Coming back from "Let's just be friends"

[dj-outlaws]

Ok, I know a lot of you don't advise dating/****ing co-workers, but I worked with a chick from time to time (usually once/twice a month), in May I could tell she had the hots for me, flirted with her, asked her out, fvcked her first date, all good.

Her interest level was crazy off the charts, she admitted she had the biggest crush on me for months, met again week later, fvcked at hers. Now I did make a few AFC mistakes, texted way too much, chatted on facebook chat most days, yeah too much. Fourth time we went out was with co-workers for party, ended up going back to hers, but I was too drunk to **** her and ended up losing my game and telling her I really liked her and acting needy. I can usually keep my cool, I did like her a LOT, but being drunk I ended up acting like a needy wuss. I was too drunk to remember exactly what I did, but I remember her telling me "oh don't be needy", and asking her about other guys, urgh.

We didn't speak much for few days after as I could tell her interest had dropped, no response to flirty comments etc. Left it a week, and then asked her out by text, she tells me "something didn't click, let's just be friends?". I tell her I'm kinda shocked as I thought we got on cool, but ok no hard feelings.

I go NC for a week, she then messages me asking if I've met any other girls? I thought it's a bit weird so ignore it, then get another message from her asking if I'm avoiding her, cos she doesn't want me to, I replied and said "no, just been busy and getting on with things, we'll still see each other around work x".

This was like 3 weeks ago, we worked together two weeks ago and I was pretty distant/aloof with her, I could see she was chasing me a bit again, coming over to say hey a lot, and "I thought I'd come sit with you, I'm bored", making me coffees/teas, then followed me out to carpark "to get something from her car" so we were in the elevator together.

I've not really spoken to her much in last 2 weeks, she initiated a facebook chat last week just asking what I've been up to, I kept it friendly, ****y, teased her a bit and after 10 mins said I had to run.

So basically, is there anyway back from this? I know I messed up by getting too drunk and needy, but this was like 5/6 weeks ago now.

I'm dating two other chicks at moment anyway, so no biggy, but I did like banging this one and maybe even saw her as possible girlfriend material, was pretty pissed I ruined it.

 

[Jeffst1980]

She'll be back, rest assured. She's fishing for validation when she contacts you--waiting for you to ask for another chance with her--and you've done the right thing by remaining aloof. You've handled the LJBF perfectly by not chasing and not getting angry.

You're gonna need to get her interest level WAY up before you can make a move, however. It's likely she'll hint at wanting to hang out with you very soon--when she does, tell her you'll call her on a specific day. Then, don't. Make her chase you a bit more, to the point where she's begging for it. Of course, you won't make the same mistakes this time. Continue dating other girls for awhile, too.

I'd caution that there's a good chance this one isn't worth the trouble, though. She went from hot to cold so fast that it's a cause for concern (unless you REALLY were acting AFC). Also, this is actually the best possible outcome for the end of a work romance, because if YOU had dumped HER, she would've made your job a living hell. I would leave well enough alone and continue to date other girls while taking comfort in the fact that you could get this girl back if you tried.

 

[dj-outlaws]

She'll be back, rest assured. She's fishing for validation when she contacts you--waiting for you to ask for another chance with her--and you've done the right thing by remaining aloof. You've handled the LJBF perfectly by not chasing and not getting angry.

You're gonna need to get her interest level WAY up before you can make a move, however. It's likely she'll hint at wanting to hang out with you very soon--when she does, tell her you'll call her on a specific day. Then, don't. Make her chase you a bit more, to the point where she's begging for it. Of course, you won't make the same mistakes this time. Continue dating other girls for awhile, too.

I'd caution that there's a good chance this one isn't worth the trouble, though. She went from hot to cold so fast that it's a cause for concern (unless you REALLY were acting AFC). Also, this is actually the best possible outcome for the end of a work romance, because if YOU had dumped HER, she would've made your job a living hell. I would leave well enough alone and continue to date other girls while taking comfort in the fact that you could get this girl back if you tried.

Thanks for the advice buddy, well yeah she is only a casual co-worker (I freelance at the company she works for a few times a month), we maybe see each other once/twice a month, I saw her two weeks ago, probably will be working together for an hour or two at the end of next week. Really the only contact we have is if she pops up on IM/Facebook, I have just kept my replies really short the last few times, she's like

her: "Hey how are you? are you working on monday?"
me: "hey great thanks, sure am"
her: "cool I'll see you then! "

Just one line from me, on Friday she said hey again and I was more chatty, just chatted **** for 10 mins, c&f her a bit, then said I had to run.

So I guess I just kick back and see if I get opportunity to, I don't like using Facebook/IM to chat to her really, I deleted her phone number, so it'll just be when we work together for few hours here and there.

Asking her out again would be a bad idea at this point then? I've been acting disinterested for 4 weeks now.

She mentioned she had a stressful week, I didn't ask about it, but was thinking next time she pops up (or when I see her next week) me saying "well if you want to take your mind off work, I'm in town thursday, gonna check out a comedy show, a friend was going to come with me but she can't make it, come along", and if she was hesitant then something like "obv just hang out and have a laugh at the show" or something. Even on the night a few negs saying she "better not try any moves on me this time, last time I took you out you shoved your tongue down my throat!"

On the night act flirty but don't go in for kiss and make sure I go straight home after show, get her to meet me at the venue, not collect her etc, basically like I would a "friend", but tease/flirt a lot on the night.

Or if it's better to just wait until we see each other more around work, I can chill for few months, either way really. Might aim to bang her at the xmas party then lol.

I do know I did act AFC the last time we went out, but to what degree I can't remember, I was pretty smashed, lesson learned there.

 

[Lord Sidious]

Keep it going, bro! Put her in her place. Date other chicks and stay busy. Show little interest and just don´t be scared if you lose her once and for all. **** her only, if you can.

IMO, this is the way you should get her.


Be cool, bro!

 

[Jeffst1980]

Or if it's better to just wait until we see each other more around work, I can chill for few months, either way really. Might aim to bang her at the xmas party then lol.

This. Her interest isn't high enough yet. Asking for a date when she hasn't prompted you to do so is putting the cart before the horse. Also, making negs about how you hooked up in the past is one of those things that guys THINK will work in their favor, but in reality will hurt them.

You'll know it's safe to ask her out when she complains that she has nothing to do, and asks what you're up to. Tell her, but don't ask her to come. She'll say something like OMG I want to come blah blah blah..at which point you tell her she can come if she doesn't embarrass you (don't explain this one).

Don't act like a friend on the date, but don't be asexual, either. Treat it like you're starting over, and kino escalate hardcore. Don't kiss her until she's begging for it.

 

[dj-outlaws]

Keep it going, bro! Put her in her place. Date other chicks and stay busy. Show little interest and just don´t be scared if you lose her once and for all. **** her only, if you can.

IMO, this is the way you should get her.


Be cool, bro!

Yeah that's kind of the vibe I have, she's a cute girl but prob no more than a 7, but I enjoyed hanging out with her and she was dirty in bed! :crazy:

I'm dating two other chicks currently, only been out couple of times as I'm pretty busy at moment.

So good idea to ask her out casually (like I'm going out anyway, come along thursday) or just to show a bit of interest next time I see her and then back off again, and chill for a bit longer?

Just wondering what's the best approach, I hardly see her enough currently to increase her interest, but if I call her LJBF "well we ARE friends right, we can go catch a comedy show" kinda thing, then work my game on her, if she's not interested, ah well, next.

 

[dj-outlaws]

This. Her interest isn't high enough yet. Asking for a date when she hasn't prompted you to do so is putting the cart before the horse. Also, making negs about how you hooked up in the past is one of those things that guys THINK will work in their favor, but in reality will hurt them.

You'll know it's safe to ask her out when she complains that she has nothing to do, and asks what you're up to. Tell her, but don't ask her to come. She'll say something like OMG I want to come blah blah blah..at which point you tell her she can come if she doesn't embarrass you (don't explain this one).

Don't act like a friend on the date, but don't be asexual, either. Treat it like you're starting over, and kino escalate hardcore. Don't kiss her until she's begging for it.

Ok thanks bro, I'll chill for a while longer and play it by ear. Just wondered if by now she'd be starting to forget about me/think I'm not interested after 4 weeks of not much contact. But if that happens, it happens. I've generally found in the past if I mess up with a chick and just back way off, I usually get another chance a couple of months later, thinking about it.