Just a rant and rave. I met this girl off the net, went out with her 4 times and then she dropped me. It seems like I usually get past the attraction and personality phase but then if I don't have the same interests as them, then I'm out. What's the big deal with interests? Seems like they're more concerned about WHAT we'll do than who they're with. I'm not looking for an activity partner, I'm looking for a romantic partner. Interests can be shared IMO. Anyone else experience this?
Common interests... do you need them?
- Thread starter RedGTP
- Start date
Common interests/Compatibility = Rapport = LTRRedGTP said:
Common interests usually is an indication of semi-compatibility. Please I hope you're not trying to be naive believing relationships are cookie cut especially since you're 30 years. They're not. The smart ones want to be with someone like themselves (believe it or not) and the dumb ones assume that by "sharing interests" or "being romantic" is good enough. I used to be a dumb one, but not anymore.
You didn't get past the "personality phase" Personality compatibility is almost..believe it or not 33% family upbringing 33% similar views of life and most important 33% common interests. The more compatible you are with a girl, the MORE likely you will get a relationship with her. (After the attraction phase) I'm quite shocked at a person at your age who still doesn't understand the intricacies of a good relationship.
( . )( . )
Banned
Hell no. Western chicks dont really have any interests , they live through the man and his interests anyway.RedGTP said:
Talking copious amounts of sh!t and buying shoes isnt an "interest".
I think your clash of "interests" are irrelevant and have nothing to do with why your getting dropped.
edit:
lol who is this douche, and this peasent girl?.
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manbearpig
Don Juan
- Joined
- Apr 27, 2006
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Most women are boring as hell, it seems.
Thats the biggest problem for me when trying to talk and relate to them.
Thats the biggest problem for me when trying to talk and relate to them.
Relating to people..
A Tale of Relation
http://www.charismaarts.com/blog/Juggler/12
This is the answer.. whether you like it or not.
A Tale of Relation
http://www.charismaarts.com/blog/Juggler/12
This is the answer.. whether you like it or not.
Francisco d'Anconia
Master Don Juan
Bingo! :yes:Macgyver said:
Francisco d'Anconia
Master Don Juan
I know this is stating the obvious, but how about stop sarging in places where boring women hang out? There's another thread in the forum that talks about sarging truly athletic women, they aren't typically boring.manbearpig said:
Francisco d'Anconia
Master Don Juan
Those all sound like ways to pass the time, not real "interests." No wonder people get bored so easily, you might as well put 'breathing' in the list. How about some actual hobbies, sports you play, things you actually set off to do that's not a part of everyday life?Tazman said:
Just like Francisco said, I'm talking about real interests such as skiing, mountain biking, surfing, golfing, etc. not movies, dining out, etc. I lack the first ones I listed so they label me "boring" in their heads even though they find me physically attractive, funny and can keep a convo going for hours. I think this girl thought that if I don't have outside hobbies then I'm probably a dud/needy guy who thinks "she's my world" or someone who passes the time dating others i.e., a player.
disfunktional
Don Juan
Why do you lack them though?RedGTP said:
disfunktional
Don Juan
Surely you must have some interests though. Without my interests, I don't really know who I am. They help define me.
Francisco d'Anconia
Master Don Juan
Or perhaps how you choose to define yourself. it may sound like symantics but there are some guys that pick up hobbies in hopes that people who like that hobbie will like them. Focus on yourself, pick something that you enjoy and let your choices define you.disfunktional said:
Just something to think about...
disfunktional
Don Juan
Agreed. I didn't phrase my last post very well but you said what I was thinkingFrancisco d'Anconia said:
Bonhomme
Master Don Juan
IMNSHO, you need some common interests and/or points of view to develop the sort of rapport that's needed to make a LTR work.
But not nearly so many as the laundry list / internet dating school of thought would have it.
But not nearly so many as the laundry list / internet dating school of thought would have it.
Rollo Tomassi
Master Don Juan
When I was dating my wife we shared one common interest - fvcking like rabbits whenever and wherever. There's are very few things my wife and I do together as a couple as far as common interests go. We don't share hobbies, we do bodybuilding, but separately, she taught me to ski when we were first married, but after our daughter was born we ended that.
I think in general people place far too much importance on "common interests" as if it's some kind of glue that holds a relationship together. I think shared beliefs and appreciation for individual identities is much more vital for a strong relationship than whether or not you both enjoy tennis. It's our differences in personality and how the traits of our individual characters compliment each other that makes a couple grow. I have a tendency to intellectualize things, my wife's 'common sense' simple wisdom helps temper this in me. My wife is generally very impatient, and I have the patience of Job (particularly with our daughter) - this compliments her deficit. My wife is a 'worst case scenario' worrier, I tend to be more pragmatic and optomistic and this balances another aspect of our relationship. I have a tendency to be more artistic and passionate and this fills a need she has. It's differences in identity that compliment the deficits of the other and a vibrant appreciation of them that account for strong couples.
I would advise guys to re-think this common myth. Everytime I see these 40 point personality tests that "ensure compatibility" on eHarmony I want to puke. They're all based on shared commonalities and this leads to disaster. As nice as it is to have a mate that shares your interests, a relationship based on how alike the couple is only leads to homogenization and stagnation.
I think in general people place far too much importance on "common interests" as if it's some kind of glue that holds a relationship together. I think shared beliefs and appreciation for individual identities is much more vital for a strong relationship than whether or not you both enjoy tennis. It's our differences in personality and how the traits of our individual characters compliment each other that makes a couple grow. I have a tendency to intellectualize things, my wife's 'common sense' simple wisdom helps temper this in me. My wife is generally very impatient, and I have the patience of Job (particularly with our daughter) - this compliments her deficit. My wife is a 'worst case scenario' worrier, I tend to be more pragmatic and optomistic and this balances another aspect of our relationship. I have a tendency to be more artistic and passionate and this fills a need she has. It's differences in identity that compliment the deficits of the other and a vibrant appreciation of them that account for strong couples.
I would advise guys to re-think this common myth. Everytime I see these 40 point personality tests that "ensure compatibility" on eHarmony I want to puke. They're all based on shared commonalities and this leads to disaster. As nice as it is to have a mate that shares your interests, a relationship based on how alike the couple is only leads to homogenization and stagnation.
Bonhomme
Master Don Juan
Interesting post, Rollo T. The matter's definitely worth a re-think.
Yup,I'm absolutely convinced Internet matchmaking has it bassackwards.
That's why I go for the "feel" of a profile more than the bloody "laundry list."
Almost all the women I've been involved with would not have even exchanged an email in the online dating world. We did have some commonalities, but some differences too, including some that many would consider "automatic deal-breakers."
Yup,I'm absolutely convinced Internet matchmaking has it bassackwards.
That's why I go for the "feel" of a profile more than the bloody "laundry list."
Almost all the women I've been involved with would not have even exchanged an email in the online dating world. We did have some commonalities, but some differences too, including some that many would consider "automatic deal-breakers."
