Coming off too strong?

[Uncharted]

Hey players, I got a message back from oneitis. She basically said she appreciated what I said. Finally she ends,
"I guess, going forward, I'd really like to know: how have you been for the past few months?"

I don't even know where to begin. I'm just confused. I don't like the direction that the conversation is headed. Should I tell her that I appreciate the gesture -- that I understand she wants to have our friendship back, but it's just not going to work out for me?

What do YOU want? If you want just friends then that's fine. If you want to date her, then ask her to meet up. If you don't think she's interested in dating you, it's probably better off that you are not just friends.

 

[dosquito]

You're right. I have to think about it. It sucks to confide in someone then lose your bond with that person. I don't want to put someone through that, whether friend or lover. Further, I've been strongly considering the situation, and I don't really think it would drive me crazy to be her friend. The whole situation was pretty dramatic, but I feel like I'm over it for the most part. I definitely am out there meeting other girls, and I enjoy it. Truth is, people change a lot. I don't really know oneitis anymore (it's been almost a year)...so I can't say that I want to date her. Maybe I would, maybe I wouldn't. Hmm...Just thinking out loud

 

[EastvsWest]

Judging by what you are saying friends is a no go. My ex who I broke up with last July, and had nc for around 4 months after I deleted her number randomly txt me at the beginning of April. I am playful as we really had a good breakup. It had all to do with commitment (I couldn't) and she is a great girl. So we txt back and forth a bit and she asks you think we can be friends? I responded I would think about it. Week later she invites me and my friends, they all like her to a concert. I say no but then say what the hell and invite her to a bar crawl. She is really excited because she misses hanging out (she is bored with her life). We meet up with a bunch of my friends that she knows, and then boom I drink a little to much and think we are dating again and act like an ass. Friends said I was weird haha, so I text her and say I can't be friends too many feelings. She said it could work I just shouldn't drink so much and says its up to me. So I go nc again for about a month or so and delete her number again. But get drunk and lonely this last sat so I send her a fb message asking her to brunch, she responds next day and said she would love to but has plans and asked if I deleted her number again I said yes. 15 mins later she text me and said now you have my number again. I said oh boy u shouldn't do that. She still wants to be friends as she really missesthe fun with me and my friends. We do a lot of fun **** while her friends are borinnnng. I just don't think I can ever be friend and you should be wary if you try. Just brings back all those old feelings. It sucks.

 

[dosquito]

I hear ya man. If I truly feel myself I can sense that Im still attracted to oneitis and would probably want more than friendship. So I guess that gets to the heart of the matter...is she really so sorry about our friendship, or is she just trying to make small steps here toward something more? The timing is pretty weird, huh? School is about to end. She's studying abroad. She will probably be around this Summer and was thinking about me...

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

You only come off "too strong" when she's not really that attracted to you physically. What is going on is that the girl sees a disparity between how good you talk and how good you look.

If you talk much better than you look to her, you're coming off as "too strong". You think that if that GQ model popped out of the magazine and said the same thing as you, she would dismiss him as coming off "too strong"?

When you talk really smooth, you better have the looks to back it up. That is what the girl really means to say. Girls HATE to feel like they are being "fooled".

 

[Bokanovsky]

When it comes to meeting drunk women at clubs, bars, parties, etc., you must strike while the iron is hot. Let me repeat: you must strike while the iron is hot. You must take her home the same night; asking for a number is pretty much pointless. When you first meet a girl while she's drunk and later try to contact her when she's sober, it triggers her slut feelings.

 

[EastvsWest]

100% agree YOU MUST strike when the IRON is HOT. It's really easy to get caught up thinking this is a cool chick and I want to take her out, but it doesn't work out 99% of the time. At least get the bang up front and if after that the chick wants to hang out so be it. I have failed twice in the last month and I am NOT doing it again! It's my summer mission.

 

[dosquito]

I let oneitis know that I still have very confusing feelings for her and it's not as simple as updating her about my life and forgetting about everything. I said we can talk in person this Summer if she wants to. I don't think we should be friends.

 

[EastvsWest]

If you have feelings than you can't be just friends IMO. That is the whole reason a chick is a friend you don't have feelings for her romantically or she would be more than a friend. She is probably just remembering the good times after she broke up with the current bf and realized you were a catch. It's tough I know first hand, but it just really comes down to looking for the next her. Like many say on here u did break up for a reason.

 

[dosquito]

Oneitis basically told me that she misses our friendship. I told her we could talk this summer, but I expect it to be the last time we talk for a while. I haven't heard from HB7, probably my dumb ass texts spooked her out. Lol -.-. Back to studying.

 

[dosquito]

Went to lunch at the usual spot not expecting to see HB7. I saw her wandering around there looking dumb and got a drink then got in line, expecting her to say hello. Then she left (it was clear she had seen me)! I was like damn, **** my ego, this hurts a lot to not only get stood up but straight up avoided! Turns out she was planning the "wander back in a second time" trick, lol. Apparently the absence of her response meant "okay, lunch on wednesday" -- never experienced the "no response" = "okay" thing with a first date before. Usually it means fk off. We had a decent lunch. I asked if she wants to meet up this weekend and she said "Hmm maybe, let me know" -- which I definitely don't like! I'll ask what she has planned on Friday. It's a busy time for everyone on campus. I figure I'll either get 1) another date, which this time I will make sure to escalate 2) counter-offer or 3) nothing. She seems kind of shy so I want to give her a chance to either state her interest or politely decline.

 

[dosquito]

Normally I tend to just do my thing then learn from my mistakes by discussion on this forum, but I'm curious as to how yall would play this. HB7's mutual friends are both encouraging me, which is a sort of social proof in some ways. I want to give HB7 an opportunity to politely decline me, if she's not interested - but I don't want to be passive by not engaging her. I'm thinking that I'll simply ask her if she's free this weekend.

 

[visions]

THERE'S AN AFC WITH HER LOL. He walked her over from the party like a proper "nice guy"

this is a great example of how females are naturals at playing the game. they exploit helpless nice guy orbiters.

 

[dosquito]

Meh. Some girls do, some girls don't. That particular girl has a lot of problems, which is why I'm not with her.

 

[dosquito]

Jesus christ did I just get shot down. Just goes to show that if you are guessing if the girl is interested at all, she probably isn't.

Me: Any time for a study break this weekend? You know what they say about all work and no play...
Her: Sorry, guess I don't know that saying. Thanks for the offer though.

Man my game is out of wahck these days!

 

[donking]

Jesus christ did I just get shot down. Just goes to show that if you are guessing if the girl is interested at all, she probably isn't.

Me: Any time for a study break this weekend? You know what they say about all work and no play...
Her: Sorry, guess I don't know that saying. Thanks for the offer though.

Man my game is out of wahck these days!

I think you showed too much weakness by asking "any time for a study break". If you want to ask, ask her what she's doing this weekend.

Better yet, don't ask. Rather, say you're doing this and that she's welcome to come. Just be straightforward.

 

[dosquito]

Hahah man, I sincerely think at this point that that is bull****. I remember one of my friends, a girl, I introduced to one of my guy friends because she thought he was hot. For the next couple weeks she would be obsessing over all of her actions, making sure she didnt' "screw up her chance". Fact is theres nothing she have done, he wasn't interested. It's all just noise in the background man. If she were interested it wouldn't be an issue what I texted her. Next...