages
3,446
Reaction score
1,258
Lol, I guess feminism worked a little too well. 40 years ago this woman wouldn't have been offered a job.
 

mangotot

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 24, 2014
Messages
1,113
Reaction score
22
Well ensure you ask for the maximum in whatever that's being persued. You did wrong offering free time as a volunteer in the role you were in. Really as soon as you realised you were not getting anything you should have bolted immediately. The only thing to do is to not give away too much and the same time demand as much as you can get. Do not ever sell yourself short.
 

mangotot

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 24, 2014
Messages
1,113
Reaction score
22
Anyway what the hell are you doing graduating at 40? Should you not have done that like 18 years ago? Are you one of these people who has had a hard life?
 

Firefly

Don Juan
Joined
Sep 11, 2005
Messages
196
Reaction score
7
mangotot said:
Anyway what the hell are you doing graduating at 40? Should you not have done that like 18 years ago? Are you one of these people who has had a hard life?
Lol, I meant graduating grad school - I changed professions about six years ago and in my field, if you want to enter the specialisation that earns the most money, you have to do a Masters Program (which I had to do part time as I was working full time as well).
 

KingBeef

Master Don Juan
Joined
May 11, 2001
Messages
804
Reaction score
116
Location
Queens, New York
Firefly said:
Feeling bummed out tonight and thought I would come here to vent.

I was on a committee while I was in grad school for a couple of years as the student representative. In that role, I did what I consider to be a pretty good job in my role. I occasionally heard that I was respected because of my efforts, but never really got any massive amounts of positive feedback. I stuck with the role mainly because it was a good opportunity to network and make contacts, but it appeared that while I made some contacts, there were no real great benefits to my future career.

As I graduated this year, I passed my role to an attractive young female grad student. The difference in the committee's reception to me was striking. Despite the fact that she was doing exactly the same things I was doing with the same output, the committee almost immediately offered to pay her for the same role I did as a volunteer and which she took on as a volunteer. Higher up members of the committee offered to assist her with promoting events in a way that they never bothered to offer me, and they all keep praising her effusively for the same work I did for several years.

This is a trend that I have noticed occurring quite consistently for the past few years. I completed a residency in a public health setting. Despite the fact that they were happy to ask me to do extra work for them on a volunteer basis, I was never offered paid work which instead always seem to be provided to young, attractive women. In one instance, I was asked to do extra unpaid work on a project while an attractive young woman who had been there two weeks (so they had no opportunity to guage her ability) was paid to do the same work.

For a very long time, it appears that any efforts I made professionally would be automatically less valued in comparison to the young attractive women who are in the same profession and I would not be offered the same professional opportunities such women are offered on a plate. While my initial reaction is to simply give up as I won't be given a fair shake, I understand intellectually this is simply self-defeating. My question is what can I do about it? Should I simply avoid working in organisations, where it seems I will keep running into the same issues, and instead focus on creating success on my own terms? Is this an obstacle a lot of men face, and simply something I should get over? Any suggestions would be appreciated.
So the committee wanted a hot young thing.... It happens. This could be a slight and you may be taking it a bit too seriously. NEVER COMPARE YOUR PERSONAL VALUE TO THAT OF A WOMAN, NEVER....IT'S ALL BASED ON YOU.

Maybe they wanted a young piece of arse?


Maybe (in their eyes) she does have more "potential"?

Maybe they really like her OR she "fits" into their system? I've seen this happen often across the board...

Maybe it's because she's young/open minded/willing to be 'molded" and think that because you're older you may be "set in your ways" and not willing to change (it's just a thought)

Maybe they can get her in an entry level position and literally overload with work and offer her "less" than you would make?

I can go on and on but I think you get the picture. You're better than this.

Be optimistic, cheerful, engaging and young....You'll be fine.

When you do reach your goal NEVER FORGET what happened along this path and when it's time to get "compensated" make sure you get what "you are worth".... never settle.
 

Scaramouche

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 27, 2008
Messages
4,064
Reaction score
1,185
Age
80
Location
Australia
Dear Firefly,
Very annoying...Mangotot is right in suggesting that people treat free services,with contempt...Example,30 Years ago I was lecturing in Engineering,had my own Company on the side...I was member of a Ski Club,that was investing in a New Lodge in the Mountains....To give them a kick along,I offered to do the full engineering services,from design to handover gratis...The Committee decided they wanted it done "properly" spent $10.000 in todays money for doing just that...Now an anecdote on the Feminist "Positive discrimination"...At about the Time of the previous incident,I was acting Head of a School of Building and Engineering a job which I coped very well with,one of my lecturers was a Lady Architect,our "Token Female"...pretty hopeless Woman,needed help in keeping up with things,always had to have the Easy Option Waffle subjects,in other words a burden...Well after a couple of years,I attended the formal interview for permanency...My Professor and colleagues thought it just a formality,however there was an Equal opportunity Officer at the interview,and it appears that just as matters had been virtually formalised,she informed the Panel that she knew of a Female on Staff who had not been aware of the positions availabilty?....The outcome was a Kangaroo court....She only had to prove she was qualified to do the job...But of course eventually she had to perform...what a joke...This Girl was commuting 40 miles every morning,running a Goat Farm,had five Kids and was completing a PHd....Sad to say I refused to give more than token support to this Woman,I had set up most of the software in the systems,when she asked me for help I told her I had more than a full work load,she had been found more suitable by a Panel of experts to do this and would just have to work it out herself...She really didn't have a clue...Well the first thing to go was her marriage,then she was hospitalised with a Break down caused by "Burnout" a physical condition unknown until Women entered the Workforce...The last I heard of her was that she had three times attempted suicide (Bvuggered that up too LOL)and had been pensioned out...So this is not a new phenomena Firefly it was rampant when you were in Primary School LOL.
 

Sik

Don Juan
Joined
Mar 7, 2013
Messages
71
Reaction score
11
Location
Central Valley of California
Scaramouche said:
Well the first thing to go was her marriage,then she was hospitalised with a Break down caused by "Burnout" a physical condition unknown until Women entered the Workforce...The last I heard of her was that she had three times attempted suicide (Bvuggered that up too LOL)and had been pensioned out...So this is not a new phenomena Firefly it was rampant when you were in Primary School LOL.
Interesting story, Scaramouche! My own experience has been similar. Women simply do not have the capacity that men do to work 12 and 14 hour days for weeks on end. In Silicon Valley, the women's groups complain how women are "underrepresented" in the tech sector. Well, guess what? Women generally don't want to work 14+ hour days coding software and presenting their ideas to every cutthroat VC firm in the area while avoiding getting crushed by the severe competition. They would rather watch Dancing with the Stars and the Kardashians while shoe shopping online.
 

Tenacity

Banned
Joined
Jun 23, 2014
Messages
3,926
Reaction score
2,194
Firefly,

Discrimination in jobs can occur in a number of ways, you can be discriminated based on race, religion, gender, sexuality or AGE. Obviously, outright telling you that we won't hire you or won't pay you because you are a Man that's 40 would be grounds for a lawsuit, but nothing is stopping them from actually putting this into practice and just making up another excuse as to why they wouldn't pay you.

If you are going to work for someone else, I guess this is something you have to fight through by establishing better networks, trying to play the political leveraging games, etc.

Working for yourself, building your own business, etc., you don't have to deal with such insane practices.

But as I tell people, if you are going to board another man's ship (work at his place of employment), understand you are subject to HIS level of thinking, judgment, foresight and decision making and a lot of times HIS way of doing things could not just hold you back....but it could destroy your chances at ever reaching financial freedom.

With my current position, I CONTROL the direction of my Office. There's no way I would be at the levels of financial freedom I'm at now if I didn't have this level of control and had to be under the "control" of these IDIOT people called, "Middle Managers".

To make it in this new 21st century economy, YOU are going to have to be the expert and in control of your career, retirement, and expense management. The time has passed where you put these things in the hand of an Employer or Mutual Fund Manager or "Financial Adviser." The information is out there in this Information Age, I honestly don't understand why we don't have more entrepreneurs today. College keeps programming these people to go "work" on another man's ship (where they can be kicked off at anytime or banned from entering in the first place), instead of building their own ship.
 
Top