Committed Relationships, Boundaries, and Cheating

[Buddha_Mind]

Nutz, I don't think you are necessarily being controlling, it sounds more like you've seen a lot of examples of backstabbing and you are trying to be preventative.

At the end of the day people are going to do what they want to do. Someone who is happy at home, has a healthy relationship, a sex life and good communication isn't likely to be driven to cheating.

These club examples you provide -- I mean put it in context -- I would speculate a lot of these examples are young people, probably whatever 'relationship' they have is purely or only a lust-based relationship.

I'm not trying to be all 'white-knight' and pretend like there aren't some real cases of backstabbing -- but backstabbing occurs all over, well beyond sexual relationships. (think business, politics, in so many arenas there are people fvcking each other over in various ways).

You have to say to yourself, if you're in a healthy relationship, where you both enjoy one another (by which you both selected one another..haven't simply settled for each other) -- and have the genuine desire to be with one another -- I think most people in that situation don't have the desire to cheat.

Personal example: When I first got in my last LTR--I was so stoked on her that dude I didn't have the desire to cheat. Sure there were attractive women all around me, definitely some open doors--but I didn't want it, I was happy with what I had at the time.

Flash forward to our times of constant arguing, complete personality incompatibilities -- sometimes it was damn tempting (but I still cared about her, I loved her).

So anyone can cheat -- if things are bad enough, or if the basis for their relationship is not based on anything solid or beyond sexual attraction. People steal and lie and rob one another too all of the time -- mostly those sorts of things are reactions based out desperation...

I haven't had any healthy long-term relationships that have lasted my man, so I can only give you my perspectives and experience--I am no expert, but just seems if you dig whom you're with, why be looking to plow other gardens?

 

[Nutz]

You have to say to yourself, if you're in a healthy relationship, where you both enjoy one another (by which you both selected one another..haven't simply settled for each other) -- and have the genuine desire to be with one another -- I think most people in that situation don't have the desire to cheat.

...


So anyone can cheat -- if things are bad enough, or if the basis for their relationship is not based on anything solid or beyond sexual attraction. People steal and lie and rob one another too all of the time -- mostly those sorts of things are reactions based out desperation.

I disagree only because plenty of "good girls" in solid relationships have made stupid mistakes because they had a little too much to drink and the guy had good game, was a smooth talker (or possibly super good looking) and hit all the right buttons. In the heat of the moment women can cheat regardless of their relationship bliss or lack thereof. This is why I advocate "trust, but verify" and prevention instead of reaction. A solid example of this is not staying home when she wants to go out with her friends, or being very close with one of her friends who is going to be there who can give you a heads-up if things like I just described happens to occur, or better yet, this confidant(e) intervenes on your behalf.

 

[MatureDJ]

There's reason why the chastity belt was invented ...

 

[Nutz]

Saw a woman cheat on her BF just last night on a bus tour of DC. They got all buzzed up and was dancing with guys, and sure enough her and one guy clicked and they just escalated naturally, they finally kissed and it was only then she gave him the bf line "I'm just having fun, I have a boyfriend" or something very close to that. She turns around and grinded her ass on his junk, and then put her hands down his pants. Her friend was a grenade and when she realized what was going on turned into full mother-hen mode and tried her best to c0ckblock, but they weren't having it and kept it going. No doubt when word gets back to the bf she'll say how she told the guy she had a bf and of course it was all his fault for pushing things forward or some other bs. It's just chick-logic. Later that night when the bus dropped us off my friend and I went for the car, but went the wrong way. We walked back and saw them walking towards us, the one with the bf and the guy she met that night, with the grenade in the middle keeping them separated. No doubt something was going to happen, but the mother-hen had to still do her best to keep them apart in her presence.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Interesting how men are often pegged as being "natural" cheaters, when in reality women are just as bad, if not worse.

I still think though if you focus down on every case of cheating around you, you're going to mind-fry yourself by actively focusing down on the negative.

I know a lot of people are willing to cheat -- men and women -- if they know they have a chance to get away with it.

But again don't you think a lot of these relationships are lust-based?

Don't you think in a situation maybe where you really love a person you might be less inclined to even have the desire to cheat?

This chick clearly was running on pure lust -- and probably was just another drunk b.tch.

 

[Fishbone]

What you guys think about this post by Pook - AntiDump?
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=39785

 

[The_411]

Situational ethics ... as it has been reiterated countless times ....

Women will cheat if they put themselves in the position to cheat.

Meaning that getting drunk out with the ladies means cheating is certainly possible and no woman is immune to the charms of a man who has game especially when inebreated.

If a woman respects you she will choose to not put herself in those positions.

Granted no matter there will always be situations were something could happen but the fewer the opportunities, the less imapired the woman is, and the level of interest/respect will determine the likely outcome.

 

[backbreaker]

Interesting how men are often pegged as being "natural" cheaters, when in reality women are just as bad, if not worse.

I still think though if you focus down on every case of cheating around you, you're going to mind-fry yourself by actively focusing down on the negative.

I know a lot of people are willing to cheat -- men and women -- if they know they have a chance to get away with it.

But again don't you think a lot of these relationships are lust-based?

Don't you think in a situation maybe where you really love a person you might be less inclined to even have the desire to cheat?

This chick clearly was running on pure lust -- and probably was just another drunk b.tch.

men and women are nothing alike. you have to keep this in mind.

men.. better yet. I mean, im' not going to cheat on my wife. but, as a male, i could go out tonight and meet a smoking hot woman, and fvck her brains out, for no other reason, then i am horny and want to fvck her brains out. i could then go home nad then not think any less of my wife.

this is "oh noes alcohol made me do something very bad" is chic logic. alcohol inhibits someone to do what they want to do anyway it doesn't make people make bad decisions.

in my years of dating or been married or whatever i can honestly say i have never seen a woman cheat because of the use of alcohol.

now, i've seen women cheat. i've seen women cheat when alcohol has been involved. but they did not cheat beucdase of the alcohol.

saying alcohol made me cheat is kinda like saying this car is the reason I can't drive.

for a woman to 'cheat', regardless of what she tells you, regardless of how the drinks are flowing, she has to first, take her eyes off her man before she can allow them to wonder somewhere else.

i have said this time and time again but the problem most men have when it comes to "understanding how women think" is that men, apply the same logic to women as they do to men and think think nothing alike or operate nothing alike. women don't fvck for the sake of fvckign. women don't go to the bars like we do and hope to hook up just for the sake of hooking up.

women just don't up and cheat.


now, what would happen in a situtation like that, is a woman who has been thinking about cheating or would l ike to cheat, would let her self drink a little too much, and allow her self to be taken advantage of then use the alcohol excuse. but in that sense, again the problem is not the alcohol. t hat just brought out what she wanted to do anyway. the problem is that she is that at that time her eyes are wondering in the first place.


my wife goes out and drinks from time to timee with friends. i have no rpoblem with that. but she is a half decent responsbilt drinker. in 4 years i have sguyseen her "**** face drunk" once and that was probably my fault for giving her stuff that is stronger than she is used to drinking. she's a 2-3 mai tai/ sip on 2 apple martini's all night type drinker

so if she comes home, she might have a tad bit of a buzz, but she is still well within herself. she hasnt' drunk enougth to make her do unrational things

if dont he other hand, she comes home, staggering through the door and talking about all the drinks he rand her friend had.. to me, that is about as big of a red flag as you can find and i would have serious issues. even if she didnt' cheat. because if she actually took some **** that night is not the point, but why is she drinking so much to the point where she CAN be taken advantage of that.

a woman going out and getting **** faced, even if she is not cheating at that time, is going out with the intentions of getting fvcked. she may or may not succeed. but in the back of her mind that's the end game.

on the othe rhand... why would yowant to date a girl who makes a HABIT of getting **** face drunk and going out? that's not good lol.

 

[Nutz]

Situational ethics ... as it has been reiterated countless times ....

Women will cheat if they put themselves in the position to cheat.

Meaning that getting drunk out with the ladies means cheating is certainly possible and no woman is immune to the charms of a man who has game especially when inebreated.

If a woman respects you she will choose to not put herself in those positions.

Granted no matter there will always be situations were something could happen but the fewer the opportunities, the less imapired the woman is, and the level of interest/respect will determine the likely outcome.

Exactly. Booze + close proximity with strange men (especially if they have game) = recipe for cheating

 

[Nutz]

This isnt very realistic. That's not how women work, and really that's not how life works. YOU may operate from this philosophy, but those are your morals and men in general are more observant and cognizant of "honor" principles like this.

When a woman starts to have feelings for another man, whether they be sexual or romantic, her instinct isnt going to be to tell YOU. Even if you expect her and told her to tell you. She will toy with it in her mind for a while, wrestle with the guilt and the excitement, maintain face with you and eventually justify whatever happened post-hoc as a heat of the moment thing. This is standard female behavior and outlining a boundary there wont change a damn thing, except planting the seed in her mind that if you find out you are gone, instantly.

Emotional affairs is what this is in regards to. Should you catch on to what she's doing and address it, all the experts pretty much say the same exact thing I was saying above: the 3rd party has to be removed from their life now and for all time. Granted this assumes both you are going to stay with her in the first place and she wants to make your relationship work. If she's not willing to cut off all contact with the other guy, then as far as I'm concerned she's basically making your choice for you (to dump her).

 

[RangerMIke]

All women have backup plans. Men do NOT own women. They will do what they want and that is the way it is. Take the RED pill and own this fact. When you have a girl and you want to keep her you are going to have to work at it, because she is looking for better opinons and the world is filled with horny guys. In addition, she make emotional based decisions.

Telling a woman that she should not be interested in other men and take ACTION on this FEELING ignores the nature of women.

Don't get mad about it.... its like standing in the pouring rain shaking your fist at the sky... get out an umbrella (Red pill), on run inside (MGTOW). Because if you end up landing a women and you don't show her respect affection and romance you are either going to have a fat b!itchy women who is hell bent on making your life miserable, or you are going to have to leave.

 

[bmp2cpm]

Women use sex to get their needs fulfilled by men. Sex to a woman is an emotional connection. Women give sex, Men give their resources, money, time, kindness, protection from other men, and physical touch to women. Woman are programmed to get these things from men for their very survival.

Women cheat because their needs are not being fulfilled in a relationship. These needs can range from kindness, touching, being generous with resources, being supportive, spending enough time with your mate....all sorts of things that guys typically don't think of when they are in a relationship.

Women typically use infidelity as a method to get a new mate in order to get specific needs that are deficient in the current relationship fulfilled in the new relationship. Sometimes the infidelity is successful and the woman gets a new relationship with more needs fulfilled, other times the infidelity doesn't succeed, leading to even less needs being fulfilled when she is caught.

Reputation is EVERYTHING to a women. Her very survival depends on reputation....so when she does get caught....it was the alcohol....or some other lame ass reason. Women will not be honest when they get caught because it means losing ALL the relationship has to offer her before she can move into a new relationship with better need fulfillment.

Given the right set of circumstances, any woman will cheat.

Keeping a tight lease on your woman can backfire, causing her to feel certain needs are not being fulfilled and create the very situation you are trying to avoid.

 

[RangerMIke]

A woman will always seak approval of thier social circle. If she is having doubts about her realtionship she will tell her friends. Signs that your woman is thinking of swinging branches:

Her friends start treating you differently. Some will be more distant... some will be more friendly (since they think you might be back on the market soon). The key here is that they are NOT treating you the same.

IF a woman is in a relationship with someone else, and she sees you as the next potential 'branch', her friends will start to casually mention her in conversation when it really isn't necessary. When this happens you know she is talking about you with her friends. They will start to engage you more to see what everything is all about, and to conduct recon for their friend.

 

[zekko]

Keeping a tight lease on your woman can backfire, causing her to feel certain needs are not being fulfilled and create the very situation you are trying to avoid.

That is most likely true. However, doing the opposite and not having any expectations of the mate you choose can backfire also. Some guys want to prove how secure they are by being okay with their girls having male friends, and that can set a dangerous precedent also.

Some guys will get into an "exclusive" relationship where the girl really has no obligations toward the relationship at all - because feminists have convinced them that they have no right to demand anything from women.

 

[Married Buried]

Here is how my boundaries convo just went.

Me:
"1 thing I dislike in a relationship is talking to exes. Its a line that isnt crossed"

Her:
"I have no interest talking to them since I met you. If they call all I can say is hi and whatever. I have no interest"

Me:
"Dont say hi just dont answer"

Her:
"ok. I never call them and have no interest dont worry"

Me:
"I am not worried about men who cant let you go. I pity them.... men who cant let go of an ex"

Her: right


THE END

Waste of time if you ask me.

 

[hithard]

Given the right set of circumstances, any woman will cheat.

This right here. And to add: womens fantasies break them.
Im not big on sleeping with married women , but the formula isnt hard. There is generally two types of scenario. One where the woman already has the fantasy in her head. And one where you plant the seed. Generally the second situation takes a bit of work and time but they all seem to break.
Men cheat to bust a nut, women cheat to lose themselves in some bs emotion driven fantasy which is why they do some really stupid things while their partner is around. It ain't the alcohol baby.

 

[glass half full]

As I was shopping in Walmart recently, I was close to a young couple (mid 20's at most). She was putting him through the ringer, so to speak. The "I'm better than you, and you need to kiss my feet to keep me" kind of sh!t. I wanted so bad to go up to the guy and shake his hand, look at her and say "good luck with that". I really wanted to...