Common law wife bringing ex, to do some repairs (PLEASE HELP))

[Mofongo]

We have been living together for 7 years and during the last few years there has been no attraction at all, we are basically roommates, I've been a great provider for her and her kids, I know I did a lot of "AFC" stuff but here is where I am now. Like I said, there is no sex and no attraction and basically no jealousy but I know that she likes this ex of hers and that they have been talking on the phone, texts and web cam and there is some chemistry going on and the kids know about this as well, we have noticed changes on her.
I have been keeping my cool about it and joked around that he is her new boyfriend, but now he is coming in a few days to do some repairs that I am not able to do and he is kinda of an expert on it. My issue here is, how do I behave in front of the kids? How do I treat the guy? (There is a lot of drama in his life and she likes this, he is also always cursing and looking for trouble with married woman) Sincerely I don't care much If they do have sex but I'm not about to tell them "Oh, sure, go faack on our bed I'll just wait over here"
I know I should have left the relationship a while ago but her kids would not have the kind of life they have now and I do care a lot about them enough to stay here for a couple of years until they finish high school and go to college, one more year and I'm gone.
The kids have been watching this situation closely and I have no idea on how to behave, hopefully someone here has gone trough a similar experience and knows what to do and what not to do. Take in mind that we realy need these repairs and he is the only one willing to do it with only charging for the materials.

Edit: I wish I would have known about this website a few years back, I would have done basically all of my life over. It is never too late to change and since I found this website a few weeks ago I have been changing alot and things are improving but this situation has surfaced and I am a noob at this.

 

[vitor]

Hmmm, WTF. I commend you on wanting to take care of kids that are not yours but what the hell guy. You are letting someone who does not sleep with you, or care for you very much live with you and mooch off of you. If you care for the kids, kick her out and continue to give them your time and effort while moving on.

We have a term for guys like you Capt N save a Ho...

 

[vitor]

Hmmm, WTF. I commend you on wanting to take care of kids that are not yours but what the hell guy. You are letting someone who does not sleep with you, or care for you very much live with you and mooch off of you. If you care for the kids, kick her out and continue to give them your time and effort while moving on.

We have a term for guys like you Capt N save a Ho...

 

[Da Realist]

Well, if you're about to leave, just let it go now. She may be seeing the same thing and since the kids are about leave, she can go back to the ex because now they don't have the responsibility of raising the kids anymore. Let's face it: you did your job in terms of what she wants and it's about to be over.

 

[sodbuster]

Leave now! When you are thinking about leaving-do it. I waited so my kids would have a say in which house they would live. YOU have NO responsibliity to her kids. IF she screws another guy and can disrespect you like that,you need to have enough self esteem to bail. Don't let her kids think that the woman can get away with murder and the man has to put up with it. How is that mindset going to help the boys or girls she has?

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Mofongo,
Best go and see a Family Lawyer soon,but on the Quiet,find out your obligations and get some idea of your options,you have sadly picked a Woman with unfinished business....Don't let on that you are wise to her moves,she will become even more contemptuous of you if you let on that things are bothering you...pity about the Kids,maybe talk to a counsellor about your sensible options here....Maybe if you hang around as suggested and make only covert moves,she may make a move,and things will be taken out of your hands,that would be really good...At 35 you are sooo young believe me,at 37 when I peaked every way I had had about a third of the good times I have been lucky enough to enjoy so far,and I don't see myself as finished....Keep us posted...Please.

 

[scrouds]

Are you living in a common law marriage state and held yourself out to be man and wife? Did you hold out to the public that those were your kids?

If so, you may owe alimony and child support. Captain Save a Ho ALWAYS pays!

 

[Hooligan Harry]

Dude, not everyone wants to teach english. Not everyone needs to leave the country. Good advice for some, not all

Scaramouche is spot on. See a lawyer and start making plans

 

[speed dawg]

Good grief, man. Get out of that situation NOW. Like someone else said, get a lawyer (especially if she knows she's common-law married). Forget about the kids, pal. I know you may be attached emotionally to them, but dude, they are a package deal with their mother, and she's a lost cause it seems. Besides, if it came down to it, who do you think the kids would side with?

 

[NewMan]

I know I should have left the relationship a while ago but her kids would not have the kind of life they have now and I do care a lot about them enough to stay here for a couple of years until they finish high school and go to college, one more year and I'm gone.

I noticed something about this statement:

you said:-

"her kids"

not

"Our Kids".

Is she thinking of her kids whilst she's doing this?

or perhaps she knows that you are such a pvssy, that you do not have the b@lls to leave? Either way, your not responsible for her kids' well being - in fact your continued support is removing the probability of your genes' survival.

Get out. Stay out.

 

[STR8UP]

You are the reason why western women are utterly worthless.

They can party away their 20's, let Superman pump her with some good baby batter, then find a great guy like you who will "do the right thing".

 

[Mofongo]

Let me clear up some things.

Thanks to all that tried to help me and those who are kicking me when I'm down, don't say anything if you don't have something constructive to say. I know how bad I messed up.
I will clear some things that I did not make clear on my original post.
I stoped the sex, because she has gained 15 pounds every year we have been together, she is now 270 pounds.
About the kids, before I met this one I was almost in the same type of relationship that I am right now and I left, the kids started using drugs, ending up in jail and the youngest girl ended up having 4 kids by age 18, the mom ended up in the streets as a hooker, I found this out a couple of years ago and it messed me up realy bad and I wouldn't be able to deal with it, if it happens to these ones.
I know all of the things I did wrong where because I was following my fathers footsteps and being the nicest person/hero, but now I know better.
It has taken me all these years to learn and I had to learn the hard way and I hope that you younger guys never have to learn this way, don't make the same mistakes that a lot of us have made.
Now if I can get a little help, I will change my question a little.
How would you or have behaved when her ex is around?

btw this ex is not the kids dad and there is no issue with the house and money if we separate.

 

[scrouds]

Thanks to all that tried to help me and those who are kicking me when I'm down, don't say anything if you don't have something constructive to say. I know how bad I messed up.

:kick:This is character building.:kick: Take it like a man.:kick:

I will clear some things that I did not make clear on my original post.
I stoped the sex, because she has gained 15 pounds every year we have been together, she is now 270 pounds.

Man the harpoons

About the kids, before I met this one I was almost in the same type of relationship that I am right now and I left, the kids started using drugs, ending up in jail and the youngest girl ended up having 4 kids by age 18, the mom ended up in the streets as a hooker, I found this out a couple of years ago and it messed me up realy bad and I wouldn't be able to deal with it, if it happens to these ones.

ZOMG capain save a ho FAILED! Oh woe is me!

I know all of the things I did wrong where because I was following my fathers footsteps and being the nicest person/hero, but now I know better.
It has taken me all these years to learn and I had to learn the hard way and I hope that you younger guys never have to learn this way, don't make the same mistakes that a lot of us have made.

Thanks for the advice. I'll write that in my diary

Now if I can get a little help, I will change my questiin a little.
How would you or have behaved when her ex is around?

I would have been packing my stuff, if i wasn't already gone. I would have treated both of them like they didn't exist. Doing that is much easier when you don't see them anymore.


:kick::kick::kick::kick::kick::kick::kick:

 

[Mofongo]

Hi Scroud, I know that you are trying to use your c and f skills but this doesn't seem to be working on me. Maybe you will try some type of internet kino you just learned next? hmm?

 

[Mr. Me]

>> I was almost in the same type of relationship that I am right now and I left, the kids started using drugs, ending up in jail and the youngest girl ended up having 4 kids by age 18, the mom ended up in the streets as a hooker,>>

And that's why you don't want to leave the current situation, because "her kids would not have the kind of life they have now" and may turn out bad? Hey, repeat after me: "NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY". Keep saying it.

In fact, I'll go one further. When guys rationalize the way you're doing, it's usually because they're low self-esteem types who get their feelings of worth by having others DEPEND on them, or at least believe others NEED them to get by. You have a RESCUER syndrome going, dude.

That "I do care a lot about them enough to stay here for a couple of years until they finish high school and go to college, one more year and I'm gone" isn't really about how much you care for them, but more accurately reflects how needy you are in needing them around so as to stay put in a very bad situation where you're probably being cuckolded because it's more comfortable then leaving.

Don't take this as "kicking you while you're down" (guys like you will deny the truth about yourselves by labeling constructive advice that goes against what they really wish to hear as anything but), but as "giving you the kick you need". Next, you'll be telling us how you give and give and never get but how it's okay because you have all the patience in the world blah blah blah... Get off it, take control of your life and happiness and get out of there, stop being used and don't look back.

 

[decades]

You are Depressed. You are beaten down. You're unhappy. You're stuck. You're miserable. You need to take step 1 to start moving out of this misery. The clue is you said "you don't care" that she might be banging the X. you are living with a woman who is DEvaluing you and you don't care. You don't have the energy to care. It doesn't have to be this way. You must get UNstuck. You have to get out of this misery. You have to start "fresh". When you do, come back, read the bible, and learn how to get a life with Women that YOU choose. Because like a lot of us, you are with a woman who "chose" you. good luck.

 

[scrouds]

Hi Scroud, I know that you are trying to use your c and f skills but this doesn't seem to be working on me. Maybe you will try some type of internet kino you just learned next? hmm?

Sorry, you're not getting any ass from me at this pity party. Keep dreaming tho.

It amazes me that you're warning us younger folk to watch out and be aware, yet you won't help yourself. Swallow your own damn medicine already.

 

[Mofongo]

Mr. Me:

You are 100% correct in all that you said. If you wouldn't have posted I wouldn't have realized what I was doing, the thing that got me was when you said "you're probably being cuckolded because it's more comfortable then leaving." I remember telling her that sometimes in relationships I would stay even if I hated being there. Maybe that was all she needed to hear.
I tough you where making stuff up with the Rescuer syndrome but I goggled it and it is real and it fits perfectly. I will read more about it and see what else applies to me and how should I deal with it.

 

[The Message Boy]

Here's my question though, everybody is telling him to leave but depending on the state he's in, wouldn't he be considered a husband anyway? So in other words, he can't just leave right? He's going to have to go through an actual divorce and now he'll REALLY be taking care and responsible for the other guy's kids.

See this is just what pisses me off with women. When guys come to this site, they are told they were "too nice". Now I've actually developed into some sort of player now, but guys can someone please here tell me, since when does the fact that a guy is TOO GOOD and TOO NICE to a person make him a ****ing bad guy?

Only when you are dealing with women.

I mean lol, I just can't see any reason why I ought to settle down with a woman. NO reason at all. If someone finds a reason, please let me know.

But to the OP, this chick is probably dumb and knows nothing about common law. Just get out. And **** even if she does know someonthign about common law, you said you wanted to start a new path right? Well, if she knows anything about common law just take the damn ass whooping by the government but AT LEAST, you get to start over your life afresh and lieve the rest of it properly.

Smh, every guy has got to be a player and a jerk these days. ****, that's the only way you are going to survive.

I'm starting to see why women really hate nice guys, it's because women know they themselves are so full of ****, and birds of a feather flock together so **** only wants ****.

I'm ranting :cuss: , but like they sometimes say about the US Government I've just got to the point where:

"I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore!!!"

 

[Jeffst1980]

Mofongo- No reason to point out your mistakes, because you know what they are.

I'm assuming leaving isn't a valid option due to the common law status, so I'm going to address your question in the OP:

You DON'T have to bring her ex into your home to make repairs. You really believe that he's the ONLY one that can do this job??

I think you got bullied into allowing him to come over, and now you've accepted and even rationalized it, because you don't feel comfortable putting your foot down.

You need to find someone else capable of doing that job. I'm sure this won't be difficult in the age of the internet. Then, call him and cancel the appointment, then tell her that he CAN NOT come over to do that repair work because their relationship is not appropriate, and as long as she is living with you, she needs to respect you. End of story. No negotiation.

She will not like it, and will accuse you of acting out of jealousy, but this is one of those times where a boundary is so blatantly crossed that it would be subhuman to keep your mouth shut. Maintaining your self respect in this instance is more important than maintaining status quo, and the relationship is dead anyway.

The kids are going to know what's up no matter HOW you behave. They're in high school. Kids aren't stupid.