Companionship

[DonJuanabe]

The other day I was bored out of my mind after exercising a bunch, doing some work, then having nothing to do since the vast majority of my friends are married or have a GF. So I called a friend (who is married) and told him I needed to get the F out of my apartment and do something with a friend because I was bored beyond belief. He said sure come on over (we played cards) but added: dude, you really need to get a girlfriend that will solve your boredom.

So that brings me to companionship. Here I am, it's around 9 p.m., and I'm alone. And bored. If I had a GF either she'd be here or I'd be at her place. Sex isn't the point, though it certainly has it's place -- what I'm getting at is just hanging out with someone you really like (maybe even love).

Supposedly, married people live longer and are happier than non-married people. If that is true I think it is due to companionship: having a friend you like, love, and can rely on.

 

[backbreaker]

let me put it to you like this. and why your friend 5 years from now will be on alimony road wondering where it all went wrong


ask yourself this. seriously..

if you cannot entertain yourself, how are you going to entertain a woman lol?

or do you expect her to entertain you? is her being there, bored as fvck right there with you somehow make your life any better than it is now?


also, you are thinking of the greatest possible outcome. it's tuesday.. what if she is like my wife a deadliest catch fan and has to watch the show and you hate the tV show? not like you are entraining her anyway so what are you going to do lol sit there and be bored while she watches the TV show.

lol @ this magical blistfulness that is supposed to happen for the rest of your life simply beucase you have a woman there.


no woman wants a man that is not fun or can't take care of himself. Even worse, there is only one possible thing that you can do if you cannot entertain a woman, and that's revert to AFC tenderizes.. beucase you have to give her a reason to stick around and if you are not fun what reason does she have to stick around because your love is somehow that much better than everyone elses?

i can take a lot of ****, i can understand a lot of mind frames but this "it's 9pm and i am lonely and a woman woudl make my life complete" go somewhere with that ****. it's not going to get you anywhere, it's not going to do anything but attract low quality women who have co dependency issues like you seem to have

lol I love the **** out of my wife and she lvoes me.. you want to know what we are doing right now? are we in the middle of some passionate love making? is she telling me how much she loves me and how i mean the world to her? are we basking in the glory of each other? I'm sitting here watching the lion king with my son and my wife is washing her hair while eating sardens and crackers. fvcking blast lol.

I mean, yes, I can entertain my wife and I do and I cna entertain myself but you are.. **** you are putting an unknown woman on a pedstel.

you will never have a long lasting fulfilling relationship with a woman until you can honestly have fun and take care of yourself. no one wants mr. co dependent.

lol the only people who have kick ass tuesday nights are single dudes spinning plates. **** tuesday night used to be resturant and rent a movie spend the night over a girls house night. now it's my son wants to watch the lion king for the 10005005050th time and the wife does her nails and hair and I sit home and eat baked fish and steamed rice day. there isn't even any horse racing in the US on tuesdays (at least good horse racing)

 

[DonJuanabe]

I am talking about companionship, not co-dependency.

The kind of GF I want is pretty specific -- she shares my interests in cycling, running, lifting and is also nerdy. Sure, I make things pretty difficult for myself but I know what I want in someone and it isn't just a decent face. I really don't feel like taking myself out to dinner but, if such a chick were around, we would finish exercising (and I'm not talking 30 minutes on the treadmill I'm talking 10 mile runs or 2 hours on the bike) and go out to grab dinner somewhere and have a great conversation about whatever, perhaps planning for some sort of race. Sitting at a restaurant by myself seems boring (I suppose one could suggest finding a table with a girl and sitting with her but that is very hit or miss).

Most people I know don't have all that much in common with their GF/wife, at least not the things they are passionate about that consume large amounts of time and energy and sort of define who they are. Sure, they find each other physically attractive, they share some interests, whatever. That to me isn't sufficient. I don't want to be in a relationship where the girl is gardening and the guy is playing on the computer. I want one where we come back from an ass-kicking workout and sack out on the floor cuz we're beat, order a pizza and watch a movie, just like you'd do with your good male friends that you met doing something you love to do. And I would do all of this regardless of the girl so it isn't an issue of co-dependency -- she is just bonus.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Wanna Be,
Get a Dog....Far safer,lot less expensive!

 

[backbreaker]

I am talking about companionship, not co-dependency.

The kind of GF I want is pretty specific -- she shares my interests in cycling, running, lifting and is also nerdy. Sure, I make things pretty difficult for myself but I know what I want in someone and it isn't just a decent face. I really don't feel like taking myself out to dinner but, if such a chick were around, we would finish exercising (and I'm not talking 30 minutes on the treadmill I'm talking 10 mile runs or 2 hours on the bike) and go out to grab dinner somewhere and have a great conversation about whatever, perhaps planning for some sort of race. Sitting at a restaurant by myself seems boring (I suppose one could suggest finding a table with a girl and sitting with her but that is very hit or miss).

Most people I know don't have all that much in common with their GF/wife, at least not the things they are passionate about that consume large amounts of time and energy and sort of define who they are. Sure, they find each other physically attractive, they share some interests, whatever. That to me isn't sufficient. I don't want to be in a relationship where the girl is gardening and the guy is playing on the computer. I want one where we come back from an ass-kicking workout and sack out on the floor cuz we're beat, order a pizza and watch a movie, just like you'd do with your good male friends that you met doing something you love to do. And I would do all of this regardless of the girl so it isn't an issue of co-dependency -- she is just bonus.

the irony of your post is, you have to go be doing that **** to find a woman doing that ****,.

i am a horse racing fanatic. so is my wife. she's a former exercise jcokey actually. I met her (gasp) at a horse track.

you can';t find a woman with the same hobbies and passions as you have by sitting home dreaming about it.

 

[DonJuanabe]

BB yes I know that, and thus far have been unsuccessful in finding one while riding, running, or at the gym. As an example, last week I caught up with a triathlete chick and started talking with her, giving her playful sh*t related to her training, got her number, then later after riding thought what the hell and sent her a text: "Are you spontaneous?" She replied a short while later "I can be..." The result was that I, essentially a stranger, got her address, picked her up, and took her to dinner for post-ride recovery eats. We had a ton in common but, meeting without helmet, cycling shades, etc. she is probably 18-20 years younger than me (no problem on my end but I can understand her not being thrilled with it).

Going to start trying Meetup.com groups focused on those activities.

 

[Lexington]

I am talking about companionship, not co-dependency.

The kind of GF I want is pretty specific -- she shares my interests in cycling, running, lifting and is also nerdy. Sure, I make things pretty difficult for myself but I know what I want in someone and it isn't just a decent face. I really don't feel like taking myself out to dinner but, if such a chick were around, we would finish exercising (and I'm not talking 30 minutes on the treadmill I'm talking 10 mile runs or 2 hours on the bike) and go out to grab dinner somewhere and have a great conversation about whatever, perhaps planning for some sort of race. Sitting at a restaurant by myself seems boring (I suppose one could suggest finding a table with a girl and sitting with her but that is very hit or miss).

Most people I know don't have all that much in common with their GF/wife, at least not the things they are passionate about that consume large amounts of time and energy and sort of define who they are. Sure, they find each other physically attractive, they share some interests, whatever. That to me isn't sufficient. I don't want to be in a relationship where the girl is gardening and the guy is playing on the computer. I want one where we come back from an ass-kicking workout and sack out on the floor cuz we're beat, order a pizza and watch a movie, just like you'd do with your good male friends that you met doing something you love to do. And I would do all of this regardless of the girl so it isn't an issue of co-dependency -- she is just bonus.

This sounds like a fantasy. Another case of "my life would be better if....."

The reality is rarely as good as the fantasy unfortunately.

What you realize in life is that everything won't be instantly better just because something happens. I remember back when I was a mega AFC. It pissed me off to see all these happy couples. Why couldn't I have that?

Then I got better at this whole courtship thing and I managed to get myself a girlfriend. It felt great at first but that feeling soon wore off and it wasn't long before I started longing for the days when I was single.

I'm not saying not to get a girlfriend. For many people, it is a positive thing overall. But by getting a girlfriend your life isn't suddenly going to be great. You're not going to feel any different after the initial thrill wears off.

Everything comes with its own set of problems, issues and challenges. You got that dream job you always wanted? Now all of a sudden you have a lot more responsibility and stress. Did you buy that awesome house? Now you have a whole bunch of new bills and problems that come with home ownership.

If you don't feel complete now, a woman isn't going to make it any better. I know plenty of people in relationships with people they really like but they're still miserable. Life will throw you plenty of other problems.

 

[AW1983]

but I can understand her not being thrilled with it

Self sabotage man. Young broads have dug older guys since the beginning of time. You can pull amused mastery all day long. Granted I'm not your age but I've seen it done occasionally...as long as you're in shape and she has a blast with you.

 

[st_99]

This sounds like a fantasy.

I agree.

Its true dude, if you're bored with yourself in general, you'll be bored with a girl in general. If you're angry, depressed, and azzhole, happy, cool, fun, driven, lazy or whatever.. you'll be that same person with your girlfriend. Nothing changes.

Once the fun of new sex wears off, and it will, you'll be back to that person you were before you got a girlfriend or wife.

 

[Jitterbug]

You'll simply have two bored people to entertain instead of just one.

Get male friends who aren't lame, and get a dog. There's your companionship problem solved.

 

[AW1983]

Dear Wanna Be,
Get a Dog....Far safer,lot less expensive!

Ha! Scara, glad you're back man. This place always benefits from your Wilde style antics...

 

[The Duke]

DonJuanabe-

Here are a few things to contemplate:

-A woman should never be looked at as a requirement for a successful life, they should only be a compliment.

-You will never have as much fun hanging out with a woman as you will with a bunch of guys.

-You say going out to eat by yourself is boring......well next time sit at the bar and strike up a conversation with bar tender and the other strangers that will be sitting next to you.

-Girls liked to be entertained, how do you think you will manage that when you can't even keep yourself entertained?

-You will be most successful with women only when you realize you don't need one. When you don't need one is the only point where you have complete control.

Me thinks you need to work on you. Improve yourself and increase your self value. Get out there and push yourself to the next level so you're a DonJuan, not a DonJuanabe.

 

[zekko]

To me the bottom line is this:
It's nicer to have someone who loves you than not.

Of course, it has to be someone who's well suited for you. It can't be just any old slag.

 

[5string]

Dear Wanna Be,
Get a Dog....Far safer,lot less expensive!

Listen to Scaramouche. He's a genius.

And, all you have to do is reward good behavior with a dog bisquit or a tennis ball.

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

First and foremost, DonJuanabe - stop listening to your "relationshippy" friends. Once people get into that relationship mindset, they start looking at their single friends as if being single is a disease that needs to be cured. "You know what'll solve all your problems, buddy? A relationship!!"

I am talking about companionship, not co-dependency.

The kind of GF I want is pretty specific -- she shares my interests in cycling, running, lifting and is also nerdy.

See, the problem with people who establish these prerequisites for girlfriends is that it NEVER ends up the way they think it will.

You're telling yourself, "I want a nerdy girlfriend who cycles, runs, and lifts." but the honest truth is, if you found a beautiful girl who paints, sings, and kayaks, then are you gonna turn her away? Hell no.

Most people I know don't have all that much in common with their GF/wife, at least not the things they are passionate about that consume large amounts of time and energy and sort of define who they are.

Exactly. Commonalities do not equate to attraction. Male hiker, biker, and nerd + Female hiker, biker, and nerd = automatic love affair. It doesn't work like that. What we THINK will work for us in a relationship usually isn't how it works. Attraction isn't a formula.

Needing to have things in common with a potential mate is an old myth from bad dating articles. I used to think the same way you do. And then as I dated more girls, I realized that I don't need a girl to share my hobbies and passions. I just needed a girl to have hobbies and passions of her own. Any passions, really.

Going to start trying Meetup.com groups focused on those activities.

Smartest thing you've said. You don't need a girlfriend. You need a social circle. A social circle will give you things to do, people to eat with, and more than likely a girlfriend. That's the thing people forget as we teach all this PUA, cold approach, club game, bar game crap.....Most people in the world meet women through social circles. Expand the social circle and you'll have more options.

 

[zekko]

Needing to have things in common with a potential mate is an old myth from bad dating articles. I used to think the same way you do. And then as I dated more girls, I realized that I don't need a girl to share my hobbies and passions. I just needed a girl to have hobbies and passions of her own. Any passions, really.

I think it's optimal if she shares some of your interests and has some of her own. That way, you can have something in common, and you can also learn something new and exciting. And of course it helps if you can show her something new as well.

Most people in the world meet women through social circles. Expand the social circle and you'll have more options.

When looking for a "girlfriend", social circle is far superior to cold approach. Cold approach is good for one night stands. In a social circle, you get to know something about her and whether or not you vibe before you ever go out together, so you have a better idea on whether or not you're compatible. With cold approach, you have no idea who the other person is. She could be a Lorena Bobbit wannabe for all you know.

 

[bigneil]

The kind of GF I want is pretty specific -- she shares my interests in cycling, running, lifting and is also nerdy... I want one where we come back from an ass-kicking workout and sack out on the floor cuz we're beat, order a pizza and watch a movie, just like you'd do with your good male friends

Would you like fries with that?

DonJuanabe, it sounds like you need a GUY friend to do all that stuff with. Why on Earth are you imagining finding a girl to do everything you already enjoy with? It sounds like you are not happy with your life and expect a woman to like YOU for YOU and that's not how it works. When you get established and are happy you will be able to keep women around - like cats.

 

[DonJuanabe]

Bigneil - I have always wanted to date someone who is an endurance athlete. In part because training together can be cool. Also, when you do something like ride for 70 miles or run for 20 and pretty much all you can do the rest of the day/night is lay on your ass, it is nice to be involved with someone who understands (even appreciates) that, not to mention the time required. This is always a problem with girls who don't "get" endurance exercise (nag, nag, nag).

 

[Burroughs]

Bigneil - I have always wanted to date someone who is an endurance athlete. In part because training together can be cool. Also, when you do something like ride for 70 miles or run for 20 and pretty much all you can do the rest of the day/night is lay on your ass, it is nice to be involved with someone who understands (even appreciates) that, not to mention the time required. This is always a problem with girls who don't "get" endurance exercise (nag, nag, nag).

You're looking for a compatriot a helpmeet

But you're missing an important point...WOMEN LIKE TO DATE ABOVE THEMSELVES.

so a girl who runs 20 miles, triathalons, etc is likely to be quite attractive and slim especially in this age of wildebeast fatties... that traithalete chick may be looking for a wealthy man...or even a world class athlete to complement her...you may not fit the bill.

You are thinking logically in terms of interests and skillsets in a partner....THAT IS NOT WHAT GET A WOMANS PANTIES WET WHEN SHE CONSIDERS THE MAN SHE WANTS... EVEN IF SHE DOES THE SAME ACTIVITIES YOU DO...WOMAN WANT A MAN BETTER, RICHER, BETTER LOOKING THAN HER OTHERWISE SHE THINKS SHE HAS DRASTICALLY SETTLED FOR LESS......fun isn't it.

you as an average non-olympic endurance athlete may be laughed at by a women AT YOUR ACTUAL LEVEL.

the GIRL AT YOUR LEVEL wants bruce jenner crossed with usain bolt who is a neurosurgeon and an astronaut with a fat trust fund.