Communication open with the Ex

[Blake]

Hello fellow DJ's. The last two weeks have been pretty good for me and I have all of you to thank for helping me change my perception and attitude over the last month. I have began dating 3 girls and just having a good time after sulking over the ex for about 2 months and trying to get my life together.

Well, last week was my ex's birthday and I responded to one of her mass emails with a short "happy birthday". Within minutes she responded back and thanked me for being sweet, wishing me a great day and telling how crappy hers was going. I waited a good several hours and responded back. We did this for the entire week, all the while I was sticking to my guns and making sure not to respond too quickly too which she commented on saying I "sure do take long to respond" to which I replied that I "have a lot of things I need to take care of at work".

Our emails were short, witty, flirtatous and I made sure to throw in some C&F, jerklike but playful comments (she did the same) to throw her off and keep her on her toes. It felt good to come off with a confident and not caring attitude that is preached here and we had a lot of fun and "LOL's" while emailing back and forth.

I don't know what the coming week will bring since I was the last to respond on Friday and I haven't heard back from her (I'd like to think that she is playing the slow response game now). If I do hear back from her, my only concern is keeping this up not letting it fade away. I do feel that I have shattered the awkwardness that existed between us since our breakup and running into each other out at the bar/club. I feel like I've laid some ground work now and if I see her out again I may be able to have some fun convos with her and maybe work my way back into her mind.

Anyways, there are two reasons why I posted this:

Number 1 is to get anyones opinion/advice that has experienced this before. My main goal is to keep the communication going without it getting stale.

Number 2 is just to share this story with some of you who may care. Most of us (I certainly am) are here because of our AFC ways that caused us to get dumped by the one that we really cared for and would like to have the chance to portray our newfound attitude to at least gain respect from the ex if not having them desire us - even if you don't want them back. In the meantime I'm still going to date the others and have fun and not care (I'm calling an HB10 tonight to hopefully set up a date this week). I don't have oneitus for the ex anymore but wouldn't mind getting back to some form of relationship where I can display the DJ attitude just for the sake of boosting my on ego.


Thanks in advance for taking the time to read this and respond.

 

[Cremasta]

You don't need to be emailing her this often to 'keep the lines of communication open'. I email my most recent ex maybe 2 or 3 times per month... this does include a time where you two might throw 4 or 5 emails backwards and forwards in a mini conversation. I think that is enough for her to think that you are still an ok guy and if you ever see her out and about things will be civil.

Just by the fact that you are saying you 'have laid some groundwork' tells me that she has already worked her way back into your mind and not the other way around. You say you don't have oneitis, but you are showing some of the symptoms (e.g. you want 'some form of relationship'). Just be careful... go concentrate on your HB10. Peace

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by Blake

Number 2 is just to share this story with some of you who may care. Most of us (I certainly am) are here because of our AFC ways that caused us to get dumped by the one that we really cared for and would like to have the chance to portray our newfound attitude to at least gain respect from the ex if not having them desire us - even if you don't want them back. In the meantime I'm still going to date the others and have fun and not care (I'm calling an HB10 tonight to hopefully set up a date this week). I don't have oneitus for the ex anymore but wouldn't mind getting back to some form of relationship where I can display the DJ attitude just for the sake of boosting my on ego.

First of all, good luck with the HB9.5 (there's no 10)

Second, if you're looking to "boost your ego" and worried about "gaining respect from the ex", then you don't have the "DJ attitude" quite yet. If you did, you wouldn't need ego-boosts or to prove anything to your ex.

 

[Dirtheart]

Most of us (I certainly am) are here because of our AFC ways that caused us to get dumped by the one that we really cared for and would like to have the chance to portray our newfound attitude to at least gain respect from the ex if not having them desire us - even if you don't want them back.

I know EXACTLY what you mean by this as I came here under the same circumstances and spent months hoping to redeem myself with my ex-.

But Squirrels is right. You don't need it. If you happen to meet up with her again, you will feel the pressure of trying to impress her and (unintentionally) come off looking desperate for her approval. You will probably feel a lot worse for it.

Instead of trying to regain her respect, accept and learn from your AFC mistakes, move on and make sure you don't repeat them with the next girl.

 

[NewMan]

Remember she dumped you.

She dumped you for a reason.

I'll tell you from excperience she's emailing you because she missed you emotionally - and your responding to her is relieving that emotional loss.

You want her pvssy - she want's the emotional comfort of having you on the end of her string.

Think of it this way. If your not responding to her emails as much (perhaps 1 per week) leaving it short with no C&F - it displays the message that your over here. She's not going to get that emotional response from you. She'll wonder what your up to and who you are with.

Cut this sh#t out.

 

[Hollowpoint]

Hmmmm, he does seem to be doing well though.
Don't get caught up with her again though.

Keep doing what you are doing with the other girls.


I have talked a lot on MSN with a couple girls I "struck out" with and just being funny, ****y and being fun has definately raised their interests again.

 

[Jason King]

Aaah... the joys of ex's. They are great for "bonus s^x", but don't hold onto them like they are all you have. In fact, if you want to mess with her a little bit... ask her for advice on what to do on your upcoming date with a beautiful girl you just met

In my experience, ex's are generally a waste of time, because that's time you could be spending on developing NEW relationships... not trying to fan the weak flames of old ones. Look, ex girlfriends are like reading a book... even if you read it again, and enjoy it a second time... it still has the same ending. This is almost always the case. Trust me.

Jason King
http://www.MakeoutMastery.com
*Who ELSE Wants To Learn How To Make Out With A Woman On The First Date... GUARANTEED?!*

 

[NatureGuy]

Blake, you have some excellent responses to your post here. The only thing I will add is I think you're still into her, and you may be headed for trouble again. Show some discipline here and if you must, email her only once a week. Let her wonder about you while you work on your other possibilites and keep her as a side line for now. Don't let her rule.

 

[Blake]

Thanks for all of excellent responses, guys. It sure does help to get opinions from people on the outside looking in. That seems to be my biggest obstacle to overcome - to step back and look at the situation from the outside.

I'll have to admit that I am still into her. Though I have developed the attitude of assuming that nothing will come from this recent correspondence just so I don't get let down. I do realize that we broke up for a reason and not letting myself get emotionally attached. I'm not sure of the true reason for doing this. Maybe I'm doing it just to do it. I saw the door of oppurtunity crack open so I snuck in to have a look-see. Hell, I guess I'm doing it to see if I could get her back - the true test to see what I've learned on this site about raising the interest level. But I am having a lot of fun busting her balls.

Oh well, just wanted to say thanks agian for the helpful advice.