College dude, off for 3 months self improvement advice

[Stark]

forgive me this is a little long

I just turned 20 and i go to Arizona State university. I've learned alot in my first year of college life.

But the main thing that i struggle with is comfort building with girls.

Through out my younger life i never really did anything. i played a **** ton of video games, didnt go out and make friends and do things and simply didnt care. I was spoiled and while im not hating on my parents i learned and did absolutely nothing.

this reflects from myself not just when i talk to girls, but guys too. when guys talk about cars, i don't have anything to add because i never bothered to learn about them. same goes with other things like football, movies, card games, etc. any random stupid **** an average teenager went through i never did or experienced because i thought it was a waste of time or i was too lazy. this affected my social life throughout middle school- high school. i changed my last year of high school and started caring but it has been hard to recoup all the years i lost.

so while i think its important to be naturally yourself and not rely on canned material. ill talk to these girls and while the interactions and body language might be good. ill get 100% flakage because the convos i have are really shallow because I can't bring any life or experiences to connect with in them while some guys can go spouting off about hell knows what for hours.

out of not having anything to say i dont approach or talk to girls as much as i should even though its not because i feel im a low quality guy i just feel like im missing a major tool which is experiences and knowledge that an average guy has to incorporate into convos.

I'm not totally off social normalcy. i can talk to people. i talk to girls in my classes i just can't get past the "hey whats up how was your weekend" level. I've joined a frat and it has opened my social world up imensley. i got my first 2 makouts last weekend in california. i could have even lost my vcard at some points this year i just chose not to because hoodrats don't really fit into my standards for my first time.

so i have 3 months starting in may where i have absolutely NOTHING to do. then ill be living in the new frat house across all the sorority living quarters. I plan to spend atleast 3 more years in college and i could make them the best years of my life. but i need to work out somethings in my head.

This summer i plan to take myself out of the picture completely and focus on self improvement. I've read the game, watched the blue print, and other things so i have a good understanding of pua (although not good enough to where i remember canned material just the principles i remember). while i plan to soak in some more of that i'm going to make it a goal to learn everything i should have as a kid. learn about cars, football teams, card games, movies, random other **** so when topics and events come up i have things to add to them not just akward silence. I'll learn about all the little things i took for granted earlier in my life. And maybe through this way my natural game in comfort building will be strong enough to get me over this hump. i also plan to lose a couple pounds to boost my confidence.

so when i come back nothing will stop me. ill be fit, i wont have a fear of not knowing what to say, and ill be in the best situation a college guy could want.

thats how i think i can really help myself. if anyone has advice on how else i should spend these 3 months to help myself let me know..

 

[stayfly]

that's really interesting bro.

You can achieve a LOT in 90 days and I'm excited for you and the new direction you are taking in your life.

one thing firstly though, although I do believe that having worldly knowledge and experience is a great tool, it is not totally necessary to having game and getting chicks. Try to change that limiting belief if you can. Reframe it to be something like "I'm excited about all the things I can learn and experience in the world and I can learn and experience almost anything through enjoyable conversations and interactions with other people". Become intensely interested in both your own passions AND other peoples passions. When some cool guy is talking to you about his favorite football team, instead of feeling like you lack knowledge, tell him you're interested in football but don't know much about it and arrange to go to a game or two with him or watch some games with him at a sports bar. If the cute chick in class says she went rollerblading on the weekend, tell her you're interested in learning to rollerblade and ask her to teach you etc. Almost every person you meet can teach you something and by learning from everyone you will;

1. learn lots of cool stuff and have some awesome and interesting experiences
2. improve your social skills and social circle and meet lots of cool people and have lots of fin interactions

ALSO, have your own passions too. even if it's just one or two small things like reading or music or whatever it is. Just something you really enjoy doing and something you can actually talk about in an interesting way if someone asks what your interested are.

In terms of your 90 day personal improvement adventure though, there are so many awesome options. I'd recommend you consider;

- getting really fit and healthy and sculpting an awesome body
- doing a bunch of volunteer work
- some form of travel or exploring your city on outings and day trips etc. (will be good knowledge for future dates too)
- possibly doing a pickup/dating bootcamp or maybe some NLP training or something similar that will improve your perspective and references on the possibilities for your life
- take on a new sport or do martial arts or something else that's physical
- meet lots of people and learn from as many as possible

there's really a million options though bro. I'd recommend pickup three main things that will make a huge improvement in your life. Literally ask yourself "what are 3 things that I can focus on for the next three months that if I achieve, would dramatically improve my life?"

let me know your thoughts

 

[Jet]

stayfly's thoughts and suggests are exactly what I was thinking. You seem too eager to placate to whatever other people you're talking to are interested in. That's called being a suck-up. Plus if you "study" all the stuff you perceive everyone else is interested in, that falseness will show through. My guess is, you don't really have any TRUE hobbies or interests yet. Get some.
As stayfly said, learn from others and share yourself with them as well.

Kudos to you for trying to be a better person. Be glad you're doing this now and not hesitating any longer.
I was in a really similar situation as you until I found a few hobbies I like and so far so good. I'm looking for more. And when I talk about my hobbies I know my ****. Because I'm interested in them. What's the atomic mass of ****ing plutonium?
Uh huh.

Oh. And read the Book of Pook. Read it again and again. And then read it some more. I read tons of material over the 2 years it took me to get where I wanted to physically and it is the single best thing I read. And I'm still reading it.

 

[Bladerunner]

Seriously, lift weights. I can't think of a single thing that will change your life and give you confidence and pride in yourself than that.

There's a ton of good advice in the Fitness section of this forum. Also, buy two books on the subject, these:

Starting Strength by Mark Rippetoe. It's the holy bible of weight training and is worth many times what it costs.

Practical Programming by Mark Rippetoe. If Starting Strength is all the lessons of weight training, Practical Programming teaches you how to apply them.

Also, simply getting a good grasp on the material in these two books will give you a level of expertise in the gym beyond most of the jocks I'm sure you know, and you'll have something you can legitimately say you're knowledgeable about and can discuss with others.

 

[Stark]

thanks for the input guys I wasn't really expecting thorough responses

I understand that the frame that I have to have interesting things to talk about to get people to like me is not a healthy one but thats not what im really saying. Its just growing up so sheltered as I was i feel like i have to sit back and catch up on culture and experiences so i can atleast throw out comments. It is rather difficult to partake in conversations when you have no literal knowledge to add no matter how confident you are. I feel like im good enough for these women but I need the meat in conversations to atleast have them give me a chance and to build some comfort as its my biggest flaw in game.

I do already lift weights it is something that has changed my life. i go every day. But i am going to make it a goal to cut bf this summer because im a little bit on the large side and even tho i realize actual bf % means jack squat as far as getting women when i feel like im 100% fit and good to go i feel invincible. its a good feeling. untill i slack off and add a couple pounds haha.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

anyway stayfly As far as 3 things i could do that would improve my life? good question.

the fact of the matter is i lack alot of experiences and knowledge that an average guy has. its not a matter of lack of confidence. its just what it is. and it does make it difficult for me to connect to people.

so things i think that will help me out this summer? i came up with 7 things actually

#1 learn a little bit about alot of different things. cities,card games, movies, sports teams, polotics, cars, business, culture, skating, dancing, phones. just random stuff so whenever topics arise i have some input on them. I'm not saying i'm going to master all of them just enough to where i have meat for conversations and it might be interesting to learn new things. i listen to conversations guys have with girls and they can spout off on all these different tangents about where people are from, or various other random things that i mentioned above. it would be my goal to have some knowledge to be able to do that.

#2 cut weight. i plan to work on my 6 pack again. i always get close but never quite get there but this time im doin it. im gona get ****ing ripped.

#3 connect with old high school friends again. I notice when I got into college and joined a frat i primarliy hung out with my fraternity brothers and everything else kinda died out. I want to reconnect with some of my old friends and have a bigger social circle.

#4 get extra studying done before school starts so i am ahead out of the gates. i feel like i know my subject more. i do better at my career. and i get less stressed out during the school year.

#5 find a new hobby/passion. beginning of last year before i got really involved in my fraternity i got into this fighting class called pankration. basiccly MMA training. i feel like i might want to pick it up again maybe or find a different hobby to enrich my life and fill up more of my time.

#6 quit video games cold turkey. like i said as a kid and throughout my whole life its been my main hobby and really its done jack squat for my social life. I played WoW if you guys know what that is. basicly sucked up my whole high school life. anytime i spend not doing this i am doing better in life as i see it. i quit wow but i still play other things it always creeps on my mind like a drug addict as funny as ithat may sound.

#7 im not saying im going to be a keyboard jockey. but i also should go over my game again a little as well. set up a plan as far as girls and social circle goes. how to approach in any given situation. wether it be gym, class, party , whatever. so when i actualy get into the setting i feel like i have a plan and im not thinking about what i should be doing but about just doing it. and maybe take some time to learn a couple routines/ canned material? i know complete natural is a goal but i ultimatley see canned material as a crutch and maybe one i need untill i get better at comfort building. problem is i never really can remember all the canned material i read so i never really use it.

any more input?

 

[Kerpal]

Seriously, lift weights. I can't think of a single thing that will change your life and give you confidence and pride in yourself than that.

There's a ton of good advice in the Fitness section of this forum. Also, buy two books on the subject, these:

Starting Strength by Mark Rippetoe. It's the holy bible of weight training and is worth many times what it costs.

Practical Programming by Mark Rippetoe. If Starting Strength is all the lessons of weight training, Practical Programming teaches you how to apply them.

Also, simply getting a good grasp on the material in these two books will give you a level of expertise in the gym beyond most of the jocks I'm sure you know, and you'll have something you can legitimately say you're knowledgeable about and can discuss with others.

+1 to this post.

Starting Strength literally changed my life. Just reading those two books will put you ahead of 99.9% of guys in most gyms.

 

[stayfly]

thanks for the input guys I wasn't really expecting thorough responses

I understand that the frame that I have to have interesting things to talk about to get people to like me is not a healthy one but thats not what im really saying. Its just growing up so sheltered as I was i feel like i have to sit back and catch up on culture and experiences so i can atleast throw out comments. It is rather difficult to partake in conversations when you have no literal knowledge to add no matter how confident you are. I feel like im good enough for these women but I need the meat in conversations to atleast have them give me a chance and to build some comfort as its my biggest flaw in game.

I do already lift weights it is something that has changed my life. i go every day. But i am going to make it a goal to cut bf this summer because im a little bit on the large side and even tho i realize actual bf % means jack squat as far as getting women when i feel like im 100% fit and good to go i feel invincible. its a good feeling. untill i slack off and add a couple pounds haha.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

anyway stayfly As far as 3 things i could do that would improve my life? good question.

the fact of the matter is i lack alot of experiences and knowledge that an average guy has. its not a matter of lack of confidence. its just what it is. and it does make it difficult for me to connect to people.

so things i think that will help me out this summer? i came up with 7 things actually

#1 learn a little bit about alot of different things. cities,card games, movies, sports teams, polotics, cars, business, culture, skating, dancing, phones. just random stuff so whenever topics arise i have some input on them. I'm not saying i'm going to master all of them just enough to where i have meat for conversations and it might be interesting to learn new things. i listen to conversations guys have with girls and they can spout off on all these different tangents about where people are from, or various other random things that i mentioned above. it would be my goal to have some knowledge to be able to do that.

#2 cut weight. i plan to work on my 6 pack again. i always get close but never quite get there but this time im doin it. im gona get ****ing ripped.

#3 connect with old high school friends again. I notice when I got into college and joined a frat i primarliy hung out with my fraternity brothers and everything else kinda died out. I want to reconnect with some of my old friends and have a bigger social circle.

#4 get extra studying done before school starts so i am ahead out of the gates. i feel like i know my subject more. i do better at my career. and i get less stressed out during the school year.

#5 find a new hobby/passion. beginning of last year before i got really involved in my fraternity i got into this fighting class called pankration. basiccly MMA training. i feel like i might want to pick it up again maybe or find a different hobby to enrich my life and fill up more of my time.

#6 quit video games cold turkey. like i said as a kid and throughout my whole life its been my main hobby and really its done jack squat for my social life. I played WoW if you guys know what that is. basicly sucked up my whole high school life. anytime i spend not doing this i am doing better in life as i see it. i quit wow but i still play other things it always creeps on my mind like a drug addict as funny as ithat may sound.

#7 im not saying im going to be a keyboard jockey. but i also should go over my game again a little as well. set up a plan as far as girls and social circle goes. how to approach in any given situation. wether it be gym, class, party , whatever. so when i actualy get into the setting i feel like i have a plan and im not thinking about what i should be doing but about just doing it. and maybe take some time to learn a couple routines/ canned material? i know complete natural is a goal but i ultimatley see canned material as a crutch and maybe one i need untill i get better at comfort building. problem is i never really can remember all the canned material i read so i never really use it.

any more input?

sounds good bro. I definitely recommend expanding your experiences AND challenging your beliefs about your ability to be a good conversationalist without knowing anything at the same time.

Check out a book called "What's Holding You Back?" too for some useful insights into communication skills and confidence (among other things).

Your goals look good to me. Try and refine them and make them really specific so you know exactly what your desired outcome is and then make a simple and effective plan to achieve all of them.

My only final advice would be for #7. Hire a coach or join BradP's 30/30 Club or something similar that will have you learning from an expert. You'll learn MUCH faster and MUCH better that way.

Best of luck dude and keep us updated on your progress.

 

[falcon814]

Lift weights man, my life did a complete 360 after i started weight lifting.

People notice you more, you feel more confident and overall always in a good mood.

You dont have to talk to people about things they like.. just listen and agree with them pretty much.