cold street approaches - sticking points

[silverfox]

Here are a couple of sticking points I have encountered. Hopefully someone has some ideas that can help me out here.

I have got to the point now where I don’t mind making cold approaches on the street. I have approached a few two sets and a few solos but with no real success other than I don’t mind doing it or getting rejection now which is a big step for me in itself.

Given that you might see a girl for all of a few seconds as you are walking and before should approach, what’s the best way to tackle this?

My approach at the moment goes something like this. I’ll see a girl, maybe there is some eye contact, maybe there isn’t. In all cases so far the girl has been stationary (ie at a bus stop or outside a store.) I’ll walk past, pause, turn and approach remaining in her field of view all the time.

Me: Hi, I was walking past and I noticed you and thought you looked kinda cute so I decided I had to
come and say hello.

Her: (usually with a smile - of amusement?) Oh, hey.

At this point she either says thanks but I’m waiting for my boyfriend or she looks a bit taken aback and I never really follow up too well or can’t think of what to say. I usually just fumble it and ask if she wants to get a coffee sometime. She’ll usually shake her head apologetically and I say something like, “Oh it’s ok. You’re a little shy aren’t you?” and she nods because I guess this is an easy way out for her. Then I eject.

Does anyone here who does a lot of cold approaches have some tips they could pass on. I’ve also wanted to try this on the Tube (subway too) but haven’t worked up the courage to do that yet.

 

[Logen]

i always found cold approaches one of the hardest things to do, much less succeed in.

 

[Chemistry]

Just make a relevant observation and start talking... maintain an interesting level of convo with her, and you'll get an indication of the type of girl she is, maybe gauge an IL too, although some girls are naturally friendly which could be mistaken for an IL....

When the convo comes to a close because the train arrives, the bus arrives or whatever, just tell her you enjoyed talking to her and you'd love to grab a coffee / drink / lunch with her one day later that week... enquire to see whether you can take her number to arrange something...

Simply put, your job in a cold approach is not to reap the results right there and then, rather to make enough of an impression that she wouldn't mind talking to you again, telling you a little more about herself and hearing a little more about you, in a more conventional setting...

 

[wheelin&dealin]

Originally posted by Logen
i always found cold approaches one of the hardest things to do, much less succeed in.

I used to feel this way. But nowadays, all I do is cold approaches.

A few key points when doing these...

1. Get your head up and open your eyes. Girls will be there and gone in a matter of seconds. You have to jump on the opportunity when it presents itself.

2. Have a pen and paper on you.


3. The easiest way to cold approach is to is to invite the girl to an "made-up" event. Say to her.. "Do you want to go to a fundraiser for my sports team next weekend". If she says yes or no, I'll follow up with "Why don't you write down your number for me and I'll give you a call then".


*Don't tell her she looks cute. That will kill the situation

 

[Chemistry]

Originally posted by wheelin&dealin
The easiest way to cold approach is to is to invite the girl to an "made-up" event. Say to her.. "Do you want to go to a fundraiser for my sports team next weekend". If she says yes or no, I'll follow up with "Why don't you write down your number for me and I'll give you a call then".

Ugh...

So the best way to pick up a girl is to lie by creating a fictitious event? It's worrying if you need to create a fictitious event just to get a number close... hell, its worrying if you ever need to go to that extent...

Why not just be honest and tell the girl that she looks like the kind of girl that you'd like to get to know better and if she'd like to grab that coffee / drink / lunch next week? You know what too, you'll actually come off much more confident than if you give her some cover story because essentially it translates into that and you avoid the whole, 'I've got a number... but now I've got the cancellation of this fictitious event to handle'


Really...

 

[wheelin&dealin]

Originally posted by Ashley Chuckles
Ugh...

So the best way to pick up a girl is to lie by creating a fictitious event? It's worrying if you need to create a fictitious event just to get a number close... hell, its worrying if you ever need to go to that extent...

Why not just be honest and tell the girl that she looks like the kind of girl that you'd like to get to know better and if she'd like to grab that coffee / drink / lunch next week? You know what too, you'll actually come off much more confident than if you give her some cover story because essentially it translates into that and you avoid the whole, 'I've got a number... but now I've got the cancellation of this fictitious event to handle'


Really...

So, you're gonna tell her this...

"You're the kinda girl that I'd like to get to know better"

I can't help but think that some girls would laugh in your face. This line sounds weak and needy, it's like one of those lines that Bob Saget would say on "Full House". Uncle Jessy... is that you?? I really doubt this approach would work.

Honesty can only take you so far in life... the rest you have to make up. Plus, I've had unbelievable success with my approach... why screw with a good thing.

 

[Distant Light]

I'm about to make a cold approach guide i'll get back to you in a minute.\



Here: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=90420

 

[silverfox]

Thanks for the feedback.

I can usually start a convo at a bus stop without too much trouble if I am going to wait there too. Still not managed to number close. I only seem to be able to do that in pubs and bars and despite browsing London's bookstores I am not finding the wealth of well-read babes that are supposed to be in there.

Today I had two moving targets to approach but I couldn't figure out how to do it. Guess it's a matter of guts.

Distant Light - good luck man, let us know how you get on.

 

[StoneCold]

Hey I know whate women are Like in London U get loas of stuck up *****es and god knows what

i have a way that works for me and leads to to unlimited amount of numbas this is what i usually say


I go up to a chick eye contact smile, then say

Hey i gota be quick coz i gota go?

chick will usually replay with a Ok, or just smile

The you say I only have 2 mins to seduce you then i must leave....

usually they laugh or u might even get the give it a try or go ahead thing

Then in a breif words describe what u found interesting about her

say I like ur eyebrows and you look like a interesting person who i would like to get to know..

chick replys postivly always on me

Then close by saying i must go now but do you have a numba or a email so we can keep in touch......


Boom Your in Man this **** never fails

and once u get the numba or email u can add sumthing like....


Ok ill call u in 3 days when i get back from Paris

U name it everything about this is positive so go Test this **** out and urll thank me for it

Let me Know of The results Adios

 

[Charm Artist]

n oND oa odnaowd oandoawdnawdo naodij fojsiofgjsgiajggjsagjsoe@#$%

By you going straight up to her and saying "hey i thought u looked kinda cute" you are already puttin her on a pedestal. Now she has the upper hand. DO NOT hit on a girl until she earns the right to be hit on, an amatuer hits on a girl right away, and pro waits till she earns it.

Talk to her like shes a regular human being, ask for opinions but nothing where she could think too deeply of, then go from there. A beautiful girl gets hit on ALL the time, and a semi-cute girl also. what makes YOU different from all the guys that hit on her? Neg her, seem uninterested and unmoved by her beauty. She wont understand why and will usually try to validate herself to you. Don't take the bait, keep brushin her off, and playfully teasing. The key is to have fun and make sure she knows it.

 

[Craig Reeves]

Why not just be honest and tell the girl that she looks like the kind of girl that you'd like to get to know better and if she'd like to grab that coffee / drink / lunch next week?

On the initial approach? Let's face it...that only works if you're Brad Pitt or Hugh Heffner...

The bottom line is this as far as approaching women. The secret and the key is to show interest SLOWLY. Don't think that you have to perform a miracle or anything within the first approach.

Most guys try and make a girlfriend out of the girl within the first 5-7 minutes of talking with her. This just cannot be done and it is much more useful just to get aquainted with her and leave the trading of interest for another time.

In the initial approach, the ONLY time you need to be showing interest is at the VERY END (after the convo has gone WELL)where you end the convo, and turn away but right when you do say....

YOU: Hey, what's your name anyway?

HB: Oh, I'm (HB)

YOU: Well, (HB), you have email?

...and take it from there with the email/number trick thing that David D. says or whatever. That works really well btw.

 

[yrock181]

Originally posted by silverfox


I’ve also wanted to try this on the Tube (subway too) but haven’t worked up the courage to do that yet.

i think that in the "tube" or subway is the easiest place to pick up since people are bored. All i do is comment of something that they have. for example if they wear a weird hat i would say thats a interesting hat where you got it from. then i would ask them where they from, where they coming from and sometimes i would get the number. i still think that its harder for me to approch in the street since i don't kn ow how to get a person who is walking to stop and talk to me or sometimes i overthink the situation and forget what to say. how would you guys approach a girl who is walking ?

 

[Chemistry]

Originally posted by wheelin&dealin
So, you're gonna tell her this...

"You're the kinda girl that I'd like to get to know better"

I can't help but think that some girls would laugh in your face. This line sounds weak and needy, it's like one of those line that Bob Saget would say on "Full House". Uncle Jessy... is that you?? I really doubt this approach would work.

Honesty can only take you so far in life... the rest you have to make up. Plus, I've had unbelievable success with my approach... why screw with a good thing.

To each his own I guess... you've had success with your approach, I've long used mine and had excellent success...

I mean essentially, girls aren't stupid... you talking to her and creating a party translates to her as you want to see her and get to know her better... I've never had a girl laugh at me, I've had some who didn't bite but thats always a possibility because regardless of what you say...

I think it boils down to an attitude thing... I don't see at all how it communicates a need, I'm simply telling a girl that I want to get to know her a little better... if she shows no interest I'm not gonna lose any sleep at all, I could give a f*ck because I don't know the slightest thing about her yet, besides the fact that she looks good...
but end of the day there's a lot of things which I could say and because of how I conduct myself, its not a needy line, whereas if the nextman said it the girl would perceive it as a needy line...

 

[wheelin&dealin]

Originally posted by Ashley Chuckles
To each his own I guess... you've had success with your approach, I've long used mine and had excellent success...

I mean essentially, girls aren't stupid... you talking to her and creating a party translates to her as you want to see her and get to know her better... I've never had a girl laugh at me, I've had some who didn't bite but thats always a possibility because regardless of what you say...

I think it boils down to an attitude thing... I don't see at all how it communicates a need, I'm simply telling a girl that I want to get to know her a little better... if she shows no interest I'm not gonna lose any sleep at all, I could give a f*ck because I don't know the slightest thing about her yet, besides the fact that she looks good...
but end of the day there's a lot of things which I could say and because of how I conduct myself, its not a needy line, whereas if the nextman said it the girl would perceive it as a needy line...

To be honest, anyone can use any line that they want as long as they go for the number at the end. If it works for you great, if not... tinker with your approach until it does. It's not my place to say that your line doesn't work or your approach doesn't work because if you leave with her number... then it's a success.

 

[wheelin&dealin]

Originally posted by Charm Artist
Talk to her like shes a regular human being, ask for opinions but nothing where she could think too deeply of, then go from there.

I agree. With cold approaches, you have to show a respectable level of common courtesy. Don't try to go out and put on a show for the girl. Relax and talk to her like you would to any stranger. Be polite and don't invade her personal space.

 

[upsidedownside7]

Hi, I was walking past and I noticed you and thought you looked kinda cute so I decided I had to
come and say hello.

I would skip the rest after hi and just talk to her about something, anything or keep talking after that comment. I read some posts about cold approaching and for the first couple of minutes you need to do most of the talking and let her follow your frame.

 

[JJMcLure]

First off, well done for actually getting out in the field and doing street approaches.

To your question, well done for remaining in her field of view. This is important, you don't want to creep up on her.

Your opener is way too direct. It puts pressure on her and so she bails with BF excuse etc. She knows instantly why youre talking to her "he is trying to pick me up". That flicks a switch in her head and her shield automatically comes up.

Of course, whenever you approach a chick she thinks that, but the opener you used forces a decision - does she want to hook up with you or not. Offer anyone something and tell them to make a surprise snap decision and they'll invariably say "no", it's a defense mechanism. It's the safe answer.

Come in smiling and use a less direct opener, a question perhaps. Then develop it into a conversation (once you start talking you can take the convo in whatever direction you like).

In terms of getting her number/coffee date right there, there is not enough COMFORT built up in that brief time you have been using. She doesn't know you, trust you and you haven't DEMONSTRATED VALUE to her yet. You need to develop a conversation to some degree at least. Otherwise you're playing a pure numbers game.

Developing comfort is key even when you do get the number, as otherwise you are going to end up get fake numbers and flakes.

 

[silverfox]

Thanks a lot for the input. I decided to experiment with a very direct approach to see how it fared (obviously, not very well.)

I have taken this advice on board and refined it.

In my local mini-market there are always cute girls (you guys would love it round here) and chances are there will be one next to me in the queue. I noticed that in the small rack of DVDs all they had was a range of Tom Cruise movies. So I looked over my shoulder and said to the girl behind me, "You think the manager here is a big Tom Cruise fan or something?"

I've done this a couple of times now and it always starts a decent conversation and I am learning to spin off into different topics.

No number closes yet (the queues aren't that long - lol) but I can see this kind of approach is working better.

When I start getting numbers I'll post an FR.

 

[Don Juanabbe]

Tough one. I still suck at this. The only time I'm ok with cold approaches if it's a girl I've seen a few times in my neighbourhood and she's given me a few IOIs.

 

[Red Ran Amber]

Hi, I was walking past and I noticed you and thought you looked kinda cute so I decided I had to come and say hello.

I'm still working on getting comfortable with cold approaches, but I quickly abandoned this type of approach after the severe deer-in-the-headlights response it invoked. It's about as bad as "Are you single?" in my opinion.

There's no reason to explain why you're approaching her, especially in a longwinded dissertation like that. She probably suspects immediately that you're hitting on her however you open, but giving away your intentions immediately like that confirms it and forces her to make an immediate decision. Besides, it's almost apologetic, as if you're trying to justify yourself to her; it makes you look weak and puts her above you. Complimenting her at the same only suggest that you're trying to win her over through flattery.

Better to use a situational opener or just start a normal conversation with 'hi' and a smile and go from there. It won't force her hand, and it will surely seem more natural.