Come on now

[Tyson420]

I realize that the conversation has somewhat shifted from some previous points that were made, but I just read through this whole thread now and want to hit on a few things from earlier on. My apologies for the length of the post...

@ At a loss... I am fairly new to this site. I recently got out of a 6.5 year relationship with a girl I was best friends with for half of my life. I was planning on marrying this girl, and all that. She had been "the girl" for over 10 years. I noticed her attention shifting a bit right before we moved in together. Her new job started taking over her life, as she made a lot of new friends. I am not the jealous type, but a gut feeling had me question if she was cheating on me with this one guy in particular. I eventually brought it up to her and it turned into the biggest sh!t show. She couldn't believe I would accuse her of that and kept reassuring me that I was who she wanted to spend her life with, and how she could not wait to move in with me.

Aside from her "reassurance", I called off my search for a wedding ring for a bit. I didn't want to be planning my future when I still had that feeling in my gut. Keep in mind, at this point and up until this point, I was an AFC (Average Frustrated Chump) that would do whatever I thought would please her, no matter what.

Fast forward 5 months (to November 2010), we are now living together, things are going pretty well, my "gut feeling" had subsided, we had just gone on a great cruise together, and I started looking into rings again. Then, randomly on a Sunday (while I'm still sleeping) she comes into the room and wakes me up to break up with me. Blah Blah Blah, you know the next few details.

We worked it out that I would stay in the apartment until I found a new place, which was about 2 weeks later. She didn't have a full time job, so she needed a co-signer on the apartment, and told me her mom would do it. At the time her mom was supposed to sign on, I get a story from my ex saying "my mom changed her mind and refuses to co-sign... so I had a friend sign onto the lease." I'll give you 1 guess who this "friend" was. A month later (while living together in my apartment) they got engaged.

EDIT: She also owes me thousands of dollars which she completely agreed to, and now is denying. But anyway...

Now, I know... not all women are like this. I'm very aware of that. But even through that bullsh!t, I am not bitter towards women. My reason for telling this story is that it made me come to this site looking for some guidance on how to get back out there, since I had never really experienced single life outside of high school. I feel I was stuck in that kind of position because I was an AFC. I wanted to learn from my mistakes, so that situation never happened again. I was shocked at the information I found here. To the point I almost walked away from Day 1. I thought to myself "This stuff is insane. How is this supposed to get me girls? These people have some serious issues."

I then read a post written by an ex-member named Pook, and some things really clicked. I decided to stick around here. The more I read and the more I tried to go out and observe, the clearer this all was and made sense. This information has been passed around this site alone for at least 10 years. Why do you think people come back here? Because they enjoy getting wrong information that does not help them? This information is shared here because it works. It's spot on, in many cases. I'll bet you that at least 95% of the guys here tried what you feel we should all be doing. That didn't/doesn't work, which is why they are here getting different advice. And anyone that has stuck around, that's because these methods are working better for them.

I am with you on the bitterness, and some of the negativity. But, as far as the methods being used, I am not in your court.

Wow bro, I got even more angrier by reading this.

Good luck, hope you find 'the one'.

 

[KarmaSutra]

Then, randomly on a Sunday (while I'm still sleeping) she comes into the room and wakes me up to break up with me. Blah Blah Blah, you know the next few details.

I know exactly what you mean. My "little man" had screamed his head off about what my ex was doing in front of my (then) blind eyes.

But. To say I didn't truly know my ex-wife was fvcking another guy is a lie. You, like me, knew all along. We were both too wrapped up in her potentially perfect little box, and what our potential futures would be, to do anything to fvck them up.

I'll say to you guys, this was the best thing to ever happen to me. I came here broken and bare-assed, standing on one leg.

Six years of metamorphosis and dedication to loving who I am have elevated me to a level where I smile going to sleep next to my girlfriend...

... I wake up with that very same smile.

 

[PDubb75]

I know exactly what you mean. My "little man" had screamed his head off about what my ex was doing in front of my (then) blind eyes.

But. To say I didn't truly know my ex-wife was fvcking another guy is a lie. You, like me, knew all along. We were both too wrapped up in her potentially perfect little box, and what our potential futures would be, to do anything to fvck them up.

I'll say to you guys, this was the best thing to ever happen to me. I came here broken and bare-assed, standing on one leg.

That is spot on, Karma. I knew, and tried to find ways to justify it, as if I was simply making it up in my head. I knew her better than she knew herself, and if I would have stepped back, I would have known what needed to be done. I was scared. I'll admit that. I would debate about ending the relationship, and all these "reasons" why it would be too difficult to do so would pop up. It kinda makes me laugh now thinking how I used to think. And that was only about 7 months ago! Boy, have I changed...

That is why I am 100% with you that this was the best thing to ever happen to me. Not only am I now out of a relationship that probably would have destroyed my life, but I have learned so much about myself.

I went into that relationship a scared, nervous, dependent AFC and I did not realize that was no longer "me" until I was forced to deal with this breakup. I did it with ease. That shocked me beyond belief. I was expecting to break down, start a blame game, go into hiding, etc. Instead, I realized I just dodged a bullet and could not wait to get back out in the field.

If people reading this take any lesson out of it, let it be this one: Always listen to yourself. Ignoring your thoughts and feelings, especially to please someone else will hurt you more than any fears holding you back.

And I can thank this website/forum for getting me on the right track in this short time period. (That was my plug to get this somewhat back on topic)